by Nikki Landis
He began to pace, running his fingers through his hair. “I had to finish my obligation.”
“What the hell is that supposed to mean? Those mercenaries nearly killed me, they would have if not for Baylor, and I still had my head bashed against a stone wall and ended up with a concussion. So, thank you, that your…obligation…kept you away. He was more than willing and capable, both times he saved my life!”
Kellen grabbed my shoulders and shook them lightly. “Dammit Rhiannon I did not abandon you!”
“Yes you did! You left me without a Guardian, without anyone to take your place, and without properly securing my safety.” I pushed him away from me and started walking toward the stables. I could borrow a horse and catch up with Baylor in no time.
“Where do you think you are going?” He grabbed my arm and spun me around. “I will not tolerate your disobedience. You will not take off on me again. You will do as you as told. Do you understand?”
By now we had an audience. Seasnan, Kedehern and Mairwen, Kayleigh and Tristan, and several local townsfolk were watching us with astonishment. I yanked my arm free and stomped away, but then turned abruptly around.
“If you ever order me around or talk to me like that ever again I will petition the council for a new Guardian. You do not own me. You do not dictate to me. And you do not, under any circumstances, raise your voice and yell at me in public. Do you understand?”
At his look of incredulity I turned my back on him and ran to the stables. It was almost dark. No one was allowed to leave the gates once night fell. I had to hurry.
I jumped on the back of one of the stallions, astride instead of side saddle, and galloped out of the stables, racing toward the front gates as the last of the sun began to set. Several Guardians jumped out of the way as I rode past, nearly colliding with two of them, streaking past everything in a desperate attempt to flee the ache of my heart, throbbing in my chest, threatening to break my rib cage with its ferocity.
“Sorry!” I yelled, kicking the horse into a full run, my hair pulling free from the pins that held it in place, and leaning forward to streamline our hasty flight through the meadow.
“Baylor!” I yelled, hoping he was within ear shot because I was not being smart outside of the gates, vulnerable and alone, open to attack, yelling after a man who was probably too far away for me to find.
I rode for another fifteen minutes, hoping I was going in the right direction, until I found myself still alone and farther from safety. The stallion slowed to a steady clip but not the hasty race of moments ago.
My shoulders slumped in defeat. I was too late. He was gone.
Tears filled my eyes in frustration. I did not want to return to Karmelo or Kellen. I did not want to confront him after the fight we had or argue anymore. I did not want to hear his excuses or his pleas or believe his supplications.
I just wanted Baylor.
Stupid foolish girl.
When would I ever learn? When would I stop letting my emotions control me?
I heard the steady gallop of a horse behind me. Without looking around I knew who it was. I stopped the stallion and awaited Kellen. He approached me quietly until his horse was stopped next to mine. For five whole minutes we stayed where we were, silent, staring at the moon overhead and the stars as they started to appear.
Without saying a word I turned the horse back toward Karmelo. We rode back, not saying a word to each other, all the way to the house and stables. I slid off the stallion, patted his neck, and walked in the front door. I felt several pairs of eyes glance at me but I ignored everyone, climbing the stairs to the third floor, past Kellen’s room, and entering one of the guest bedrooms.
I shut the door behind me and locked it, sinking onto the velvet bedspread. The tears coursed down my cheeks and I let them, too upset to wipe them away. I wished I had somewhere else to go. I wished I could run far away, from my hurt and anger, and from my frustration, and from the devastating and prominent thought that would not retreat.
Kellen had abandoned me.
Just like my grandfather.
And that hurt more than I could bear.
The thought that he could walk away and leave me unprotected after all of his assurances and promises to me, to Gran, and to Gramps on his deathbed, left me angry and feeling betrayed. He should have been in that room. He should have been by my side. He should have been the one to guide me to safety.
And instead I had no idea where he was, why he was gone, and why he refused to say where he had been and who he was with. His secrecy, from the beginning, combined with his refusal to be forthcoming and communicate when it was important left me baffled and uncertain. What kind of relationship or future did we have if he was unable or unwilling to push past his barriers and insecurities and make an effort to put us first?
