by E. S. Carter
Sorry. I maybe shouldn’t have called your child ‘flesh-eating’ but you mentioned the cannibalism first. Does this mean my invitation has been revoked?
And the next one reads:
Okay, I’m starting to worry I’ve really insulted you and your children. If I say I’d love to come to the beach with you guys, can we maybe overlook the whole ‘baby zombie’ comment?
And before I have chance to respond, another text comes through.
Shit. I promise I really like kids, even flesh-eating ones. You can’t invite me to the beach and then not let me come. That’s a bigger offence than mine. After all, you started it.
She’s cute when she’s panicked, and I could drag this out a little longer, but I really want to spend time with her. Although I hadn’t planned the whole ‘meet my kids’ thing so soon, being a single dad with no family visiting means it’s a beach date or inviting her over when the kids are in bed. I don’t know why, but that sort of makes me feel like I’m hiding her from them, and them from her, and I’ll never keep anything as important as Halle from my children.
He’s allergic to broccoli. Well, when I say allergic, he spits that stuff out like it’s burnt his mouth, so maybe if you rubbed it all over beforehand, he’d be less inclined to have a munch on your body parts. Just a tip.
She replies immediately, and I have to chuckle at her text. I can’t wait to see her again, and where that feeling scared the shit out of me before, now I’m embracing it. The fact we’ve been able to lighten the interaction between us after beginning on such an intense footing is testament to her openness. This girl astounds me. This girl beguiles me.
Good to know. What time should I meet you?
You have thirty minutes to roll around in as much green stuff as possible and we’ll meet you there. Or we can pick you up on the way?
I’m cleaning up Arthur when her reply comes through.
Operation green stuff complete. I’ll meet you there just in case the broccoli doesn’t work, and I have to flee for my life.
Twenty minutes later I’ve wrangled both Arthur and Ivy into the car, emptied out over half of the stuff that Ivy put in her bag without too much fuss, and packed a small picnic. Who said men couldn’t multitask?
In another ten minutes, we’re pulling up on the small side road that leads to our favourite beach. With Ivy holding my hand, Arthur on my hip and the overstuffed beach bag across my shoulder, we make our way to our play date with Halle.
“Daddy,” Ivy giggles excitedly as soon as our feet hit the sand. “Look over there, it’s that lady from before, and she’s covered in green stuff.”
I hoist Arthur further up my hip and turn to look in the direction Ivy is pointing.
There, standing underneath a woven grass parasol is Halle.
Her arms shimmer with green, glitter body paint, as do her toned legs and the V that’s exposed by the low dip of her shirt. In her hair, instead of the expected flower, are random sprigs of fresh broccoli and stuck all over her white shirt are scrunched up balls of green crepe paper.
She looks like a shimmering, jolly green giant, and my heart skips in my chest, a wave of something unnameable fluttering through my body.
In years to come, I know I will look back at this moment as the one, but, right now, I do the only thing I can, and I laugh. I laugh so hard that Arthur wriggles to get away from my rumbling body.
“What?” She innocently asks as we approach, me still chuckling heartily, Ivy’s mouth agog the closer we get to Halle’s green and glowing monstrosity, and Arthur completely oblivious to everything but the sea.
“I was only following instructions, plus, I take survival advice very seriously.”
“I can see that,” I nod earnestly. “And I’m not sure I’m going to forget it anytime soon, but, just in case…”
I place Arthur carefully on the sand and tug my phone from my pocket.
“How about a picture for posterity?”
“Don’t you dare-”
“Too late,” I interject while snapping a dozen quick photos.
“Daddy, daddy,” Ivy calls excitedly. “Take my photo with the green lady too please?”
“With pleasure, Princess Ivy,” I reply with a smirk. The words are spoken to my little girl but my eyes lock with the woman before me, and I swear, even under all that green gunk I can see her blush from my heated stare.
“Ivy,” I say, after a few more snaps. “This is Halle, my friend.”
