by Alice Ward
She laughed. “Well, you’re a vampire, so I guess being a ghost isn’t so bad.”
I’m a vampire?
“What?”
Her cheeks turned that pretty shade of pink. “The dream. I dreamed you turned into a vampire and sank your fangs into my neck.”
I chomped my teeth together, and she giggled. It was a pretty sound. It also caused my cock to twitch, and I mentally slapped that shit down.
Her attention was on the babies again. “I think they’re done. I’ll be glad when my milk comes in, and I won’t feel like I’m starving them to death.” She handed me Samuel, who felt more solid in my hands as I carefully lifted him over a shoulder. “It’s funny. For years now, I’ve instructed moms on how to do this, not realizing until today just how tough it is.”
I was braver with Samuel and gave him some good pats, then dealt with the spit up that followed. Not a pleasant smell.
“Can you hand me a diaper and wipes?” Scarlett asked, and I got my first lesson on how to change a baby while dodging the stream of urine in the process. “Want to try it with Sofi?”
I took a deep breath. I could do this. “Sure.”
And I did, and it seemed like each tiny success built my confidence in a small way. Soon, the babies were dry and swaddled again, just as someone knocked on the door.
“Come in.”
Olivia poked her head in, giving me an I’m sorry grimace. “I’m sorry, but you’re needed in room eight.”
I groaned. “Any knifes? Crazy people? Drug addictions?” I almost added any secret baby mommas but managed to pull it off the tip of my tongue just in time. I didn’t think either woman would think it was funny.
“Nope. Looking to be a standard delivery. Fourth baby, so things are going fast.”
I pushed myself to my feet, then leaned down to press my lips against Scarlett’s forehead. “I’ll be back. I promise.”
She smiled up at me and reached out to squeeze my hand. “I’ll be right here.”
The delivery was textbook, the mother pushing like a champ. I was only in the room for about fifteen minutes and could have honestly hugged the mother’s neck for being so drama free and efficient.
Back in Scarlett’s room, it was empty. I double-checked that I’d gotten the right one. “Babies are in the nursery,” Olivia called from down the hall. “Scarlett’s taking a shower.”
I nodded my thanks and closed the door behind me, then stepped over to the bathroom and listened. The shower was on, but there was another noise.
Crying?
I listened harder. No. What I was hearing was great, heaving sobs.
They broke my heart.
Opening the door, I stepped inside and the crying abruptly stopped.
“Scarlett?”
There was a small gasp from the other side of the shower curtain, then a very small, “Go away.”
“No. I’m not doing that again.”
She began to cry, even harder this time, and I felt so helpless. Toeing off my shoes, I took my wallet and keys from my pockets and placed them on the little shelf along with my watch. I pulled the curtain back and stepped inside, scrubs and all.
She shrieked, grabbing for the curtain, trying to pull it in front of her body. “Don’t look,” she cried. “I don’t want you to see me like this.”
“You’re beautiful,” I said simply and took the curtain from her hands. “Even more so than when I knew you before.”
Tears streamed down her face. “Don’t. Don’t lie.”
I took a deep breath. Her body was different now. She was right. I couldn’t lie and tell her it wasn’t. I couldn’t placate her with words she wasn’t ready to hear. What I could do was show her that the differences didn’t matter, that they were beautiful in their own way. What I could also do was tell her the truth. My truth, at least.
“Do you remember telling me that I seemed lonely?”
She shivered, and I reached up to turn the blast of water from the nozzle more fully on her. A little more comfortable with me being in here with her now, she nodded, one hand covering her breasts, one trying to hide the stretch marks on her bloated stomach.
“You were right. I was a man who had everything. Loving parents who doted on me, a best friend who forced me to have fun. Best homes. Best cars. Best schools. Best everything.”
The hand fell away from her breasts, but the one on her stomach remained.
“There was still something missing. I was lonely, and out of all the people who were around me, no one ever noticed. But you knew. You saw through the bullshit. You saw me.”
