She pushed herself to her feet. “I’m going to bed. I’ve taken one of the guest rooms, Patrick. Let me know tomorrow if you want to do this, Graham. I’ll return those clothes if you don’t, and the ones I purchased for myself. The ring will be a different story, I’m afraid. It set you back a bit.”
Graham sat frozen in his chair as the love of his life dragged herself out the door and shut it quietly behind her. She had cut him off at the knees and at the same time sacrificed her life for the next several months for him. It couldn’t be too late for them. He wouldn’t allow it. He stood to follow her, only to have Patrick lay a hand on his arm.
“You won’t move her right now, Gray,” Patrick empathized. “Think on the plan, and if it works for you, we’ll put it in place in the morning.”
Graham went to find something to eat and sat alone in the atrium with his meal. He could find no flaw in Kennedy’s plan, although the ending was skewed. He would have over three months, maybe more, to change her mind, to woo her, to show her how much he loved her. They would be living in the same house, sleeping in the same bed if he had anything to say about it, and she would, as she said, want to mentor Nathan. What better example than a happily married mom and dad. He returned to his quarters full of purpose and spent the next hour trying on monkey suits and ties. Kennedy had impeccable taste, and even the shoes fit the part. He was lucky she hadn’t deliberately chosen a size too small. He would pick out a different ring for her, though. He knew her heart wasn’t in the one she presently wore.
* * * *
Kennedy sat beside Graham, her hand tucked into the crook of his arm as George Stratton presented the case. The judge was initially concerned about removing a child from his mother and placing him with someone who had only just found out that he had a son. However, he was provided with the nanny’s sworn affidavit, which outlined that Jennifer had had virtually no contact with Nathan until the decision to seek out the child’s father, hadn’t even spent time with him since bringing him to Austin. He also perused several other documents that indicated Jennifer’s interest in her child only as a means to an end, specifically monetary gain. He then awarded Graham temporary custody. The fact that Graham had appropriate housing, a supportive fiancée, and a more than adequate income also helped.
The judge specified that Nathan’s nanny continue to be involved in his care until a later date. Termination of her services would only be as a result of a recommendation by a child psychologist and not before the expected custody trial, unless she left of her own volition. Kennedy managed not to squirm when the elderly man fixed her with a stare and suggested that she consider parenting courses along with Graham and work with the nanny so that Nathan would benefit from two knowledgeable, loving parents. He applauded her decision to quit her job and become a stay-at-home mom until Nathan was older.
Graham was open about his secondary job at the club, although not specific in the details, and it was wryly suggested that he make Nathan the focus of any extra energy. The judge decided that access by Jennifer would be denied until everything was presented at the trial.
Graham and Kennedy went straight to the hotel suite where Nathan was staying with the nanny, Lois Wright. George Stratton accompanied them, as well as an officer of the court. Jennifer wasn’t there, and Lois hadn’t seen her for several days since Graham’s initial meeting with his son. Lois, forewarned by the PI and subsequent signing of the affidavit, willingly agreed to move with her young charge into Graham’s home and continue her duties. She seemed relieved and confided that Mrs. Perry treated her like a servant. She also shared that Jennifer insisted that Nathan stay in the second bedroom because he was too active. It was nearly impossible for a toddler to live in such cramped quarters, and Lois didn’t know the area well enough to venture very far with him. Graham left the court documents, along with his cell number, on the bar top, and helped to pack up Nathan’s possessions. He was troubled at the paucity of them.