I heard a noise outside the door. It sounded like someone was sitting or leaning against it. Kellen. He was going to take up vigil until I opened the door. Fine, let him be uncomfortable all night.
I was not tired enough to sleep yet. I tiptoed to the windowsill and climbed up over the desk until I was sitting outside the room, in front of one of the open window ledges. It was nice up here. Quiet. Still. Peaceful.
A lone figure was pacing in the night down below. I caught the flash of his sword as he walked, beams of moonlight bouncing off every now and then. Seasnan must have caught my stare. He glanced up in surprise. Before I could wave or look away he was running inside the house. Three minutes later he was climbing out of the window to my right, where the other guest bedroom was located.
“Kellen has parked himself outside your doorway for the night,” he informed me, a smirk on his face.
“Yes, I know, I heard him. He was hardly silent about it.”
Seasnan chuckled. “I guess he has a lot of explaining and apologizing to do.”
I really did not want to discuss it with him. At all. I shrugged.
“I’m sorry, about before, when I took advantage of you. I realized after the last few days, and all of those attacks, how hard this must be for you. It was selfish and callous of me. Do you think you could try to forgive me?” He asked, taking me by complete surprise.
“Don’t be concerned about it Seasnan. There is so much more for me to worry about and focus on than that. Consider yourself forgiven,” I told him and managed a small smile. I really was not a person that held grudges. Too much time and effort and energy and never worth it.
“Thank you milady. I am genuinely relieved.”
As the moon rose higher we sat in companionable silence. I expected it to feel awkward with him but it did not. Just friendly. No pressure.
“Good night,” I finally spoke and turned to him, “and thank you. Tonight all I really needed was quiet and a friend to sit with.”
“Anytime Rhiannon.”
I knew he meant it.
The next morning the space next to me on the bed was ruffled when I awakened. Someone had slept next to me. I sighed. Kellen. Of course he would sneak in after I was asleep. I wasn’t sure if I was annoyed or relieved or just plain exasperated about the whole interaction with him, ever since the tournament started…and ever since I met Baylor.
I bathed and changed and made my way downstairs to the dining room for breakfast. Raised voices halted my steps.
“She is angry with me Kayleigh, what do you want me to do?” Kellen sounded frustrated.
“Talk to her. Make it right. Why are you hesitating so much? I don’t get it Kel,” Kayleigh answered.
“I don’t think she will believe me,” he responded, his voice sounding sad and tired.
“Have you tried? Because it appeared like all you did was yell at her, even if you were frustrated, but to her it must have seemed harsh.”
“I was harsh. I’m afraid Kay,” his voice broke slightly, “I’m deathly afraid of losing the one woman I love with all my heart and I have no idea how to tell her that.”
“Try the truth Kel-”
She stopp
ed talking when I walked into the room. Both of them seemed surprised. Had they forgotten I was so close?
Kellen took a step in my direction. I met his eyes. “You aren’t going to lose me, Kellen, I...” my voice broke off painfully and the tears filled my vision, threatening to overflow.
In a split second his arms were around me. “Rhiannon.”
He held me close, his arms wrapping around me as tightly as he could. “We are like one, my darling rose, one person instead of two. When you hurt, I hurt. When you ache, I ache. When you become angry, I rage. When your heart leaves mine, however briefly, it leaves me bereft,” he tilted my chin so he could see into my eyes, his voice low and soft, “and all I want, all I can think about, is how I just want to hold you close and fade into you, until there’s no way to know where you end and where I begin,until I melt away, until nothing and no one, on earth, or in heaven or hell, can come between us ever again.”
The tears fell from my eyes. He brushed my cheek with his knuckles, his eyes holding all the love and patience of the world, and then he leaned down, nuzzling my nose with his. “Kellen,” I whispered, struck by the truth of his words as they resonated deep in my heart.
