by Meka James
Chapter 20
Calida
Walking into my house, I welcomed the quiet after spending all day with Malcolm and our families. As much as I loved them, I always felt as though I was being watched. How’s Calida doing? Is she smiling enough? How’s she acting around Malcolm? On top of fielding relationship questions, they all assumed the next step would be me moving in with Mal. It was exhausting to keep up with everything they expected from me. I now had to add being self-conscious about how much I drank after the comment Malcolm made.
Shawn squirmed in my arms, readjusting himself as he slept. Placing a kiss on his nose, I repositioned him to better adjust his weight before maneuvering up the stairs. He was getting so big, and he seemed to double in weight when he slept.
Dorian was coming in just as I got back downstairs. All I wanted to do was curl up on the sofa with a glass of wine and enjoy the silence, so I prayed she wasn’t in a talkative mood.
“How was the cookout?”
“Good. Sorry you missed it.”
She rolled her eyes. “You are such a crap liar.”
I walked over to the bar, grabbed a bottle of Chardonnay from the wine fridge, and pulled down two glasses. “I’ll work on that.”
I popped the cork, and filled one of the glasses, and held it out toward her. She took it from my outstretched hand, kicked off her shoes then headed over to the sofa. I let out a small sigh, realizing she had no plans to head downstairs. I filled my own glass, before carrying it and the bottle over to join her.
“Here.” She handed me an envelope. “Happy birthday.” I stared at her before taking it. “What?”
“You’ve not gotten me a gift in years. Most times, I was surprised you remembered to send me a text.”
She took a sip of her wine. “It’s the least I can do since you so graciously let me stay here.”
I handed her my glass, so I could open my present. It was a gift certificate for a full weekend getaway at a luxury resort in Asheville, NC—a romantic getaway for two. Et tu, Dorian?
Folding the paper, I stuck it back in the envelope. “Thanks.”
“You’re welcome. And it has a two-year window, so no rush on using it.”
I smiled, taking my glass back from her. “Two years. Well that’s nice.”
She raised an eyebrow and gave me a once-over. “Figured you’d appreciate that.”
I nodded, and took a drink of my wine. I did appreciate it, more than she knew, or maybe not based on the look she gave me.
“That’s new,” she commented, pointing toward my neck.
My hand went to the necklace in response. My fingers ran across the rough surface of the diamonds inlaid in the infinity symbol. “It was my gift from Malcolm. To match the ring.” My thumb rubbed across the smooth metal on my finger. I made a mental note to get the roses out of my car later.
“The infinity symbol, how very romantically cheesy.”
“Look, you can talk shit about me all you want, but not him. Understand?”
She held her hands up in mock surrender. “Whoa there, Sally, I wasn’t talking shit. Well, not really. While that whole never-ending-love thing is a little cheesy, I have to admit the sentiment is actually kind of sweet.” She stopped to take another drink of wine before grabbing the bottle to refill her glass. I held mine out to be topped off as well. “Daniel certainly never made any gestures like that. Hell, even his proposal was less than romantic, more like a business deal.”
I sat back, quietly drinking my wine, unsure of how to respond. Dorian and I didn’t do heart to heart sisterly chats. We certainly didn’t talk about men and relationships unless she was flaunting hers in my face, as she’d done for so many years. Now, for the first time since she mentioned getting divorced, she actually looked sad over it.
“At least he asked you,” I said quietly, before taking a large gulp of wine. I didn’t know what possessed me to say that, and especially to her, but it came out before I could stop it.
She frowned, “Oh, please, you know Malcolm would ask you in a heartbeat if he didn’t think you’d say no.”
Dodged bullet, she didn’t know I was talking about Seth. However, I hated that she was correct about Malcolm. Now, that he had Macy’s blessing in dating me, he acted as if we’d been in this relationship for years.
“It’s too soon to be talking marriage. We’ve been dating for like a month.”
“What’s with you? Really?”
“What do you mean?”
“In the few times I’ve seen you with him, you don’t look like a woman that’s in a new relationship. You look like me.”
“Huh? What does that even mean? We look nothing alike. You reminded me of that every chance you got.”
She circled the contents of her glass around before taking another sip. “Whatever. Don’t be mad because I’m the better-looking sister.”
“Dorian…”
“I’m joking, I’m joking.” She laughed. She actually laughed like she was having a good time and not as if she was laughing at me. The wine must have been going to her head. “Malcolm is crazy about you. Anyone can see that, but you...you look like you know the relationship is dead and you’re just waiting on him to realize the same.”
Holy shit. Who knew Dorian cared enough to pay attention to anything related to me? She’d not even been around Malcolm and I that many times since we started dating. If that’s what she saw, what did everyone else see? I drained my glass and discovered the bottle was empty when I went to refill.
“I’m gonna get another.”
“Well, at least when you get wasted this time I don’t have to worry about you puking in my car.”
“I’m not getting wasted. You drank your fair share of that bottle. And I didn’t even puke in your car, so why are you still bitching about that?”
She finished off her glass and had it outstretched for a refill when I returned to the couch. “Because, as you said, I would look for ways to hold it over your head. You never did explain why you were getting smashed in the middle of the afternoon anyway.”
