“You will not be shooting anyone. If you can’t get a grip, I’m taking your weapons.”
“Sorry, I didn’t realize,” I mutter, feeling even crazier than before. Maybe I need to get some sleep. I’ve not slept much since I murdered Dr. D. I’m lucky to hit two hours maybe three a given night. Then I wake up from a nightmare or some kind of intense dream about my lady. When my insomnia takes over, I spend hours reading in bed. I’ve tackled four thick books this week, alone.
Turning the corner from the brick building next to the club, Gonzales and I head to the back door. I knock on it three times and wait. Precisely thirty seconds later I knock three more times and the door swings out with Davis greeting us on the opposite side.
“Okay, it’s show time. Claire has already been reunited with her and you get to the far corner and watch.”
We tail him into main part of the club. Entering the main room, my eyes are immediately struck with the bright flashy lights. Strolling over to the far corner a blonde shot girl’s hand lands on my forearm and I flinch, jerking away.
“Sorry, sir. I was wondering if you would like anything to drink?” The early twenty something girl asks, her tray folded flat against her chest.
“I don’t want a thing. But you see that sexy redhead wearing the red bustier? She would like six shots of tequila with lemon and salt, and two fuzzy navels double the snapps,” I rattle off, not paying a bit of attention to the waitress lady. I can’t take my eyes from my pretty redhead sitting at a tall bar table surrounded by her friends.
“Yes sir. Right away,” she says and turns to Gonzales to get her drink order. Of course Gonzales will want a beer or glass of wine. The woman can never go without some form of alcohol.
As the waitress is memorizing our drink orders by repeating them back to Gonzales, I snatch the wallet from my back pocket and hand her a Benjamin. “Here, keep the change and if the pretty lady at that table wants anything else, you make sure you get it for her, pronto,” I order, my tone firm and to the point, as I slide her an extra fifty. Her eyes widen when she grasps the bills in her dainty hands and saunters off, full speed ahead, toward the bar to complete our order.
“You do realize you just paid that girl a hundred and fifty dollars for about forty dollars’ worth of drinks.”
I turn to Gonzales and shoot her an aggravated glance, for breaking my hypnotic concentration on Emily while I watch her chit-chat with her friends, laughing and having a merry time.
“I do know that. But I won’t have her buying her own beverages,” I snap, returning to watch my addiction.
“Doesn’t the band pay for them? Considering they probably have a tab open?”
“Cut the shit, Gonzales. I’m loaded, and if I want to overpay for the love of my life’s drinks, then I will. I’d gladly pay a million times more just to see her smile like that.” I nod toward her table, just as a woman drops off her drink order. The drinks that I made sure she received.
Enjoy them sweetheart, you deserve a good night out with your good friends. I wish I could be the one sitting with you, holding your hand, playing with your curls as I watch you sip from that tiny straw.
Leaning back into the corner, I cross my ankles and get comfortable. I love being able to basically spy on her. I don’t think she’d mind.
Our waitress returns with Gonzales’s beer and leaves again. Gonzales takes a seat at a nearby table only a few feet from where I’m standing. That’s when it happens. She looks at me from across the room. Her eyes, my Mama Bears eyes, stare right at me and I know she sees me. I refrain from waving but I want to do something. I want to run over to her and wrap her in my arms. But all I can do is stare and try to contain this building knot in the pit of my stomach that is aching. My eyes don’t leave hers and I can feel my heart thumping so hard in my chest that I can hear it pulsing my ears. Thump, thump—thump, thump.
That’s right sweetheart, my love, it’s me standing over here. I am watching you. I can see you. And you look so beautiful. I want to touch you and feel you. I want to run my tongue across the seam of your delicate lips, and whisper I love you a million times. Just so you’ll never forget me or how much you have bewitched me— body and soul. You own my, Emily Sue Bronwyn. Every single part of me you own. It is yours. Always, sweetheart.
“James.” Gonzales is up and tugging on my coat. “James!” She punches my arm and I lose the warming connection from across the room and furiously pivot, my blood boiling like lava. How dare she ruin this! I was having a goddamned moment.
