by London Casey
“Really?” Sawyer asked. “That’s great. I’m proud of you.”
“You did this to me,” I said. “The good and the bad.”
“I get that, darling. And I know there’s not enough dishes in the world to wash to make up for me leaving the way I did before. And there’s not enough pasta in the world to prove to your worried heart I won’t do it again.”
“I wasn’t innocent,” I said. “At all. I was jealous.”
“Jealous? Of what?”
“Everything you had,” I said.
“Kate…”
“No. Listen to me for a second. Please.”
Sawyer nodded and closed his mouth.
“I fucked you over, Sawyer. When the business was growing and booming. Things between us just started to get weird.”
“I know.”
“I don’t even remember us breaking up.”
“We didn’t, Kate.”
“Yet we tried to date other people.”
Sawyer laughed. “Yeah. Talk about jealousy.”
“Did you ever… with someone else?”
“Never,” Sawyer said. “I would never do that to you.”
“But after you left though…”
“I’m sure we both did what we had to do,” Sawyer said. “I can promise you, Kate, there is nobody else but you that makes me do this.”
“Do what?”
“Wash fucking dishes and draw pictures of dinosaurs,” he said with a smile.
I inched forward and rested my head to his chest. I sighed and groaned. “I’m sorry, Sawyer. The way it all happened.”
“Don’t be.”
“I am though. I purposely wanted to hurt you. To get your attention.”
“I think we both wanted that. Things were shaky back then. Tate and I weren’t seeing eye to eye on the business. We had that one guy stealing from us. I took you for granted, Kate. I just assumed you were forever mine.” Sawyer inched me away so he could look down at me. “I’ll never do that again.”
“I pushed too hard at you though. The night everything blew up. I purposely sat there to make you jealous. I told everyone I was meeting someone when I wasn’t. I touched Tate’s jaw, hoping you’d see.”
I saw the look on his face. That was a raw nerve to touch. But I had to say it.
“Touching Tate’s jaw… right.”
“Nothing ever happened between us. Truthfully.”
“Either way, darling, I don’t care. I’m not worried about what happened then. Just what’s happening now.”
“I know. I just want to make sure that the past doesn’t come back to hurt us.”
“It won’t. We control everything now.”
I moved to my toes and kissed his scruffy jaw. It sent a warm tingle through my body. “Thank you for everything you said today. I know how much you care. I want you to spoil me. To do everything you said. But at the same time…”
“You want to do it for yourself,” he said. “Because if it ever failed, you don’t want to be left hanging.”
“Exactly.”
“Then nothing changes,” Sawyer whispered. “I’ll come flirt with you at the diner. I’ll bring you fancy spaghetti and meatballs. I’ll help get the kid to bed. And then I’ll…”
Sawyer stopped talking so he could kiss me.
Our lips met and his hands slid around to my ass and lifted me. I wrapped my legs around his body and he carried me to bed.
Sawyer was becoming my favorite thing to wear at night.
TWENTY-TWO
SAWYER
1.
It was just one tattoo for the day but it took me hours. Greg was an old friend of Cass’s from back in his Rockstar days. He wanted a massive back piece, from his neck down to his lower back. Cass was booked solid for weeks so he asked me to do it as a favor. I was fine with that. Greg came in with a whole bunch of pictures and drawings and albums covers and logos for bands he played with. Basically his entire musical career in a folder and he wanted me to turn it into a back piece.
The tattoo was going to take several visits and long hours, but when I was done with it, it was going to be something special.
I even let Tate talk me into filming the entire process. Greg signed off on it too, not afraid of the camera.
I respected what the purpose was. To show the artistry of the tattoo. A lot of people just saw the finished project and never really understood what went into the creation of a tattoo. So I had to endure Prick standing in the doorway as I looked through the folder of stuff from Greg. And I had to pretend Prick wasn’t hovering over my shoulder with a camera as I sketched a handful of ideas, trying to figure out what patterns and shapes worked better than others. It wasn’t just simply slap some stuff on a piece of skin and hope for the best. You had to figure out the right way to do it, depending on the person’s body type and size and all that stuff.
When the outline was done, I patched Greg up and sent him on his way.
I sat there alone in my room and spread all my ideas out on the chair. Greg wanted a lot of colors on this one. Which was fine. I could handle colors. I could handle the shadings and anything else needed.
I turned my head and saw Prick standing there with his cellphone, recording me.
“We’re done,” I said and stood up.
Prick didn’t move the phone. He just smiled.
“You fucking moron, turn it off,” I growled.
I scooped up my drawings and put them on the table. Then I charged after Prick.
“Look at him go,” Prick said. “The original. The Saint himself.”
I put my hand over the phone. “That’s enough, brother. I’m tired. Bad enough I let you assholes convince me to do this.”
Prick ended the video. “That’s going online, bro.”
“I’m sure it is. Thanks.”
I pushed past Prick and found Tate at the front of the shop, talking to Danielle about rearranging the items in the glass counter. He forever had a goddamn folder in his hand.
