Not like being human.
Yet, as soon as I was in jogging distance of my house, I shifted back into my human body. I needed to be able to think in privacy.
I untied my shorts and yanked them on, already running for the house.
Id done it. Id hidden what I was thinking and now it was too late for Sam to stop me. He couldnt hear me now.
Sam had made a very clear ruling. The pack would not attack the Cullens. Okay.
He hadnt mentioned an individual acting alone.
Nope, the pack wasnt attacking anyone today.
But I was.
9. SURE AS HELL DIDNT SEE THAT ONE COMING
I didnt really plan to say goodbye to my father.
After all, one quick call to Sam and the game would be up. Theyd cut me off and push me back. Probably try to make me angry, or even hurt mesomehow force me to phase so that Sam could lay down a new law.
But Billy was expecting me, knowing Id be in some kind of state. He was in the yard, just sitting there in his wheelchair with his eyes right on the spot where I came through the trees. I saw him judge my directionheaded straight past the house to my homemade garage.
Got a minute, Jake?
I skidded to a stop. I looked at him and then toward the garage.
Cmon kid. At least help me inside.
I gritted my teeth but decided that hed be more likely to cause trouble with Sam if I didnt lie to him for a few minutes.
Since when do you need help, old man?
He laughed his rumbling laugh. My arms are tired. I pushed myself all the way here from Sues.
Its downhill. You coasted the whole way.
I rolled his chair up the little ramp Id made for him and into the living room.
Caught me. Think I got up to about thirty miles per hour. It was great.
Youre gonna wreck that chair, you know. And then youll be dragging yourself around by your elbows.
Not a chance. Itll be your job to carry me.
You wont be going many places.
Billy put his hands on the wheels and steered himself to the fridge. Any food left?
You got me. Paul was here all day, though, so probably not.
Billy sighed. Have to start hiding the groceries if were gonna avoid starvation.
Tell Rachel to go stay at his place.
Billys joking tone vanished, and his eyes got soft. Weve only had her home a few weeks. First time shes been here in a long time. Its hardthe girls were older than you when your mom passed. They have more trouble being in this house.
I know.
Rebecca hadnt been home once since she got married, though she did have a good excuse. Plane tickets from Hawaii were pretty pricey. Washington State was close enough that Rachel didnt have the same defense. Shed taken classes straight through the summer semesters, working double shifts over the holidays at some caf on campus. If it hadnt been for Paul, she probably would have taken off again real quick. Maybe that was why Billy wouldnt kick him out.
Well, Im going to go work on some stuff. . . . I started for the back door.
Wait up, Jake. Arent you going to tell me what happened? Do I have to call Sam for an update?
I stood with my back to him, hiding my face.
Nothing happened. Sams giving them a bye. Guess were all just a bunch of leech lovers now.
Jake . . .
I dont want to talk about it.
Are you leaving, son?
The room was quiet for a long time while I decided how to say it.
Rachel can have her room back. I know she hates that air mattress.
Shed rather sleep on the floor than lose you. So would I.
I snorted.
Jacob, please. If you need a break. Well, take it. But not so long again. Come back.
Maybe. Maybe my gig will be weddings. Make a cameo at Sams, then Rachels. Jared and Kim might come first, though. Probably ought to have a suit or something.
Jake, look at me.
I turned around slowly. What?
He stared into my eyes for a long minute. Where are you going?
I dont really have a specific place in mind.
He cocked his head to the side, and his eyes narrowed. Dont you?
We stared each other down. The seconds ticked by.
Jacob, he said. His voice was strained. Jacob, dont. Its not worth it.
I dont know what youre talking about.
Leave Bella and the Cullens be. Sam is right.
I stared at him for a second, and then I crossed the room in two long strides. I grabbed the phone and disconnected the cable from the box and the jack. I wadded the gray cord up in the palm of my hand.
Bye, Dad.
Jake, wait, he called after me, but I was out the door, running.
The motorcycle wasnt as fast as running, but it was more discreet. I wondered how long it would take Billy to wheel himself down to the store and then get someone on the phone who could get a message to Sam. Id bet Sam was still in his wolf form. The problem would be if Paul came back to our place anytime soon. He could phase in a second and let Sam know what I was doing.
I wasnt going to worry about it. I would go as fast as I could, and if they caught me, Id deal with that when I had to.
I kicked the bike to life and then I was racing down the muddy lane. I didnt look behind me as I passed the house.
The highway was busy with tourist traffic; I wove in and out of the cars, earning a bunch of honks and a few fingers. I took the turn onto the 101 at seventy, not bothering to look. I had to ride the line for a minute to avoid getting smeared by a minivan. Not that it would have killed me, but it would have slowed me down. Broken bonesthe big ones, at leasttook days to heal completely, as I had good cause to know.
