by Joan Jonker
‘Oh, that’s a good one, girl. I would never have thought of that. But then I’m not as clever as you.’
‘Nellie, ye’re a damn sight more clever than I’ll ever be.’ Molly looked thoughtful for a few seconds as she gazed up at the ceiling. ‘No, I take that back ’cos I’ve changed me mind. I am more clever than you, ’cos what you are is crafty.’
The little woman jerked her head at Frances. ‘Would yer say that was a compliment, girl, or an insult? Should I kiss her or thump her?’
‘Don’t bring me in, queen, ’cos I haven’t got the strength to be referee. Why don’t yer just shake hands, kiss, and make up?’
Molly doubled up at the thought that was running through her head. ‘I’ll shake hands, sunshine, but I don’t fancy kissing someone what only washes their backside once a month.’
‘Ay, don’t be so bleeding funny, Molly Bennett. I’ll have yer know I’m very fussy who kisses my backside. So now yer know.’ The chair began to groan and creak as Nellie’s body shook. ‘It’s due for a wash in a week’s time, and I’ll let yer know, just in case yer change yer mind.’
‘Don’t bother, sunshine. I’ll leave that part of yer anatomy to George.’
Nellie’s eyebrows nearly reached her hairline. ‘That part of me what?’
Doreen left her chair. This could go on all morning, she thought, and the baby will be awake soon. ‘I’ll see to the tea, and whatever biscuits we’ve got.’
‘That’s the first sensible thing I’ve heard since I walked through that door.’ Nellie’s chins were in complete agreement with her, but the chair wasn’t. All four legs were wishing she’d keep still and not be moving her bottom around so much. Did she have no consideration for what she was putting them through? And why couldn’t she sit on the couch, which was sturdy, and could take her weight better than a dining chair?
When Doreen came through carrying a tray laden with five cups of tea, Nellie was delighted to find two custard creams on her saucer. ‘I’ll say this for yer, Doreen, ye’re a better hostess than yer mam. When I have me morning cuppa in her house, she puts a plate on the table with three custard creams on. And I have to grovel to get the spare one.’
Molly slowly shook her head and tutted. ‘For once in yer life, Nellie, why don’t yer tell them the truth? That before I’ve taken me first bite, the other two biscuits have disappeared like magic. Your hands are so fast they’re like a blur. They’re faster than my eyes. And you eat the ruddy biscuits so fast I can’t prove I even brought them in.’
‘I can’t help it if ye’re too slow to catch cold, girl, can I? Yer’ve got to be quick on the draw if yer want anything in this life. That’s my motto. And I still say yer daughter is a better hostess than you are.’
Molly gave Frances a light dig in her side. ‘Well, yer can show your prowess as a hostess on Friday, sunshine, and see if yer make an impression.’
Nellie could see Molly had her legs crossed, as did Frances, and she tried to cross hers. It was a wrong move, though. She got her right leg halfway over her left, but it slipped off. So she tried again, more determined this time. If her mate could do it, and look so comfortable, then she saw no reason why she couldn’t. So, once again, huffing and puffing with the exertion, she tried to cock her leg over and look nonchalant at the same time. For a few seconds she thought she’d made it, but, worse luck, the leg refused to stay put and slid off. ‘Oh, sod yer, then,’ Nellie said. ‘Stay on the bleeding floor, see if I care.’
‘That wasn’t your fault, sunshine,’ Molly told her. ‘It was yer tummy. I saw it pushing yer leg off.’
‘To hell with it,’ Nellie said, thinking it was too much trouble to be nonchalant. ‘Anyway, what’s this yer were saying about Friday?’
Molly’s willpower was stretched, for she was dying to laugh. ‘I hope yer haven’t forgotten that you’re playing hostess on Friday?’
‘Yer’ve lost me now, girl, ’cos I don’t know what ye’re on about.’
‘Don’t tell me yer’ve forgotten that yer’ve invited Claire?’
‘I hadn’t forgot she was coming, girl, so why the fuss?’
‘Because she’s your guest, Nellie, and yer need to make an effort. I hope yer have the house tidy for her coming, and yer’ve got something in for her to eat.’
‘There’s no point in me tidying me house, girl, ’cos she won’t see it. It’s your house she’s coming to, not mine.’