He knew exactly what to say, exactly what I needed to hear.
“Oh my darling, do you not see? Do you not understand? I would never leave you. I would never abandon you. I would do everything in my power to save you, giving my own life in exchange if necessary,” he placed the palms of his hands flat against my cheeks, “I would do anything you asked me if only to stay by your side another minute longer.”
I was such a fool. Easily influenced by my emotions, my doubts, and my insecurities.
“Kellen…I’m-”
His lips met mine in a beautifully gentle and passionate kiss. “I love you my Rhiannon, my darling rose, until my dying breath it will remain so.”
I knew every word he spoke was true. “I love you too Kellen. I always have.”
He kissed me again and twirled me around before setting me down. His face buried into my hair as he pulled me against his chest. “Always Rhiannon, always my love.”
Chapter Eighteen
We spent the rest of the day without incident. Seasnan was conspicuously absent. No one mentioned him. And not a word was said about Baylor. Kellen and I spent a quiet and happy day together, walking to the waterfall, and riding his beautiful chestnut stallions through the meadow where we watched the sunset, kissing as the first stars rose into the navy sky. I was learning the landscape. I would know it when I returned.
We picnicked again with Tristan and Kayleigh the following day before we left. This time there was no jealousy involved to mar it. It was just as beautiful here as it was that first day. I was relaxed and content. When I looked in Kellen’s eyes the joy there was hard to miss. He held my hand often, always with his body close to me. I wondered vaguely if he was doing it on purpose. I had the nagging feeling Seasnan was around without us seeing him.
And there was Baylor…
I quickly dismissed it from my mind.
This was the vacation of a lifetime. After everything I had been through this year, I had forgotten how to relax. This trip across the portal with Kellen meant everything to me. It opened my eyes and my heart to a different way of life. It gave me a glimpse of the future, a possibility of spending forever in a magical and beautiful world, loved and happy beyond any possible expectation or dream.
I would never forget the time I spent here.
Or the people I spent it with…
On our last day I decided to find the cemetery where my parents were buried. I asked Kellen to pack the horses in case I wanted to look for my family too. Mairwen had the cook prepare food for us in case we wanted to picnic alone. We set out early, stopping at the first of several cemeteries that Kellen knew of nearby. The first cemetery was newer and didn’t take long for us to discover their graves were not there. The second cemetery was also a dead end.
“Well, Rhiannon, these are both close to Karmelo but there are cemeteries close to the cities of Alexandria and Cornell. Cornell is over four hours ride from here as you know and Alexandria is almost half a day’s ride. There are other cities. Did you ever ask where your family is from?”
“Not exactly. I think Gran mentioned a city or area but I forgot the name. Is there any other towns close by? Maybe not as large?” I asked.
“Yes, but they are smaller and I figured your Gramps was from a larger city. We can try the cemetery from either of these small towns: Lisbon, Desmond, or Tarin-”
“That’s it!” I exclaimed.
“Tarin? It is only three hour’s ride from here, a small town by the rocky mountainside. It’s also a farming community,” he answered.
We rode for Tarin and quickly found the cemetery. It was surrounded by a long wooden fence painted white with a creaky front gate. The entrance was wrought iron, long ago rusted by the elements, and had faded letters that long ago hid the name. Kellen tied the horses off and accompanied me into the graveyard, holding my elbow. I think he was concerned, remembering my last encounter with my parent’s graves.
I found them easily, at the far northern end, side by side in the deep earth and rich soil. Two large stones displayed their names and the years they had lived. Rowena’s grave had Beloved Daughter and Mother on it and Brian’s gravestone had Devoted Husband and Father on his. Each grave also held an old photograph, identical to the other, of three people. It was my parents, holding me as an infant.
I knelt down on the soft grass, resting on my knees, gazing at the picture. I wanted desperately to remember that moment, to remember what they sounded or felt like. I wanted to recover that feeling when I knew I was loved and wanted and held close in their embrace.
