“But I have it now,” I said. “And I don’t want to lose it. I don’t want to lose you.”
She looked as if my words struck the right chord with her. Her eyes watered, and she smiled a bittersweet smile thinking what we both knew but were too afraid to say out loud. We’d found what we needed in each other.
I leaned in and kissed her, my heart on fire with wanting. I couldn’t get close enough to her. I couldn’t kiss her enough or look at her enough or touch her enough. I hardly recognized this side of me, but I was desperate never to lose it.
“I-I think I’m falling in love with you,” I stammered. The words were the hardest ones I’d ever said in my entire life.
Her eyes widened. “Julian…”
“No, I mean it.”
“You’ve only known me a month,” she objected. “How do you know you love me?”
“This…” I said, motioning between us, “… is the only thing that’s ever felt real to me. That’s how I know.”
She looked to the side lost in thought. “How did we get here? How did this happen?”
“I don’t know,” I sighed. “I do know that it did happen. I don’t want to think about it too much. That’s how you ruin things. You know that, Evie.”
I brushed a strand of hair off her face, and she reached up to take my hand. “Do you believe in destiny?”
“I believe we create our own destiny,” I said.
“That’s not very romantic,” she said, swatting my chest. “Humor me. Don’t you think that maybe we were supposed to meet? Like this was some part of a divine plan?”
“I suppose,” I said.
“What are the odds that the stars would align so we could meet?” she asked, her eyes widening again, her words ripe with excitement at the thought. “All the things that have happened that led up to this. It’s incredible if you stop to think about it.”
I leaned in and kissed her neck tasting her soft flesh. “God, I can’t get enough of you.”
“Where do you want to be in five years?” she asked, her voice trailing as she likely remembered my prognosis.
I was never supposed to live past eighteen, and I’d spent my entire life taking in one long, tiresome day at a time. I never made plans for the future. I didn’t even know if I had a future.
“If you do believe we make our own destiny, tell me what your future holds,” she insisted. “I refuse to believe you’re still going to be living here when you’re twenty-nine.”
I stopped kissing her and rolled onto my back drawing in a long breath as I stared at the ceiling. I’d never thought about the future at all until I met her.
“In five years…” I said, clearing my throat, “… we’ll be married. I’ll be healthy, thanks to my beautiful nurse-wife. We’ll be living in an old Arts and Crafts bungalow that we so lovingly restored right after our wedding. We’ll have spent a solid year backpacking through Europe and traveling the world. When we get back, we’ll try to have a baby. It’ll probably be a girl, and she’ll look just like you but with my eyes. I’ll have gained plenty of weight, thanks to your amazing cooking, and you’ll trade your jeans in for yoga pants, but that’ll be okay because you look beautiful in anything. We’ll engage in debates as we listen to NPR after dinner, and we’ll retire each night with a cup of tea and a stack of good books. We’ll go on dates at least once a week, and every year we’ll take a vacation to somewhere new. Never the same place twice…”
I stopped when I noticed her wiping away tears.
“What? What’s wrong?” I asked, leaning over to comfort her.
“That’s so beautiful,” she said, smiling through the tears. “I didn’t expect you to say that.”
“Did that sound all right?” I asked.
“I’d love to have that with you,” she sighed with a smile, her eyes drying.
“Then it’s settled,” I said. “We’re doing it. We’re creating our destiny. And screw anyone who tries to stand in the way of it.”
I wanted to taste her on my tongue in a way I hadn’t yet experienced. I had to have her—all of her. My hands traveled down her side and slipped under the waistband of her pants before traveling south. Her breasts rose and fell quickly in anticipation. I moved down, pulling off her pants, and lowered my head. As my tongue waved over her soft, wet folds, I tasted paradise.
I could feel her body relaxing and tensing in waves as heavy sighs escaped her sweet lips above.