‘Oh, no, Nellie, I didn’t invite Claire, you did. “Why don’t yer come again next Friday, girl, and have a natter?” Those were yer very words, so don’t be trying to get out of it.’
‘Uh, uh! Got yer there, girl, ’cos you told Claire we might not be able to see her on Friday ’cos we might be picking Frances up.’
‘Yes, but I asked Phil to tell young Ken that it was all right for his mam to come on Friday. So she’ll be here the same time as last week.’
Nellie rubbed her nose, pushing it out of shape. ‘I don’t see what it’s got to do with you, Molly Bennett. Seeing as she’s coming to your house, she won’t see the dust on me sideboard and the ashes in me grate.’
‘Oh, no, yer can’t do that, Nellie! She’ll be expecting to go to yours, seeing as you were the one what invited her.’
Nellie nodded her head. ‘Yes, I agree with yer on that, girl, but I was sitting in your house at the time, so that’s where I invited her. And no matter how yer look at it, there’s no getting away from that.’
‘No, no!’ Molly shook her head vigorously. ‘Ye’re not getting out of it, Nellie, so ye’re wasting yer time trying. Claire would think it funny if she was plonked in my house again when the invitation came from you.’
Nellie was getting all flustered by now. She didn’t fancy cleaning her living room to have it looking spick and span for a visitor; that was too much like hard work. She’d fight this battle to the bitter end, and she’d win. Pressing her hands flat on the table, she pushed herself up, allowing the chair to sigh with relief. But its relief was to be short-lived, for Nellie turned the chair to face her mate, then plonked herself down again. ‘Now listen, girl, and we’ll go over what was said last Friday. Yer were listening hard enough, so yer’ll know every word I’m about to say is the truth. Listen and watch carefully, now. “I’m glad yer’ve enjoyed yerself, girl, so why don’t yer come again next Friday?”’ Nellie curled the four fingers on her right hand, then pointed her thumb downwards to the floor. She did this several times, to make sure they all saw it. ‘That’s what I did, girl, and if I’m pointing to your floor, then it’s only natural she’ll know the invitation is to your house.’
All eyes were on Molly’s face with its look of incredulity. It was several seconds before she found her voice. ‘Nellie, d’yer remember when the war was on, and I said it was a pity Mr Churchill don’t know about yer, ’cos yer could be his secret weapon? It was one day when yer were trying to pull a stunt like yer’re doing now. I can clearly remember saying that if they put yer in a room with Hitler for half an hour, then the war would be over in no time ’cos yer’d baffle him with ruddy science and he’d give up.’
Nellie’s jaw dropped. ‘In the name of God, girl, what’s that got to do with the price of fish?’
Molly gave in, and her laughter was the loudest. What could you do with someone like Nellie, who had an answer to everything?
Wiping away the tears of laughter, Doreen stood at the bottom of the stairs with her ear cocked. ‘Bobby’s awake. I’d better go and get him – he’s due for a feed.’
‘Me and Nellie will just say hello to him, sunshine, then we’ll leave yer in peace. Frances will be happy to hold her grandson while yer put the dinner on.’
‘We share him,’ Frances said, smiling across at the older woman who had taken her son in when he had nowhere to go. ‘Don’t we, Victoria?’
‘We certainly do. But he’s getting to be quite a weight, you know, Molly, and pretty soon he’ll be too heavy for me and Frances to hold him for long.’
Mol
ly, the proud grandmother, smiled. ‘When I was over the other day, Doreen had put a blanket on the floor for him to lie on, and blow me if he didn’t roll over and try to crawl. Another few weeks and he’ll be all over the place.’
Nellie’s eyes narrowed as she glared at her mate. ‘When was that? I don’t remember him being on the floor and trying to crawl.’
‘No, yer wouldn’t, sunshine, ’cos yer weren’t with me. I slipped over one night for half an hour.’
‘Why didn’t yer give me a knock? I’d have come with yer.’
‘Nellie, I only came over to see how things were. Doreen is me daughter, yer know. I’m entitled to come and see her without asking your permission.’
‘Don’t be sarky, girl, ’cos it doesn’t suit yer. It might suit me, ’cos I’ve got the face for it, but it doesn’t suit you. And next time yer just come over to see how things are, well just knock at my door and I’ll come with yer. If it’s not too much trouble, like, and yer haven’t anything to say what yer don’t want me to hear.’
