by B. D. Gates
Tess just looked at me.
"What?" I asked.
She shook her head.
"Tess, tell me."
"Baxter, I talked to my Captain. I'm signing off on your case."
"What?"
"You're on your own now."
"But Tess, I didn't mean..."
"You're safe, Baxter. You're free. Go live your life."
I was stunned.
Tess walked around her car to the driver's door and got in, started the engine and backed out. She put the vehicle in drive and, without looking at me, drove towards the park gate.
I was standing alone in an empty parking lot.
34
A few weeks into the softball season, the Tenley Pride was up by a half-game in the overall standings, followed closely by the Dental Drillers. At each game, home and away, I would scan the crowds in the stands, but there was no Tess. Miz Maggie and Jared were there for most of the games in Tenley, smiling and waving when I spotted them. I don't know if they were aware that Tess had signed off on my case, as well as our friendship. If they did, they didn't bring it up when we'd meet in the back yard.
During practices and home games, I'd look out across the distant field to the track, watching for the now-familiar stride of a lone runner.
Sitting on the back porch, or playing with the dogs, I listened for the roar of the Crown Vic pulling up, but I was more aware of the deep silence that seemed to surround me and the carriage house. More than once, I'd pulled my cell phone from my pocket and considered pressing 'one,' wondering if she'd answer.
I had really, really screwed up.
And I didn't know how to fix it.
Early one Saturday evening, nearly three weeks after Tess had left, I was, in what had become my daily routine, asleep on the couch. A knock at my door woke me, but I ignored it, knowing that it wasn't Tess. Tess had a key. The knocking persisted, it wouldn't stop. Then my phone rang.
"Baxter, open the gawddamn door."
I opened the door to find Penny standing on my porch with a six-pack in one hand, a pizza in the other.
"Penny, really, I'm not in the mood for company.”
Penny pushed past me and walked on into the kitchen. "Baxter, you look like hell. I don't care if you want company or not. I'm staying here until you eat some of this pizza, drink a beer or two, and tell me what's going on with you."
"Penny...”
"I mean it. I'm not leaving."
And she did mean it. She was not going to budge. Her eyes and her stance confirmed that.
The women in Tenley are incredibly pushy...
I sighed. Penny was watching me, looking for a reaction, anything that would tell her what was going on.
"Bax, seriously, what the fuck?"
I shook my head. "There's nothing going on, Penny. Really. And, I don't want any company, so..." I gestured back towards the door. Of course, she ignored that.
“Look, tell me what's going on. Everybody's worried about you. Are you sick? Do you need to see a doctor?”
“I'm fine, Penny. Now, really, you need to go.”
This time, Penny shook her head, crossed her arms even tighter. “Not happening. I'm here to spend the next twenty-four hours with you, if that's what it takes.”
I looked at her, narrowed my eyes. "No, you need to go." She just stared straight back at me.
"Bax, this is an intervention. I'm not leaving until I find out what the hell your problem is. It's what friends do. For each other. Now, eat this." She had turned around and pulled a plate from the cabinet then served up the pizza while she talked, putting the plate and the beer down on the table. "Baxter, sit down and eat. Now!"
I gave in and sat down, pulled the plate over to me. My girls set up under the table, hoping for bites of the crust. I just looked at it. I didn't want it, I really didn't.
"Baxter, c'mon, just take a bite."
I sighed, picked up the slice, took a bite. Chewed. Swallowed.
"Happy now?"
She just looked at me. "Not yet. Keep going."
"Penny..."
"Bax, I swear to god, just eat the damn pizza.”
I closed my eyes. Opened them, took another bite.
Penny sat down and popped the cap on her beer, snagged a piece of pizza from the box. "Now, tell me what the hell is going on with you!"
“Penny, I'm fine, really. Nothing I can't deal with."
"Baxter, whatever it is, you are not dealing with it, and you can tell me. So, come on. What is it?"
I shook my head.
"Look, asshole, just tell me what the hell your problem is so that I can help you fix it."