The truth was I was too young and it was many long years ago. Tears came to my eyes, not the lonely tears from before, but tears of sadness mixed with joy. I had finally found them. Here they had been laid to rest, finally at peace. It gave me a strange comfort to know the truth, to know they were home, to know that love had brought them to a place of eternal rest, unlike the cold mausoleum in my world.
I wiped the tears from my eyes. I wish I had thought to bring flowers. It seemed wrong not to leave something behind for them, a token of my love and gratitude. I looked up at Kellen, seeing his face full of worry.
“I’m ok Kellen, really, I just wish I had flowers or something to leave on their graves. I didn’t think it through very well. I hate to leave it empty like this…” I couldn’t finish since my throat felt tight.
“I’ll go buy some for you Rhiannon. Stay here. I’ll be back in a few minutes. If you need me, scream or something and I will come running back.” He grinned as I rolled my eyes playfully. “Please be watchful of your surroundings, for me?” He asked earnestly.
I laughed, jumping up. “Why don’t I scream and jump up and down, alerting the entire town?”
“Yeah, yeah, ok, please be careful. Be right back.”
He laughed too, grinning at me and giving me a quick hug.
“Yes, of course, thank you. I appreciate it very much.”
Kellen left and I watched him walk away toward the town, leaving my view temporarily. I looked back at the graves, kneeling down again, and placing my hand on my mother’s gravestone. The cool stone felt rough and abrasive, foreign against my skin. I suddenly felt like I needed to say something, to let them know how I felt.
“I wish I could have known you. I wish we could have spent time together and been close friends. I will always miss you, always wonder what could have been, always ache in my heart for what we lost. Thank you mother and father, for loving me, for sacrificing your lives for me, and for giving everything up for me.” I paused and inhaled a shaky breath, my head lowering, chin to chest. “I love you both and I forgive you. I know you can’t hear me…but some small part of me just needs the words released into the air anyway,” I whispered softly, my throat even tighter with my emotions that it was a moment ago with Kellen.
>
“Amazing how speaking the words aloud can unburden your heart, isn’t it?” A deep male voice startled me.
I snapped my head up, realizing I hadn’t listened to Kellen at all. I wasn’t paying any attention to my surroundings. I glanced around me quickly. He wasn’t back yet. I returned my gaze to the tall man in front of me. He was older, but had a gentle and kind look to his features. He seemed harmless enough.
“Yes, it does. It comforts me even if they are too far gone to ever hear the words.” I smiled timidly.
“May I ask if you are a relative? I know the Drustaney and Monahan families very well,” he responded kindly.
I hesitated, looking around me again for Kellen. Where was he anyway? How long could it take to buy flowers? I cleared my throat, uncertain of how to answer. Was it a good idea to let anyone know my true identity?
“Yes, I am a relative,” I told him truthfully, without giving my name.
He nodded. “Well, the Monahans live up the hill on the far right and the Drustaneys live inside the town, about a mile down the road. It’s a big house on the end with lots of animals. You can’t miss either place. Hope you decide to visit, young lady. Have a good day.”
“Yes, please have a good day as well. Thank you for the information.”
He turned and was greeted by a young girl with bouncy brown curls, calling to him from the entrance gate.
“Grandpa? Grandpa! Grandma is looking for you,” she called cheerfully.
He took the young girl’s hand and led her down the road. I watched them walk away in the same direction that Kellen left in. The old man looked back just once, pausing to stare at me for a moment before he disappeared around the corner. A few minutes later, Kellen came whistling around the same corner toward me, holding two small bouquets of flowers.
“Sorry Rhia darling, it took longer than I intended. Flowers aren’t available as easily in these small towns. I had to hunt someone down. Here you go.”
He handed me the bouquets and I placed them on the graves, feeling better and ready to leave. I debated whether to tell Kellen about the old man. I almost decided against it but remembered my promise to be truthful. He helped me stand and I looked into his eyes, clearing my throat.