‘What could I have to say that I didn’t want you to hear? I can’t breathe without yer knowing about it.’
The look of devilment in Nellie’s eyes should have warned her mate she was about to say something outrageous. ‘One of these days yer might be glad of me listening to yer breathing. What if yer ever stop and I’m not with yer? Yer’d be in a right pickle then, with no one to get a doctor for yer, or pull yer clothes down so anyone passing can’t see yer knickers.’ Nellie’s face was serious as she nodded her head knowingly. ‘Do yer know that if yer stop breathing yer die? And that’s why I follow yer like a shadow, and never leave yer on yer own. Ye’re me best mate, girl, and I can’t afford to lose yer. After all, where am I going to find another friend what will make me a cup of tea every morning, and lend me money when I forget to take me purse to the shops? No, girl, I’m not soft. I know a good thing when I see it. I’m going to keep you alive even if I die in the process.’
‘I can’t see the sense in you dying to keep me alive, sunshine, but I somehow think you can. Anyway, you do what makes yer happy.’
Doreen came down the stairs at that moment with the baby, and Molly pressed her curled fists into the seat of the couch to push herself up, a smile of pride on her face at the sight of her grandson. But she was no sooner on her feet than she was pushed down again by Nellie, who had a look of determination on her face. ‘Seeing as yer sneaked down the other night to see the baby without telling me, I’m making sure I get in first today, so that makes us even.’
By the time Molly struggled to her feet again, Nellie was patting Bobby’s cheek. ‘Hello, there, lad! This is yer grandma Nellie come to see yer. And d’yer know, lad, ye’re getting to look more like me every day.’
‘You’re his adopted grandma, courtesy of his real grandma,’ Molly said, pushing her mate aside and holding her arms out to take the baby. ‘I did it ’cos ye’re me best mate, but give you an inch and yer take a ruddy yard.’ The baby’s arms and legs were thrashing out as he tried to free himself from Doreen’s hold on him. ‘Look, he knows his grandma now, don’t yer, sunshine? And you’re not half getting heavy. Ye’re a ton weight, my darling.’
Behind her, Nellie’s head was lowered and her eyes narrowed, a sure sign she was up to something. Then she nodded at the floor, as though satisfied with her decision. ‘In that case, Molly Bennett, I’ve decided that you can only be an adopted grandma to Steve’s baby. Ye’re not the only one who is mean enough to pull a stunt like that. So there, see how yer like getting your eye wiped.’
‘We’ve been through this dozens of times, Nellie. I’m surprised it hasn’t sunk in yet.’ Molly was chuckling as Bobby pulled on a handful of her hair. ‘Yer’ll have me looking a sight to go to the shops, sunshine, so leave grandma’s hair alone.’
‘What have we been over a dozen times, girl, I’d like to know?’ Once Nellie got the bit between her teeth she wouldn’t leave well alone. ‘Go on, tell me?’
Molly sighed. ‘Listen, do yer want to hold Bobby for a while? We’ve got shopping to do, and we’ll have to look sharp if we want to catch the shops before they close for dinner.’
Nellie was immediately all sweetness and light. She held the baby close and covered his face with kisses. ‘Who’s a lovely boy for his grandma then, eh?’
Molly smiled at Frances. ‘We go through this grandma lark every day, Frances. Doreen and Victoria are used to it. But it’s only a bit of fun. We all know you are, like meself, Bobby’s grandma.’
‘Can I put him on the floor and see if he crawls?’ Nellie asked hopefully. ‘I’d like to see him crawl for the first time.’
‘Nellie, we haven’t got much time,’ Molly reminded her. ‘Remember we want to catch the shops.’
Doreen saw her Auntie Nellie’s face drop, and although she knew it was probably an act to get her own way, she felt sorry for her. ‘I’ll put the blanket on the floor, Mam. It won’t take long and yer’ll have time to get to the shops.’
Oh, the look of pleasure on Bobby’s face when he had the freedom of the whole floor. He gurgled and punched the air with his arms and legs. And as all women are emotional when it comes to babies, the four women had smiles on their faces. Then when he rolled over on to his tummy, and worked his feet to push himself forward, there was much excitement as the women declared him to be very forward for his age. ‘Just look at his face,’ Molly said. ‘He’s looking at us as if to say aren’t I a clever boy?’
