by Todd, E. L.
“I’m sorry you don’t. It’ll just make it harder for you.”
Tony blinked his eyes and stopped the tears from falling. It was torture to watch. “Well, I’m okay with that.”
“What?”
“I still make you happy. I can give you everything you could ever want. Please don’t go.”
“I can’t believe you…”
“Cassie, you’re everything to me. I can’t lose you.”
“But I’m just using you.”
He said nothing.
I couldn’t believe that. I knew Tony was in love with me, but I didn’t realize how much. He was totally selfless, loving me even though I was a liar. “No.”
“Cassie, I just don’t believe you. I refuse to believe you.”
“I’m not lying.”
He shook his head. “I’m not letting you go. You’re too damn good to get away.”
I avoided his gaze. “Goodbye, Tony.” I turned toward the door.
He stood in front of it, blocking my escape. “No. We’ll work on this.”
“I don’t want to work on it!”
“That’s too fucking bad,” he said. “You aren’t running from a little bump in the road. And don’t tell me you’re using me. I know it’s a fucking lie. You can’t pull that shit on me.”
“I’M NOT LYING!”
He stared me down, not backing down.
“Get out of my way.”
“No.”
I tried to get around him but he grabbed me, holding onto my arms.
“Let me go.”
He carried me to the couch then pinned me down. I struggled against him but he was too strong.
“Get off me.”
Tony rested his leg on my chest and pulled off his shirt.
As soon as I saw his chest, I felt alarmed. I couldn’t let this happen. If it did, I’d be lost. It would make it so much harder to sever the relationship. “Stop.”
He leaned over me and held me down while he got his pants off. “No. You’re lying to me. When I’m inside you, you’ll start thinking clearly.”
“Tony, I said get off me.” I tried to sit up but he held me down.
When he was naked, he lifted my dress and moved my underwear over.
“Please don’t,” I begged.
Tony entered me, his face pressed close to mine.
As soon as I felt him, the fight was over. I lied back and closed my eyes, a moan escaping my lips.
Tony cupped my face and kissed me gently, his lips separating mine. When I felt his tongue dance around mine, my nails dug into his back. His warm breaths filled my mouth, making me lose my train of thought. All I knew was that I loved Tony and wanted to be with him. I was lost in him, feeling the connection between us.
He thrust into me gently, feeling no resistance at all. His breaths were deep and heavy, and I felt it on my skin. When he was inside me, I felt close to him, like we were a single person. I couldn’t resist him. He was the love of my life. There was no one I would rather spend the rest of my life with. Every time we made love, it was the first time. I never had a boyfriend that was my best lover and my greatest friend. Every touch was magic, explosive.
“Tony…”
He moved into me faster. “I love you, baby.”
“God, I love you so much.”
“I know you do.” He grabbed my neck while he moved into me hard and fast. “So stop lying to me.”
I gripped him while the orgasm started between my legs. It burst into flame and sent me spiraling. It was stronger than I’ve ever felt. I felt dizzy and lightheaded, overwhelmed with the emotion. Spending a lifetime without him would be unbearable. I didn’t want to lose him. “Yeah…”
Tony bit his lip while he came inside me. I felt his cock twitch as it released, filling me. He grabbed my face and kissed me aggressively. The sweat dripped down his back and I felt it on my fingertips. It was warm and slippery. When he pulled out, I whined in pain, not wanting to feel him leave me. He broke our kiss then looked down at me, anger and desire flashing. “Don’t ever pull a stunt like that again.” He picked me up and carried me into his bedroom. When we were under the covers, he held onto me like I would slip away. His hands glided over my body and through my hair, treasuring every part of me.
We lay in the dark for a long time. Neither one of us spoke because there was nothing to stay. I wanted to stay here forever, never leave his arms. But I knew I had to. Our relationship had to end. I wished I hadn’t slept with him, but I didn’t regret it. It felt so good. I loved making love to him. There was nothing I enjoyed more.
When he fell silent, I lied still. I waited for the right moment to leave. When I heard him breathe deeply, I made my move. I slipped from under the covers toward the edge of the bed. His hand grabbed me and pulled me back.
“Do I have to tie you up?” he whispered.
I said nothing, feeling his fingers tighten around me.
“Come here.”
I did as he asked. When his arms were wrapped around me, I felt my eyes grow heavy. I feel asleep and had a dreamless slumber. When I woke up the next morning, he was still asleep. And he seemed to be in a deep sleep. I left the bed and changed before I walked into the kitchen. A tear fell down my face when I placed the key to his apartment on the table. I left the scarf I made for him then walked out the door without looking back.
18
I didn’t want to go to work the next day but I did. I worked on a few designs without really paying attention to what I was doing. The only thing I liked about being there was the distraction. I didn’t think about Tony every second.
I kept my phone off just in case he tried to call me. When he saw the key on the table, he would know we were really over. He might chase me again, but he might give up too. I wasn’t sure what I wanted him to do. I grabbed the work phone and called Janet.
“Hello?”
“It’s Cassie.”