“Hi, Halle,” Ivy says sweetly, reaching up to place her hand in Halle’s. “You have a really pretty name.”
That feeling, the one that took flight inside me only moments ago, doubles when I see my brave little girl beaming up at the woman I’ve just introduced as my friend.
I want there to be more than that between us, but I’m willing to wait, as long as it takes.
“It’s a pleasure to meet you, Ivy,” Halle replies, bending to get down to Ivy’s level. “Would you like to help me wash off all this green stuff in the water?”
Ivy looks at the glittery paint all over Halle’s skin and nods eagerly. “I can help. I’m good at helping. My daddy says I’m the best.”
I watch with a steadily swelling heart as they walk hand in hand down towards the sea. Ivy chatting Halle’s ears off the entire way there and I swear I hear the question ‘Do you wear a bra?’ before they’ve even hit the water.
“What did you think, little man?” I ask the chubby little boy at my feet who, in the short time we’ve been here has gotten sand everywhere.
“Do you think Halle is a pretty name too? Because I think she’s beautiful.”
“I think the broccoli saved me,” I whisper into Josh’s ear as we sit in the sand and watch Arthur, his little boy, devour the carrot stick his daddy has just handed him.
“Hmm, I’m not so sure. It may have saved you from Arty’s ravenous chops, but I’m feeling all kinds of hungry.”
My cheeks burn as I turn my head to see Josh grinning at me.
“Can you not do that in front of the kids?”
“Do what?” he asks innocently.
“That,” I warn, staring at his handsome face half covered by aviator sunglasses, the other half sporting an indecent smirk.
“I don’t know what you’re talking about,” he replies, never once losing the smile that makes my lady parts tingle.
“Daddy, did you ask her?” Ivy asks with the remnants of watermelon all over her lips and chin.
“Not yet, Princess Ivy,” he replies, shaking his head and pursing his lips in a futile attempt at warning her not to continue with this line of questioning.
“I’ll ask her then,” she declares while wiping her sticky hands on her sundress and pushing herself up to stand.
“Halle,” she says with a sweet smile. “Would you like to come to our house for dinner? We’re going to have noodles from the Noodle Man. He brings them to our house and everything. Daddy doesn’t even have to make them. He just opens the pots and pours them on our plates. They come with crispy chicken balls too and…”
“I don’t think Halle needs the full run-down of our Chinese takeaway, Ivy,” Josh interrupts, grabbing his little girl around the waist and tickling her until she squeals with laughter and falls to the sand.
When the rough and tumble ends with Arty trying to protect his big sister by climbing on Josh’s back, Ivy takes the opportunity to ask again.
“So, do you want Noodle Man noodles with us, Halle?”
I look from Ivy’s sweet face to her father. He smiles at me as does Arty, who is his mini-me double, and my decision is made easily.
“I’d love to have some Noodle Man noodles with you, Princess Ivy,” I say honestly and then can’t help but chuckle as she jumps up into the air, twirling and clapping and shouting out, ‘Noodle Man’, over and over again.
Today has unexpectedly been the most fun I can ever remember having.
Ivy is hilarious, endearing and so bright that I have to watch every word I say, or else she turns
it around and has you thinking up is down and left is right. Arthur is super cute in that chubby, looks just like his daddy, but puts everything, and I mean everything – including a live crab, pebbles, a dirty wet-wipe and copious amounts of sand – in his mouth kind of way.
And then there’s Josh.
If I thought I had any hope of fighting my attraction to him, then this day spent with him and his kids has ruined my chances because it is impossible not to be drawn to this man.
He’s funny, handsome, well-read, ridiculously intelligent, caring, and if all that isn’t enough, he’s an amazing father. I dare anyone not to be attracted to a man who cares for his kids the way he does Ivy and Arthur.