“Have you found a place yet?”
“Wow, real smooth change of subject there. I’ve narrowed it down to two, a townhouse in Johns Creek and a condo in Buckhead. Leaning toward the townhouse, I think. More space, but the amenities at the condo are great, and it’s closer to work, so I’ve not made a decision. Or I could just stay here. It’s not like you’re planning on moving anytime soon. Besides, who doesn’t want to live in such nice accommodations rent-free?”
“So, to get rid of you sooner, I need to start charging you for inconveniencing my life?”
“I’m family, not an inconvenience.”
“That is debatable.”
I missed being alone, being able to take the mask off and be me without anyone watching. With her here, I was still on guard until I was in the safety of my bedroom.
We settled into an odd but somewhat comfortable silence. My gaze went to my painting. I stared at the lady standing at the edge of the cliff, ready to jump. Ready to leave it all behind in hopes that something better waited for her on the other side. Of all the things Seth bought for me, that painting remained my favorite. I envied her, and the freedom she must have felt in that moment.
“Well, I’m going to head to my dungeon and go to bed.”
I simply shook my head, and drained the rest of my wine, and stood as she had. “Goodnight, Dorian.”
“Night.”
I waited until she’d left the room before picking up the half full bottle, and carrying it with me to my room.
Chapter 21
Malcolm
Ginger frowned as she watched me flop down onto a third couch. Shawn attempted to climb up to join me. This was the fourth store we’d been to in search of the perfect sectional sofa.
“Babe, come tell me what you think.” Sitting with my legs outstretched on the chaise portion, I patted the space next to me. Shawn sat in my lap, w
ith his arms behind his head, and his legs crossed at the ankle mimicking my pose. “You like this one, buddy?” Shawn answered with a happy “yes.” “Me too. We just need mommy’s opinion.”
Shawn called out for her, arms outstretched. Ginger smiled and shook her head then moved the stroller so she could join us. Shawn quickly crawled from my lap to hers.
“Feels good, right?”
She sat back against the cushions, settling into the piece of furniture. “Yes, very comfy.”
“Think this may be the one.”
“Well thank goodness for small miracles. Shopping with you really shows you’re more like Macy than you want to admit.”
I sat up and placed a kiss on her shoulder. “I’ll try not to be offended by that comment.” I stood up so I could get another look at the couch. “I don’t think you fully understand how crucial the perfect couch is. This is not a decision to be made lightly.”
Shawn started squirming to get free. “Well, I think he’s getting to his limit. I see a nap on the horizon.”
I reached down for the fussy boy, swinging him up into the air. His happy giggles filled the store. “You need a nap?”
He shook his head before screaming out “no.”
I looked down at her, wearing a triumphant smile. “He doesn’t want a nap.”
Ginger rolled her eyes as she moved to stand up. “He never does.”
“Lucky for him I’m done.”
“How are you done? You’ve only picked out a couch.”
“It’s the only piece I care about really. The rest is up to you.” I leaned over and gave her a quick peck on the lips. “Let’s order it and then head out.”
Shawn and I headed off toward the sales counter. Behind us I could hear her mumbling about how it took four stores only to pick out a couch.
Ginger took the empty seat beside me. “Leaving it up to me, I’m going to put you in a twin bed.”
I turned and smiled. “I’m okay with that. Just means we’ll be sleeping really close each night.”
A smile spread across the sales lady’s face. Ginger frowned at me, and tucked strands of her hair behind her ear. Either she hadn’t made time for a haircut, or she was letting it grow out again. I hoped it was the latter.
Shawn fought to get free, so I let him down. He instantly took off, running away from us.
“Or I could make you sleep on this couch you spent so much time picking out,” Ginger rebutted, and ran off to chase down her son.
After putting the stroller in the trunk, I walked up behind Ginger as she buckled Shawn into his car seat. I took a moment to admire how nice her ass looked in the jeans she wore before wrapping my arms around her waist.
“Da-da.”
I smiled at the happy, but sleepy little boy. “Gimme a pound, buddy.” Shawn balled up his tiny fist, stretching his arm out to me.
“You two.” She pushed me back once she was done with her task.
Stepping forward, I opened the passenger side door for her. “Your place or mine?”
She cast a glance back at Shawn, who was fighting to keep his eyes open as he drank from his sippy cup. “Mine.”
I opened the door for her. “Thanks again for coming with me today.”
She smiled. “Don’t thank me yet. You’ve not seen my bill.”
I closed her door and laughed as I walked around to the driver’s side.
When we got to her place, I parked in front of the garage. My mind briefly went back to the thought that behind those doors sat his cars. I pushed the thought away.
“Want me to carry him up?”
She shook her head. “No, but it would help if you unlocked the door.” She pulled her keys from her purse and handed them to me.
Like the seasoned pro she was, Ginger managed to get Lil’ Man out of the car and up the stairs without waking him. Since we’d skipped lunch, I rummaged through her fridge to see what I could fix. She got back downstairs just as I finished the sandwiches.
