by Sara Daniel
She continued to stand without moving. “I’ll make love to you, but I won’t throw myself at you. If you want my love, you have to take what I offer.”
Her quiet statement aroused his primal caveman. Desire and desperation overpowered reason. His body craved to claim her as his own. And she’d given him permission to do so.
He stepped toward her, but she didn’t reach for him or unbutton his shirt or any of the other things she’d done to make herself available to him before. Olivia might have told him yes, but she wore a do-not-touch sign in bright neon color.
“Considering your hypocritical judgments about bringing children into the world from emotional and ill-advised unions, do you have a condom?” she asked.
Despite the personal dig, her question was calm and rational. Meanwhile, he was sweating from the need pulsing through him and hadn’t given a thought to the practicalities. “I have one.”
“I already said yes, so this isn’t a requirement, but a little seduction would really help my cause.” She clasped her hands in front of her, so tightly her knuckles were white. It was the only sign she might not be as composed as she wanted him to think.
So, he wasn’t Mr. Romantic. She’d had plenty of warning about that. “If you want me, we do things my way.”
She opened her hands and held them out. “I trust you.”
Her trust undid him. She put herself at his mercy without hesitation. Now he carried the responsibility of making sure she didn’t get hurt. That meant he had to ensure her emotions weren’t touched by this experience. Condoms couldn’t protect against that disease. “Close your eyes.”
The clear blue depths widened fractionally before she obeyed.
He approached her. It was easier now that she wasn’t watching his every mistake. She looked more vulnerable too. He studied the strands of hair cascading over her right eyebrow. He pulled her clip out of her hair, causing the wavy mass to fall over the narrow bridge of her nose and the fullness of her mouth. He lifted her hair and tucked it behind her ears.
She shivered and her eyelids flickered. But then she settled into the calm acceptance that was only a mask for her emotions. He was going to strip away the calm, then the emotions, and make this a purely physical encounter. Love had no place in sex. Love had no place in life.
Caleb walked behind her, trailing his fingers along her neck and underneath her hair. She shivered again and his own skin prickled. He slid his fingers up her scalp, lifting the fine, tangled strands. He led her to the edge of the bed and lightly pressed Olivia’s shoulders until she sat on the mattress.
He knelt behind her. The sloping mattress caused her to lean against him. She stiffened, bracing her hands on the edge of bed. He gritted his teeth. She might trust him, but she still didn’t want to have anything she did interpreted as throwing herself at him. “You can touch me. Just keep your eyes closed.”
She didn’t move.
He sat behind her, hugging her thighs with his own. His groin pressed against her backside, proving that he was an aching mass of need. And still she didn’t move. He couldn’t stand another second. He grabbed her hands and placed them on his thighs. “Touch me. Please.”
Her thumbs moved lightly over the thin fabric of his suit pants, lighting fire to his already trembling nerves.
He slid his fingers around her neck, fascinated by the satin skin covering the column of her throat. She tipped her head, allowing him more exposure. He lifted her hair off her neck and bent his head to her creamy, exposed skin. The moment his lips touched her, stark need eradicated his plan to linger.
He slipped his hands inside the neckline of her sweater, gliding his thumbs under the straps of her bra. As he peeled the bands off her shoulders, her hands tightened on his thighs. Her plea for seduction echoed in his head, and he shoved down his own primal desires. He touched his lips to her neckline again and slid his hands up her back.
The fabric lifted, exposing her flesh, inch by glorious inch. He pulled the sweater over her head and feasted on the sight of her bare back, marred only by the thin white band of her bra. He flicked the clasp.
A light red line indented her skin where the garment had pressed against her flesh. He smoothed his thumb over it and then adjusted his position on the bed so he could caress the abused flesh with his tongue. She gasped in response. Encouraged, he caressed the sides of her torso, torturing himself with outer curve of her breasts. He pressed his lips to the back of her neck while roaming his fingers down her spine, lingering on the small of her back and delving into the hint of derriere at the top of her jeans.
