by Abha Dawesar
“Hello, Uncle,” Chakra said, shaking his hand.
“Oh, yes! I’ve heard about you from my son,” Adit said.
“He’s Vidur’s father,” I explained.
Chakra looked away for a second. Sheela and Vidur were in a corner with Mrs. Pillai, their backs turned to us. They had not seen him yet.
“India’s friend Maya wants another martini,” I said to Adit.
“Let me make her one,” Adit said, touching Chakra Dev’s back in a friendly gesture. As they walked toward the bar, I went over to where Vidur and Sheela were talking with Mrs. Pillai.
“He’s here. He’s behaving,” I whispered, coming up to them. Sheela peeked over Mrs. Pillai’s shoulder to see for herself while Mrs. Pillai rolled her eyes heavenward. It was a miracle that Sheela was standing so peacefully beside Mrs. Pillai.
“I told Dad about him,” Vidur said to us.
“I know. Your father knew exactly how to handle him.”
“Will you protect me?” Sheela asked Vidur. She suddenly seemed older than her years.
“Yes,” he said, reddening. Sheela looked embarrassed, seeing him blush.
“If the princi knew you were in cahoots with the school goonda he’d never have rooted for you to be Head Prefect,” Mrs. Pillai said to me lightly.
I wondered if the princi had already told the teachers about our discussion. Maybe all the teachers were watching for Chakra Dev to slip up.
“I thought it was you who rooted for me,” I said to Mrs. Pillai, my tone flirtatious.
“I was kidding,” she said.
“Anyway, a true leader leads even the blackest sheep,” I said, putting my arm on Sheela. Mrs. Pillai and Vidur laughed. Sheela didn’t.
I was watching Adit and Chakra Dev from the corner of my eye. Chakra was leaving the bar with two identical glasses in his hands. He walked out of the living room without glancing at us.
“I’ll leave Sheela in your able hands, then,” I said to Vidur as I made my way to Deepak, who was standing alone. Rani and a butler from the catering company brought in soup on trays.
“Deepak Bhaiyya, soup,” Rani said to him, handing him a bowl. I had not heard Rani use any term other than Sahib or Memsahib.
As we drank our soups Adit joined us. “Please convince my parents to let me go abroad,” I said to them both.
“I can convince them,” Deepak said confidently.
“Can you convince Vidur to do the same while you’re at it?” Adit asked Deepak.
“What does he want to do?” Deepak asked.
“Fauj. Like me,” Adit said.
“I think you’re in a better position than I am to dissuade him about the fauj,” Deepak said.
Adit’s wife joined us as well. “Our son is adamant about the army,” she said to Deepak.
An ad walla came into our circle, though none of us knew him. Adit and Deepak inclined their heads a little to acknowledge his presence. Taking their cue, I did the same.
“I’m working on a multinational bank’s account. I heard your wife works for Amex,” the ad walla said. He had addressed Adit but was looking at Adit’s wife.
“I do,” she said before Adit could respond.
“Which division?”
“Retail marketing,” she said.
“She’s always talking shop,” Adit muttered to Deepak.
The ad walla and Mrs. American Express had launched into a conversation that I could barely follow. India announced that dinner was served, and people made their way to the table to help themselves. I excused myself and walked to the kitchen. Rani was alone. I walked in and grabbed her waist from behind.
“Babyji, you scared me,” she said.
“I haven’t seen you all evening,” I said.
She smiled.
“You look happy,” she said.
“I am,” I said.
“Who was that boy with you?” she asked.
“Chakra Dev.”
She gasped. “You didn’t tell me you were going to invite him,” she said.
“We are in the same class. I decided to make peace,” I said.
“I tried it with my husband again and again but he always preferred war,” she said.
“Oh! He’s fine,” I said, leaving the kitchen. Instead of rejoining the party I went out on the veranda to see what Maya and Chakra Dev were up to. They were sitting in adjacent chairs, smoking and looking at the moon.
“I didn’t know you smoked, Chakra,” I said.