Very tentatively, I reached out and pushed her wet curls off her face. A tear crossed the barrier of her eyelashes, and I brushed it away.
“Now, I find out you gave me the greatest gift imaginable. A gift that, if you let me, will ensure I’ll never be lonely again.”
Another tear fell, but a small laugh came with it.
“This body did that for me, Scarlett. This strong, courageous beast of a body kept my children nourished and protected all this time.”
When she continued to not flinch away when I reached for her, I took that as a good sign. I picked up her bottle of shampoo and poured a puddle of it in my palm.
“Let me thank you, Scarlett. It’s a small gesture, I know that. But maybe if I do enough small things, they might one day come close to thanking you for what you’ve done for me. Can I? Can I please show you how much you mean to me?”
She licked her lips, a gesture I now knew she did when she was nervous. “Do you want to wait until you know they’re yours?”
“They’re mine.” I said it with no hesitation. No doubt. And I believed it. More than that, it had to be true.
Gingerly, she stepped out from the running water, and I lifted the shampoo to her hair. She groaned with pleasure as I massaged her scalp before working the lather to the ends. The foam washed down her body, pooling at our feet. I picked up the conditioner and worked it into her hair too before picking up the bar of soap and a wash cloth.
Inch by inch, I washed her, starting at her neck and throat, working down to her fingertips. I was gentle with her breasts and didn’t let her pull away when I reached the sagging flesh on her stomach. Her back was next, her buttocks. I sank to my knees to wash her legs and feet. When I prepared to wash between her legs last, it was where she stopped me.
“I’m bleeding.”
I grinned. “I’m very aware of that.”
“I have stitches.”
“Very aware of that too.”
Her lips fluttered with her exhale. “It really doesn’t bother you?”
I gave her a blank stare. “I happen to be very infatuated with this part of you, Scarlett.” Very gently, I washed her there, watching her face very carefully for any signs of distress or pain. “I hope one day that I can reintroduce myself to every part of you.” She closed her eyes, shuddered, and I didn’t say more.
I wanted to. I wanted to tell her just how much I thought of her when I was gone. Missed her. Mourned the loss of her. Here, in this vulnerable position wasn’t the time.
“I can’t believe you still find me attractive,” she admitted, meeting my gaze.
“I find you more than attractive, Scarlett. You are the sexiest woman I’ve ever known.”
She snorted. “Okay, Dr. McLiar.” As a sort of proof, I pointedly looked down at the front of my pants. She followed my gaze and saw the tent there. “Oh.”
I grinned. “The cock doesn’t lie.”
She laughed, and the Scarlett I first met was back. The teeth. The shining light in her eyes. “You know you aren’t touching me with that thing, don’t you?”
So fucking adorable. I laughed. “Yes, I’m aware, and I can wait until you want me.” I kissed her forehead, then spit as I got a bit of conditioner in my mouth.
She laughed again, and suddenly, all was right in the world.
“Let’s get you rinsed off and dressed.”
I ran my fingers down
her long strands, softened by the conditioner. When she was rinsed, I turned the water off and reached for a couple towels.
“You’re soaked,” she said, pulling the scrub top away from my stomach.
“Totally worth it.”
There was a quick knock, then the door opened, and Olivia’s face appeared in the doorway. Scarlett yelped, and I might or might not have jumped too.
“You ooo… boy.” Recovering from the surprise of seeing a soaking wet man in the room, the nurse’s eyes narrowed on me in an instant. “Everything okay in here?”
Scarlett wrapped the towel around her more firmly. “Yes, I’m fine. He was just helping.”
An eyebrow lifted. “Uh huh. Right.” She cast a glance around the room, her professional expression snapping back into place. “You need a fresh gown, and you…” the eyes narrowed again, “need dry scrubs.”
“Both would be appreciated,” I said as I wrapped a towel around Scarlett’s hair.