“I need to see you. I want your mouth on mine,” she gasped.
“We’re doing this my way.” Caleb hoped saying it would remind himself as much as her. He moved his hands around her until he’d surrounded her. He reveled in the agony of having her body pressed so tightly against him that his erection rubbed against her backside.
This wasn’t about his own desires, though. He needed to concentrate on her. He cupped her breasts in his hands. She moaned and dug her fingers into his thighs. He began to gently massage, teasing his thumbs in circles around her nipples. He continued the circular motion until he reached the center and rolled the nubs in his fingers.
“Caleb, kiss me please.” Her head lay back against his shoulder.
He granted her wish, although not the kiss he knew she’d truly been asking for. Instead, he dipped his tongue in the hollow of her throat. He laid her slowly back on the bed, rolling on top of her so his mouth could access her breasts. He caressed them, nuzzled and suckled until his groans of need matched her moans of pleasure.
Eyes still closed, Olivia clutched bedspread in her fists and arched her hips. “Caleb, do you know what you’re doing to me?”
“Yeah.” He tasted her navel while he worked on the snap of her jeans.
“Then you know what I want.”
“Same thing I want.” Sweet Jesus, he wanted. He peeled off her jeans and brushed the rough skin of his unshaven cheek against her silky inner thigh.
She gasped and arched again. Her hot core, covered only with a skimpy pair of lace panties, grazed his mouth. The need to taste her nearly overpowered him. Knowing he still wanted her more than she wanted him gave him the resolve he needed not to immediately give in. He lowered himself all the way to her ankles and licked and sipped his way to the sensitive juncture of her legs.
She arched and spread her knees in invitation. “Can I look at you, Caleb? I want you so badly. I need to see you.”
“Eyes closed.” He glanced up just to be sure she complied. Then he slid his thumb inside her panties. He dipped into her heat, drenching himself.
“Caleb.”
He pushed further and her body trembled around him. “I want you so crazy with lust you can’t remember my name,” he said. She didn’t love him any more than any other available male. Her emotions were fleeting and easily transferred. Anyone with the right body parts could satisfy flaring hormones. He pulled off his pants and briefs and rolled on the condom.
“Caleb, I’m crazy for you.”
He caressed her intimately and watched the pleasure suffuse her face. She writhed under him, eyes still closed. Her arm reached up and clamped unerringly around his neck, dragging his face to hers. He altered the course, kissing her breast instead of her lips. Enchanted by the taste of her, he sucked feverishly.
She convulsed against his hand. “Caleb!”
He ripped her underwear, tossing it aside, and repositioned himself above her.
She lifted her hips, welcoming him. “Caleb, come to me. I need you to fill me.”
“You need sex.” Flaring hormones. Not love.
“Yes.”
He thrust, joining them.
She gasped. “Yes. Caleb.”
Oh, Olivia. Deep inside her, he had to take a minute to breathe and collect himself. She was so sweet, so hot, so much like home. The stability he’d always wanted was right here. Despite her misguided emotions, kids were
her number one priority. She treated him like he was special, and it had nothing to do with his book sales or the fact that he’d been on TV.
“You’re still wearing your shirt.” She clutched a fistful at his shoulder. “I want you naked, like me.”
His moment of insanity passed. In control again, he moved inside her. Her gasps paralleled his every movement. Oh yeah. Yes. The natural rhythm took over. Slowly, he pulled back and then plunged forward.
Olivia eagerly awaited him, taking everything he could give, hips arched begging for more. He was frantically hurtling toward the end, but he still wanted to give her everything she was begging for and more.
“Caleb!” Still she managed to cry out his name.
He needed to hold himself back and drive her wilder, make her needier, until she forgot whom it was she was making love to. But his body was shaking too much to control. He plunged one final time, covering her mouth with his before she could scream his name, or worse, that evil three-word sentence. He’d failed at everything he’d set out to do.
Olivia! He exploded inside her. Failure felt like nirvana.