“Why are you calling me?” she snapped.
“I did it.”
She paused for a moment. “You broke up with my brother?”
My voice came out shaky. “Yeah…”
“You did the right thing.”
It didn’t feel like it. “Are you happy now?”
She sighed. “Cassie, I don’t blame you for wanting the security my brother has. Any girl would want it. And I don’t think you’re a bad person because of it. I just didn’t want that for my brother. It really wasn’t personal.”
“I wasn’t with him for his money,” I snapped. “I said that so many times now. The only reason why I ended the relationship was because he was miserable on his birthday. I know how much his family means to him. You were the one was being selfish by making him choose. And I know he would have picked me forever because you’re wrong, Janet. Totally wrong about me. But I did it for him. That’s it. There is no other reason.”
“Well, you made the right decision. And we can be friends again.”
“Janet, you’re a fucking bitch. I never want to be your friend again.” I slammed the phone down and hung up. When I felt the tears fall, I covered my face and let myself break down. None of this was fair. Tony shouldn’t have to choose between his girlfriend and his family, especially when I did nothing wrong.
The phone rang but I didn’t answer it. I took a moment to compose myself and control my voice. “Hello?” I said when I answered.
“Turn on your fucking phone.”
I didn’t want to deal with this right now. “Don’t call me.”
“You’re my girlfriend. I’ll call you whenever I feel like it.”
“We broke up.”
He hung up.
I heard the line go dead. I must have really pissed him off. But that was okay because it’s exactly what I wanted. I got back to work and tried to stop thinking about Tony. Minutes later, my office door swung in. Tony stood there, looking angry and insane. He slammed the door and locked it.
“What the hell is wrong with you?” he snapped.
> “What’s wrong with me? You’re the one who won’t accept the fact that we’re done.”
He slammed his hand on the desk. When he pulled away, I saw his key. “This belongs to you.”
“I don’t want it.”
“That’s too fucking bad. I gave it to you.”
“Why are you making this so difficult?” I yelled.
“Because you don’t want to break up. I can see it in your eyes.”
“Yes, I do.”
“Why are you doing this?” he snapped. “Why are you pushing me away?”
“Because that’s what people do when they break up!”
He came around the desk and grabbed me. “No.”
“Tony, you need to leave.”
He picked me up and placed me on the desk.
I knew what he was doing. “No!”
Tony held me down and pulled me to the end of the desk. “I’ll do this as many times as it takes.”
“Tony, stop this now!”
He pulled down his jeans then lifted up my dress. “I’ll stop when I know you want me to.” He pulled off my underwear then slipped inside me.
“Fuck you,” I said I rolled me head back.
He rocked into me slowly. “Do you want me to stop?”
I bit my lip while I felt him.
“Tell me you want me to stop.”
I grabbed his forearms and dug my nails into his skin.
Tony stopped moving.
I moaned in frustration.
“Tell me you want me to make love to you.”
I said nothing.
He didn’t move, just staring into my eyes.
I grabbed his hips and started to move against him. “Tony…”
“Yes?”
“Please.”
He moved inside me hard and fast.
I lied back and enjoyed it. The orgasm hit as soon as I let myself go. I knew Theresa and Orlando could hear us but I didn’t care. He bucked inside me when he reached the same threshold. His moaned while he made his final thrusts, coming inside me.
When he pulled out, he grabbed my face and kissed me. “You are mine.”
I said nothing, still breathing heavily.
Tony pulled on his clothes while he stared me down.
“Tony, I want to break up.”
“It didn’t seem like it a second ago.”
“We were just fucking. I would have screwed any other hot guy I saw.”
“I’m having a hard time believing that.”
I fixed my hair and pulled down my dress. “Tony, I mean it. We’re over.”
“I’ll pick you up at seven.”
“Are you even listening to me?”
“Yes, but I’m also ignoring you.”
I glared at him. “Why won’t you accept what I said? If one person wants to break up, you break up. It doesn’t have to be mutual.”
“I’ll accept it when you give me a valid reason. Until then, I know you’re pulling shit out of your ass. I think you’re just scared that I’m going to hurt you so you’d rather be alone than have to deal with that possibility. We were apart for two days and it almost killed you. That’s not a reason to break up. That’s called fighting. All couples do it.”
“You aren’t listening to me,” I said. “I was using you so I could build my company. Now that I have what I want, I don’t need you anymore.”
“You’re a terrible liar.” He walked to the door. “I’ll see you tonight.”
“Tony!”
“What?”
“I mean it. We’re done.”
He stared at me. “We’re never done.” He left my office and shut the door behind him.
I sighed in frustration. Tony was making this impossible.
When I got off work, I didn’t go to my apartment. Instead, I went out for a drink with Layla.
“I broke up with him,” I said.
“Are you okay?”
“No.”
“Why did you do it?”
“Because he’s lost his whole family,” I said. “I can’t let him pick me over them.”
“But he’s only picking because Janet made him.”
“She’s wrong but I can’t let Tony lose everything,” I said.