“Julian,” she moaned as she reached her fingers down and gripped my hair. “Oh, God…”
I continued, not wanting to stop. I loved her taste, like a sweet musk that could only belong to her. My hands traveled up massaging her soft breasts and lightly pinching her pert nipples as I lapped her up below.
My fingers traveled back down the length of her body, dragging along her soft skin and following all her curves and angles as if they wanted to memorize them.
“Oh, ah…” she sighed as she approached the brink of ecstasy. “I’m… ah!”
Her thighs squeezed around my head as her back arched into the soft mattress below her. Within seconds, she’d melted into a relaxed state pulling me up toward her.
“That came out of nowhere,” she said with a dreamy, satisfied smile on her face.
“You’re sleeping in my bed tonight,” I told her, pulling her closer. “I’m not done with you yet.”
I rolled over on top of her and propped myself up on my elbows creating a cozy little cocoon for us. Staring deep into her eyes, I said, “I’m going to give you the most amazing life, Evie Cawthorn.”
She scrunched her face and laughed as if I’d said the most insane thing she’d ever heard.
“I don’t know if I should sleep in here tonight,” she said with a pout on her full lips. “Your parents are coming back tomorrow.”
I grunted, rolling off her as reality began to sink in.
“We have to do this right,” she said, clutching her hand to her heart. “We can’t make them suspicious of anything. When the time is right, we’ll tell them together.”
“I don’t want this to end,” I said. “This week we’ve been having…”
“It doesn’t have to end,” she assured me. “My feelings for you won’t go away just because your parents are back. We have to put the brakes on for a bit until we figure things out.”
I grabbed her hand and interlaced our fingers. “Promise nothing will change?”
“I promise.”
“I don’t want to wait that long.”
“For what?” she asked.
“To start our life together,” I said. I’d staked my claim. I’d resolved to make her my wife. It was going to happen. “Who knows how much time I have left?”
“Why are you talking like that?” she said, her voice faltering as her momentary bliss completely dissipated.
“I’m only being realistic,” I said with a shrug. “We might need to cram a lot of stuff into a little bit of time. That’s all I’m saying.”
Death was a fact of life, always had been. Talking about the inevitable was, to me, completely normal.
“I don’t want to wait, okay?” I said to her matter-of-factly. “Evie, if you want to be with me, I can’t promise I’ll be around forever, but I can promise I’ll give you the most incredible life you’ve ever imagined. I’ll give you the life you deserve even long after I’m gone.”
Her lips pursed as she averted her eyes thinking about what it meant to commit to me.
“I love you, Evie,” I assured her. “I love you more than I’ve ever loved anyone or anything in my entire life. Marry me. I’m completely serious. Marry me.”
17
EVIE
Those two words—marry me. A week ago, I would’ve said no. I would’ve said this wasn’t real. We were just two lost souls taking sanctuary in one another and providing safe harbors from the rough sea of life. But something changed that week.
My mother always told me I’d know when I’d met the right guy because I wouldn’t be
able to imagine life without him. That was how I knew my feelings for Julian were real.
The thought of walking out of that mansion and never seeing him again left me with a void so deep, so black it would have been impossible ever to fill again. And the way he looked at me, the way he touched me, I knew I’d never be able to find that with anyone else.
“Yes!” I whispered, unable to contain my excitement as I nodded over and over.
He leaned over and squeezed me tight, kissing my cheek. “I’m sorry I don’t have a ring. I guess I didn’t plan this out too well.”
“I don’t need a ring,” I told him. “Honest.”
“Nonsense,” he said. “You’re getting a ring. We’ll go pick one out next week. I want the whole world to know you’re mine.”
My heart filled to the brim with warmth as I stared into the eyes of my soulmate, the man who was destined to love me, the man who had shown me I could love again.
“It’s getting late,” I said, holding my head low. The clock on the nightstand read just a hair past midnight. “I better get to my room.”
I slid out of bed hesitating to let go of his hand.