“Now I do,” he said, pointing his cigarette in Maya’s direction. He sounded a bit drunk.
“I’m going to go and get some food,” Maya said, getting up.
“Hey, sit down,” Chakra Dev said, pointing to the chair Maya had just left.
I sat down, wishing I had a drink with me and unsure of what to do with my hands. My throat was parched and I felt like having another Coke.
“This party is pretty good. How do you know everyone?” he said, his words unclear.
“I’m friends with Tripta Adhikari,” I said.
“You or your parents?” he asked.
“They met her through me.”
“I used to think you were stuck up, but you’re not,” he said.
“No, I’m not.”
“I’ll forget about Sheela,” he said, putting his hand on my knee. Even through my pants they were warm and clammy.
I felt paralyzed. But if I didn’t stop him I was afraid he would do something else. I eyed his hand as if it were a snake and slowly moved my hand to his, watching it carefully lest it move. I held his hand by the wrist and gently placed it back on his knee. I didn’t make eye contact with him.
“No, I’m serious, I’ll forget about Sheela,” he said, placing his hand right back on my knee. It felt heavier now.
I was afraid to say anything. He would misinterpret my words exactly as he pleased. I tried moving his hand again. This time he leaned forward. The glass he was holding tipped, and a little spilled on my pants. He noticed.
“I’m sorry,” he said, placing the glass on the floor. Clumsily he tried to shake off a few droplets of martini that were visible on my pants. Then he let his hands rest there. I wasn’t sure he knew what he was doing and hoped no one came out to the veranda. If Vidur or Sheela or my parents saw this, there could only be terrible consequences. I gripped both of his wrists as firmly as I could. He moved even closer into my space, his face dangerously close to mine, his breath smelling of alcohol, his lips wet.
I moved my head farther back in the chair. His head was hanging low, and his hair brushed across my cheek. I could smell his scalp; he had applied some kind of oil to his hair. I was wondering what to say. I was afraid how my voice would sound.
“Is it true you’ll have to resign next time I do something?” he asked.
“Yes,” I said. I looked him straight in the eye when I said it because I knew he would not believe me otherwise. I felt I was in greater proximity to him than I had ever been to India or Rani. The smell of liquor mixed with that of Old Spice and his sweat.
“Come closer,” he said, his head swaying midair as he looked at me.
“Chakra Dev, take control of yourself,” I whispered urgently.
“I won’t tell anyone,” he whispered back, raising his head a little to look at me. I pulled my head away from him.
“Oh!” I heard a woman say from the doorway. Chakra turned his head.
“I don’t want to disturb you two lovebirds,” Maya said, emerging onto the veranda.
“You’re not disturbing us at all,” I said. I hoped my voice didn’t sound too desperate.
“Did you get your food?” Chakra asked her.
“Yes,” she replied.
“Why don’t you sit down?” I suggested, getting up from the chair.
“No, no, don’t worry,” she said.
“No, really, I have to go inside,” I said firmly. Before Chakra Dev or Maya could say anything to stop me, I was striding back into the house. I went straight to
the bathroom and locked the door. I convinced myself that Chakra Dev had moved that close to me only because he was drunk. I decided it was best to make my way to the drawing room and simply avoid him for the rest of the night. Thanks to Maya I had gotten out of the situation without a scene. One had to be careful with the words one used with him or he would explode. I was afraid of him.
I washed my face in the sink and dried it with India’s towel. Then, having regained my composure, I stepped out into the darkened bedroom.
“I thought you’d be here,” he whispered. I could make out his faint shape as my eyes got used to the darkness. He moved closer and clasped my hand in his. I jerked my hand away from him with much greater force than I needed because I thought he was going to tighten his grip. My hand hit the wall behind me. I shook it out.
“Why are you running away?” he asked. He sounded dazed, hurt.
I wasn’t quite sure what to say.
“Chakra Dev, you’ve drunk too much,” I finally said.
“You should have some, too. That martini was good.”