* * * *
Kennedy drew on every reserve she had in order to cope with the emotions that surged through her. She had stayed away from Graham until that morning, focusing on the arrangements for Nathan. She hadn’t allowed herself to think specifically about the little boy except as an important project, and now, seeing how beautiful the child was, how much he resembled Graham, well, he became quite real. She had always been okay with children and babysitting had been one of her teenage jobs. But while she liked little kids, none had ever made her heart swell like Nathan did when she first laid eyes on him. He was a sturdy, well-made toddler, with blond, slightly curly hair that waved around his head like a halo. His rosebud mouth and tiny nose were still childish, but his silvery eyes had his father’s stamp. Nathan was naturally overwhelmed by the number of adults in the room and clung to Lois, babbling “Mama, Mama,” but he didn’t cry or make terribly strange noises. Kennedy decided to let Nathan come to her when he felt more secure. She wasn’t going to play any major, long-term role in his life, and that parenting course idea plain sucked. There would be no children in her future, but she would have to attend for Nathan’s sake. Oh, she knew she was primarily doing this for Graham, but the idea of being instructed in appropriate ways to parent was going to hurt, big time.
They all got settled in the newly refurbished house. Nathan had his own little bed in a large bedroom with his nanny rather than in the nursery. Lois insisted that she was happier to sleep in the same room with him, at least until he adjusted. Kennedy resigned herself to sharing a room with Graham for the sake of appearances. The queen-size bed had a trundle mattress, and she told Lois that should Nathan connect with them, he might want to stay in their room some nights for comfort. She felt a tinge of guilt when Lois’s eyes glistened at her thoughtfulness. The trundle bed was really for Kennedy because she couldn’t let Graham that close. She didn’t know how he was going to react exactly, but if he wanted to see this through, he would do as she said. It would be like weaning herself, she considered ruefully, sleeping in the same room as the man she loved but apart from him. When the custody battle was over, she would be able to move on more easily. She wouldn’t let herself examine the kernel of hurt and rage she had buried deep. The next move was Jennifer’s, and Kennedy couldn’t predict what that might be, although she had a few thoughts on it. She needed to keep her wits about her.
* * * *
Graham felt like he had run a marathon. In a few short days he had changed jobs, acquired a fiancée and a son, moved to the burbs, and hired an actual nanny. He knew that Jennifer would react to his first strike and thought she would first threaten him then contact his parents. He was going to try and buy her off if he could, although Stratton had warned him about how that might look in a court of law. The longer it took her to return to the suite and discover that he had custody of Nathan, the better it would look for his case, so he hoped she was off on one of her adventures. Lois didn’t even have a number where she could reach Jennifer in the event of an emergency, and Stratton had made a note of that. The PI was assembling more information, too. But Jennifer would fight dirty. Graham knew she would stoop to any low if it meant she would get what she wanted. Kennedy had foiled her to this point, but now it was up to Graham, and he planned to both follow his lawyer’s advice and use his own experience to deal with Jennifer.
He hadn’t seen Kennedy since they had moved into the house. It was the weekend, so it would give them a chance to help Nathan grow accustomed to them. Graham had already fallen in love with his son. He wasn’t prepared for how that small slice of humanity had simply moved past all of his defenses without trying. He looked forward to those parenting classes, although he would never admit it. He didn’t have the first idea of how to raise a child other than how his parents did it and, of course, Miss Trask. Kennedy would learn right alongside him, and they would be good parents to Nathan. He chose to ignore Kennedy’s contention that she would remain on the periphery until such time as she could walk. Three months was a long time, and it might take even lon
ger to deal with Jennifer. If the woman had even hinted at having maternal feelings for Nathan, then Graham would feel differently about excluding her, but he wasn’t going to let Jennifer use the child. He went looking for Kennedy and found her in the kitchen, putting a meal together.
Graham moved quietly and stood right behind her. Her shoulders tensed, so he knew she was aware of him, but she didn’t speak and continued to cut the potatoes she had peeled into small chunks, placing them in a pot of water. He bent to press a kiss on her nape, and she deftly sidestepped, turning to face him, the paring knife held between them. To any onlooker it wouldn’t appear threatening or even as a mild warning, but Graham read it correctly.
“Can I help?” he asked.
“I’m fine, thank you, dear,” Kennedy cooed.
Graham was startled by her tone and the endearment, then realized that Lois had entered the kitchen, Nathan in her arms. The boy had obviously just awoken from a nap.
“There’s juice in the fridge for him, Lois,” Kennedy said. “Dinner won’t be ready for maybe an hour. I hope he likes mashed potatoes and meatloaf.”