“Nice to see you’re not totally helpless in the kitchen,” she commented, taking the plate from my outstretched hand.
“This is nothing. I make a mean bowl of cereal too.”
She laughed. “So, basically all cooking is left up to me.”
That was the second time she’d made a comment relating our relationship moving to another level.
“It’s probably best, but I’ll always take clean-up duty. You know division of labor, partnerships, all that jazz.”
She smiled but said nothing as she sat to eat. We’d had a good day. She was relaxed during most of it, playing around like her old self. It was what I looked forward to, spending time with her and Shawn.
Reaching forward, I took hold of her hand, and ran my thumb over her knuckles. “You know, if it meant having you under the same roof, I’d happily sleep on my new couch.”
Her eyes widened before her brow creased in a frown. “I was joking when I said that.”
“I know, but just sayin’ it’s an option.”
She pulled her hand free, and got up to take her plate over to the sink. I followed suit. Stepping up behind her, I put my plate in the sink then placed my hands on the counter on either side of her.
“I need to go check on Shawn.”
I looked at the baby monitor sitting on the island. “I’m pretty sure he’s still sleeping. Can we just have one conversation about us where you don’t try to run away?” I spun her to face me, and circled my arms around her waist.
“I’m not!” She shoved my chest. “Let me go, Malcolm.” She shoved me again, and I released my hold. She quickly backed away from me, wrapping her arms protectively around her body.
“Shit, Ginger, I’m sorry. I just want—”
“I know what you want, Malcolm. You make it clear every time you can’t keep your hands to yourself.”
“Whoa, what? What the hell do you mean by that?” I took a step forward. She took another back.
She started massaging her temples, keeping her eyes down at the floor. “Nothing. I don’t want to talk about this again.”
“Talk about what again, because as best as I can tell you shut down any real conversation I attempt to have with you. And now you’re making comments about me not keeping my hands to myself. I try. Lord knows I try to restrain myself as much as I can when it comes to touching you, but damn...you kept his name. You continue to live in his house. Hell, you even have kept all his fucking cars in the garage. Please just explain to me why you are so hellbent on not moving forward, because I just don’t understand. ”
She refused to look at me. I watched, waiting impatiently as she took slow breaths and mumbled low to herself. “Forgive me if I’m not ready for some man to once again force me to give up my independence and move out of my home into a place of his choosing. Been there, done that! You ambushed me into this relationship—”
“I ambushed you?” I took a step forward. “Is that what you think about me? About us? You’re comparing me wanting to live with you to that fucker forcing you to? Is this a real situation right now?”
I couldn’t believe what I was hearing. I was trying my damnedest to make her happy, to erase what he’d done to her, and she was telling me I was no better than him. How could she even compare us like that?
I took another step toward her, but Ginger put one hand up as a barrier, and the other clutched her chest.
“Yes...no...I...I can’t breathe…” She stumbled forward, clumsily trying to steady herself by reaching for the counter.
My arms went around her in support. I watched in shock and horror as she took huge gasping breaths. Her entire body trembled. What the hell was happening? Picking her up, I carried her over to the couch. Her fists tightened around my shirt when I tried to leave her.
“I need to call 9-1-1.”
She shook her head no. Against my better judgement, I stayed with her, kneeling beside the couch as she clung to me like a lifeline. I focused on
being her support. Holding her shaking form as she took rapid breaths, forced me to keep my own breathing under control to get her through whatever the hell this was. Her knuckles were white, tears soaked through my shirt, and I prayed. I sent silent prayers to the heavens for this to stop, and for her to be okay.
The minutes ticked by, and I mentally kicked myself for being such an asshole. I kept my arms wrapped around her. When the trembling stopped, I let out a long, shaky breath. Her grip on my shirt loosened.
“I...I think I’m okay now.” Her voice sounded scratchy. She kept her head down. “You can go.”
“Go? Like hell! I’m not leaving you right now. What just happened?”
“Malcolm, please.”
I placed my hands on either side of her tear-soaked cheeks, making her face me. “You just scared the ever living shit out of me, and you think I’m going to leave?”
She closed her eyes, and fresh tears spilled down her face. “I’m fine.”
My jaw clenched. Taking a slow breath, I spoke, keeping my tone low and gentle. “Calida, stop shutting me out. Please. I’m not the enemy. I promise you.”
She opened her eyes, and looked down at her hands. I watched as she twirled the ring around her finger. “I...had…or have panic attacks.”
Disbelief. A million questions fired through my head. How long had this been going on? How did I not know? Did Macy know? How in the hell had she managed to hide this from me? She had panic attacks, and I’d just triggered one. I sat back against the leather ottoman, watching as she continued to twirl the ring around her finger.
“It’s not that big of a deal,” she said softly. “I mostly had them under control but…” she looked up at me, seemingly deciding on if she wanted to continue or not.
“But what?”
“They...they recently started again.”
Recently? As in the one she just had recent? “When?”
She shook her head.
I got up off the floor, and took a seat beside her. My hands covered hers. “When, Ginger?” The look on her face when she gazed up at me sent my stomach into a freefall. “It’s me. I’m the reason they started up again.”