“Please don’t misbehave here. Don’t cut my nose in front of everyone,” I said in Hindi.
“Why are you so worried? Don’t you trust me?” He spoke slowly.
He took my hand in his tenderly and looked at it. “Does it hurt?”
This time I didn’t pull it back. His palms were still a little clammy, but they were soft.
He turned his body in slow motion to face me. I gradually tried to reduce the contact between his hand and mine, moving mine out of his an inch at a time. When I had just about freed it I pulled my hand down, accidentally brushing it against the front of his pants. I felt the sudden shock of something rigid. I froze. His eyes closed for just a second, and he smiled. Then he seemed to recover himself and shifted in embarrassment.
“I have to go,” I said brusquely and sought to leave the room before he could say anything. It was dark and I walked the few steps to the corridor so quickly that the edge of my glasses collided with the wall. I could feel the crunch of my frames on my temples.
I stood in the corridor, back in the light, readjusting my spectacles. “Are you all right?” I heard Adit’s voice boom from behind me. He was walking back to the living room from the veranda. He must have gone looking for me.
“Yes, I’m fine,” I said, moving away from him. I didn’t want to talk to Adit in front of the bedroom where he would notice Chakra Dev lingering in the dark.
As I passed the kitchen I saw Rani tending a large kettle of tea. The party was going on as if everything were normal. I went to the bar and got a glass of water to calm myself down.
“Your parents told me about Rani’s husband. Were you scared?” Adit asked, catching up with me.
It took a second for me to realize what he was talking about.
“Oh yeah, I was knocked out of my wits,” I said. I felt knocked out of my wits now.
I saw my parents engaged in a discussion with Vidur and Sheela and Deepak.
“Let’s go to them,” I said.
Everyone was eating and talking. The sight and smell of the rich food on their plates made me ill. The room was filled with too many sensations. It was the opposite of what it had been like in the dark with Chakra Dev. Against my will I remembered what my hand had touched.
Deepak looked at Adit and put his hand on his shoulder, saying, “Colonel, I think I’ll eventually convince your son.”
“You will? How?” Adit asked.
My father chimed in, “Deepak has been saying that it doesn’t matter where great discoveries are made. They benefit all of humanity in the end.”
“Hence, country of origin and country of discovery are not important,” Vidur said.
“And all mankind is one,” Deepak said.
“I think our kids should be studying wherever they can best achieve their full potential,” Adit said, looking at my father. On the surface they were joined by their concern for their children, for Vidur and me. But I wondered if this fraternity of fathers was real for Adit.
Chakra Dev walked into the drawing room. His face had a freshly washed look. He stood in the doorway for a second and looked around. He took a plate from one of the waiters as his eyes panned the room, eventually coming to rest on our group. To my absolute horror he started walking toward us. I dreaded his every step. I was sure my father and everyone else would smell the alcohol on his breath. Sheela and Vidur would give me a superior look to let me know they had been right. I prayed fervently that he wouldn’t make an ass of himself.
“Can I join in?” Chakra Dev asked. I looked at someone else when he spoke. His words didn’t sound as slow as they had in the bedroom. I felt my stomach relax a little after he had spoken.
“Yes, of course,” my father said, stepping back a little to enlarge the circle.
“I was just trying to convince your classmates that they should go abroad to study,” Deepak said to Chakra Dev. I didn’t want to see Vidur’s or Sheela’s reaction to his joining the group. Or his face. Or anyone else’s.
“I don’t think it’s the same whether you invent something in your country or in a foreign country,” my mother said.
“I agree with Aunty. The Japanese make cars and cameras, and it’s their country that benefits,” Sheela said. I was surprised to hear her speak in front of adults. Everyone turned to look at her, including Chakra Dev, who was stuffing a naan in his mouth. I looked away.
“I’m going to go to New York. My father is there,” Chakra Dev said, almost quarreling, his mouth full of naan.
“What does he do, Beta?” my father asked him. My hand was sweating. I dried my palm on my pants.