“I don’t want this night to end,” he said. His intense, hazel eyes honed into mine pleading for me to stay.
“Tomorrow’s going to be a big day,” I said, my mind still reeling and trying to wrap itself around the fact that I was engaged to be married to this man sitting in front of me. “We have a lot to figure out. Get a good night’s rest, okay?”
I leaned in for a sweet goodnight kiss and then sauntered out of his room. My bed was still made and untouched from a week of sleepovers in Julian’s room, and it was going to be very cold that night sleeping alone.
* * *
My alarm went off at 6:00 a.m. Wednesday morning, and I hesitated to get out of bed. I knew the moment my feet hit the hardwood floor it would mean our time of bliss and splendor was officially over.
I dragged myself to the shower and then headed downstairs to make Julian’s breakfast. I didn’t care what he said, I was still there to help him.
“Evie,” Caroline said, cornering me by the kitchen and scaring the daylights out of me. Her sinewy frame always seemed to slink and slither around the house popping out at the most inopportune moments. “I think we’re all going to have breakfast together today. Can you get Julian to come down? I’ve missed him so.”
I forced a smile. They must have just returned early that morning. “Of course.”
I hurried up the stairs, excited to see Julian, and pounced on his bed.
“Wake up, wake up,” I whispered into his ear kissing his cheek.
He groaned as he rolled onto his back and tried to pull me deep into his bed with him.
“No,” I reminded him. “We can’t do that, remember? You need to get ready. Your mom wants us all to have breakfast downstairs in the dining room.”
He groaned again. “Do we have to?”
“She said she missed you,” I said with a shrug. “Just do it. Get up. Let’s go.”
He took his time as he placed his feet on the floor, stood up, stretched his long, lean body, and shuffled his feet to the bathroom. I waited, perched on the end of his bed until he came out freshly showered and presentable, his dark hair side-parted and slicked over with Brylcreem. A cloud of fog surrounded him as he walked out into his cool bedroom, and his meaty shoulders filled out his blue plaid shirt which hung over a pair of well-fitting, dark denim jeans.
I smiled and cocked my head to the side as I admired how ridiculously handsome he was.
“What?” he asked, scrunching his nose.
“You look good. That’s all.” I couldn’t have wiped the smile off my face if I’d tried, and I couldn’t wait to get my hands on him again.
He walked to where I was sitting and placed a single, sweet kiss on my forehead. “Shall we?”
Our hands entwined briefly, then separated as we left his room and headed downstairs to the dining room. I pulled his chair out for him to show Caroline that nothing was going on and helped him get situated before taking the seat next to him.
“Oh, Evie,” Caroline said, clasping her ice-cold hands together from her chair at the head of the table. “This is awkward. I meant family only. No staff.”
My face burned hot turning several shades of crimson as I realized I’d misunderstood her.
“Can’t she eat with us?” Julian asked. “I’d like her to.”
“When was the last time we ate together as a family?” Caroline said. “Is that too much to ask?”
“Father?” Julian pleaded with his dad.
“If your mother wishes to have breakfast as a family, then we should respect that,” Arthur said dryly, his eyes fixed on the newspaper in his hands.
“It’s okay, Julian,” I said, forcing a smile and hating the fact that my eyes were welling up with embarrassment. Caroline sure knew how to make a person feel small. I ran out of the dining room and into the hallway.
She probably did it on purpose, I thought. That spiteful bitch.
Their voices echoing through the vast mansion halls, I couldn’t help but overhear their conversation.
“Julian, you look healthy,” Caroline commented. “You’re almost … glowing.”
“Thank you,” he replied, his voice low and annoyed.
“You’ve probably put on, what, a good fifteen or twenty pounds in the last month or so?” she continued.
“Yeah, something like that,” Julian said.
“I think the boy looks great,” Arthur said. “Whatever Evie’s doing is working. I’ve never seen him look so healthy before.”
