by Jeannie Watt
“Your bed isn’t much larger than my cot,” she said.
“We’ll manage,” he replied hoarsely.
Then for the first time ever, Shae realized she didn’t know what to do, where to begin. Until Jordan laid a hand against her cheek, his rough palm warm against her skin. She leaned into his touch, closing her eyes. Then she covered his hand with hers briefly before stepping away and sitting on the edge of the metal-framed bed. But Jordan didn’t follow. He unbuttoned his shirt, peeled out of it, and then slowly he turned, allowing her to see the full extent of his injuries in the bright moonlight.
Shae stood again, then reached out, hesitating for a moment before she lightly touched his upper back, where the worst of the scar tissue lay, running her hand over the thickened skin, wondering if he could feel her touch as she traced over the scarred area, but knowing instinctively that whether he could feel or not, he needed her to touch him there. To accept him.
She felt him tense, every muscle in his back going rigid, but he stood still beneath her touch. Shae brought her other hand up to his back and caressed, her hands moving simultaneously, one over hard-muscled flesh, the other over the thickened skin where the grafts had healed, then over his shoulders, his upper arms. From there she slid her hands beneath his arms to his waist, then around to his chest and then lower, over his hard abdomen to the edge of his jeans. She hugged him from behind, laying her cheek against the damaged part of his back.
“I’d love it if you took off your jeans,” she murmured. “Or I could do it.”
“You,” he said, his voice thick with need. He turned and Shae hooked her fingers in his waistband, lifting her chin, inviting his kiss.
Jordan took her mouth, his tongue sweeping inside, challenging her to meet his need.
Not a problem. Her need was at least equal to his own.
She flicked open the button at his waistband with a quick twist of her fingers. The lower buttons of his Levi’s weren’t so easy, due to one massive hard-on pressing against them, but Shae managed to get the job done, running her palm over his tented erection with a satisfied smile.
“So you’re a boxers man.”
“Briefs bind,” he said against her mouth before pulling her against him. Hard. Shae pressed back, meeting his kiss hungrily as she pushed his pants down over his hips, shoving them as low as she could without breaking contact with his mouth. Then she let her hand slide over the hard curve of his ass before easing it between them to run the length of his shaft. Damn. He felt as if he was ready to explode, right there in her hand.
And she did not want to waste this erection like that.
There will be others...
She started to smile, then caught her breath as Jordan brought his hands up to cup her breasts, gently squeezing them through her bra before going to work on her buttons with his good hand. She wanted to do it herself, to peel out of her clothing fast and impale herself on him, but instead she swallowed hard and waited as he popped the buttons one by one, his fingers brushing against the swell of her breasts, her rib cage. She automatically inhaled as his fingers skimmed over her abdomen, then her breath caught again as he undid the last button and moved the shirt aside, going for the zipper of her pants next.
“I want you naked,” he muttered against the hollow of her shoulder and Shae almost lost it right there. Jordan Bryan wanted her naked. And she wanted the same and she wanted that mouth she’d sworn would never touch her all over her body.
In very short order she got her wish. Jordan laid her on the bed and started working his way down, tracing the tip of his tongue over her throat, dipping into the hollow between her clavicles, continuing on to lavish attention to her breasts. He didn’t seem to be able to get enough of her breasts.
Shae took hold of the bars of the metal bed frame above her head, willing herself to hang on and let him do this his way instead of trying to take control. But there were areas of her body that needed attention.
“Patience,” Jordan murmured, reading her thoughts.
“No,” she murmured and he laughed softly against her skin.
“Yes. Because I have a feeling the second I get inside of you, it’ll be all over.” He raised his head, dark hair falling over his brow. “It’s been a long time for me, Shae.”
“I understand.”
He put his head back down, continued to caress her with his good hand and his tongue, keeping his left hand tucked away. He traveled lower, lightly running his hand over her thighs, teasing her navel, then finally coming home where she wanted him to be. Oh, damn.
She bucked against his mouth and realized it’d actually been a long time for her, too, and she couldn’t remember a time she’d wanted something so badly as she wanted his tongue to continue doing exactly what it was doing now.
She came before she could stop herself, gripping the bars, arching against his mouth, then collapsing with a shuddering sigh.
Slowly she opened her eyes, trying to remember if her toes had ever gone numb like this before. “My turn,” she murmured.
“Uh-uh.”
“Uh-uh?” she asked, eyes widening.
“I want to be inside of you when I come for the first time in forever.”
“Do you have protection?”
“Always.”
“Not expired?” she said.
“Shae...” he said in a warning tone as he reached into the night stand and rummaged around.
“You said it’d been forever.”
“Brand-new.” He tore open the wrapper.
“You knew this was going to happen?”
He stilled and when he met her eyes she couldn’t quite read his expression. “Have you ever in your life wanted something that you didn’t think was possible? That seemed so impossible that you didn’t think it would happen, but on a whim, prepared for it anyway?”
“Everything always happened for me,” she said with gentle sarcasm, taking the condom from him and slowly rolling it down over his erection. “But I’m glad you believed in the impossible.” She lay back then, pulling him with her by the shoulders, arching her hips up against him as he pushed himself slowly into her until he was all the way home.