"What makes you think you could fix my problem, Penny? I can't fix it, so I really doubt you can."
"So, you do have a problem. Okay, now we're getting somewhere." She practically rubbed her hands together. "You say you're not sick, but you look like hell." She reached over and placed the back of her hand on my forehead. "You're cool, no fever. Okay, so then it's emotional. Am I right?"
"Look, Penny, you need to leave." I stood up.
"You're not going to make this easy for me, are you," she replied, keeping her seat, looking up at me. "Sit down."
I sighed and sat down.
"Okay. Good girl. So, emotional...did someone die?"
"No! No one died, would you just..."
Penny kept on as if she hadn't heard me. "No one's dead, okay, so, next comes 'relationship issues.'" She looked over at me, eyes wide. "Are you seeing someone I don't know about, Bax?"
"Oh my god, would you just...please, stop," I replied, rubbing my eyes.
"That's it, isn't it? You haven't been going out with us after practice, you and I haven't gone out in weeks, that has to be it! Who is she, Bax, who's got you all tied up in knots and not in a good way?" She smirked.
I just shook my head. Not saying another word.
"Gawdamighty, you're stubborn." She shook her head as she continued on. "Alright then, let's see. Someone not on the team, definitely. Who would get you all tangled up and not on the team."
I had finished my pizza and was carrying my plate to the sink when she suddenly whooped, making me jump.
"It's Tess!"
I didn't turn around.
"It's Tess, isn't it? What did you do, Baxter, did you make a pass at her? Scare her off? I haven't seen her around since the cookout, she hasn't been to the practices or the games. Come on, Bax, spill it. What the hell did you do?"
I turned around and looked her in the eyes. "Penny, please, just stop, I didn't do anything, okay? I didn't do anything to Tess."
"Did you try, though, and she turned you down? Oh, no, wait, maybe...did she want you to? And you didn't? Did she make a pass at you, Bax?"
"Penny, no, c'mon, nobody made a pass at anyone, I didn't do anything to Tess and she didn't try anything with me, okay?"
"But it is Tess, right? That's who's got you upset."
"I'M NOT UPSET."
"Huh. Yeah, okay, not upset. I hear you. What happened, Bax? Seriously."
Penny was not going to stop until she heard the whole story. So, where to start. Tess probably had a list of things I'd pissed her off about, starting with the gun permit and ending with the bite marks that Penny'd left behind, the middle could be filled with all the ways I'd aggravated and harrassed her. I had learned through prior experience that once someone reaches their limit with me, well, that's it.
Maybe Tess had just had her fill of being my keeper.
I sat down at the table, picked up my beer and took a swig. Penny settled back in her chair, maybe a little surprised that I was giving in, that I was going to talk.
"I think she just got tired of me. I think I pushed her as far as she was willing to go, past that, and she left. Met me in the parking lot after the first game, told me she'd...she told me that I was “free,” to “go live my life,” and then she drove off. I haven't seen her or heard from her since."
Penny sat quietly for a minute or so. "Wow,
so...she ghosted you."
I nodded. "Yeah, pretty much."
Penny went on, an expression on her face that reflected her thinking. "You know, I know that you can be a real pain-in-the-ass, Bax, but there's got to be more to it. I mean, someone doesn't just suddenly decide that you're ridiculous and aggravating and annoying and then drop you, not if they've spent any time with you. Especially you, because that's kinda your baseline, ya know?"
"I'm 'ridiculous and aggravating'?"
"And annoying, but not in a bad way, it's all like in a playful way."
"Ridiculous and aggravating and annoying, but in a playful way. What does that mean?"
"It's not a bad thing, Baxter, I promise, or even I wouldn't be here. If it was something bad, I'd have dropped you myself by now. So, what else?"
"What else?"
"What else happened, something you're not telling me about. There has to have been some incident, event, even just a run-in that pushed Tess over the edge, she wouldn't just decide to ditch you. So, think. You took her to the cook-out on Saturday night, what happened after that?"