It should make me melancholic, seeing what a real family is like compared with my childhood of being passed from pillar to post, and from one stranger to the next, but it doesn’t. It fills me up and penetrates all my cracks. The simple knowledge that these kids had endured an awful loss when their mother died, but that they’ll never be discarded, only cherished, gives me hope that I too am worthy of that, and not just worthy, but capable of giving it in return.
Josh calms Ivy down and gives her the task of packing up all the beach toys. Then he hands Arty an extra carrot stick to keep him occupied for a few moments, before coming to stand in front of me with a glint in his eye and the corner of his mouth tilted up in a shy grin.
“So…” he begins timidly. “You know where we live, would you like to come over around six-ish?”
“I’d love to come over around six-ish. Shall I bring anything?”
He looks at me thoughtfully for a second and answers completely deadpan, “We could always use more broccoli.”
I snort like the lady I am and lightly backhand his chest.
“I think you’ve got your money’s worth out of the whole broccoli shenanigans. How about dessert? I can bring ice cream?”
“Ice cream sounds perfect,” he replies, his eyes staring at my lips, his body leaning towards mine.
“Daddy. I’ve finished!”
I let out a quiet chuckle as he huffs and rolls his eyes.
“Saved by the bell,” I tease.
“Ruined by the Princess,” he grumbles good-naturedly.
Deciding that it’s time to let him and the kids head back, I grab my discarded ‘broccoli’ shirt, stuff it into my bag and give both kids a wave, telling Ivy that I’ll see her later and I can’t wait to try those special noodles.
I feel Josh’s eyes on me as I walk away, and I like it.
I like it so much that I walk straight past where I’d parked my car, and I’m about one hundred foot further down the road before I realise my mistake.
As I quickly make my way back towards my beloved bug, I look around to see if anyone’s watching before slipping into the seat. The last thing I want is for Josh to see me all giddy, and swooning so much that I completely forgot where I’d parked my vehicle.
“Come in, Halle,” Ivy excitedly greets from the doorway of their villa, and with Josh at her side. “The Noodle Man has just left, we’re about to eat.”
“I’m so glad you made it because someone-” he side eyes his little girl “-has been on pins.” He reaches out to take the tub of ice cream from my outstretched hand before leaning in to place a chaste kiss on my cheek.
“I’m also glad you didn’t walk straight past us and keep going down the road, although I guess you could’ve always turned around and come back.”
My head snaps back comically, and I stare it him with my mouth in a wide O.
“Come, eat with us,” he instructs through a muffled laugh. “I promise, I’ll ease off on the teasing.”
With blushed cheeks, I enter the house, Josh motioning me before him, and Ivy grabbing hold of my hand as soon as I’m over the threshold.
The whole place is stunning. I know it belongs to Nate, but I never expected it to be quite so grand inside.
“Wow,” I exclaim as we walk through the marble-floored hallway and into a large open-plan living space that leads into a huge, state of the art kitchen. “This place is…”
“Nate’s,” Josh finishes my sentence for me, and walks past me to into the kitchen, returning seconds later minus the ice cream.
“I am, or rather, was a primary school teacher. Trust me when I say, this place is too fancy for my tastes and my budget.”
When I look at him without saying anything else, he mistakes my silence for judgement and adds, “By too fancy, I mean I have two young kids, and I’m constantly worried they may stain something or break something or ultimately ruin stuff that I don’t have the funds to replace.”
“I can see why,” I agree, as I run my gaze over the pristine white sofa and drapes. “Do you think you’ll stay on the island long?”
He nods thoughtfully before answering, “Yeah, I like it here, and the kids do too, so I think I’m going to find us someplace smaller. How about you, how long have you been here?”
I’m about to answer when Ivy comes running out of the kitchen.
“The noodles will get cold. Stop chatting Daddy. You chat more than Nanna.”
“Well, that’s telling me,” he laughs before tilting his head towards his little girl and saying, “Princess Ivy and your noodles await. If you’d like to follow me into the kitchen, your waiter, that’s me by the way, will be serving dinner in less than thirty seconds.”