“So, what’s her secret?” Caroline asked, feigning innocence in her question. “What was Evie doing that the last nurse didn’t do? Why are you all of a sudden so motivated to get strong and healthy?”
Julian laughed. “I don’t know what you’re talking about. She follows your little guidebook, Mother.”
“Just seems a little unusual,” Caroline said, her voice drawing slowly and with intention. “Do you have a thing for Evie?”
Her question was point blank. Apparently, nothing got past her.
“What?” Julian scoffed.
“I knew it was a mistake hiring someone so young and pretty,” she said. The clinking of silverware indicated she’d abandoned her breakfast in favor of having that conversation.
“She’s a very nice young lady,” Arthur said, coming to my defense. “He’s a young man. These things do happen, Caroline. You can’t keep him sheltered and hidden away his entire life.”
“It’s not about that,” Caroline snipped. “I’m not saying she’s not a nice girl.”
“Then what’s the problem, Mother?” Julian asked, seething. I could hear the contempt in his voice and knew that wasn’t a way he normally spoke to her. “Maybe… maybe I love her. Maybe we’re in love. Maybe for the first time in my life, I have a reason to live.”
“Julian,” Caroline said, pausing. “You don’t know what you’re saying.”
“Well, this breakfast is just lovely,” Arthur said.
“That girl is from a poor family,” Caroline said, emphasizing the word poor. “Do you think she loves you for who you are? Or can you comprehend for one moment that perhaps she has ulterior motives?”
“She’s not that kind of person,” Julian fired back. “You don’t know her as I do.”
“You can’t tell me some little tramp from the other side of the tracks doesn’t see dollar signs when she looks at you,” Caroline sneered, her voice filled with hatred and contempt. “Don’t be so naïve. You’re dying, Julian.”
“Caroline,” Arthur said with a rare boom in his voice.
“Shut it, Arthur,” Caroline spat back. “Julian, it’s time for Evie to go. She has crossed the line, and she’s not the type of employee I will have in my household.”
“You’re making a huge mistake,” Julian said through gritted teeth. “Huge.”
“Let’s not forget where the
money comes from in this family,” Caroline said. “I pay the help. I make the decisions. That’s that.”
I’d heard enough. I had to get out of there. I ran upstairs to pack my things, fighting off the tears that filled my eyes and made it nearly impossible for me to see what I was doing.
“Evie,” Julian’s breathy voice called from my doorway a short time later. I imagined him trying to get to me as soon as he could before Caroline intervened.
“I heard everything,” I cried as I ran into his arms. He held me tight, burying his face in my hair.
“I bet you didn’t hear the part where I told them I was leaving,” he said.
“You said that?” I asked, pulling away and looking into his eyes. “Where will you go?”
“Wherever you’re going,” he said. “Take me with you.”
He leaned in and kissed my lips hard.
“You won’t be going anywhere, Julian.” Caroline jolted us back into reality as she stood in the hall behind him. Her arctic glare sent shivers down my spine.
I turned to grab my bag off the bed as Julian’s eyes pleaded with mine.
“I’ve called a nursing agency, and they’re sending someone here first thing tomorrow morning,” Caroline said.
“That won’t be necessary,” Julian said. “I’m not living here anymore.”
Caroline smirked at his challenge. “Don’t tempt me, Julian.” Her gaze turned my way. “One phone call, and her career is over. You wouldn’t want to do that to her, would you?”
I ran past both of them unable to get out of there quick enough. I burst through the front door as I fished around for my keys, appreciating my rusty, red set of wheels more than ever before. I started the car and took one final gaze at the Garner-Willoughby mansion. Behind those impenetrable brick walls was the only thing that mattered to me, and it had been taken away in an instant.
I shifted the car into drive and slammed on the gas pedal propelling myself further and further out of that neighborhood and back to my side of town. As I drove, I composed text after text to Julian’s phone. All went unanswered.
The Beginning of Everything_Garner Page 11