How do I tell her? Penny had happened after that, and I had to think that was a big part of what had upset Tess.
"Come ON, Baxter, this is like pulling teeth," Penny was getting aggravated now. "See, this is exactly the kind of crap that I'm talking about. You just will not open up. About anything."
I looked at her, my eyes wide. Okay, fine. She wants the truth, I'll give her the truth.
I sighed, took a sip of my beer. "Tess came over the Sunday afternoon before our first game," I started. "She brought some ice cream and said she wanted to talk to me, she wanted to “tell me something,” but we didn't get that far. She saw the bite marks on my neck, from...us...and she got upset, she got quiet, and she...left. I never found out what she wanted to say. She just left.
"Then, the next day, before the game, she showed up here with my gun permit application and she was mad. Madder than I'd ever seen her, and we got into a fight, and she was upset about the bite marks, and I told her that it was none of her business but she...she was so upset, about the gun permit and those damn marks, and it just got worse from there. She was making assumptions, wrong ones, about me, she just kept on, so I told her to go, to leave, and she did. Then, after the game, that's when she told me that I was “free,” to “go live my life.” I haven't seen her since."
Penny was quiet as she thought back to that first game, then to the night of the cookout, thought of what she had suspected about Tess, looking on as Tess watched Baxter in practices. She suddenly realized what had upset Tess so and it nearly made her laugh out loud, but she didn't. Tess wanted Baxter, wanted her in her bed, and that had rocked her world to start with, but she had probably never considered that Baxter might have a 'kink' or two.
"Oh, Baxter, I'm sorry. I'm so sorry. This is my fault."
I shook my head. "No, it's not, it's mine. I pushed her away. I told her to leave, but I didn't mean for good."
We sat quietly for a minute.
"Baxter," said Penny, her voice low.
"What?"
"She's...Tess is...she's jealous."
"Jealous?"
"Yeah, Bax. Think about it. I mean, really, think about it."
All those evenings we'd spent together, the dinners, the practices she'd watched, waiting for me at the gate afterwards. The look on her face when she'd seen Penny and me together. I was shaking my head, I know, but that was because I found it so hard to imagine, to believe. Tess...jealous? And the bite marks that Penny had left on me, had marked me with, had been what had upset Tess, because it was solid evidence that I'd slept with someone else, not her?
Oh, god. I suddenly knew what Tess had intended to tell me. Penny knew, too.
"She's in love with you, Baxter. I knew it. I know what I saw. You think I'm wrong, but I'm not. You know it, too."
I just nodded.
Penny stayed a while longer but nothing much more was said about my situation. She didn't ask how I felt about Tess, if I loved her as well. I had another beer, my third, and by the time she left I was ready for bed. About four o-clock that morning, I was suddenly wide awake and I couldn't go back to sleep. I was thinking about Tess, what I'd learned about her, and I recalled a time she'd brought dinner for the two of us.
On this particular occasion, I was performing the duties of the Good Neighbor policy, cleaning up after the girls. They were usually very good about not doing their business in the high-traffic areas, but I would still be mortified if Miz Maggie stepped in one of Sophie's landmines. I heard the Crown Vic pull up, and the girls began barking and ran to meet Tess, who appeared at the gate with two large bags of take-out.
"What are you doing?" Tess had called, as she made her way through the gate and past the dogs, who were now very interested in what she carried.
"Well, obviously, I'm picking up the charms the lawn fairies left me," I replied. "What have you got there?"
"I've brought some of the best Chinese food you've ever eaten," replied Tess. "I had to go to Whitmore and I picked this up on the way back. Come on, before it gets cold."
I put down the bag and shovel and followed Tess into the house.
"Wow, that smells good," I said. "I love Chinese food." I made my way to the sink and started washing my hands. Tess was setting out plates.
Sophie had her nose up, her tail wagging steadily. She was as intrigued as I was. I dried my hands and joined Tess, who was already sitting at the table. I looked at all the small white boxes she was unloading.