She happened to glance at Frances and saw a look of sadness on her face. She knew Phil’s mother was wondering how much longer she had to see her grandson growing up. ‘He’s the spitting image of Phil, isn’t he, Frances? He won’t go far wrong if he takes after his dad.’
‘I was just thinking how well Frances looks.’ Victoria had also seen the sadness and her heart went out to her. ‘I may be mistaken, sweetheart, but have yer put a bit of weight on?’
‘That’s what I said, girl, when I saw her this morning,’ Nellie said. ‘She’s got some colour in her cheeks, too!’
Doreen was praying one of the women would ask the question she didn’t like to raise. And her prayers were answered when Molly said, ‘Have yer been back to the doctor’s for a check-up Frances? Like Victoria and Nellie, I think yer look a lot better.’
Frances dropped her head. ‘I’m too much of a coward to see a doctor, ’cos I’m afraid of what he’ll tell me.’
‘Don’t be daft, sunshine. Better to know than worry yerself sick when it’s not necessary,’ Molly told her. ‘Me and Nellie will come to the doctor’s with yer one morning, won’t we, Nellie?’
‘Of course we will, girl. And as Molly said, the doctor might have good news for yer, and yer’d have been worrying yerself sick for nothing.’
Frances seemed to brighten up. ‘Would yer really come with me? Oh, that’s very kind of yer. Tom is always at me to go, but men don’t understand like women. I’d be fine if you and Nellie came, Molly, and I’d be ever so grateful.’
‘What times does he have his surgery?’
‘He starts at nine o’clock every morning, and then again from two in the afternoon. He sometimes gets called out on an urgent call, and that means waiting till he gets back. But it’s only happened to me once.’
‘Nine o’clock is too early for me and Nellie to get to your house, but we could take yer to the afternoon surgery. Is it all right with you, Nellie, if we get to Frances’s tomorrow about half one?’
‘Suits me fine, girl, suits me fine.’
‘That’s settled then. We’ll be there tomorrow, Frances, so don’t even think of changing yer mind. Have yer coat on ready.’ Molly lifted the baby from the floor and hugged him tight. ‘Ye’re my little ray of sunshine, and I love the bones of yer.’ She put him down gently on Frances’s lap. ‘We’ll be on our way now, so come on, Nellie, get a move on.’
‘Okay, girl, keep yer flipping hair on! I’m right behind yer.’
Doreen went to the door with them, a
nd when she was giving her mother a kiss, she said, ‘Thanks for helping Phil’s mam. He’ll be really pleased when I tell him.’
‘We’ll call tomorrow, sunshine,’ Molly said, ‘and let yer know what the doctor said.’
Doreen didn’t close the door right away, but watched her mam and Auntie Nellie walk away, arm in arm. And she heard the little woman ask, ‘Ay, girl, what was it yer said we’ve been through a dozen times?’
‘Well, let this be the last time, Nellie, because it’s getting monotonous. You can’t decide to make me an adopted grandma to Jill’s baby, because I am her grandmother. Jill is my flesh and blood, and so is little Molly. And Steve is your son, your flesh and blood, and so is Molly. So get that into yer head and let’s hear no more about it.’
‘But why can’t I be a real grandma to Bobby? Just tell me that.’
‘Subject closed, Nellie, once and for all. Now, what are we getting for the family’s dinner?’
‘I’ll get what you get, girl.’
Doreen closed the door with a smile on her face.
Molly and Nellie took an arm each as they led Frances out of the doctor’s surgery. ‘How did yer get on, sunshine? What did the doctor say?’
‘He said my condition hasn’t deteriorated, queen, and I could see he was surprised. I’m still a sick woman, he told me that, but I’m no worse than the last time I saw him. That’s good news, isn’t it, queen? I’m to see him again in four weeks’ time.’
‘That’s wonderful news, and Phil will be very happy when we tell him. God works in mysterious ways, yer know, so we’ll all keep on praying for yer.’
Nellie wasn’t to be left out. ‘You just keep telling yerself ye’re going to get better girl, and yer never know, it could happen.’
‘Yer will tell Phil and Doreen, won’t yer, Molly? I know they worry about me.’
‘We’ll see you safely in yer house, sunshine, then hop on the first tram to take us home. Doreen will be watching out of the window for us, and the news will bring a smile to her face. And me and Nellie will see yer on Saturday, as usual.’
