by Tina Beckett
Damn.
He’d let things go way too far last night.
His head told him he was a fool. His body told him he was a fool too. A lucky one. One who wanted more of what it had just gotten.
Not happening. Ever again.
As in never.
Three more days and the convention would be over. Caput. In the history books. And his ex would be out of his life all over again.
It was only when people started getting up and bunching at the exit that he realized the workshop was over.
Kady turned to him. “I hope you didn’t think I was directing any of that at you.”
“Any of what?”
She frowned, making him revise his answer. “It doesn’t matter who it was aimed at. It was good advice.”
“Thanks. I had a patient a few months ago who was a carrier for sickle cell. She and the father were dating on and off, and she got pregnant. When the baby was born he had the condition. Unfortunately the couple was on the outs with each other and she refused to allow us to notify him.”
“Wow. So he might not have even known he was a carrier.”
“No.” She sighed. “Think about what could happen if he fathers another child with a different woman and she finds out he already has a child with sickle cell.”
“It wouldn’t be his fault.”
“No. But the child would pay the price.”
“The first child paid the price anyway.” Most people weren’t tested unless they had a familial history.
“Maybe, but why let it be for nothing?”
A thought came to him. “Did you go through counseling? After Grace’s death, I mean.”
She swiveled her chair to look at him. “I did. I found out there are options.”
“Such as?”
“Like having any potential sperm donor tested for the mutation. Or fertilizing a couple of my eggs and having them tested for Tay-Sachs before they’re implanted.”
It all sounded logical when you looked at it with the objective lens of science. It was obvious she’d given this a lot of thought. Had done her research. But didn’t she know that it wasn’t just Tay-Sachs that was a danger? Anything could happen to that future fetus. A rogue mutation. A glitch during implantation. During the first trimester.
And she was willing to risk losing another child? The thought of a second gravestone next to Grace’s was eerie. Lightning couldn’t strike twice, right?
It could with them.
“Does having a baby mean that much to you that you’re willing to risk it?”
“It does.” Her eyes sought his. “I’m sorry that’s something you never understood.”
“I understood.” He just hadn’t agreed with her. As much as he’d wished he could have given her what she wanted, neither his head nor his body would cooperate. It was why he’d been so willing to let her go. To let her find what she needed elsewhere. He was only surprised that it had taken her this long to go through with it.
Someone clearing their throat made him glance up sharply. He was surprised to find a young woman standing in front of them, the snug waistline of her dress showing off what was obviously a pregnancy. Third trimester, if he wasn’t mistaken.
He had no idea how much of their conversation she’d heard. Kady must have been wondering the same thing because her face was stiff and wooden-looking. “Can I help you?” he asked.
The woman nodded, her dark hair sliding forward to cover part of her face. “Did you mean what you said?”
The question was directed at Kady.
“About what?”
“About informing partners of your genetic history.” The softness of her voice gave her away.
“Absolutely.” Kady’s head tilted. “Why do you ask?”
“My mom recently found out that she has breast cancer. She’s turning fifty this year. She has the BRCA 1 mutation.” Her hands twisted under her belly. “I was tested a couple of months ago. I have it too. What if my baby...? It’s a girl.”
Kady stood to her feet. “Just because you have the mutation it doesn’t mean you’ll get cancer. Or that your baby will develop it.”
“What if I pass the gene on to my daughter? Can she be tested?”
That was a tricky question. And it was in a gray area as far as ethics went. “My gut reaction is no. There are no preventative guidelines in place for children.”
“So she just has to wait?”
“Most health professionals I know would say yes. Is there a partner in the picture? If so, what does he or she say?”
“Her father—my husband—doesn’t know yet.”
Kady went to the edge of the dais and sat on it, putting her a little closer to the young woman. “Tell him. He has a right to know.”
“That I might pass a terrible disease on to our baby? How does that help anyone?”
“You two are in this together. That means trusting each other with sensitive information.” She glanced over at Tucker.
“I know you’re right. But what if he leaves me?” The words were barely above a whisper.
Hell. That was always a possibility. Tucker had left, hadn’t he? But only so she could have the freedom she needed to go after what she wanted in life.
“Wilson-Ross has a genetic counselor on staff. Why don’t you go and talk to them? They can help you come up with a plan.”
The woman drew a deep breath, whether in relief or resignation he wasn’t sure. “Do you think they can?”
“That’s what they’re there for. Do it, if only for your own peace of mind.” She smiled. “And give that husband of yours a chance to do the right thing. He might surprise you.”
Kady had given Tucker the same chance by asking him to go to counseling with her and he’d refused.
Would counseling have changed his mind? He didn’t think so. But she’d asked him to go. Had looked into his eyes and forced him to make a choice. He had. It just hadn’t been the one she’d been hoping for.
Had he done the right thing? He’d thought so at the time but he was beginning to wonder.