The freeway cleared up a little, and I pushed the bike to eighty. I didnt touch the brake until I was close to the narrow drive; I figured I was in the clear then. Sam wouldnt come this far to stop me. It was too late.
It wasnt until that momentwhen I was sure that Id made itthat I started to think about what exactly I was going to do now. I slowed down to twenty, taking the twists through the trees more carefully than I needed to.
I knew they would hear me coming, bike or no bike, so surprise was out. There was no way to disguise my intentions. Edward would hear my plan as soon as I was close enough. Maybe he already could. But I thought this would still work out, because I had his ego on my side. Hed want to fight me alone.
So Id just walk in, see Sams precious evidence for myself, and then challenge Edward to a duel.
I snorted. The parasited probably get a kick out of the theatrics of it.
When I finished with him, Id take as many of the rest of them as I could before they got me. HuhI wondered if Sam would consider my death provocation. Probably say I got what I deserved. Wouldnt want to offend his bloodsucker BFFs.
The drive opened up into the meadow, and the smell hit me like a rotten tomato to the face. Ugh. Reeking vampires. My stomach started churning. The stench would be hard to take this wayundiluted by the scent of humans as it had been the other time Id come herethough not as bad as smelling it through my wolf nose.
I wasnt sure what to expect, but there was no sign of life around the big white crypt. Of course they knew I was here.
I cut the engine and listened to the quiet. Now I could hear tense, angry murmurs from just the other side of the wide double doors. Someone was home. I heard my name and I smiled, happy to think I was causing them a little stress.
I took one big gulp of airit would only be worse insideand leaped up the porch stairs in one bound.
The door opened before my fist touched it, and the doctor stood in the frame, his eyes grave.
Hello, Jacob, he said, calmer than I would have expected. How are you?
I took a deep breath through my mouth. The reek pouring through the door was overpowering.
I was disappointed that it was Carlisle who answered. Id rather Edward had come through the door, fangs out. C
arlisle was so just human or something. Maybe it was the house calls he made last spring when I got busted up. But it made me uncomfortable to look into his face and know that I was planning to kill him if I could.
I heard Bella made it back alive, I said.
Er, Jacob, its not really the best time. The doctor seemed uncomfortable, too, but not in the way I expected. Could we do this later?
I stared at him, dumbfounded. Was he asking to post-pone the death match for a more convenient time?
And then I heard Bellas voice, cracked and rough, and I couldnt think about anything else.
Why not? she asked someone. Are we keeping secrets from Jacob, too? Whats the point?
Her voice was not what I was expecting. I tried to remember the voices of the young vampires wed fought in the spring, but all Id registered was snarling. Maybe those newborns hadnt had the piercing, ringing sound of the older ones, either. Maybe all new vampires sounded hoarse.
Come in, please, Jacob, Bella croaked more loudly.
Carlisles eyes tightened.
I wondered if Bella was thirsty. My eyes narrowed, too.
Excuse me, I said to the doctor as I stepped around him. It was hardit went against all my instincts to turn my back to one of them. Not impossible, though. If there was such a thing as a safe vampire, it was the strangely gentle leader.
I would stay away from Carlisle when the fight started. There were enough of them to kill without including him.
I sidestepped into the house, keeping my back to the wall. My eyes swept the roomit was unfamiliar. The last time Id been in here it had been all done up for a party. Everything was bright and pale now. Including the six vampires standing in a group by the white sofa.
They were all here, all together, but that was not what froze me where I stood and had my jaw dropping to the floor.
It was Edward. It was the expression on his face.
Id seen him angry, and Id seen him arrogant, and once Id seen him in pain. But thisthis was beyond agony. His eyes were half-crazed. He didnt look up to glare at me. He stared down at the couch beside him with an expression like someone had lit him on fire. His hands were rigid claws at his side.
I couldnt even enjoy his anguish. I could only think of one thing that would make him look like that, and my eyes followed his.
I saw her at the same moment that I caught her scent.
Her warm, clean, human scent.
Bella was half-hidden behind the arm of the sofa, curled up in a loose fetal position, her arms wrapped around her knees. For a long second I could see nothing except that she was still the Bella that I loved, her skin still a soft, pale peach, her eyes still the same chocolate brown. My heart thudded a strange, broken meter, and I wondered if this was just some lying dream that I was about to wake up from.
Then I really saw her.
There were deep circles under her eyes, dark circles that jumped out because her face was all haggard. Was she thinner? Her skin seemed tightlike her cheekbones might break right through it. Most of her dark hair was pulled away from her face into a messy knot, but a few strands stuck limply to her forehead and neck, to the sheen of sweat that covered her skin. There was something about her fingers and wrists that looked so fragile it was scary.
She was sick. Very sick.
