by Moore, Mary
He was surprised that jealousy had been his first response; he knew instantly he had no right to be so. “You have had your heart broken and fear it happening again?”
She laughed softly. “Michael has no bearing on my decision. We were engaged for a brief time, but he found… We found we did not suit.” She took a short pause. “No, it is a matter of freedom, as I have said. I should be quite content, I think, to live out my days surrounded by family and friends. But it provides me independence as well.” She forthrightly asked him, “Does that shock you, my lord?”
It seemed a well-rehearsed answer to him. Perhaps, like him, she had deeper reasons that she did not wish to share. He wanted to ask more about her broken engagement, but she seemed reticent. Instead, he simply replied, “No, Nicole, that does not shock me. You are an intelligent woman and there is no reason you should have to hide it. However, I would assume that as a female you might regret the loss of having children. In fact, as a male I sometimes feel the loss. Of course I must provide an heir at some point, but I flatter myself that children would be a joy to me, even now.”
“It has been a very serious consideration, Devlin. To own the truth, it is the only cause of melancholy whenever I reflect on it. You understand what is due to your name, and you meet every eligible woman in Society. Eventually, it will happen for you and you will have that happiness.”
He was frustrated that the newness of their acquaintance denied him the liberty to investigate further, while actually feeling as if he had known her for years. He decided to try a different tack. “Suppose you fell in love with a man who would allow you the freedom you desire?”
“I can only say that the freedom you understand differs extremely from mine. But I can just as easily turn the question back on you. Would finding a woman who would not curb your independence change your mind? Would the hope of children to carry on your name override your aversion to marriage?”
“I honestly do not know. I have assumed after reaching the ripe old age of one and thirty that meeting such a woman is unlikely. However, I cannot say with certainty what would transpire should such a woman exist and should we care for each other.”
“That is where we differ, Devlin.” The sadness in her voice was audible; she seemed tired and quite unguarded with him. “I believe I would remain adamant,” she said.
Instinctively he knew the conversation was closed.
“I believe I am beginning to feel a little cold, my lord. I think it time we returned to the house.”
She had risen as she spoke, so he had no choice but to take her arm and escort her back inside. He did not wish to leave on what seemed a disturbing note, so he stopped their progress on reaching the terrace doors.
“I would like you to know,” he said, “I have spent a most pleasant day in your company. I should very much like to further explore our friendship. May I importune on our short acquaintance and ask if that is your desire as well? And, yes, I readily admit that a friendship between the genders is not an everyday occurrence.”
“I should like that, too, Devlin. However, I believe only time will tell whether we are destined to be such friends.”
She had summarily dismissed him as she called to the butler for his hat and cane!
Chapter Five
As they waited for the butler in her foyer, Devlin thought that as recently as a fortnight ago he would have found an evening spent in such a way a sad trial. Could what Peter had told him be true? Could a woman be as close a friend as any man? He was bemused. Though he had so much pleasure in the evening, he was afraid he might need to completely avoid her if this obsession did not soon leave him.
As he donned his greatcoat, he lamented the fact that he would not be able to see her for the next two days. He needed to finalize his speech for Wednesday, and when he told her as much, his reason caused a stir he was not expecting. Her introspective attitude completely disappeared, and she became as excited as a child in a candy shop.
“You are addressing Parliament? On what topic will you speak? Can anyone come to hear it? Oh, why did you not tell me earlier? I should have loved to have heard more about it.”
He was bowled over to find her so interested. If he did not know her better, he would have taken it as a ruse to get his attention. She seemed so genuinely impressed that he was sorry to disappoint her. “I am afraid that the subject would not be of much interest to you. More importantly, they do not allow women on the floor. There is, of course, an upper gallery, but it is usually filled with local merchants trying to discover anything the government is proposing that might hamper their business.”
He had seen her frown of disappointment and offered, “I would be happy to take you there on a day when we are not in session so you could get a glimpse before the end of the Season.”
