by Nikki Winter
“Yeah,” he sneered. “My angst is a lot fucking louder than yours. A competition in grievances is not what you want so simmer down and do something else besides tempting my bear into making an appearance that won’t be enjoyable for any of us.”
Amazingly, it quieted, clearly sensing that funny Maddox had traipsed off somewhere getting lost in discontentment. His brave face and joking manner was gone. For Cree he’d keep that up but in the presence of what was causing a huge shit storm in her life, he couldn’t be bothered. He’d had her, he’d had her close and she hadn’t wanted him to let go. The way she’d clutched onto his forearm in sleep had soothed the doubt that she’d run the first chance she got.
Far from an idiot, Maddox was well aware that’s what she’d been up to after coming home in the middle of the night. He’d scented her the moment she was close to the cabin and waited until her boots crunched just feet away to gage which door she’d creep through. The guarded expression she wore finding him in her home told him all he needed to know.
“You scare her,” Maddox quietly told the panther. “You scare her because she’s afraid of what may happen once she fully accepts you again. And to be bonded to something that’s unpredictable—sporadic—is terrifying. Your annoyance is palpable but you need to grasp that her safety and the safety of others is needed before she can accept what can’t be changed.”
There were no more roars, snarls or the like. He slowly reached upwards. “So let me help.” His fingertips stretched, finding the beast’s nape. It flinched but didn’t move away. Swallowing, he ran his hand around to its chin and lightly scratched. “Let me show her why she shouldn’t hide you; why she shouldn’t be afraid to connect. Let me show her why this is a gift.”
A purr tumbled out and the panther’s paws fell from Maddox’s shoulders, hitting the floor with a soft thump. He rubbed harder, watching as the fierceness began to shed; giving way to something that wasn’t mindless rage or irritability. Pleasure from the affection began to radiate from the beast as it shuddered.
Maddox’s lips started to curl as he rubbed its chest. “When I told Cree I wanted to pet her pussy, this is not what I had in mind.”
The feline snorted and he laughed in response. “Exactly why did you come roaring out?”
Cree’s panther rose—because essentially it did belong to her whether she liked it or not—trotted away from him and towards the ruined door. It stopped and cast a stare over its shoulder in his direction as though asking for permission.
“Ah, you want to go hunting,” he stated in realization.
There was a nod.
Maddox’s head tilted. “Were you the one who came out to play last night?”
A head shake.
He winced. “Which means there’s something else large, angry and interested in the entrails of defenseless wildlife.”
Until the day that he died, Maddox would swear he saw the feline smirk before it took off.
With a sigh, he followed after it and suddenly understood why his third nipple hadn’t been the curse he always thought it to be.
***
There were some that would argue the advancement in age left elders, matriarchs, without the ability to experience the exciting pulse of discovery, newness. They’d say that days gone by had shown those who’d come before them all the world had to offer. They’d prattle on about life being fulfilled and enthusiasm being quelled as the years passed. They’d be wrong; they’d always be wrong.
Nasnaana Daniels had seen the spoils of war—both human and supernatural—and had helped bury the bodies of lost loved ones. She’d seen the seed of childhood take root and branch out into maturity. She’d enjoyed lovers and the laughter of pups. She’d walked miles aimlessly just so she could enjoy the cool breeze of the mountain side, take in the beauty surrounding her but until this very moment, as she sat alone on her front porch and stared at the moon, Nasnaana knew she’d never truly lived. Because something was coming that would sweep aside all other eras. A daughter of the tribe would soon return home and remind Nasnaana’s people of what power really was.
Eight
She was being carried. And there was humming. Loud, obnoxious, really fucking awful, humming. There was exactly one person she knew who had that particular talent.
“Maddox?” Cree’s voice—to her own ears—sounded rough; almost as though her throat had been blasted in shards of glass. Her lashes flicked upwards and the assault of the sun’s rays caused her to slam her eyes closed again.
“Ah,” the male carefully cradling her whispered. “Sleeping Beauty awakens.”
“Sleeping Beauty feels more like meth addict in rehab. Exactly what happened to me that you’re carrying me? Did Fallon finally fulfill her promise to break my legs and leave me in the middle of the woods?”
There was a snort. “I see the sassy new humor she has didn’t tamp down on the violent urges.”
“You’ve noticed the sassiness too?”
“It’s hard to miss. She wears it as much as she does those flannel shirts that Ransom swears aren’t abominations against God and humanity.”
She wanted to laugh but everything hurt. The chuckle tumbled into a groan.
Maddox’s hand on her thigh briefly squeezed. “Ten more minutes and you’ll be home, baby.”
Cree put her head to his shoulder. “What did we do?” she rasped.
“Do you remember anything about last night?” he queried.
Shaking her head, she took in his smell and felt somehow soothed by the familiarity. “No. It’s all kind of fuzzy after the cuddling.”
He dropped a kiss to her temple. “Good. Then you won’t attempt shanking me when you realize I fucked up your bedroom door.”
“Why would you…?”
It slammed into her like a freight train, leaving her momentarily stunned.