She was back a minute later and helped Scarlett into the gown and all the postpartum pads and things she needed, while I stepped into the larger room to change.
“Can you… oh dear god.” I had just dropped the wet scrub top into the laundry bin and was about to pull on the new one. Olivia cleared her throat, her head sticking out between the door and doorframe, as she stared at my chest and my tattoo.
“Yes?”
“I… I…” She yanked her head back in and slammed the bathroom door closed. Behind it, I could hear the women laugh. I thought I heard a “No wonder you got knocked up” followed by a small giggle. Her giggle. I’d know it anywhere.
It was a small victory to make the normally unflappable nurse flap. But I finished changing quickly, not wanting to shock her that I was going commando. With the choice being loose and swinging or wet and chaffing, I’d let it mimic a pendulum all day long.
Scarlett appeared through the door the next time. “Are you dressed?”
“It’s clear.”
Olivia was back to unflappable again and she stuffed the wet things in the blue bag. “Hope it’s okay, but I ordered dinner for both of you too,” she said, handing me my credit card. “You look like a steak and potatoes kind of guy, but if I was wrong, sorry.”
She pointed out the boxes of food and Scarlett’s stomach rumbled. We looked at each other and laughed. I shook my head. “If there are pancakes in those boxes, I’m giving up and becoming religious.”
Scarlett was still grinning when she walked stiffly back to the bed. Olivia hurried around and changed the sheets, put down a new protective pad, and fluffed the pillows. Nurses worked damn hard. Being here was giving me a new appreciation for all they did.
“Grilled cheese and tomato soup.” Scarlett picked up the bowl, took off the lid, and sipped straight from the container. “I don’t think I’ve been so hungry in my entire life.”
I was called away for another delivery before I could take a bite. It was another smooth one, and I was back a half hour later to find Scarlett taking another nap.
Eating in the silence of the room, Scarlett’s soft breathing the only sound, I didn’t feel lonely anymore.
CHAPTER SEVENTEEN
Scarlett
My first night of being a mother was exhausting, but I wasn’t doing it alone. Other than the times he was called away, Langston was right beside me, burping and changing diapers. The first poopy one had been hilarious.
“This isn’t shit, this is tar,” he complained as he yanked out another wipe, adding it to what was becoming a massive pile of ones he’d already dirtied.
I’d gotten my phone out and snapped a picture, catching him in mid gag. The big, bad surgeon had fallen, and I had photographic evidence to prove it.
At six in the morning, he told me he had to go. “I have back-to-back surgeries scheduled at Mercy, but if all goes well, I’ll be back by midafternoon.”
For some reason, the thought of him leaving, even for such a short trip uptown gave me tremendous anxiety. I tried not to show it. I refused to be one of those weepy females. It was bad enough that he’d caught me crying in the shower. No one was supposed to have witnessed that. I had shoved most of the roiling emotions deep down inside me, not wanting to release them until I was alone.
But no… he’d appeared. Then he didn’t run away even though I pushed. He jumped right into the middle of the physically and emotionally naked display, and… made it better. Made me better. As a result, there was a light in his eyes, a purpose that I hadn’t seen before. Maybe I was making him better too.
“Type my phone number into your contacts,” he told me before leaving for his other surgeries. I dutifully did as he asked as he listed the digits. “Now, call me so I’ll have your number.”
His phone vibrated, and he smiled, looking more than a little relieved. His thumbs flew over the screen. “What’s your address?” I gave it to him. “Your email?” I gave it to him. “Do you have a house phone or just a cell?”
I raised my eyebrow. “Don’t you have enough? You surely can reach me on one of those.”
He gave me a hard look I didn’t quite understand. For a second, I thought he was going to say something, but he gave his head a little shake and kept tapping things into his phone.
Stepping over to the babies, he bent and gently kissed each of their foreheads before stepping over to me to do the same. “I’ll be back, okay? They said they were discharging you late this afternoon. I’ll be here before then.”