“Thank you, my lord,” she said, trying to sound excited. “That would be delightful.”
Her agitation was obvious. She could not possibly be interested in the actual workings of the government, could she? He had been oddly proud when she had reacted so favorably to his speech, but he could not understand how he had dampened her excitement with his last words. It was almost as if she were angry at him. He had never met a woman who was interested in his political activities. Perhaps he was making too much of it, and she was only disappointed that he would not be able to meet her on the morrow.
Before taking his leave, he gave his thanks for a lovely evening and, hoping to bring the smile back to her face, asked if she and her mother would be interested in attending the opera with his party three nights hence. He was not sorry he asked once he noticed the sparkle return to her eyes. He remembered her uncommon interest in Drury Lane and felt guilty at how little it put him out.
He had already begun to look forward to seeing her again and sharing her first theater experience. She had mentioned on their drive that when her mother had been adamant about the trip to London, it was the one thing she had promised herself she would do. She had emphasized the statement with a wistful “somehow.” He felt an intense feeling of joy that it was he who would make it happen for her.
Now, sitting in his library, he gave his thoughts free rein and began to think about the way she had looked tonight. She had been wearing the same russet day gown she had worn for their drive, however, she had dined without the spencer. The top of the dress was overlaid in a golden lace which, with the russet outlining, set her hair color off to perfection. Even in a simple knot at the nape of her neck, her hair seemed to highlight the lovely creaminess of her skin.
But he could not put his finger on the elusiveness she exuded. It was in evidence so often, he thought he should be able to understand it. Then she would revert to a teasing manner and completely divert him.
His tumultuous thoughts were interrupted by a knock on his front door. Devlin’s butler entered the library and announced that Lord Hampton was in the foyer and wished to see him.
“Peter here at this hour?” he questioned. “Of course, show him in.”
Devlin immediately rose and went to his friend. He greeted him with a hearty hug, showing the closeness between them. “What in the world brings you knocking at my door at this hour, old man?” he exclaimed. He handed his friend a brandy and steered him toward a chair by the fire. “Is everything well with you?”
Peter’s outburst of laughter surprised Lord Devlin. “Drat, Dev, I have been waiting for you all evening at White’s, where we were supposed to meet for dinner three hours ago! You will forgive me, I am sure, for having started without you.”
Devlin ran his hands through his hair and closed his eyes. “Great guns, Peter, was that this evening? I sincerely apologize, old man, it completely slipped my mind.” He refilled his glass from a decanter. “Truth to tell, Peter, I do not know which end is up at the moment. Looking back now, I certainly should have spent the evening with you, then I would not be in such a quandary. Will Beth comb my hair with a footstool if I keep you here a little longer?”
Devlin procee
ded to tell his friend about meeting Nicole and of their subsequent time together. He admitted that he had been sitting for over an hour reliving the recent evening and had come to no conclusions.
Before Peter had come, Devlin had been ruminating on the marriage of his friends Hampton and Elizabeth. They had begun their relationship as friends. Had they remained the best of friends, he would not be so confused. The friendship had ended in marriage, however, and Devlin had no plans for marrying any time in the near future. When he thought about cutting Nicole before it went any further, he knew how much he would miss her wit and intelligence.
As he ran his hands through his hair for the third time, Peter asked him, “Does she believe you are friends, or that you are courting her?”
“No, on the contrary, she has made it plain that she does not intend to marry.”
“I do not see the problem, Dev.” Peter chuckled. “It seems you have stumbled upon a pot of gold! You have found a woman who accepts you for what you are, warts and all, and is not seeking a leg shackle.” More seriously he added, “I can remember telling you that a woman friend is sometimes more interesting to be with than a male chum because of the extra insight she brings to every occasion.”
“You do not have to sing Beth’s praises to me, Peter. I have always declared you a lucky fellow in your mate.”