“What. Do. You. Want?!” I seethe, praying that I don’t punch her.
Get it together, Calvin, you can’t hit a lady.
“We have to go. She will be coming this way. James, we have to go, now. Unless you want to spend the next year in jail. We have to leave.” She’s frantic and tugging on the sleeve of my jacket. I turn to see Emily dabbing her eyes and she’s right. I know my Mama Bear and if she loves me like I pray she does, she will be sprinting to get to me.
I listen to Gonzales for once and I hastily follow right on her tail, ducking behind a group of drunken frat boys as we make our way out the back exit and into the alley behind the club.
“Thanks,” I heave, trying to catch my breath, bending over with my hands on my thighs. That was close. I could have just sealed my jailed fate if it wasn’t for Gonzales. Thank god she came with me.
“No problem.” She’s breathing just as heavy as I am. Except she’s pacing around the back alley, her hands threaded behind her head. “I know you’re tense over all of this but we can’t go to jail over her.”
What! What did she just say? I sneer at her with blatant disgust and firmly stand up, my throat thundering a ferocious growl in retort to her stupidity. I would gladly go to jail if I had to.
Shooting her hands up in defense she says, “That’s not what I meant, big man. I just meant if you want to get home to her sooner you have to strategize not lose your shit and get thrown in the slammer.”
Cooling off, I nod and finally admit she’s right. Completely right about the entire thing. I’ve got to get my shit together fast and I’ve got to make them see. Make them all see I’m not fit to do this job. I’m only meant to do two things for the rest of my life and that’s be with the love of my life, telling her how wonderful she is every day and be a dad to my twins. That’s all. Anything else is apparently impossible for me to accomplish sanely without her next to me, making me feel whole again.
Chapter Seventeen
~Emily~
“What are you doing?” Johnathan asks, amused, standing in my bedroom doorway, leaning on the frame, wearing nothing but a pair of blue silk boxers and a salacious grin.
“I just put our twins to bed, why? And how are you already naked? We just got home less than ten minutes ago.” Exasperated, I shake my head, I don’t get him sometimes.
“Well since my Short Stack detests hearing my dirty sex noises when I bang my bitch, I’ve had to vanilla my sex life until we get home. And a week without the toys and brutal fucking has me fidgety as hell. Ready to pound some sweet cunt.”
Oh my god! Gross! Johnathan, I don’t want to know that. Sick ass.
I roll my eyes and crunch up my nose in skin crawling disgust. Tugging my hair out of my bun and fingering it out with my hands, it's time to relax and get through this conversation without vomiting. Then I’m going to unpack my suitcase, pump some breast milk and veg out on the couch watching Friends. I’m dying to re-watch all the episodes. I’m having Joey withdraws. I have a seriously bad addiction for that show and James loving it as much as I do, has just made my obsession ten times worse.
“Do you really have to call her that? And why would I want to hear you having sex with my friend? I’ve gotten past the fact you’ve lied for countless months. I don’t want to hear the show. Once was enough. Would you want to hear me banging some dude? I think not.”
“She is my bitch and likes when I call her that. And, yes, I’d love to hear my baby coming. I k
now you sound so fuckin’ hot when you do,” he states a matter-of-factly. His eyes lingering on my protruding breasts popping out of the top of my black dress and licking his big perverted lips.
“Ewwwww, Johnathan. Stop devouring me with your eyes. It’s nasty. I thought we’ve covered that this,” I gesture between us. “…is not within our new set boundaries.”
I fake a gag, covering my mouth and bending forward, my hand cradling my ailing stomach to prove a point. He laughs, scrubbing the top of his head with his hand.
“I can’t help that I like what I see.” He winks and keeps his gaze traveling the length of my body.
Oh Jesus, he needs to get laid right the hell now.
“Cammy!?” I call out, desperate for backup, and I shut my bedroom door to keep from waking the twins.
Turning the corner, she abruptly stops, looking to me and back to Johnathan and her cute laugh breaks through the air as her eyes latch onto the giant rod tenting in his boxers.