He was taking this very seriously. I returned the solemn tone with an equal one. “Okay.”
He tucked a strand of hair behind my ear. “Gray.”
I blinked. Had I missed an entire conversation? “Huh?”
He smiled, clueing me in. “My favorite color is gray.”
I understood. He was playing the let’s get to know each other better game. He really needed to give me better notice. “Is gray a color?”
The smile grew wider. “It is. It’s a combination of red…” he touched my hair, “blue,” he swept a thumb under my eyes, “and green. I’m not sure where the green comes from.”
“Maybe it’s because green is my favorite color.”
The pull between us grew stronger as additional gravity seemed to settle all around me. “That must be it. I love it because it’s what you love.”
It was hard to breathe. “You sure know how to sweep a woman off her feet.”
“Not a woman. The woman. All I care about is you.”
Needing to touch him, I reached out and laid my palm on his thigh. His hand moved to immediately cover mine. “You know, if you’re trying to seduce me, you might want to save your breath for a few weeks.” I jutted out my bottom lip in my best pout. “As you know, I’m down for the count for a while.”
He didn’t miss a beat. “Your mouth appears to be perfectly fine.” My eyes widened, and he laughed. “I’m just kidding. You have to admit, though, you opened the door for that one.”
Yeah, I kind of did. And two could play at this game.
“You know, you have very big hands. You could take care of any of those little issues on your own.”
He leaned toward me. “Do you want to watch?”
My stomach tightened, not from a contraction. Okay, I couldn’t play this game. This man was way out of my league. “Um…”
He turned his hand until our fingers linked. “I remember when your hands were on me. Do you remember that?”
Where was the oxygen? “Yes, I remember. I haven’t been able to forget any detail of that night.”
Our eyes met. “Me either. It was special.”
“Do you still think so, considering the surprise that came from it?”
“I have only one regret. I regret that I wasn’t here for you these past months.”
My damn nose began to burn with the emotion that was never far from the surface. “I’m sorry.”
His eyes didn’t lose the intensity. “For what?”
“For not waking up.”
&nb
sp; Did his shoulders fall a bit? “It’s not your fault. I should have tried harder. I should have made you wake up, and I should have asked for your phone number. I should have watched you input my number into your cell.” His face grew tighter. “I should have cancelled the flight. I should have cancelled the assignment. I should never have left you that morning. I should—”
“But you did.” I placed my fingers over his lips. “And you’re back by some miracle. Do we need to continue walking over that same ground?”
His shoulders sagged even farther, and I couldn’t understand why this was so important to him.
“Langston, I believe in this principle: right time, all the time. We were apart for a reason. Maybe I had some lessons to learn during these months. Maybe you had important lessons too. I don’t know. What I do know is that you’re here now. What I do know is that I’m glad. What I do know is that we have two children who need us. What I do know is that…” I faltered, forcing the words back down my throat.
“What, Scarlett? What do you know?”
Screw it. Just say it.
“I need you.” Why did the words burn in my throat? “I didn’t think I did. I was — am — prepared to take care of Samuel and Sofi on my own. I’ve psyched myself up, believing I could do it alone, then you show up, and maybe it was the universe or God or whatever’s way of telling me I couldn’t do it alone after all.” The damn tears were hot on the backs of my eyes. “That I wasn’t good enough to do it alone.”
I didn’t even know that was how I felt until I said it.
He understood, and his face softened with that knowledge. “So, my appearing made you question yourself?”
“Yes. No. Yes.” I wasn’t making any sense. “Yes. It’s part of it. It’s an unconscious question that whispers in the back of my mind. That voice says that I’m not good enough, strong enough, capable enough to do this by myself.”
I thought about my tiny apartment. The two cribs shoved in the corner. The curtains so valiantly trying to make that corner a separate, private room. As Amy said, it would work. For a year, maybe two. Then what? I’d stopped classes for my masters, which meant being a midwife was out of my current reach.
