by B. D. Gates
"Can I come with you?"
I sighed, shook my head. I'd already had enough emotional turmoil. "No, Penny, you can't. Not tonight."
She nodded her head.
I tapped my knuckles twice on the metal as I pushed off the car and headed towards the gate.
"Baxter."
I turned. She glanced at me, briefly, but didn't hold my gaze.
"I'm sorry."
I just nodded. What do you say in a situation like this? I wasn't even sure I knew exactly what she was apologizing for at this point.
I walked through the gate and up onto the porch. The girls came out the doggie door and barked their hellos. I signaled to them to quiet down. They sat and waited with me.
The MGB engine cranked. The little red convertible pulled away from the curb and rolled down the street.
Drama.
17
That night, I couldn't sleep. I tossed and turned, but sleep still would not come. I kept replaying dinner with Tess and my encounter with Penny over and over on loops in my head.
Tess truly seemed to have no one else in this world and, for whatever reason, she had chosen to spend her time with me. I suspected that, initially, it was out of a sense of duty to come over and check on me but, over time, she had engaged me more as a friend. At some point, I believe she'd stopped thinking of me as a criminal, and maybe that was because I had settled into a 'normal' non-criminal life, redeeming myself in her eyes. All I knew was that she had been through hell, that she was lonely and sad. And that I would do my best to help her get what she needed. What she wanted.
Penny, on the other hand, had her issues as well. Whatever was going on in her world, and I honestly had no clue, well, she was going to have to handle it before I would get into anything deeper with her. Here's the thing, though: I really like Penny. Aside from the drama, she's smart, fun, funny, charming, and oh, god, the sex!
So I sat up and turned over, punched up the pillows one more time, and willed myself to sleep.
Needless to say, I felt like shit the next day. Daylight had come too soon, I was still deep into sleep when my alarm went off. I dragged through the morning, but my brain had picked up where it had left off last night. I finished up in the kennels at about three o'clock, and Dr. Biggs cut me loose for the day.
"You look like hell, Baxter," she remarked as I pulled the trash from the lab baskets. "Are you feeling all right?" she asked.
"Yes, ma'am, just didn't sleep well last night." Might as well tell the truth.
"I understand, I get like that before the season starts," Dr. Biggs replied. If she was losing any sleep, you couldn't tell it. "Why don't you go home and get a nap before practice?"
"Thank you, Dr. Biggs, I'd like that." I went back to the kennels and grabbed my gear, then picked up the lab trash on my way back out, throwing it in the dumpster as I made my way to the Jeep. I headed straight for home and my bed. The girls met me at the gate, barking their hellos, bouncing with joy, surprised that I was home at an unusual time, I supposed.
I set my alarm, shucked off my scrubs, and fell face-down across the bed. Sleep came quickly.
I woke up smelling smoke, the heat covering me and making me sweat. I was face-down on the floor, I couldn't move my arms, my hands were restrained behind my back, and my mouth tasted like blood. There was banging coming from somewhere, I couldn't tell where, I couldn't see. An alarm was going off, it was loud, what the hell was it, the fire alarm? I kept trying to turn over, but struggling got me nowhere.
"I'm here, I'm here," I was shouting as I rocked back and forth, trying to get to my feet.
The alarm stopped.
Hands grabbed me, gathered me up.
"Bishop!" Tess's voice cut through the smoke. It became more insistent. "Bishop! Wake up!"
I opened my eyes with a start, sucking in air, fresh air, still struggling to get free.
I was still trying to run. "We've got to get out of here! We've got to go!"
"Bishop, stop! Stop!" Tess shouted, holding me tight in her arms. "You're alright." She lowered her voice. "Settle down. Listen to me. Listen to me, Bishop! You're dreaming. You're okay. You're alright. You're here. In Tenley."
I heard her, stopped wrestling against her hold. Drenched in sweat, I looked around, bewildered. It was daylight, late afternoon. I was in the carriage house and Tess was here, holding me tight.