He whooshes his hand through the air in an exaggerated flourish, motioning me before him.
“After you, Madame.”
Ivy rushes towards me, likely to make sure I move fast enough, takes my hand, and drags me into the kitchen.
The large table that looks like it seats about twenty, is positioned so you can see out the open doors to the enclosed terrace. Arthur sits at one end in his highchair, currently bashing his plastic spoon on the tray like it’s a drum, and Ivy shows me to my seat which is conveniently next to hers.
The way she has accepted me into her home makes me feel a little nervous but also warm inside. When Josh first asked me to spend time with them all as a family, I worried that Ivy would think I was taking her father’s attention away from her and her brother, but she’s welcomed me and included me in ways I never knew a young child could.
As we sit together and eat the famed noodles, crispy chicken balls, various sides and sauces, and a ridiculous amount of prawn crackers, I find myself slotting comfortably into their beautiful family life. It’s when Ivy leaves the table to wash up before bed, and Josh wipes down Arthur from head to toe, that it sinks in and I realise I’m in trouble.
I’m in trouble because this entire day has been filled with the one thing I’ve never had, and the only thing I’ve ever wanted.
A family.
And the cherry on the cake is the man currently looking at me like I’m the only thing he sees.
This isn’t going to end well.
If I think I’ve felt alone before it will be nothing compared to the feeling of losing what is not mine to want.
Because I know, that when Josh finds out about me and everything from my past, this perfect day, with his little family, will be the last.
Halle went from engaging and connected, to detached and reserved, and I can’t pinpoint why.
After putting Arty to bed and tucking in Ivy, promising her that Halle would be the one to read her a bedtime story another time, I walk back into the living room to find the girl waiting there for me is nothing like the one I left less than thirty minutes before.
“Can I get you a drink?” I ask when I walk into the room and find her staring quietly at the family pictures that Nate and Liv have displayed on a sideboard.
“No, I’m okay, thanks. In fact, I think I should probably go. Get an early night. I have a gig tomorrow.”
“It’s only just gone eight o’clock,” I state in confusion, not fully understanding why she’s suddenly become so aloof.
“Yeah, well, it’s hard to keep your body clock on an even keel with the hours I work. Altho
ugh I only do one shift in the bar now, because my singing pays more, I still have trouble settling into a typical sleep routine.”
She says all this but never once meets my eyes, and it has me feeling like she’s avoiding the contact to make leaving here easier. She feels she needs to go, but a part of her doesn’t want to go at all.
“I can understand that. I was hoping to finally get you to myself for a little while seeing as Ivy hogged your attention for most of the day. She’s really taken to you, you know.”
She turns back to the photographs and skims her gaze over the images before saying, “And I think she’s pretty special too, it’s just that…”
I take a few steps forward and come to stand at her side.
“It’s just?”
I follow her line of sight and see that her attention locked on a family group shot. All of us are here, at the opening night of Nate’s club. All of us, including Laura.
“She looks like her mum.”
“She’s the image of her,” I admit, finding it difficult to reconcile standing here with Halle, a woman I want to touch so badly, while we look at the still frame of my smiling wife, who I’ll never touch again.
“You were about to say something,” I press, not wanting her to clam up and leave before telling me what’s on her mind.
She twists the silver daisy bangle on her wrist, and then runs her hand nervously over her thigh before becoming completely still.
“It’s just that I don’t know how to be a good role model for a little girl like Ivy. I sat there with you tonight, and it dawned on me that I haven’t got a clue what a child needs.”
I laugh lightly before admitting, “Neither have I, so I hope that’s not what has you worried. I’m just winging it, Halle. I take every day, and every mistake I make, one by one, and hope and pray that I’m doing the right thing.”
“She reminds me of the little girl I was,” she admits quietly, her head dropping to look once again at the bangle she continues to fiddle with on her wrist.