Not a lie. The story Charlied told Billy was not a story. While I stared, eyes bugging, her skin turned light green.
The blond bloodsuckerthe showy one, Rosaliebent over her, cutting into my view, hovering in a strange, protective way.
This was wrong. I knew how Bella felt about almost everythingher thoughts were so obvious; sometimes it was like they were printed on her forehead. So she didnt have to tell me every detail of a situation for me to get it. I knew that Bella didnt like Rosalie. Id seen it in the set of her lips when she talked about her. Not just that she didnt like her. She was afraid of Rosalie. Or she had been.
There was no fear as Bella glanced up at her now. Her expression was apologetic or something. Then Rosalie snatched a basin from the floor and held it under Bellas chin just in time for Bella to throw up noisily into it.
Edward fell to his knees by Bellas sidehis eyes all tortured-lookingand Rosalie held out her hand, warning him to keep back.
None of it made sense.
When she could raise her head, Bella smiled weakly at me, sort of embarrassed. Sorry about that, she whispered to me.
Edward moaned real quiet. His head slumped against Bellas knees. She put one of her hands against his cheek. Like she was comforting him.
I didnt realize my legs had carried me forward until Rosalie hissed at me, suddenly appearing between me and the couch. She was like a person on a TV screen. I didnt care she was there. She didnt seem real.
Rose, dont, Bella whispered. Its fine.
Blondie moved out of my way, though I could tell she hated to do it. Scowling at me, she crouched by Bellas head, tensed to spring. She was easier to ignore than I ever would have dreamed.
Bella, whats wrong? I whispered. Without thinking about it, I found myself on my knees, too, leaning over the back of the couch across from her husband. He didnt seem to notice me, and I barely glanced at him. I reached out for her free hand, taking it in both of mine. Her skin was icy. Are you all right?
It was a stupid question. She didnt answer it.
Im so glad you came to see me today, Jacob, she said.
Even though I knew Edward couldnt hear her thoughts, he seemed to hear some meaning I didnt. He moaned again, into the blanket that covered her, and she stroked his cheek.
What is it, Bella? I insisted, wrapping my hands tight around her cold, fragile fingers.
Instead of answering, she glanced around the room like she was searching for something, both a plea and a warning in her look. Six pairs of anxious yellow eyes stared back at her. Finally, she turned to Rosalie.
Help me up, Rose? she asked.
Rosalies lips pulled back over her teeth, and she glared up at me like she wanted to rip my throat out. I was sure that was exactly the case.
Please, Rose.
The blonde made a face, but leaned over her again, next to Edward, who didnt move an inch. She put her arm carefully behind Bellas shoulders.
No, I whispered. Dont get up. . . . She looked so weak.
Im answering your question, she snapped, sounding a little bit more like the way she usually talked to me.
Rosalie pulled Bella off the couch. Edward stayed where he was, sagging forward till his face was buried in the cushions. The blanket fell to the ground at Bellas feet.
Bellas body was swollen, her torso ballooning out in a strange, sick way. It strained against the faded gray sweatshirt that was way too big for her shoulders and arms. The rest of her seemed thinner, like the big bulge had grown out of what it had sucked from her. It took me a second to realize what the deformed part wasI didnt understand until she folded her hands tenderly around her bloated stomach, one above and one below. Like she was cradling it.
I saw it then, but I still couldnt believe it. Id seen her just a month ago. There was no way she could be pregnant. Not that pregnant.
Except that she was.
I didnt want to see this, didnt want to think about this. I didnt want to imagine him inside her. I didnt want to know that something I hated so much had taken root in the body I loved. My stomach heaved, and I had to swallow back vomit.
But it was worse than that, so much worse. Her distorted body, the bones jabbing against the skin of her face. I could only guess that she looked like thisso pregnant, so sickbecause whatever was inside her was taking her life to feed its own.
Because it was a monster. Just like its father.
I always knew he would kill her.
His head snapped up as he heard the words inside mine. One second we were both on our knees, and then he was on his feet, towering over me. His eyes were flat black, the circles under them dark purple.
Outside, Jacob, he snarled.
I was
on my feet, too. Looking down on him now. This was why I was here.
Lets do this, I agreed.
The big one, Emmett, pushed forward on Edwards other side, with the hungry-looking one, Jasper, right behind him. I really didnt care. Maybe my pack would clean up the scraps when they finished me off. Maybe not. It didnt matter.
For the tiniest part of a second my eyes touched on the two standing in the back. Esme. Alice. Small and distractingly feminine. Well, I was sure the others would kill me before I had to do anything about them. I didnt want to kill girls even vampire girls.
Though I might make an exception for that blonde.
No, Bella gasped, and she stumbled forward, out of balance, to clutch at Edwards arm. Rosalie moved with her, like there was a chain locking them to each other.
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