Peter rose and walked to the fireplace to warm his hands. “I tell you true, Dev, I see things through a second set of eyes—eyes of an exceptionally intelligent, witty woman, even if I do say so myself, but my point remains the same. If neither of you is counting how many times you have walked out together or danced together, it can be a rewarding, and, more importantly, an honest relationship.
“Stop worrying, old man. The Season is over in a few weeks, and I assume you will be heading back to the priory for estate matters. She will no doubt return to her home in wherever-shire. Yes, yes, I know, you are afraid once this type of closeness develops will you be unable to give it up. Listen to me, you will know by then what you need out of the relationship. But I warn you, if being a friend remains as a strong desire, it will be more difficult the longer the distance and the more time between visits.”
Peter then took on an injured pose and asked, “By the by, Lord Devlin, is this paragon the reason I was stood up this evening?”
Dev laughed as Lord Hampton had intended him to.
“You would not have believed it had you seen it with your own eyes. I spent half the evening playing spillikins with her little sister in the drawing room!”
Peter laughed, too. Devlin knew he was wondering about his friend whose heart had been encased in stone years ago after his disastrous marriage. Had Dev finally found the woman who could erase the pain of his past?
Lord Devlin felt he may as well empty his budget. “Peter, old boy, I have to admit that she is beautiful. At times I have wondered…if we can be friends when I sometimes feel so drawn to her self as well as her brain.”
“Now that, old boy,” Peter touted, “is the only problem with a female friend!”
Nicole lay contemplating her evening with Lord Devlin. She could not remember ever feeling so comfortable with a man, especially one who, if considered by actual number of meetings, was a virtual stranger to her. She appreciated the fact that he only wanted to be her friend. To be sure, he flattered her and flirted with her at times, but she knew he was not interested in marriage now. And that was definitely not God’s plan for her. They could enjoy each other’s company and their common interests without commitment.
When he had invited them to the opera, Nicole had been overjoyed. She so loved all types of music and had immediately offered a grateful prayer heavenward: Thank You, Lord, for allowing me this diversion. It is an entirely selfish desire, but I know You are bringing these treasures to me to be savored over the years. I want Your plan for my life, Father, but I thank You for this special friend You have given me for now. I will endeavor to make whatever happens be to Your glory.
Nicole did not shy away from the truth. She enjoyed his company. This day had proven that. But she knew little of his character. She noticed that he never mentioned God, another reason they could only be friends, but she felt she must know more of his makeup and his moral fiber. Perhaps God had given her the opportunity to learn more of him by attending his speech in Parliament. She might then get a feel for the best time to talk to him about God.
It was not an easy decision to make, and Nicole knew Toby would do all in his power to prevent her. To own the truth, the thought of going caused her no little trepidation. The crowds were a serious threat to her well-being, and she would need all her courage to go. She had accepted her infirmity, though she confessed to sadness over the decision she had to make for a solitary future.
No, Toby would not accept a trip to Parliament without a fight. And she knew she would have to face her own deeply buried fears if she truly wished to hear Devlin’s speech. Yet she decided it was worth the risk. She would know if his speech were for some selfish topic only for the rich and spoiled, or whether he had more depth than he showed the world.
Nicole knew people rarely showed anything other than what they appeared to be in ballrooms. She herself was a prime example! But she could not help but notice that many were so selfish and greedy on the outside, so delving deeper did not seem necessary.
She was also more than a little put out. Devlin would not even bother to tell her the topic of his speech; he assumed she would not be interested. But Nicole knew that taking his seat in Parliament seriously, assuming it was seriously, already made him vastly different from most. This might be the only opportunity she had to really know him. Yes, it was a risk, but one she would take.
“Lady Nick, it would be too dangerous and you know it!” Toby was not in a good mood. “Toby, I do know it but…” She hated the infirmity that had to be considered before every decision. “Yes, I know it, but this is important to me. Toby, I sometimes think you know me better than anyone else. Can you not understand why this is so important?”