I looked up at her as I shook off the dream. Tess was watching me intently, gauging my awareness.
"Come on now, sit up." She sat me up on the side of the bed, keeping her arm around me to maintain my balance. "You haven't had a dream like that since you first got here," Tess said, shaking her head.
"Dream? It was so real." I still wasn't sure that this was real. I shivered.
"You had nightmares for the first few weeks after you got here. A couple of times we had to have the nurse come over and sedate you. And one time, you tried to run, but Whyte caught you before you fell."
"Oh, god," I said, as I doubled over.
"Are you okay, what's wrong? Are you in pain?"
I shook my head. I was a little dizzy.
"What time is it?" I asked from the doubled-over position.
"About quarter-to-six," she replied.
"Oh, god, I've got to go, the game starts in fifteen minutes."
"Do you think you're okay to play?"
"Tess, I have to, I have to make my spot on the team!"
"Okay, then get dressed, grab your glove, you can put your shoes on in the car."
I turned my head from my bent-over position and looked up at Tess. "You're driving?"
"That's why I'm here. I came to see if you wanted to ride with me to the ballpark, since we both planned on being there, no point in both of us driving. I was up on the porch and I heard you yelling, so I let myself in."
"Wait, what? You let yourself in?"
"Well, I still have a key."
"You still have a key..."
There was a pause, then, "Well, dammit, Bishop, it was that or kick the frickin' door in."
"You're right, Tess, you're right, I'm sorry. It's fine that you...still have a key...I guess..."
"Bishop, just get your damn clothes on, get your shoes, and let's go!" Tess hissed as she got up from the bed. "You're going to be late!" She stalked out of the room, her boot heels clicking on the linoleum when she got to the kitchen.
I stood up and grabbed fresh clothes off the stack on the chair by the dresser, pulling everything on as quick as I could after drying off with my old shirt. I picked up my shoes and headed for the kitchen.
Tess was scrolling through her phone, the girls sitting on the floor next to her. She didn't look at me, just got up and headed for the door ahead of me.
She had 'rescued' me and I had gotten pissy over the fact that she had a key to my house.
I am such an asshole.
We got in the car, doors slamming shut at the same time, as Tess started the engine and put it in drive in one fluid motion, punching the gas before I had snapped my seat belt.
We pulled up to the ballpark gate, getting there in record time without the use of lights and siren.
"Go," Tess said as she dropped me off at the gate. "Hurry up."
I ran into the park just as Chessie, the Umpire for this game, called "Play ball!" I knew that I was a 'visitor' tonight, so I headed to the dugout on the third base line, crossing behind the backstop. Coach Biggs caught my eye as I ran past, her concern on her face. I shook her off, gave her the "OK" hand sign and headed on to check in with Tracy.
Tonight, Penny and I would be on the same team. In a split second, I debated sitting with her or standing on the rail.
I sat with her.
"Hello," I said.
"Hello," she said, her voice subdued.
That was the extent of our conversation.
Since I was late, I'd lost my usual right field position so, between innings, I stood on the dugout steps and looked up in the stands to find Tess. I didn't think she'd leave me
there without a ride, but I wanted to try to gauge her mood. I didn't have to look far, she was sitting behind home plate with Coach. She caught me looking, smiled and waved, but there was something sarcastic in the way she did it. I nodded, waved back.
The game went our way, 2-1, I played from the second inning on, with me and Alicia getting on base, and getting batted in by Penny for one, and Harry for the second. Biggs was all smiles at the end of the night, probably because she had been sitting next to Tess all evening. Beautiful, kind, caring Tess, who always smells so good. I would say that made Coach's night.
I walked out of the gate and waited on Tess, who was still talking with Coach. Penny came through the gate behind me, passed by, then turned around and came back.
"Baxter," she said.
"Penny," I replied.
"I was wondering...do you had any plans for tomorrow night, after the cookout?"
"Well, no."
"Would you consider coming out to my house afterward?"
"Penny, I don't know..."
"Look, I'm having a little team get-together and I just want you to know you're invited."