She shook her head. “I’m not talking to Janet anymore.”
“What?”
“This is unacceptable. You two are in love and she’s ruining that. It’s wrong.”
I shrugged. “What else am I supposed to do?”
“Not give in.”
“It’s not about giving in,” I said. “It’s about what’s best for Tony. You didn’t see him on his birthday. He was totally miserable.”
“I’m surprised Tony accepted the break up.”
“He hasn’t,” I said. “He keeps tracking me down and fucking my brains out, thinking that will change my mind.”
“It would change mine,” Layla said with a smile.
“Well, it isn’t working.”
“It’s because he won’t let Janet control his relationship.”
“I didn’t tell him the real reason,” I said. “I said I was using him for his company.”
“You did?”
“But he doesn’t believe me.”
“Because he knows you,” she said. “You wouldn’t do something like that.”
“I wish Janet thought that.”
“Fuck her,” she snapped. “I don’t care if Kyle is Scott’s brother. I’m done with her.”
“I don’t want that,” I said. “Please don’t ruin your relationship because of me.”
“How can I let my best friend be treated like this?” she said. “No, this bullshit has gone on long enough. “
I smiled. “Well, thank you.”
“I got your back.”
My phone rang and I looked at the screen. It was Tony. I ignored it. He called again. After I ignored it, he called again. I turned it off to avoid the calls altogether.
Layla smiled. “You think that’s going to stop him?”
“I have to get rid of him.”
“You can’t,” she said. “He’s madly in love with you. He’ll never let you go.”
Layla’s phone rang and she answered it. “Hey, babe.” She stirred her drink while she listened. “At Tully’s. Why?” She paused. “Yeah, she’s here.”
I narrowed my eyes in suspicion.
“Hello?” She looked at the phone. “Well, that was weird. He didn’t even say bye.”
I sighed. “Tony.”
She smiled. “I told you he would track you down.”
“I should go before he gets here.”
“And go where?” she asked. “Your apartment? He’ll break down the door.”
“Can I stay at your place?”
“I don’t want him to break down my door.”
I sighed. “I’ll figure it out.” I turned to leave the table and saw Tony walk inside. “Holy shit, he’s fast.”
Layla looked amused. “He should be in the CIA.”
When Tony saw me, his face lit up in a rage.
“Oh great,” I said sarcastically.
“I think I’m going to go…”
Tony marched to me then grabbed my hip. “Why does my sister think we’re broken up?” he said without preamble.
“Because we are.”
He narrowed his eyes. “That’s why you broke up with me. Because she’s making you.”
“She isn’t making me,” I said.
“It sounds like it.”
“Tony, you are totally miserable without your family.”
“I’m miserable that my sister, the person I held in the highest honor, is being a fucking bitch. That’s what I’m miserable about. Breaking up with me isn’t going to change that.”
“I can’t be the reason you lose your family…I can’t.”
“You aren’t,” he said. “Janet is.”
“Tony, this isn’t working. I’m sorry.”
“Don’t give into her. I know she’s your friend—
”
“She isn’t my friend,” I said. “And I never want to be her friend again.”
“Then don’t do this.”
“I have to. You can always find a new girlfriend. You can’t find another family.”
“You are my family,” he said.
My eyes softened. “Don’t make this harder for me.”
“No, I’m going to. This is a stupid reason to break up. It changes nothing.”
“Tony, I love you. I have to do what’s best for you.”
“Losing you isn’t what’s best for me.”
I averted my gaze.
“So this is it?” he asked sadly.
“Yes.”
His eyes lost their light. His jaw was tense. He ran his fingers through his hair then took a deep breath, his eyes starting to turn red. “Okay.”
That caught me by surprise. “Okay?”
“You told me the real reason. If that’s what you want, I have to accept it.” He didn’t look at me.
I wasn’t expecting him to give up.
“Goodbye, Cassie.” He turned around and left, leaving me standing in the bar alone.
19
This was the hardest breakup I’d ever endured. Even when Danny cheated on me, it was nothing compared to this. I couldn’t sleep, I couldn’t eat, I couldn’t move. I went to work but hardly got anything done. Orlando and Theresa were sympathetic and gave me space. I didn’t speak to anyone because I didn’t have anything to say.
Tony hadn’t contact me in any way. A part of me hoped he would break down my door and take me on my kitchen table, saying he would never let me go. I never hated anyone in my life, but I was starting to hate Janet. Tony was the best thing that ever happened to me. I lost him due to no fault of my own.
The days went by but it didn’t get better. I almost called him a few times but I stayed strong and didn’t make the call. I wondered what he was doing. I wondered if he was seeing anyone. The thought made me sick to my stomach. It was hard to sleep in my bed because it still smelled like him. Instead of bringing me comfort, it brought me tears. I would wash them but I was afraid to let him go. I wasn’t ready to.
Layla came over and comforted me as much as she could. Kyle was there too. They were the only friends I had that understood my pain. We never spoke about Tony, and Janet was never mentioned. There was a huge elephant in the room that no one addressed.