She could feel Toby’s frustration. It was stronger than she had realized.
“Sure I know why!” She heard the hardness in his voice and waited for…she knew not what. “It’s for ’im. You’re willing to risk everything for ’im!”
His forcefulness cowed her somewhat. “Toby, please do not be angry at me. You have heard enough between us to know I am happy in his company. But I must know his mettle. He only shows me what he wants me to see. This is my chance to see if he is…more.”
Toby barked, “You can’t see anything!” He paced back and forth.
She knew it would be a battle royal to convince him. “Toby, do not worry…”
“You are blind! Miss Nick. Tell me ’ow I can ’elp but worry?”
She was shocked at his outburst. Her eyes filled with tears. He’d finally said what they usually avoided saying.
He stopped, breathing heavily, and then he broke down. “I’m sorry, Lady Nick, truly I am. I never shoulda spoke to you like that. I jest get so scared.” He dropped down on his knees before her and spoke in his usual gentle manner. “Why can’t you jest tell the guv’nor the truth about your sight?” Nicole could hear him clear his throat to hide the tears gathering in his own eyes. “Missy, if you was ever to get ’urt on my watch, I…would die, I would jest die.”
A tear trickled down Nicole’s cheek. She wiped it away. “Toby,” she said softly, “you must not apologize. You are my friend, my very dear friend. You may speak to me of anything on your heart. I am sorry I have been such a trial lately. I have been so selfish.”
“Aw, Lady Nick, don’t. You’re not a trial. Say anything, rake me over the coals, but don’t go all cold on me. I’ll train somebody else to take care of you, I swear, but don’t freeze me out. I’m begging, my lady.”
Nicole’s heart thawed at the words of her beloved friend. “Toby, I am the one who should be apologizing. I know you are only worried for my safety. You, more than anyone, know
how much what I cannot see scares me to death. Other than the places I have memorized, I feel paralyzed for fear of falling or being caught up in a crowd without you. I have nightmares about it quite often.” Her voice became very small. “I try to make things work, being…blind, but sometimes I wish I could just forget about it. I fear I still want to be normal, Toby.”
“Lady Nick, it ain’t fair and never ’as been. There’s bad folks everywhere deserve this more’n you. Sometimes I can’t understand ’ow you still trust in that God of yours. But I won’t stop you…from feeling normal, that is. If’n you wanna go ’ear your gent give a speech, I’ll take you. But you must promise me, Lady Nick, promise me you’ll do everything I tell ya to when I tell ya to, else that nightmare of yours will come true.”
Nicole smiled at him from the bottom of her heart. “Thank you, my friend,” she whispered. Then a little wistfully she said, “Toby, he is not ‘my’ gent and please, never, ever think about leaving me again.”
As their carriage arrived, she was still trying to calm Toby. Inwardly, she kept trying to calm herself.
“You will be at my side the entire time, and we can sit in the very back of the gallery. It cannot be so crowded there, and it will be easier to leave. I promise I will listen to everything you tell me. There must be some women who come to support their men. We could sit where they sit. We would not be conspicuous there,” Nicole pleaded with him.
Toby may have given in, but he was still deadly serious. “’ave I got your word the minute I say we need to be leaving, we go? You won’t go a questioning my judgment?” His English became worse the angrier and more worried he got.
“I promise, Toby. Thank you so very much.” Thank you, Lord, for getting me over this first hurdle! Keep us safe, Father. She wanted Toby to allow her to hear the speech, and she thought this might just be a step in overcoming her own cowardice.
When they stepped from the carriage, the Parliamentary guards were directing dignitaries and visitors to the correct entrances. Fortunately, Nicole was so engrossed in making this work that she did not care what others around her were doing. She heard the buzzing voices, but Toby noticed the surprised stares and began to rethink the outing. “Lady Nick…”