Penelope was wide-eyed and nervous as Ethan took her through his condo. He hoped she’d feel more secure here, but he couldn’t let her think she had no other options. He stood in the doorway to the spare bedroom he’d given her. “If you want to go to a hotel, I’ll drive you over and reserve a room for you.”
“No, this is fine. More practical. Cheaper.” Her attempt at a smile failed miserably. “I need a couple minutes to myself.”
He stepped back, and she closed the door in his face. His cell phone vibrated against his hip before he could knock and ask if she was okay. He glanced at the display to make sure it wasn’t Caleb. He was no longer taking his brother’s calls. Since the caller was his mother, he strode to the living room to answer. “I’m a basket case. It’s the first time I’ve brought a girl home where she’s spending the night in the spare bedroom instead of mine.”
“Hallelujah.” His mother’s born-again Baptist voice rang through the line. “You’ve fallen in love. When’s the wedding?”
He pinched the bridge of his nose. “Actually, Caleb thinks he’s going to marry her.”
“The girl you love?” Mom’s outrage was full and genuine. “Does he love her too? No, of course not. We’re talking about Caleb. Don’t you dare let him stand in your way. All that other poppycock doesn’t work without love and you know it. Does the girl love you?”
“I don’t know.” For as many clues as she gave off about other things, Penelope’s feelings toward him were a mystery. “She doesn’t have much experience. She’s so nervous and unsure. I’m out of my element trying get a handle on her.”
“Out of your element.” Mom laughed. “That’s a first.”
He looked up as Penelope hurried through the room toward the kitchen. “Sorry to disturb you. I’m just getting a glass of water.”
“Let me talk to her,” Mom said against his ear.
He’d never put a girlfriend on the phone with his mother either, but in this case it would keep Penelope from disappearing back into the spare bedroom. “My mom wants to talk to you.”
“Why?” She stared at the phone.
He held it up to her ear. “Ask her yourself.”
She took the phone, as he knew she would. Standing close enough to hold the phone to her ear was too intimate for her comfort level. He listened to her answer his mother’s questions about who she was, where she was from and what they were doing together. She broke it to Mom that he’d quit his job with Caleb to work for her. He’d get an earful about that the next time the phone rang.
Penelope’s voice vibrated with excitement and hope as she described her company and their goals for it. Just listening to her made enduring his mother’s grilling and optimism for his doomed love life worthwhile.
“I’m going to change your perfume mix,” Penelope said into the phone. “I got it all wrong, so don’t let Caleb give it to you yet…No, no, it was definitely Caleb. He just didn’t give me a complete picture of you…Give me a couple weeks. If I had all my supplies with me, I’d work on it tonight…Well, it’s sweet of you to say so…You want me to what?” Her face turned red and then paled. “I’m sorry. You misinterpreted what Ethan and I do together.” Her hands shook as she passed the phone back.
“She’s the one,” Mom crowed into Ethan’s ear. “I’m going to schedule some time off work and come out to meet her in person.”
The phone clicked off before he could protest. He set it aside and focused on Penelope. “My mother likes you.”
“She’s very nice. She thinks very highly of you, as well.” Her voice trembled and she looked like her knees were going to buckle.
He touched her shoulders to steady her. “What, exactly, did she say to you?”
“She told me to jump you.”
No wonder she was on the verge of a breakdown. He held his arms out at his sides. “Go ahead. Make my dreams come true.”
She shook her head and backed away. “I wouldn’t know the first thing about making your dreams come true.”
Ironic really, since she was the only one who could.
Chapter 18
Caleb refastened his pants. He still felt exposed and vulnerable, so he put his suit coat on too. He threaded his tie around his neck, but it was strangling him before he had it half-knotted. He tossed it on the bed next to where Olivia lay naked and asleep. He attempted to cover her, but she was lying on the bedspread. He folded a corner over her stomach, but her nipples peeked over the top.