Lois headed for the fridge, handing Nathan off to Graham as she passed him.
“He’ll need a drink, Ms. Johnson, but an hour should be fine. Nathan loves cream corn!”
“Why don’t you take your son out on the patio, Graham?” suggested Kennedy. “Lois can go, too, so he doesn’t get worried.”
Graham was entranced with the feel of Nathan’s sturdy body in his arms and was relieved when the boy relaxed against him. He wanted to talk to Kennedy, to try and bridge the gap between them, and he knew she was pushing him away. However, he knew that the sooner he connected with Nathan, the better it would be for him, so he took the sippy cup from Lois and the three of them went outside.
* * * *
Kennedy set the potatoes to boil and searched for a can of cream corn. She dumped it into a small pot and turned it on low. The meatloaf would take another half hour or more, and she now had a little time to just sit and unwind. She kept her back to the garden doors so she wouldn’t have to watch Graham and his son. Lois was a nice girl, she decided. Pretty plain-Jane, obviously skilled with children, midthirties. She would make Graham a good wife. He would know that Nathan was well taken care of, and he could get his kicks at the club. Although, one never knew. Lois might just be a closet sex queen. Kind of like she had become. Nope, don’t go there. The next few months were going to kill her, although she could get away some evenings without raising Lois’s eyebrows. Kennedy didn’t kid herself. Lois was going to end up being the prime witness for both Jennifer and Graham, and Lois probably didn’t miss very much. She clearly was doing this for Nathan’s sake though, so Kennedy would be careful to play her part. She could hear Nathan’s little squeals as he played outside and the rumble of Graham’s voice and Lois’s laughter. She was in a hell of her own making. Fucking martyr.
Dinner went well. Nathan ate heartily, and Lois praised the food, explaining that the hotel room service food was too rich for a child. Graham cleaned his plate and added his appreciation, so Kennedy dimpled at him prettily. She thought she might throw up. When Lois suggested that they bathe Nathan and get him ready for bed, Kennedy quickly vetoed her suggestion. She stated that she would clean up while Lois explained Nathan’s bath routine to Graham. After all, she had all day to spend with him. Lois didn’t bat an eye, but Graham stared at her assessingly. Kennedy gave them her most innocent look and began to clear the table. She did her best to ignore the happy noises emanating from the bathroom.
* * * *
Graham watched his son snuggle under the covers and shut his eyes trustingly. Lois assured him that Nathan dropped off quickly and that she would watch television for awhile without disturbing him. He took his leave and went to the kitchen. It was in darkness, as was the living area. Kennedy must be in their bedroom. There was no sign of her there either, so he retraced his steps. She was curled up in a chair in the far corner of the family room, looking out over the front yard. She ignored his presence until he blocked her gaze out the window.
“Go away, Graham,” she said. “I’m tired and don’t want to talk to you right now.”
“We have to talk sometime, Kennedy,” he answered inflexibly. “Come to bed where we can have some privacy.”
“What part of go away didn’t you get?” she asked peevishly. “Today was an incredible strain, and if you want me to continue, don’t add to it.”
Graham surrendered. He wheeled and strode out of the room, deciding to shower and read in bed until she joined him. Hours later he went quietly back to the family room to find her asleep, still in the same chair, recent tears still glistening on her cheeks, reflected by the outside lighting. She woke as soon as he gathered her up and began to struggle.
“Settle down, honey. Lois shouldn’t find you here in the morning. You have obviously been crying, and she’ll start to wonder.”
“Put me down,” she whispered. “I’ll walk.”
Graham ignored her and carried her to their bedroom, setting her on her feet just inside the adjoining bathroom. She looked at him dispassionately, and he wondered how it had come to this. Surely she could get past his stupidity. She must know how much he cared for her. Kennedy shut the door in his face and locked it. He heard the shower come on. He got back into bed and waited.