“Thank you.” Her soft words were directed at both of them, even though he hadn’t said a thing. Hadn’t been able to think of one helpful comment.
And yet Kady had known just the right thing to say.
“Tucker, can you hand me a pen and a piece of paper, please?”
Frowning, he tore off the back cover of the booklet for the workshop and handed it to her, along with one of the monogrammed pens that Wilson-Ross had given them.
Kady scribbled something and handed it to the woman. “This is the hospital’s main number. Call them. Tell them you need to speak with a genetic counselor. Let them help you, like they did me.”
“You act like you have the gene or something.”
“Let’s just say it’s the ‘or something.’ My daughter was born with an incurable, inherited gene. She died when she was two years old.”
“I’m so sorry.”
“It was the hardest thing I’ve ever gone through. Do I wish she’d never been born? No. Not for a second. So I think I might understand a little more than most people what it’s like to receive a piece of devastating news.”
“How did the father take it?”
Without skipping a beat, she said, “We’re no longer together. But it doesn’t have to be that way for you. Talk to a counselor, and then talk to your husband.”
It was like taking a stomach punch to the gut. Was she saying she could have done something that would have given their marriage a different outcome? He didn’t see how.
“Okay, I will. And I’m sorry your husband didn’t think your relationship was worth fighting for.”
Not worth fighting for? Hell, he’d fought for her with all he’d been worth. None of it had been enough to change her mind. And she hadn’t been able to c
hange his. Their marriage had been as doomed as his daughter.
As the young woman walked away, Kady turned to him. “I don’t think that, you know.”
He shrugged. This wasn’t something he wanted to talk about over a cup of coffee or anything else. In fact, he’d rather they not discuss it at all. Especially not after the day he’d had.
“It’s okay. She obviously didn’t overhear as much of our conversation as I thought she did.” He picked up his packet of notes. Notes he hadn’t needed after all. “Do you want me to give you a ride back to the hotel?”
“No, it’s only a block away. I think I’ll walk. I need the exercise.”
Or did she just not want to be stuck in a car with him?
“You sure?”
“Yes. I could use some fresh air. See you in the morning.”
And he could use some time alone to get his head back together. Somehow being with this woman made him crazy. And brought back feelings both good and bad, that he hadn’t felt since he’d left Atlanta.
A sense of foreboding stole over him. He’d thought his life would go back to normal in three more days. Once she got on that plane and headed out.
The door to the conference center closed, leaving him standing in an empty room. Would life really go back to normal? Or would he just realize how alone he really was? In more ways than one.
CHAPTER EIGHT
KADY’S PHONE WAS RINGING. She could hear it through the door to the shower, but with suds in her hair and an ache in her heart she decided to just let her voice mail pick it up. She wasn’t in Atlanta, so it wasn’t her hospital calling with an emergency regarding one of her patients.
Tilting her head back to let the sharp spray power-wash the shampoo from her wet locks, she tried to clear her head. Something that no amount of fresh air had been able to do last night.
She still had an hour before she was supposed to be back at the hospital for another round of medical students. God, how was she supposed to face Tucker again after yesterday? She didn’t have any choice, unless she went home early. A tantalizing thought, but not something she was going to do. People had to face exes all the time in the real world. She just needed to suck it up and deal with it.
Most people didn’t wind up sleeping with those exes, though.
Well, that had been a one-time thing. It wasn’t like they were going to hook up every night while she was here. A tingle stole across her belly and slid lower, following the trail of water from the shower.
“Not happening,” she told it. “Forget it.”
As if forgetting it was an option. If Tucker was anything, he was a great lover. Except for those last horrible months of their marriage when he hadn’t been able to stand the sight of her naked. When every touch from her had been met with a cold shoulder and an even colder heart.
And yet the night before, he’d kissed her as if he couldn’t get enough. As if having sex with her was the only thing he could think of. Just like in the early days of their relationship.
That was what had done her in. What was still doing her in. What had changed in the two years since they’d seen each other? He’d gone from cold to very, very hot.
Whatever it was, she wanted nothing to do with it. Maybe she should say that out loud, just in case.
“You want nothing to do with it. Nothing to do with him.”
Ha. Well, that did a whole lot of nothing, because that tingle spread to an uncomfortable level. Finishing her shower in a hurry, she dried off then wrapped the oversize towel around her hair and padded into the bedroom to check her phone. The missed call was an Atlanta number she didn’t recognize. Maybe it was about a patient after all.
Sitting on the mattress, she pushed the button to return the call, adjusting the towel so she could get the phone to her ear.
“Atlanta Fertility Services, may I help you?”
Her heart skipped a beat. This was the firm she’d contacted about finding a sperm donor for her. She still had the envelope from them in her purse, as far as she knew. She just hadn’t planned on contacting them again until she got back to town.
“This is Dr. Kadeline McPherson. I had a missed call from this number.”