“What now?” she murmured.
“Now,” he said against her skin, starting to move, “I do the impossible.”
And Shae, who’d thought she was only along for the ride, discovered that doing the impossible felt crazy good and seconds before Jordan gave his last thrust, she gasped against his shoulder, dug her fingernails in, realizing too late it was his scarred shoulder, and came again.
“Did I hurt you?” she asked once she could speak.
“What?” he asked, rolling toward her with a frown.
“Your shoulder? Did I hurt you?”
He laughed lowly as he reached out and tugged her against him, wrapping both arms, good and bad, around her. “No, Shae, you didn’t hurt me. Now...let’s go to sleep.”
* * *
SHAE LAY AWAKE long after Jordan had fallen asleep, thinking about the impossible. Who would have thought she would have gone from sitting on her ass on a barroom floor to sharing Jordan Bryan’s bed? Having some of the best sex ever.
And she’d given as much as she’d gotten.
Easing herself up on her elbow, she studied him for a moment, taking in the dark lashes, the stubble on his cheeks, the natural upward curve of his mouth. He was gorgeous and the scarred side of his face didn’t detract. Not after she’d come to see it as part of him.
What was happening here? Was she actually falling for this guy? Did this go beyond raging physical attraction?
That gave her pause. She wasn’t ready to fall for a guy so soon after getting dumped in a more figurative sense. Not ready at all. But she wouldn’t mind more sex.
Was that fair?
Things to think a
bout, and she wanted to be alone when she did it, not distracted by the sight, scent and feel of Jordan Bryan. She started to ease out of the creaky bed, only to have an arm drop over her in an ironlike hold.
“What’re you doing?” Jordan murmured.
“I’m going.”
His hold on her loosened as he asked, “Why?”
“I think...we need our space.” She twisted around to nip his lower lip lightly, wanting nothing more than to stay in this bed and curl up against him, to feel him pressing against her in the morning. To make love again. “But I loved every minute of this.”
“A one-time thing, then?”
“I didn’t say that.”
“Good.” He reached up to bunch his fingers in her hair and pulled her lips back to his. Shae groaned against his mouth as she tumbled down on top of him. Minutes later she was once again beneath him, meeting his strokes, which were slower and more measured, making her even crazier than the last time.
This time she was the one who came too soon. And this time he didn’t wake up when she slipped out of his noisy bed and returned to her own in the bunkhouse. As if she could sleep.
Why did she need to be alone? Why did she need this distance?
Because for once in her life she was not going to go full steam ahead without consideration of consequences or how she affected other people. Jordan was still dealing with issues and until he got a handle on those, they didn’t have a hope in hell. She’d give him his space.
She rolled over on her side, clutching the blankets to her chest, the dampness between her legs reminding her of what it felt like to have Jordan inside of her. Right. It had felt really right.
So what now?
Excellent, excellent question, to which she didn’t have even a hint of an answer.
* * *
JORDAN ATE HIS solitary breakfast, drank his coffee. Debated about what had happened the night before. He’d given in to temptation and regretted nothing. Did he want it to be a one-nighter?
His gut said no, but when Shae slipped out in the early-morning hours, when she chose to leave his warm bed and spend the rest of the night on her cot in the bunkhouse...well, that was probably his answer. One-nighter. A novelty.
She’d responded to him. No doubts there. He’d hazard a guess that he was the first guy she’d made love to since the end of her engagement, which could explain a lot. On her end, anyway. He’d expected Shae to be a confident lover, maybe even selfish. He hadn’t expected playfulness, or tenderness. Hadn’t expected her to be so giving.
Or for himself to respond so deeply to what she offered.
He smiled to himself as he propped up his feet on the porch rail and tilted his chair back, enjoying the early-morning sun. One-nighter or not, making love to Shae had eased him over a very big hurdle in his life—sharing his broken body with someone else. Yeah, she’d definitely given him something.
Shae came out of the bunkhouse then, a rolled-up bundle under one arm. Jordan eased the chair legs back to the ground as she approached and then stood. Let the awkwardness begin.
But it wasn’t awkward when she smiled at him, pushing her hair behind her ear with her free hand as she said, “I thought I might use your shower.”
“Did you bring your own towel?” Jordan asked as she mounted the porch steps.
She came to stand in front of him, amusement lighting her eyes, but she kept her expression cool as she said, “You won’t share?”
He reached out to put his hand on the curve of her hip, ease her closer to him. She moved forward until her thighs brushed against his, then pressed closer, against his growing erection. Tilting her lips up, she practically dared him to kiss her. So he did, slowly bringing his mouth to hers, parting her lips, claiming her mouth. The bundle rolled to the floor as she brought her hands up to frame his face, her fingers splaying over his scars as the kiss deepened.
“That shower is probably big enough for two.”
“But is it sturdy enough for what I have in mind?” he asked against her mouth.
“I hope—”
She broke off abruptly, stepping back as the sound of an engine took them by surprise and they turned to see a Cedar Creek Ranch truck rolling around the corner and traveling toward them.