"Okay, well, then, since it's a team thing,.."
"Yeah, come if you want, but Baxter," she moved a step closer. "I'd really like it if you were there."
I nodded. Like I said, I'd missed Penny, and this was the first time she had actually said she wanted me around.
Her gaze shifted, then she smiled sweetly and said, "Okay, that's great, see you then, Baxter." She turned and headed on into the parking lot.
Tess was suddenly standing next to me, looking at me with her eyebrows raised.
"Oh, it's nothing, just a little something after the cookout tomorrow night," I said, answering her look.
Tess laughed. "Is that what they're calling it, now?"
"Wha-, oh, no, you've got that wrong, she's having a get-together after the cookout. For the team," I added.
"Uh-huh," replied Tess. "So, after the cookout," she clarified.
"Yep."
"So, do you have any plans for the cookout, then?"
Now it was my turn to look puzzled.
"Are you coming to the cookout?" Tess asked tersely.
"Well, yeah," I said.
"Okay. Will you come with me to the cookout?"
"You're coming to the cookout?"
"Coach Biggs invited me. She said that if I wasn't coming with you, I was more than welcome to come as an invited guest."
"So," I started to smile. "Are you asking me out, Detective?"
"I am asking if you want to go with me to the cookout that you are going to anyway," said a slightly exasperated Tess.
"Oh, gosh, well, since you put it that way, I'd love to go to the cookout with you," I replied, smirking. "Thank you for asking me."
Tess had started off towards the car, leaving me standing there. She turned around.
"Are you coming, or what?"
"On your six," I answered. I caught up to her and we walked together, not speaking. I took a side-long glance at the detective.
"Do you know you have a little vein on your jaw that throbs when you're aggravated?" I asked her with a grin.
"I didn't have it before you got here," she replied.
But she was smiling.
Tess dropped me off at the carriage house and I hit the shower. With everyone fed, including myself, I sat down on the couch, clicked on the TV and flipped through the channels, not settling on any one program. I was agitated, and I couldn't settle down. I walked out on the porch and sat down on the step. The evening was cool, the stars were out. The girls snuffled through the damp grass, taking in the multitude of scents.
I took in a deep breath. Let it out.
My life had become something I would have never predicted in a million years.
The softball season would start in three days and I was excited and ready for that.
Penny and I had 'something,' but I could not name what it was. Did it even matter what we called it? And what was her damage? What had happened to her that made her detest relationships?
Then there was Tess.
Tess could have been so messed up by Life. Maybe she was and I just couldn't see it. Maybe she was and she knew it and she was trying to change things, to make things better for herself. What I'd learned about her was what I'd only heard from other people, but I knew that she wasn't as stiff and unyielding as she seemed to be, that she liked to laugh, that she seemed to enjoy being picked on by me and could dish it right back.
Considering all the time we'd spent together in the past few months, I knew very little about her, she didn't offer much personal information, even less than I had, actually, and we'd certainly never talked about anything of any real substance.
All at once, I recalled a conversation we'd had over dinner not too many days after she'd given me hell for being so self-centered about my 'circumstances,' for not recognizing that 'everyone else' was doing their best to deal with a situation they'd had no choice to accept as well. I had thought the conversation odd, the idea that she'd put forth was one that had never occurred to me, but it now became crystal clear that she was actually talking about herself.
"You really should consider yourself lucky," she'd said, out of the blue as we ate at my kitchen table.
I looked up at her, the question 'where did that come from' apparent in my expression. She saw it.
"You get a chance to start over, you know, you get to re-invent yourself. I think a lot of people wish they could change their name, move to someplace new, do what you get to do."
I had simply nodded, though not quite sure where this was going.