“Try organizing it like this,” Tate said. “Get people to ask questions about this stuff. And the second someone says anything, you get Prick to finish the deal.”
“We’re putting the fate of our business in Prick’s hands?” I asked. “Jesus, I better learn to write a resume.”
Tate looked back at me and laughed.
“I can sell water to a guy in the ocean,” Prick said.
“Of course you could,” I said. “If he’s in the ocean, he shouldn’t be drinking salt water. You need fresh water to drink.”
“Oh,” Prick said. “Well… I could sell ketchup… no. Wait. A ketchup popsicle to a… how does it go?”
“Wow,” I said. “I feel dumber just standing here.”
“Prick,” Tate said. “Stick to what you know.”
“I got some raw footage of our hero here,” Prick said nodding toward me. “Really nasty too. Cursing at me. Ready to attack me.”
“Post it,” Tate said.
“Fuck all of you,” I said. “I’m leaving.”
I made it all of three steps before I was eye to eye with Cass.
“Hey, brother,” he said.
“Cass.”
“Thanks for taking on Greg’s project. Means a lot to me.”
“It’s what I do. Tattooing.”
“That’s a big one.”
“Doesn’t bother me.”
“Wish I could have done it. Can’t compromise my schedule too much anymore these days. Too much family to take care of.”
“Of course, brother,” I said.
“How’s your family life going?” he asked.
“It’s tricky. Trying to feel it out.”
“I know the feeling. One day I was a single guy tattooing people. The next day a woman shows up and says I have a daughter.”
“I can’t imagine,” I said. “But I know Jason isn’t my kid. So to be in his life takes a little different route for me.”
“Well, don’t fuck it up.”
; “Oh, is that all, Cass?”
“Just be there, Sawyer. That’s all you need to do.”
“That’s where I’m going now. I need a breather from here for a moment.”
“Have a good one, brother.”
We shook hands and hugged and I finally got the hell out of St. Skin.
I rode over to Kate’s, knowing she wasn’t going to be there. Her friend, babysitter, whatever she was to Kate, answered the door.
“Maggie, right?”
“Sawyer, right?” she asked back.
“Sawyer’s here?” Jason’s voice yelled.
Next thing I knew, he was charging through the apartment toward me. He pushed past Maggie and I hurried to crouch down and catch him. I lifted him up as Maggie stared at us.
“What is this?” she asked.
“Just wanted to stop by and say hello,” I said, knowing I was full of shit.
“Right,” Maggie said. “She’s working.”
“I know that. That’s why I’m here.” I looked at Jason. “Hey, big guy. I can only stay for ten seconds. Sorry. I needed to talk to Maggie about something. But, if you listen to Maggie and be extra good, I’ll come by later, okay?”
“Promise?”
“I totally promise.”
I put Jason down and we fist bumped. He went back to playing and I faced Maggie.
“That kid really likes you, Sawyer,” she said.
“I know.”
“What are you doing here?”
“I needed to talk about something.”
“Coming to talk to me behind Kate’s back. Why do I feel like this isn’t going to be a good thing?”
I laughed. “So I guess you know the story of Saint.”
“Right. You’re Saint. But you’re also Sawyer.”
“Something like that,” I said. “I need your help.”
“You need my help,” Maggie said. “Right. Please tell me you’re not planning on hurting Kate. Or leaving.”
I took a deep breath. “Just hear me out for a second before you get pissed at me.”
2.
I kept my promise and came back to see Jason. We played for a good hour before he had to start getting ready for bed. I had to admit that this whole seeing him for a little while wasn’t feeling all that well inside me. I needed to plan something out for me, him, and Kate for a weekend. A chance to hang out all day and do whatever he wanted to do. Truthfully though part of me wasn’t sure about how close Kate wanted me to get. Believe me, I had no intention of breaking anyone’s heart in this situation, but I wanted to completely respect her wishes as Jason’s mother.
We did the normal bedtime routine, complete with both me and Kate drawing pictures for Jason. He sat up in bed, under the covers, a blue pillow with a green dinosaur on it behind his head, looking like a king as he gave us orders as to what to draw and how to draw it.
I went with a coiled up viper with a really detailed face. A really nasty looking snake that would be willing to take on anything that got in its way. Kate went with a lizard that looked like it had the body of an iguana and the head of an alligator.
“So, are you deciding which one is better?” I asked Jason.
“I’ll sleep on it,” he said without hesitation.
I burst into laughter.
The kid was something else.
We fist bumped and hugged. I gave Kate some privacy and started to pace around the kitchen. I paused at the card on the side of the fridge with her lawyer’s information on it. I swallowed hard, wishing I knew more about the situation and wishing I could do something to make her feel settled and happy.
I kept a close eye on the door as Kate came from Jason’s bedroom.
“You’re up to no good,” she said. “You’ve been acting weird all night.”
“You’re right,” I said. “I need to talk to you right now.”
“Oh?”
“I’ll keep it simple.” I nodded to the door. “I need to go.”
“You need to go? Okay. Everything okay?”
“No, Kate, I need to go,” I said. “Like leave. Right now.”