“Freaking Ashley,” Shae said, reaching down to pick up the rolled clothing. When she stood back up again, she casually moved about five feet away from him, telling him that she wasn’t going to be shouting about their liaison from the rooftops. Couldn’t blame her there. Miranda still signed her paychecks.
“Guess you’ll be taking that shower alone,” he said, his eyes on the truck as it rolled to a stop.
“Probably be best,” she said. “I’ll just get my assistant lined out first.”
“And I think I’ll go work the dun.”
* * *
SHAE COULDN’T TELL if Ashley had seen her and Jordan embracing. Probably not. The corner she’d come around at just the wrong moment was a distance away...and it was definitely better that she arrived when she had rather than when she and Jordan had been in the shower, doing whatever he hoped the shower was sturdy enough for...
Shae sighed.
Damn, but she wished she could have taken that shower. She was practically aching with the need to feel Jordan inside her again. Soon.
She got her wish later that afternoon, almost before the dust from Ashley’s truck had settled. Shae was in the bunkhouse, changing her clothes, when he knocked on the door. Just as the first time he’d kissed her, his mouth was on hers almost before the door was open and then she was backing across the room toward the cot, which didn’t seem too narrow anymore, pulling him along with her, shedding clothing as they moved. He pulled a strip of condoms out of his pants pocket before his jeans hit the floor. Seconds later Shae took the package from him, impatiently tearing it open and rolling it onto him. And then he was in her, giving her exactly what she’d been longing for since Ashley interrupted them that morning.
Later, as they lay on the narrow cot, Shae halfway on top of Jordan in order to fit—not that she wouldn’t have been in that position even in a larger bed—he lifted her hand and gently kissed the knuckles.
“Come up to the house with me. Spend the night.”
“This is all very sudden,” Shae murmured against the hollow of his neck. He laughed, but she sensed his uncertainty as he waited for her response. She propped herself up on one elbow, biting her lip.
“What?” he asked, trailing his fingers over her bare back.
“Not that long ago I was planning a wedding.” She felt his abdomen muscles tense beneath her palm, but he said nothing, so she went on. “I pushed people around to get everything just the way I wanted it to be. That wedding became more important to me than what it represented.” She hesitated for a moment, then dived into what she needed to say. “I know this is poor form, but I have to say it. Reed’s a good guy. He deserved better.”
There was an edge to Jordan’s voice as he asked, “Do you still love him?”
“Not in a way where we’d ever be together again. After he ended the engagement, and after I got done with the tears and anger, it was like the fog cleared.” It sounded hokey, but it was true and she didn’t know how else to phrase it. “It wasn’t immediate, but I started to see what I had done, where my focus had been...why a good guy dumped me.”
Jordan’s hand started moving over her back, lightly, soothingly. “What I’m getting at here is that I’m pushy.” He made no sound, but she felt him laugh and she smiled back. “I know, I know. It’s difficult to believe, but I am.”
“And your point?” he asked softly.
“I don’t know where this is going, how long it’ll last, but I love the way you make me feel. And when I like something, I tend to try to take over. I want us to be on the same page. To communicate.
To be honest with each other.”
Jordan drew in a long breath and exhaled before he said, “As you know, talking isn’t my strong suit, but I promise you honesty. I won’t let you walk over me, if that’s what you were getting at. And I won’t walk over you.”
Shae brought her lips down to nuzzle against his cheek. “That,” she said against his skin, “is exactly what I was getting at. Now...let’s go to the house before it gets too dark to see.”
* * *
IT HADN’T BEEN easy for Jordan to invite Shae to share his bed on a nightly basis. He hated taking the pills, knocking himself out while she was there, but he didn’t want to risk a nightmare. On the other hand, while they were together, he wanted to be with her. He had no idea how long they would last together—whether they could last after Shae’s contract was done and she went back to work somewhere in Missoula—but until that day came, he wanted her in his bed.
And every night after they made love he fought with himself as to whether or not to take the pills. It was Shae who’d finally brought up the subject.
“What do those do?” she asked as he reached for the bottle.
“They knock me out.” Sometimes that wasn’t enough, but usually it was.
“I noticed,” she said wryly. “The nightmares are still bad?”
“They suck. And they wipe me out physically.”
“So do the pills.” She smoothed a hand over his chest. “Wipe you out physically, I mean. I’m not saying don’t take them. I was just wondering...how will you know if the dreams happen less frequently?”
“I don’t want to put you through that shit.”
“You’re worried about having one while I’m here?”
“I’m not pleasant afterward.”
“What if I promise not to kiss you and try to make it all better?” He frowned at her and she said patiently, “What if I just gave you your space and let you deal with it?”
“What if I don’t want to have the dream at all?” he said roughly.
“Then take the pills.”
And he did. That night. The next night, though, he didn’t, half-afraid that the anxiety of not taking them would surely trigger a nightmare, but it didn’t. He woke up with Shae curled up against him. He pulled her closer. The night after that was the same, but on the following night he woke up sitting up in bed, sweat beading his upper lip, his breathing hard and ragged. Shae was standing next to the bed, hugging herself, staring uncertainly down at him with Clyde standing beside her.