"You couldn't decide what you wanted, so you got one of everything?" I asked.
Tess laughed. "Not everything," she replied. "Just one order of each of the things I like."
"So, all this is one of everything you like."
"Yes."
I smiled and shook my head. It was a smorgasbord of Chinese food, if there could be such a thing. I mentally made note of what all she had bought, just in case I ever had the opportunity to surprise her with dinner.
Tess handed me a set of chopsticks.
"You're kidding, right?" I said.
"No, I'm not."
"Tess, I'll starve."
She laughed. "I'll teach you," she said. "It's really easy, if you know how to hold them."
I shook my head. This was going to be interesting. And messy. I picked up the envelope and slid the sticks out. Tess had hers out.
"Now, hold the first chopstick like you would a pencil. Then, put the second chopstick between your middle and ring finger. That one doesn't move. Now pinch with the top chopstick."
I gamely followed her instructions. I really wanted to do this for her, but I had my doubts.
"See? They're really handy, you can use them to stab pieces of meat, or to sweep rice or beans onto your plate." Tess deftly loaded her plate from the boxes.
I picked up a box and stabbed a chicken wing, shaking it off the stick and onto the plate. It looked lonely, compared to Tess's plate.
Smiling, I asked, "How much time do you have?"
"Well, now, it does take practice," she admitted, laughing.
I gave it my all, serving myself from the boxes. It did get easier, but my biggest problem was keeping the sticks together while getting the food to my mouth. I dropped a piece of sesame chicken, and it never reached the floor. Sophie grabbed it on the way down. Rosie, sitting next to Tess, saw that Sophie had scored a bite, so she moved over next to me. Tess saw her change her position and laughed again.
"She's doesn't want to miss any chances."
"Oh, I'm pretty sure she'll have her shot at something, probably very soon," I remarked, as I leaned down to snag another piece of sesame chicken. I bit into the crusty morsel and my eyes widened.
"What? Are you okay?"
I nodded, chewing. "Oh my god, this is delicious!"
Tess nodded, smiling, working on a bite of dumpling with oyster sauce.
The spread was full of amazingly delicious food. I worked my way
through the different boxes, until I had tasted everything, Tess did the same. The chopsticks were cumbersome, but I found that they made me slow down and enjoy what I was eating. After nearly an hour, we had pretty much consumed the majority of the order. I pushed back from the table. Tess looked at me and smiled.
"Good?"
"Excellent. Thank you so much, that was great. You're right, that was the best Chinese food I've ever had."
"I try to pick something up whenever I go to Whitmore."
"Well, you are more than welcome to stop by here whenever you do."
Tess had nodded, smiling, then leaned up and opened a small bag, pouring its contents onto the center of the table. Fortune cookies.
"They make their own. The cookies are as good as everything else they make," she said.
I took one from the center and broke the cookie in two, then pulled the fortune from the shell.
It read: 'Your future looks bright.'
I laughed and read it to Tess, who took it as an honest assessment.
"You've done very well over these past few months, Bishop. You're working, you're establishing yourself in your new life with a minimal amount of difficulty. I think your future does look bright."
I shrugged. I didn't quite know what to say to that. I put half the cookie in my mouth and chewed, limiting any further conversation.
Tess took a cookie and pulled out the fortune. A look crossed her face. She didn't read the fortune aloud. Instead, she crumpled it up and tossed it into one of the empty food boxes.
"Sometimes they're just silly," she explained.
I nodded. Sometimes they were.
Tess stood up and began sorting the boxes, closing up the ones with leftovers in them and tossing the empties into the take-out bag. I waved her off.
"I'll take care of this," I said. "You brought dinner, I'll clean up."
"I'm just going to take a quick look around before I go," said Tess, as she headed toward the living room.
"Okay," I replied, continuing to gather and close the boxes with food still in them. "Do you want to take home some leftovers?"
"No, I'm good, you eat them, and practice your chop-sticking. They'll be even better tomorrow," she answered.