Running.—Coming home to an irritable grizzly.—“We’re discussing you.”—“You think this is a fucking gift?!”—“I love you.”—Maddox’s lips on hers.—Maddox kicking in her bedroom door.—Maddox invading her space.—Maddox remaining in the same spot after she’d told him to run.—“Cree, I’m asking you to trust me. Just let go.”
Cree’s gasp was loud and hard.
Maddox stopped walking and gently shook her. “Cree? Cree? You’re alright. You’re fine. Deep breaths. That’s it.”
She shuddered and shoved at his chest. He took the hint and sat her on her feet. It was then that she finally noticed the blood caked under her nails and the t-shirt draped over her frame.
Pacing away from him, she pushed her hair back and kept her eyes on the ground until he took grip of her shoulders and spun her back. “Hey, yeah, you. You can look at me.”
No, she really couldn’t; she’d never be able to look at him again. As a matter of fact…
“Stop,” Maddox growled, pulling her back when she tried to turn away from him. “Stop.”
Cree chewed her lip, shifting from one foot to another.
With an exasperated sigh, he put his hands to her waist and lifted her above his head.
“Hey!”
“If I’m the object that happens to be beneath your feet while looking down then it means your eyes are focused on me, does it not?” he queried. “So let’s have a quick discussion about what you will not be doing.”
“Maddox—”
“Is it just me or was I still speaking? I could’ve sworn I was still speaking.”
She bit the inside of her cheek.
“Right,” he continued in that same calm tone of voice. “There will be no running. No hiding. No unexpected, mystic, ninja-like disappearing acts. Last, but not least, you will not look at me like you’re waiting for some inevitable reaction. You will not look at me like I didn’t wrap around you last night without hesitation. And you will not question if I’d still maul in your name. Are we understanding one another Ms. Chayton?”
Fuck. She was going to cry. She couldn’t cry.
Maddox jostled her. “Do. We.
Understand. One. Another?”
Cree simply nodded. If she spoke things would come pouring out that she wasn’t necessarily ready to unleash. Once she could manage to open her mouth without losing what little dignity she had left, she’d ask him how he managed to stay unscathed and what exactly happened once she’d done as he told her to the night before and let go.
“Your pussy introduced itself to me,” he suddenly stated, lowering her to the ground.
Her head snapped up.
Maddox’s eyes twinkled in the steadily rising light of the sun. His brow inched up slightly. “I meant your panther introduced itself to me.”
She frowned.
Cupping her face in his large palms, he stared at her warmly. “Cree, we ran together. We hunted. I worried for a second that it would try to use me as a chew toy for its own sordid amusement but it didn’t. All it wanted was to run; that was it. And the very second it was satisfied, done playing, you came back.” He rubbed his thumbs beneath her eyes. “You came back just like I said you would.”
Hands trembling, she took hold of his wrists. “You did what?”
“We took down a deer,” he explained. “No problems, no injuries, no risk. We—”
She shook her head, halting his words. “You actually entertained it? Like it was a fucking pet?”
“Cree it wasn’t dangerous.”
“You don’t know that. I told you—”
“And I’m telling you,”—he interrupted, irritation clear in his voice—“that I was safe. You were safe. I wasn’t going to leave you and try to pick up the pieces later. I stayed because I comprehend that despite what you may think, nothing inside of you is tainted. Nothing.”
Believing that would be so easy; putting her stock into those words and deciding to go against years of insecurity and fear. It would be so easy to reject the notion that she couldn’t settle into a life full of love, laughter, comfort and acceptance with the too wide grizzly standing before her. But believing that left her vulnerable.
Who was to say he’d like her next surprise guest as much? Who was to say he’d keep holding her hand, wrapping around her and remaining determined to maul in her name?
You, a small voice whispered. You can say it.
Could she?
He brushed his knuckles beneath her chin and lifted her head. “You’re searching for a legitimate reason to doubt me. You can stop. I won’t give you one. Not now; not ever. If I have to earn you, if I have to personally slay every last one of the demons that haunt you, if I have to hold your hand through each transformation and be there when you open your eyes, I. Will. But what I won’t do is be a coward. I have many flaws that you could catch with the naked eye. Cowardice isn’t one of them. And it most certainly isn’t in me to walk away from you so you decide, love. You choose what happens next.”
She should’ve ran then but her feet wouldn’t move. No matter how many times she gave the command to leave him behind in the same manner she’d done the morning before, Cree couldn’t make herself do it. Too many individuals struggled with the gaping loneliness she’d experienced the majority of her life and to subject herself to that again, to push away one of the strongest parts of what kept her anchored, would make her the coward.
Even if Maddox broke her into pieces when this was all said and done, she could at least stand in the ruins and see the parts that she hadn’t been too afraid to experience. Cree lifted a hand and held it out.
He snatched her to him with a swiftness that caused their chests to collide. His relieved breath over her head wasn’t missed nor was the quietly spoken, “Thank you” that left his lips.
Maddox brushed his mouth just over her brow. “You smell like death, baby. And as much as I adore how frighteningly adorable that is, you and I need to bathe before we find ourselves being chased by raccoons…again.”
Her brows rose.