* * * *
Kennedy stayed in the shower until the water cooled. She spent a long time drying her hair and doing a facial. Finally, she gave up stalling and let herself into the bedroom. She wore a long, cotton gown with underwear, and had covered that with a robe. Graham was sitting up in bed reading and was bare-chested, probably naked under the sheet. She wanted to sleep in the same bed as him, to pretend they were a couple for real. She wanted him to cuddle her and stroke her hair and tell her he loved her. But she couldn’t get past how he had lied to her by omission and let her fall in love with a man she really didn’t know at all. How many other secrets did he have? She knelt to pull out the trundle, and Graham came off the bed like a huge cat.
“What the fuck is that?” He growled, obviously trying to keep his voice down.
“I’m not sleeping in the same bed as you, Graham, for obvious reasons,” she answered calmly. “Lois thinks this is for Nathan should he need to come in to us in the night, so our cover is safe.”
“Why won’t you sleep with me, Kennedy? Are you afraid I’ll force you?” he snarled.
Kennedy wanted to cry. “No, Graham. I’m not going to prevaricate or mince words. You know that if I sleep with you we’ll have sex, or kinky sex. And I don’t have sex with men I don’t like and distrust.”
Graham grabbed her by the shoulders and hauled her against him. “You don’t like me?” he asked incredulously.
Kennedy didn’t resist him. “Don’t confuse love with like, Graham,” she advised quietly. “I love you. I’m doing all of this for you. But I don’t like you. I no longer trust you. I don’t really know you. And I absolutely won’t allow you to use my weakness for you against me. Because then I’ll hate myself, and you, by extension. So, just accept it or let me go.”
* * * *
Graham’s eyes burned. He was angry with her, that’s what it was. She was being unreasonable and acting like a woman. She was too sensitive and needed to know too much about him. He hated pushy and intrusive women. Funny how that train of thought didn’t work for him. His eyes actually were burning with unshed tears. Kennedy was always honest with him. He set her away from him, very gently, and walked on hollow legs back to his side of the bed. He crawled between the sheets and carefully put his book on the nightstand, then turned out the reading light. He heard Kennedy settle into the little trundle bed, and then the room plunged into darkness. He hoped she wouldn’t have a bad dream and made a mental note to get a night light for her. He had hope. She loved him. He would respect her boundaries and try to be the best man he could be with her and his son. He would include her in everything, and she might come t
o see him as someone she could like and trust again.
* * * *
Kennedy lay quiet for hours, listening to Graham sleep. The lines were drawn in the sand, and she knew he would respect them, that he would use his self-control to do so. She didn’t feel any happier but still believed it was the right thing to do. Life had been a veritable roller coaster over the past several months and promised to be the same for the next several. Just a few days ago she had thought of moving away, of moving on. This was no different, just a bit delayed, and now much easier because Graham had accepted her dictum. Funny how badly she hurt, and it didn’t feel very satisfying.
Chapter Eleven
The next few weeks flowed in much the same manner. Graham ate the breakfast that a smiling Kennedy made for him every morning, often sharing small bites with Nathan. He would kiss his son good-bye and blow Kennedy a kiss then head off to work. The work was more challenging than he expected, and Patrick was already looking ahead to having him straighten out other companies. It seemed he had a flair for it. He went home after work to a good meal and spent time with his son afterward, bathing him and putting him to bed with a story. He and Kennedy would then sit in the family room, reading or watching television. Graham would tell her about his day, and unless Lois was there, she would answer him perfunctorily, but she was unfailingly polite. If Lois was present, Kennedy would encourage the other woman to share additional anecdotes of Nathan’s behavior during the day but seemed to avoid including her own involvement. They would head off to bed at the same time and sleep separately. Graham hadn’t been celibate in all of his adult life, and he craved the little woman sleeping close by. He thought of no one else. He knew she had cried quietly when she realized he had installed a night light for her and lay there helplessly as he knew she would spurn any attempt to comfort her. And through it all they waited for Jennifer to make a move. Lois wasn’t at all surprised that Jennifer had dropped off the grid, so to speak. Apparently that was her pattern.
Young, Allyson - Wishes (Siren Publishing Classic) Page 13