“Johnathan, come on, leave the poor girl alone, she isn’t into sadistic bastards.” She laughs again and he stops ogling me and turns, stalking straight towards her.
Bait meet prey. You’re gonna get it Cammy!
“Take it back.” He groans and I can feel the charge of thick sexual arousal clouding the air between them.
“Never. Now use that hot dick on me and leave Emily alone. She wants a nice guy. I want the sick fucker. Now come on and I’ll let you paddle me until I scream.” Forcefully she grabs his thick dick and he grunts in response. His hand reaches her hair, grabbing a fist full and yanks her head back as his mouth places a chaste kiss on her lips. Followed by a growling nip of her bottom lip with his teeth. Making her moan with palpable pleasure.
That brave woman. They are one kinky couple. After my initial reaction to the sex in DC, it’s been smooth sailing. Johnathan is sublimely happy, as is Cammy. Dylan is now aware of them dating and seems okay with it. It’s been a really good coming out, for everyone. I’m surprisingly happy for them. They do make the perfect couple and after Cammy and I sat down and talked about things I’ve come to realize how much she has helped reform our boy. He’s no longer having as many nightmares and helps when he does. She’s the one who forced him to attend AA regularly. Not much good it does him, except for the drug addiction. She’s loved him even though he wanted me and she knows that he still does in his own way. Admittedly, she doesn’t think he will ever be fully over me. But she’s okay with it, as long as they are together and love one another. And I’m completely okay with that. She is good for him and he needs her. I don’t know how he and I both got so lucky to have such a sweet woman in our lives. She’s helpful and a true friend to me. Besides the lying about them being together, she’s been a great support system. I love her like a sister and I love him in my own way too. It will never be in the romantic sense and I know we are all okay with that. Even him.
“Emily! Hey, Emily!”
I blink. Shit, not again!
“Sorry,” I mutter, feeling like a dipshit. I hate when I zone out.
“It’s okay. I just wanted to see if you could please water the plants on the back deck for me. I don’t think the sex maniac here can wait to get his prize.” She smirks and he shakes his head. His hand latching onto her shirt covered boob, right in front of me.
Okay, this is getting too weird.
“Yes…go…shoo…before he starts in right here.” I tease and brush them off with my hands. She smiles and thanks me. Smacking Johnathan’s hand from her chest, he growls and pulls her hair harder as they leave my sight. On the way out the door I hear him tell her. “It’s ass fucking time, my slut. Let’s go.” And they exit the house and undoubtedly head into the sound proof garage. Where no one will hear their garish fucking sounds and strict demands. Amen to that!
Now that I’ve gotten that covered. What’s next on the list? Water flowers. Okay, I can easily do that.
Heading into the kitchen I snatch the blue watering can from under the sink and fill it with tap water. Carrying it full to the brim in one hand, I slide open the back door with my other and my senses are immediately soothed with the beautiful salt infused sea air and a slight hint of…? Is that burning wood? Someone must be having a bonfire. I love the smell of bonfires, they remind me of back home. Looking up, I take in the beautiful sky. The night is fast approaching as the sunsets. The air is calm and it’s so lovely out. I can see the crescent moon starting to peek at me through the impending darkness.
I water the colorful flowers closest to the house first. Go back into the house to refill and go up the few raised deck steps to water the flowers at the top. As I hit the top step my heart soars and I drop the watering can with a loud bang. Soaking my bare feet as the water pours out of the fallen can.
“Hello my love,” he pronounces in his deep perfect voice, on his knees in the middle of a giant heart formed out pink and red rose petals and at least three dozen candles stuffed into the sand.
Oh my god.
I stare at him, eyes wide, in complete shock. Drinking in this moment. What does this mean? Why is he here?
I can’t breathe. I can’t move. Tears are welling in my eyes. Oh my god. He is here!
“My love, I’m so sorry I left you. I came back to make it all better. To make it up to you. To spend the rest of our lives together. I didn’t mean to leave the way I did. I shouldn’t have taken back our commitment to marry. I couldn’t imagine spending my life with anyone else. I have been going insane without you. I can’t live without you. You are my everything.” His voice is so low and sweet, it feels like he’s lapping that sensitive spot between my legs with his soft velvety tongue. The thought sends a shiver through me, causing me to catch my breath. My hearts pounding like a thousand tiny drums in my aching chest.