He shook his head. “Long story. I’ll tell you later. At the moment, I’m still too disturbed to talk about it. Let’s just say that sometimes, you really need to learn to let things go; especially when those things are in the small hands of God’s curse to nature.”
Er...okay.
***
Get her home, get her naked and get her screaming. Maddox had a goal, a plan, and an intent if you will. She’d made the conscious decision to trust him and to take that for granted would be more foolish than thinking he was fast enough to outrun the raccoons that had been harassing them hours ago. Despite her reservations, despite her insecurities and her fear, she was still giving him the benefit of the doubt. He’d open that door of opportunity and use it to his advantage until he had her exactly where he wanted her—wearing his mark and bearing whatever life they created together.
He was without any other options, any other desires; Cree simply did it for him. Whether she was completely ready to accept that, he didn’t know. But he wouldn’t allow her to shove him out. Maddox had finally gotten past that barbed wire fence cloaking her and forced his way in. Short of murder, getting him to leave wouldn’t be possible. The soft stare she kept casting him along with the way she’d slowly melted in his arms upon waking told him that homicide wasn’t in his near future. Unless of course, he was committing the act against whoever was stupid enough to interrupt what was about to take place the moment he crossed the threshold of her cabin.
She’d been fearful for him but she had no reason to be. Mr. Cuddles was quite nice after their run. The panther had nudged him into a sitting position and decided that it would allow him to amuse her with affectionate gestures. This was interrupted by the sharp bite Maddox had received in his shoulder from being entirely too close to a raccoon’s nest. He really hadn’t expected that said raccoon had an entire street gang ready to end his existence. Another run had proceeded and they’d had to circle back around to their original resting place after traipsing through a pond to lose the small, vicious creatures. They’d fallen asleep shortly after and before Maddox knew it, he was lying next to Cree rather than her beast. With quick work, he’d grabbed the bag of clothing he’d stashed away and got them both decent.
Smiling now, he recalled how pliant she’d been in his arms, how low her voice was and the way she’d put her nose to his jugular. If he had to destroy an entire battalion of small mammals with opposable thumbs for that privilege, he would; time and time again.
“When it hunted—”
“She,” Maddox corrected in the middle of Cree’s soft question. “It was a she; and she’s apart of you.”
Cree tensed. “It—”
“Is you,” he growled. “You, Cree. They aren’t some separate category that you can compartmentalize so that it suddenly means they’re a figment of your imagination. The sooner you accept that, the easier this all will be.”
“Oh and you know so fucking much about them?” she demanded, stopping and trying to snatch her hand out of his grasp.
He refused to release her. “I know that if I denied my bear the freedom to enjoy all the things that I do, he’d become just as anxious, just as angry and frustrated because of my refusal to hear him.”
“I’ve already explained the danger in that, Maddox.”
“You did. But have you ever stopped to question if that’s the very thing driving them to push for control? Have you ever stopped to question what would happen if you let go the same way you did last night? When’s the last time you shifted? When’s the last time you gave into something that wasn’t the wolf?”
He could see the wheels turning steadily. She was trying to determine how to answer him. In all the time that he’d been here, he’d seen her shift less than anyone else and even then it was only while doing the traditional pack hunt. Every full moon, Fallon led them all into what was essentially a bonding session between pack mates—he and Ransom included. They’d had only one memorable occurrence and that was the death of Fallon’s enemies, rogue members of the neighboring Jericho red wolves. Mason Jericho had spent the majority of his life holding onto a vendetta again
st the she-wolf due to her owning land that her family had rightfully won years ago. In a desperate attempt to take it back, he’d tried an ambush that ended with Ransom and Mason’s older brother —Brody—wiping him and the rest of his followers from the face of the earth. Every now and again, Brody and the others would trot across territorial lines to join in on the hunt or lend help where it was needed. The Jericho alpha had even become a part of their coveted man time at the small sports bar they frequented.
The male wolf was pleasant enough; as was his pack. Maddox had to fend off the females on more than one occasion because he refused to fill his bed with someone he’d want gone the moment he came. There was only one woman who’d managed to keep him locked in a never-ending tug of war. At the moment she was staring wide-eyed and appearing a lot more vulnerable than she’d ever been in his presence. So used to her taking swipes at him, the change in her demeanor was astounding. Oh, she still radiated a natural strength that was incomparable, but Maddox could see her; all of her. He liked it. He liked that her guards were down.
“Cree, have you ever even explored this?”
She swallowed, shook her head. “It’s too threatening.”
“Is it? Or are you just too afraid?”
“My mother—”
“Can’t be the only experience you draw from,” he gently stated, stopping her. “How many times did you ask for help?”
Her brows lowered.
“You never went to one of the elders? Talked to a shaman?”
She seemed to withdraw momentarily. “I wanted to but I didn’t know what to say; how to explain it without putting myself in the line of fire. When I ran without anyone coming after me that was all I needed to know.”
“Cree,” Maddox whispered. “Your hesitation is understandable but grouping yourself in with something that you aren’t even sure you’ve been genetically predisposed to could be what’s hindering your handling it.” He linked their fingers together and lifted her hand to kiss the back of it. “I meant what I said, I’ll hold your hand each time but you can’t continue putting yourself through this.”