“Leave,” she said. “As in…”
I walked toward her and put my hands to her arms. “You’re coming with me.”
“What?”
“We’re leaving. Tonight. You and me.”
“Are you crazy? What about Jason? What are you even talking about?”
I couldn’t keep a straight face for much longer though. I smiled and pulled her toward the door.
“Sawyer, this isn’t funny,” she said. “I have no idea what…”
“Look,” I said.
I opened the door.
Maggie stood there, smiling and waving.
“What is this?” Kate asked.
“We’re leaving,” I said. “You and me, darling. Maggie is going to hang out here for a few hours. To keep an eye on Jason.”
“What… are you serious right now?” Kate asked.
“Yeah,” Maggie said. “I can get some work done.”
“I need to pay you then,” Kate said.
“I took care of it,” I said. “I’m trying to take you out, darling. Can I do that?”
“Right. Yes. Of course.” A smile finally crept across Kate’s face. “Take me out…”
“Yes,” I said. “I talked to Maggie today and we’re good.”
“You did this today?”
“He stopped by,” Maggie said.
“Uh… Jason just went down,” Kate said. “He should be fine. Maybe I should tell him I’ll be gone.”
“Kate, it’s me,” Maggie said. “He knows me. He won’t worry.”
“Don’t look for an excuse not to hang with me,” I said.
“If you don’t, I will,” Maggie said.
“That’s very funny,” Kate said. “Thank you for doing this for me.”
“Of course,” Maggie said. “It’s the least I could do since you’ve been helping me with work.”
“So I’ve heard… I’d actually like to hear more about it. Are you her boss?”
“We’ll talk about that later.”
“Helping with work?” I asked.
“Yeah, Kate has been taking on work for me,” Maggie said. “Finally."
“Really?” I asked.
“I’m done with you two,” Kate said. “I’ll be outside waiting.”
I laughed as she left the apartment. I thanked Maggie for her help and chased Kate down. I slipped my arms around the front of her body and growled as I playfully kissed her neck. She squirmed and giggled. For a second, I was taken back to me and her when we first met. When time and life meant nothing to us. All that mattered was being together and pushing at each other.
“You’re crazy, Sawyer,” she said to me as I pulled her close against me, my front to her back.
“No. I want to do something I’ve never done before with you, darling.”
“We’re going to Paris?”
“Seriously? You can’t leave Jason for an hour.”
She stiffened and turned her head. “Is that a problem?”
We were inches from my motorcycle. I turned her around and faced her. I pinned her against my motorcycle and gently cupped her hands in my face.
“Kate, watching you with Jason and all you’re doing for him is better than anything in any other country across the world. I don’t need to see the fucking world when I can look into your eyes and feel it.”
I watched her swallow hard. “Shit.”
“What?” I whispered.
“You say stuff like that and I fall in love with you again. I thought I would only ever fall in love once and you keep making me do it over and over.”
“I just like knowing you can still feel it,” I said. “Come on, we have something to do.”
I climbed on my motorcycle and gave Kate my helmet.
There were a lot of dates I had planned in my heart for us to go on. With an appreciation for time now, I’d make all that happen. But for tonight there was on
e very special place I needed her to be.
I needed to make my mark on her for forever.
3.
“You brought me to where you work,” Kate said.
“Yeah, I know how this looks,” I said as I stuck a key into the back door of St. Skin. “But there’s good reason.”
“This is our hot date,” Kate said. “Why am I not surprised?”
“This is our first stop,” I said. “We’ve got things to do tonight, darling.”
“Right,” she said. “I mean, what’s more romantic than a tattoo shop?”
I put my hand out for her to take. When she did, I pulled her close and kissed her. “How about my hands all over your body?”
“I like the sound of that,” she whispered.
“Good. You’re getting a tattoo, Kate. Right now.”
“What?”
“I was thinking about it before. You never got a tattoo. You always talked about it. You lived this life with me for so long and never got ink.”
“Sawyer, this is really crazy.”
“Nothing big,” I said. “I know the perfect spot, too. And I know what I want to put on you.”
“Oh, so you’re picking out my tattoo?”
“Hell yeah,” I said.
“Is this how you do business?”
“No. You’re not paying though.”
“I’m sure I can work out an arrangement for payment.”
I laughed. “Yeah, darling, that kind of payment would work just fine.” I leaned down and kissed her. “But I’m still choosing what I want to put on you.”
I walked her into the shop and to the front. We stood there in the darkness and I held her close. There was something about being in silence with Kate that made everything somehow feel okay. The world was outside. The world was doing its thing.
“I remember when you came to look at this,” she whispered.
“The dream,” I said. “Amazing how time flies.”
“Yeah, I know. Scares me sometimes.”
“Why?”
“What’s time going to do to us, Sawyer? Promises are just words. Actions aren’t much better. You could be with someone for twenty years and then they’re gone.”
I faced her again. “I know, darling. Time gives us life and time takes life away. It’s all that in between shit that matters. You showed me that. I lost myself for a little while. But I’m here and nothing is going to change that.”