The erotic image made him want to strip off his clothes and rejoin her. He didn’t. Sex between them had been orgasmic and satisfying, but ultimately a failure. He’d meant to teach her that sex was just two bodies. The identities of the participants were inconsequential. Sex meant nothing. Love doomed them. Only friendship could make a relationship last.
Not only had his name been on her lips the entire time they’d been joined, she’d caused him to question everything he’d planned to teach her. Her ecstasy unraveled him. His physical pleasure was so great he’d been unable to hold back. And then as she’d consumed his entire world, he’d kissed her. On the lips.
If he gave in to the temptation to keep her at his side now, they would both be miserable later. And so would their children — children he hadn’t thought about once while he’d been touching and kissing her and listening to her cries of pleasure. He had to break the cycle. For himself. For Liam. For Austin. He wouldn’t make the mistake of using sex as a weapon to prove his point again. It had destroyed him and hadn’t touched her.
He tried to turn away from the bed, but as long as Olivia lay there, he was compelled to stare at the body she’d so generously offered him when he offered her nothing in return. It wasn’t fair she could sleep so peacefully when he was in such turmoil.
“Olivia, wake up.” He had to say it three times and shake her shoulder before she moved. Even then, she only rolled on her side, tugging the comforter with her.
“You can’t stay here. Liam’s in the next room.”
“Caleb.” She opened her eyes and stretched out her hand to him. “Come back to bed.”
God, she was a temptation. His reasons for resisting her felt lame, but they were the core of his beliefs. He couldn’t toss them aside. “No. You might be able to ignore the existence of your child, but I can’t.”
She sat up, hugging the comforter across her lap. “Where are my clothes?”
He tossed her sweater to her. Her panties were beyond repair so he tucked them in his pocket. By the time he located her jeans under the bed, she had her sweater on and was standing. She wrestled the bedspread around her waist several times, but it still dragged on the floor.
“Am I really so awful for you, Caleb?” She was still saying his name in nearly every sentence. He was starting to believe she did it just to piss him off.
“You’re destroying my life.” From the look in her eyes, his statement was p
erhaps too harsh. But it was true. He’d come here to discover the truth about his son’s paternity and clear his name.
Instead, he found himself ignoring the possibility that Liam might not be his. He’d found the family he wanted for himself but lost his emotional stability. He couldn’t count on his marriage model to show him the way. He was questioning everything he believed in.
“I’ll give you your life back, if that’s what you want.” Her look said he was crazy to want it. “I’ll have the itemized bill under your door before you leave in the morning. You can put it in the drop box by the front door.”
He’d never have his life back, not how it had been before. He hardly remembered the person who’d walked confidently in front of The Brighid Show cameras last week. His marriage theories had still been valid, his books a foundation of solid advice, and he’d known how to fix his clients’ problems.
“Olivia.” He stopped her before she walked out the door. “I’m sorry for this.” He gestured to the bed, stripped of the comforter she continued to clutch around her lower half. “I never should have had sex with you. It was a mistake and I take full responsibility for it.”
She gave him a look full of regal reproach. “It’s called making love. The mistakes, though, were definitely yours.”
Penelope left the bowl of soggy cereal she hadn’t been able to force down on the kitchen table and dialed Olivia’s number. She glanced at the bathroom door as she waited anxiously for her sister to answer. Ethan wouldn’t be long. She needed to talk quickly before he witnessed another round of her humiliation. Finally, Olivia picked up.
“I’m such a dork. I left my purse at home.” Go ahead. Say it. You were right about me. I can’t take care of myself.
“It’s okay,” Olivia said gently. “I’ll send it with Caleb when he leaves.” She sounded a little sniffly. She was probably crying over missing Austin.
Penelope expected her sister to jump on a plane and deliver the purse straight to Ethan’s condo herself. She didn’t offer, and Penelope didn’t need the purse. She needed Olivia’s presence. “It’s not just the purse. Ethan’s been great about handling everything. But I’m completely over my head. I need you.” There, she said it.