"Just think about it, Bishop," she sighed. "You can be anyone you want to be now, this is your second chance, your 'do-over.' You could be from a large family, have brothers and sisters who love you. You could make up stories about them, talk about what you all did over holidays...tell about how your parents met, how they handled raising a bunch of kids on a farm, or in a big city, how they took you on vacations...you could make it all up and no one would ever know, and maybe there would be some solace, some satisfaction that you would get from it, coming from a past that, while it isn't 'real,' it becomes real to you, you'd remember the stories you make up as if you'd lived them, and maybe it could change things for you in a way that, just maybe, shifts your perspective on your life from where you've been to where you're going. You become someone that is you, but different, maybe even better."
I was looking at her as I considered her words. It was a perspective I'd never contemplated for my own life, I wasn't sure I could 'live a lie' even though, technically, I was now actually doing just that. I had been nodding as I thought about it.
"Or, ya know, you could also be an orphan with a tragic backstory in which you rise above your circumstances to become a superhero," I'd replied.
Her eyes had widened at that and she'd held my gaze for a moment before she nodded, then turned her attention back to her plate, her forehead puckered in thought. I didn't know her history then, the traumas that she'd lived through, and I didn't understand her point of view.
I had just unknowingly summed up her whole life in one sentence.
Tess was tough, but she was also wounded and in such pain, I'd seen it, felt it, had wanted to kiss it away, because I knew that she was also soft-hearted, and lonely, maybe even a little scared. She'd built a wall around herself, for protection, and she was trying to take it down, one brick at a time. Tess was more than brave in realizing what she needed and what she had to do to make her life better. She wanted to connect, she was pushing herself to engage, and I wanted to be there when she stepped through that opening.
More than anything, I wanted her to have a gentle, love-filled life. She deserved it.
The girls had joined me on the porch, their wandering done. I stood up and we all went inside.
18
Saturday. The last scrubs game before the season started, followed by the cookout. I was going with Tess.
Getting out of the shower, I realized it had been three months since I'd had a haircut, and I was looking a little raggedy. I went out to the kitchen and started looking through the drawers, finding only a pair of sewing shears. Big, unwieldy, but I'd have to make do. I stood on the back porch with a small mirror propped on a coffee cup so that I could have both hands free.
I had made several cuts with the unwieldy shears when I saw Miz Maggie looking out the kitchen window. She rapped on the glass pane and shook her head, signalling for me to stop. I put down the scissors and she nodded, putting up one finger. She came out her back door shortly thereafter, carrying a kitchen towel and a small wooden box.
"Lisa, just what are you trying to do, child?" Miz Maggie asked.
"Hi, Miz Maggie. I'm...I've gotten a little shaggy and I need a trim."
"Well, honey, you can't do that with those scissors, you'll make a mess of it. Now, come on over here, and have a seat." Miz Maggie indicated the single metal chair under the oak tree.
I crossed the back yard and sat down in the chair. Miz Maggie draped the towel over my shoulders and around my neck. She had placed the box on the side table. Now, she opened it and I could see that it contained scissors of all shapes and sizes and several combs.
"I used to cut hair for extra money when I was younger," she explained. "Had quite a little business going while Eric was overseas. Eric was my husband," she clarified.
I nodded.
Miz Maggie ran her hands through my hair, gauging the length and the way it grew.
"Now, I don't mean anything by this, but I suppose you want what I would consider a man's cut and style."
What could I say? I nodded.
"I know, honey, I don't take you to be a frilly type." She patted my shoulder.
She ran the comb through my hair and started cutting. Her moves were sure and she could handle the comb and the scissors with one hand while she measured and compared with the other.
"Have you always lived in Tenley?" I asked her.
"No, Eric was in the military, so we moved around a lot. He was stationed in North Carolina for a good while, and we'd taken little trips here and there. We came through Tenley on the way to somewhere else, and we both just really felt drawn to it. It's a pretty little town, been here for a long time, and it's right on the river, so we really liked that. We liked to fish, Eric and me, we'd spend the whole day on the river after we moved here. Anyway, Eric took his retirement after twenty years, and we moved here, bought this house. First house we ever owned. We had about fifteen good years together, just living day-to-day, enjoying each other. Not a lot of couples get to do that, you know, like Tess's daddy and mama."