His eyes lock into mine. “Say something,” he pleads with his body and watery eyes. My tears that I am no longer able restrain, escape and slowly trickle down my cheeks. Dropping off my chin and to the ground below my feet.
“What? How? Are you?” I mutter, swallowing hard, frozen in place, my eyes diving into the endless depths of his soul.
“I’m here, Mama Bear, on my knees begging you for your forgiveness.” He reaches his hands out to me, opening himself up. Wearing a perfectly tailored black suit, black dress shirt and a navy blue tie. Something I’ve never seen him in before.
“I’ve been fighting to get back to you since I left. It doesn’t matter how. Just know that I am home to be with you. Forever. If you’ll have me.” His tone is steeped in aching wonder. Will I accept him with open arms? Or has the past few months been too much to handle? Too much to forgive so quickly.
“Come to me, my love. Let me show you the way. Let Papa Bear take all the pain away that I’ve caused you.” He waves me over and I let out a whimpering cry. My body trembling.
I can’t believe this. I can’t believe he is actually here. How is this possible? Please don’t let this be a dream. Please God don’t let this be a dream. I need him. I don’t think I could survive another heartbreak.
I break our eye contact and peer down to my damp feet. Picking one up I place it down in front of me. Making sure this is real. It feel so real. Glancing back up I meet his gaze again and I go. I run to him. Pounding my bare feet down the steps and into the soft golden sand. I throw myself into his open arms and he catches me, enveloping me in all the love I’ve lost and missed for so long. And I let it all out. I cry into him. My head pressed to my favorite place in the world. His perfect chest. As his hand caresses my back, holding me tight to him, he threads his fingers through my hair, pressing my head to his heart that’s erratically hammering in his magnificent chest.
Breathing him in, he smells just like I remember, cedar, mint and soap. James… this is my James… he’s come home to me!
“I love you so much, my love.” He stifles a sob, his lips pressing kisses to my hairline, over and over.
“I love you too,” I whimper, wrapping my arms around his
body, never letting him go. Never again will I accept this lifetime without him.
We kneel in the sand in each other’s warm embrace, minutes passing us by. Me breathing him in. Our chests rising and falling in unison. My tears soaking the cotton of his shirt. I kiss his chest, holding my lips to the one organ that I love the most. His heart. The biggest heart of the most amazing man I’ve ever met.
“It only beats for you,” he utters, the words coming out rough and husky.
Removing my head from his chest, I lean up so I can adore his handsome face. Unwrapping my arms from around his body, I cup his jaw in my hands. The roughness of his new goatee tickling my palm.
“I missed you,” I whisper, locking our souls with my penetrating gaze.
“Will you ever forgive me, Mama Bear?” His swollen red eyes break of more tears and I swipe them away with my thumbs.
“I already forgive you. You came back to me. I could never and would never be with anyone else.”
He sighs, long and hard. “I was worried….,”
Pressing my finger softly to his big lips, I hush him.
“There would have never been a Johnathan and I. I told you that I fell for you. You are the person who feeds my soul. That is all. That is all there ever will be. Even if you never came home to me, my Bear.”
“I...”
“Hush...” I whisper, pulling his lips down to mine. As they meet, my heart leaps out of my chest and smashes into his, intertwining us as one.
Parting my lips, his tongue gently enters, swirling sensually with mine. Swallowing me whole, into a blissful state of forever happiness. Gliding my hands to the back of his head, I hold him to my mouth. Delicately our tongues search out and lavish each part. Savoring the flavor, the touch, the feeling of reuniting with the man you were made for, and he you.
Retracting his tongue he places a sweet linger kiss on my mouth and whispers. “Always mine,” against my lips.
“Always,” I breathe.
Slowly pulling away from me, he goes to stand. My body instantly rebels his distance and I latch my arm around his leg.
Stricken Resolve Page 20
