by Rene Denfeld
I see my therapist twice a week. She tells me that my memory will keep coming back, and eventually I will remember everything I need to know, in one long story. She says that when people are held captive, sometimes they forget their past and escape into a fantasy world. She says it is part of something called C-PTSD, which means complex PTSD. That’s the kind of PTSD that happens when people can’t escape bad things that happen to them.
My therapist says making up the snow girl was how I survived. She says I should be proud of myself, because I turned my strength into a person, and she will always live inside me. Snow girl will be there to help me whenever I need her. The best kind of strength, says my therapist, is the one inside you.
I still draw pictures of snow girl, and these pictures line my bedroom walls in our new home. But lately I have been drawing something better: my baby brother. He is coming in a few months, and Mom and Dad and me are really excited.
My best friend at school is a boy named Hans. I’ve told Hans all about the snow girl. Hans thinks I am magic. He says when I grow up I will write stories. Some stories are true, I told him. He doesn’t know that yet, but he will.
When we grow up Hans and I will get married. He doesn’t know that yet either—but he will. I want to have three kids. I have even picked out their names. There will be Hans Junior, Aurora—for the northern lights—and the last one I will name Naomi.
You have to make it yours, the child finder said.
I am making it mine.
The child finder called me the other day, wishing me a merry Christmas. She says we are all part of a secret club. Someday, she said, we will take over the earth. It will be people like us that save the world, she said: those who have walked the side of sorrow and seen the dawn.
Her voice was happy. I asked her where she was off to next.
“We’re going to Idaho,” she said. “We have a lead on my sister.”
We. She said we.
At that moment I knew someone was with her. I could picture them together, sitting next to each other, driving down roads that always lead to better places. Whoever it is the child finder needs to find, he will help.
This is something I know: no matter how far you have run, no matter how long you have been lost, it is never too late to be found.
Acknowledgments
Life is a story we tell each other and ourselves. I am lucky to have people in my life who make that story so meaningful.
Thank you to my fellow investigators. You do such important work, often for little pay or recognition.
Thank you to my wonderful female friends, who have taught me so much about the importance of friendship. Special thanks to Elissa, Suzanne, Chloe, Julie, Stephanie, Mary, Cheryl, Jenny, Peggy, Alex, Lidia, Sheila, Betty, Ellen, Victoria, DeAnn, Cece, Jane, Jenny, Dianah, Elizabeth, Rhonda, Cate, Ronni, Pam, Susan, and many others.
Thank you to my editor, Gail Winston, and my agent, Richard Pine, as well as their wonderful teams.
My greatest thanks go to my children. Adopting from foster care was the best choice I ever made. Thank you to Luppi, Tony, and Markel for letting me walk with you on your journeys. I am blessed to be your forever mom.
Thank you to the children I have fostered but who could not stay. I miss you every day. Remember, those who are loved are never lost.
About the Author
Rene Denfeld is an internationally bestselling author, journalist, and licensed investigator specializing in death penalty work. She has written for the New York Times Magazine, the Oregonian, and the Philadelphia Inquirer. She is also the author of the award-winning novel The Enchanted as well as three works of nonfiction.
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Also by Rene Denfeld
Fiction
The Enchanted
Nonfiction
The New Victorians
Kill the Body, the Head Will Fall
All God’s Children
Copyright
This is a work of fiction. Names, characters, places, and incidents are products of the author’s imagination or are used fictitiously and are not to be construed as real. Any resemblance to actual events, locales, organizations, or persons, living or dead, is entirely coincidental.
the child finder. Copyright © 2017 by Rene Denfeld. All rights reserved under International and Pan-American Copyright Conventions. By payment of the required fees, you have been granted the nonexclusive, nontransferable right to access and read the text of this e-book on-screen. No part of this text may be reproduced, transmitted, downloaded, decompiled, reverse-engineered, or stored in or introduced into any information storage and retrieval system, in any form or by any means, whether electronic or mechanical, now known or hereafter invented, without the express written permission of HarperCollins e-books.
first edition
Cover design by Robin Bilardello
Cover photograph © Sunny Forest / Shutterstock
Digital Edition SEPTEMBER 2017 ISBN: 978-0-06-265907-1
Print ISBN: 978-0-06-265905-7
ISBN 978-0-06-269269-6 (International Edition)
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