“Oh, yes, Dr. McPherson. Dr. Torres would like to speak to you personally. Can you hold for a moment?”
“Yes.”
The soft sounds of a vaguely familiar melody drifted across the line. Why was the fertility clinic calling her? Of course they didn’t realize she was in New York. It had never dawned on her to tell them. Maybe they’d found something in her application that needed to be redone.
Her heart stuttered. Or maybe they’d found something else in her lab work. Another genetic anomaly that would knock her out of the running for ever having a child.
No. She’d run a gamut of tests when she’d gone through genetic counseling. She had the Tay-Sachs gene but nothing else had turned up. At least, nothing known.
The music cut off. “Dr. McPherson?”
“Yes.”
“I wanted to check in. We’ve identified several donors who would be excellent prospects. Tay-Sachs testing is negative, along with any other known genetic factors. Do you want to come in and look at the files?”
Her stomach squirmed and she had no idea why. She’d been excited to move on to this next phase in her life a few short weeks ago.
Before she’d come to New York?
No, that had nothing to do with it. She was just nervous. This was a huge step. “I’m actually out of town at the moment. Would you be able email the files to me, so I can take a look?”
“That’s not a problem. Our front desk should have your email address, correct?”
“It was on my paperwork.”
There was a pause. “Is everything okay?”
No, but she wasn’t sure why. “Yes, it’s just hectic here. I’m at a medical conference.”
He chuckled. “I understand. I’ve been to a few of those myself.”
“You know what I’m talking about, then.” Her words sounded stilted even to her. “But I should be home in a few more days. I can look them over and let you know my thoughts. Is that okay?”
“Perfect. I’ll let Jessica up front know. You should get the files sometime today.”
“Thank you.”
“You’re welcome. If you have any other questions, just give us a call.”
She ended the call, a chill washing over her. Was it her imagination or did Dr. Torres sound a little more eager than he had when she’d originally met with him? She groaned and dropped her phone onto the bed. It was her imagination. He didn’t sound any different now than he had a month ago. Maybe it was her who had changed.
Seeing Tucker again had turned her world on its head. Everything seemed upside down and inside out—a place where the words simple and uncomplicated no longer existed. But they would. Once she got home.
The phone rang again. “Surely not.”
She picked it up and pressed the green button. “Hello?”
“Kady? Where are you?”
This time, it was Tucker’s voice that came over the line. Her heart thudded and it took a couple of swallows before she could speak. “I’m sorry?”
“Didn’t you get my message?”
“What message?”
“I called you about ten minutes ago. Your patient is asking for you.” She’d given him her cellphone number after she’d left his office that fateful night. At the time she told herself it was to make reaching her a little easier in case of a schedule change.
Pulling the phone away from her ear, she looked at the time. It was just eight o’clock. She wasn’t supposed to be at the hospital for another hour. “My patient?”
Wow, she sounded like an idiot responding to everything with a question. But Tucker put her head in a spin every time she heard his voice...felt his touch. Li
ke the moment he’d unsnapped the button on her pants and...
No more touching. No more kissing. No more anything except work. Hadn’t she just had this talk with herself a few minutes ago?
“Your patient from the birthing center.”
The name and face came to her in an instant. “Samantha? The PPH patient?”
“Yes, she’s leaving today and wants to see you.”
The chill from a few moments ago disappeared. “Did someone get a hold of her roommate?”
“I think she’s on her way to pick her up.”
“Tell her I’ll be there in fifteen minutes.” The medical students would have to forgive her wet hair and lack of makeup. Some things were just more important.
Like having a baby of her own?
Maybe.
* * *
True to her word, she arrived in fifteen minutes. And she’d obviously just showered not long ago. Her hair was twisted up in one of those clawed contraptions that she used to wear at home all the time.
If he undid it and let those silky strands tumble down her back, he knew just what scent would cling to them. Vanilla, coconut...and Kady. He forced the air in his nostrils to exit, hoping to avoid searching for any hint of it. He’d been knocked on his ass last night during her conversation with that young woman. It seemed everywhere he’d turned recently, something had done just that. Making him rethink decisions he’d once thought were irrevocable. Like having children?
Kind of hard to do that with a vasectomy.
“Is she still here?”
“She’s waiting for you in her room. Four forty-one.”
“No more problems?”
He shook his head, forcing his gaze from her wet hair to her face. It looked fresh scrubbed as well, her pale lashes bereft of mascara, the smattering of freckles across her nose on full display. More memories crowded into his skull, each less welcome than the one before. And there wasn’t a damn thing he could do about it. “They wouldn’t release her if they thought there was.”
“Thank you for calling me.”
“I tried to let you off the hook, but she insisted.”
“I was planning on checking on her this morning. I didn’t realize they were going to discharge her already. I’m used to making those kinds of decisions, but I guess she wasn’t really mine.”