“We just got a letter from him saying he has a deli. What’s a deli?” Chakra Dev asked.
“A delicatessen. It’s a store that sells everything from bread and cheese to essentials, like a corner shop,” Deepak explained.
“My father says I can study at a community college,” Chakra Dev said. He was talking much more than I would have expected him to. He seemed comfortable talking to adults.
“How is the food? You’re the only one not eating, Anamika?” India said, coming to our group with Maya.
“The food is great, thank you,” Adit said.
“Let me get something,” I said, deciding it was a good way to escape. I pulled Sheela away with me.
Maya threw a knowing glance at Chakra Dev and me as I left.
I put a naan on my plate and ate it standing in a corner with Sheela. It was stuffed with ground almonds and raisins.
“He’s actually behaved better today than he ever has at school,” Sheela said.
I nodded even though at that very moment I had been debating whether I should tell Sheela that Chakra was drunk and that she shouldn’t talk to him alone if he tried to.
Maya separated from the group and came to us. “Why don’t you like me, Anamika?” the glamour queen asked. Sheela had her arm around me and was listening to us, but Maya was talking as if Sheela were just a kid and didn’t understand. I felt Sheela’s arm stiffen when Maya spoke.
“I don’t dislike you,” I said.
“I think you’re scared of me,” she said with a condescending smile.
“Anamika’s not scared of anyone, and she’s a great lover, too,” Sheela said, walking away from us both toward Vidur. As she left I remembered the glamour that had first attracted me to her. She still had it and knew how to wield it at the right time.
Maya had opened her mouth to say something, but no words came out.
I looked around to check that no one had been within earshot.
“I hope you don’t believe I’m scared of you, Maya,” I said, looking directly in her eyes.
“No,” she said, recovering. With a look in India’s direction she added, “But maybe Tripta should be. You’re a real Romeo.”
“She doesn’t need to be. I love her,” I said.
Deepak and Arni walked up to us. Deepak said, “I think we’ll leave soon. I offere
d to drop your friend home. He lives really far, and I don’t think a bus at this time of the night is a good idea.”
I nodded, the word “friend” gluing Chakra Dev to me.
“Let’s take our leave,” Deepak said to Arni.
They walked toward India. Adit’s wife was saying bye to some ad wallas who seemed to be taking off. Chakra Dev came up to Maya and me and fidgeted with his tie, but I continued looking elsewhere. From the corner of my eye I saw her put a hand on his shoulder and then run it through his curly hair. I looked at his face directly for the first time since that moment. I wanted to see how he would react to Maya. I even looked down at the zip of his pants. He did not react to her at all.
“Beta, take care of yourself,” she said to him. I couldn’t help feeling that she was warning him about me. She had misunderstood what had happened out on the veranda.
Deepak came up to us and patted my head in a good-bye gesture.
Arni said, “See you soon, Anamika.”
Chakra Dev waved as he walked away. He looked at me till he had stepped out of the main door without so much as a glance in anyone else’s direction.
“You are wrong about what you saw outside,” I whispered to Maya.
“I was? You’re really with Sheela, not with him?” she said sharply. What was her problem? India had told me herself not to get too attached. She had inspired me to freelance.
I grabbed a Coke from a waiter who was walking by with a tray of drinks and took a sip.
“You know, I don’t need to explain any of my friendships to anybody. Least of all to you,” I said. I was fed up with Maya. I took another sip of my Coke, expecting her to leave in a huff. To my amazement, she smiled.
“You’re right.”
“As long as I can put up with the consequences of what I am doing, I don’t see how it matters,” I said.
“Yes, yes. It’s just that sometimes the consequences are different from what one expects.” She spoke as if from personal experience. I didn’t feel it was a reproach for what I had said. “I need to smoke a cigarette. Will you come out on the veranda with me?”
“Sure.” As we walked away from the living room, I suddenly wasn’t worried anymore if my parents thought anything of my going to the veranda with a smoker.
