I reached for the door handle as I planned for a quick exit and a half hearted thank you because it was the only polite thing to do when Flynn reached for my arm again stopping me. “We need to talk.”
Slowly I turned and looked at his hand until he released me before I met his eyes with a chilly stare. “I have nothing to say to you,” I said restraining myself from a barge of ugly words.
“Hear me out,” he pleaded.
“You are a pompous licentious asshole, and there is nothing I need to hear from you but thank you for the ride,” I said closing the car door maybe a little too hard on my exit. I headed the short distance to my front door.
He must have turned the car back on because he rolled the window down. I heard him say, “What the hell is licentious?”
I said just loud enough as I fumbled with my keys. “Look it up,” I rumbled out. Cursing the door, my hand shook from anger. When I stepped inside, I closed the door never looking back. Only after I heard the car pull away did I wonder what in the name of hell could he have wanted to say to me.
Chapter Five
equanimity (n.) mental or emotional stability or composure, especially under tension or strain
I woke up feeling bad about the conversation I had with Maggie. She’d called elated to find out what happened with me and Luke. Instead I’d given her grief for bring me to a party where I’d been humiliated not once but twice by Flynn. Then to top it off, she’d inadvertently sent me home with him alone as well. I’d given her hell. In the end when she’d finally understood, she’d apologized only for me to feel guilty for making her feel so bad. So I’d ended up apologizing too. She’d meant well, it just ended badly.
Lying cross-legged with hands covering my eyes I’d replayed my conversations with Luke in my head trying to convince myself I wasn’t waiting for his call. That call had never come. I’d checked my cell phone first thing. It had fallen from my hand onto the bed at some point after I’d fallen asleep.
I heard my mother in the kitchen making what I assume was bad coffee from the smell that wafted in under the gap of my closed bedroom door. I wasn’t in the mood for conversation yet so I stayed in bed enjoying a lazy Saturday morning.
My eyes scanned my room and fell on the chair where the orange and white letterman’s jacket lay neatly across the back of it. That jacket spelled trouble more than the name Bishop that was arched on the back. I thought of the mysterious Luke. His father was a well known television evangelist with extreme numbers of followers. I remembered his father as a child when he was the pastor of the church here in town before he divorced Luke’s mother and married a much younger woman to pursue his holy television career. Despite his father’s obvious short comings, he’d taken care of Luke and his mother as they lived very well. With such a grandiose father, I hadn’t expected the quiet nature of the son.
Before I finally left my room to hunt for breakfast, I’d determined it was all for the best that Luke hadn’t called. Maybe he had been inebriated after all. Although I was sure he still had a quiet personality, maybe he’d just been nice and nothing more. That should have been a sigh of relief but it wasn’t.
With chores and homework done, I ended up back in my bedroom early afternoon looking out at the bright clear day needing to get out of the house and out of my head. I picked up my phone to call Maggie to see if she wanted to go to the mall or something and noticed I had a text message. I was so sure it was from Maggie, I actually sat on my bed when I saw it was from Luke. Apparently based on his text he’d fallen asleep last night and didn’t get to call but hoped I’d come to the football game tonight then to the Dewey’s afterwards.
Dewey pond was a very accurate description of the small body of water in our town used for recreations and the annual fireworks display. It wasn’t big enough to boat on, although some had in the past attempted small row boats. But it wasn’t a common site. Mostly, at least for my classmates, they hung out there in absence of anything better to do.
Torn, I wasn’t sure what to do. The pragmatic side of me knew I should instantly send a text message back declining his invitation. But the human girl in me roared to life as if her existence depended on it. That side of me longed for this and had waited far too long. My lists of reasons for just going were overwhelming that I found myself calling Maggie.
“I told you Eme, he is so into you. And he is really cute. He’s got that surfer thing going. You have to go. I’m going. Brent and I discussed this last night.”
I found it hard to believe they discussed anything other than the size of her tonsils. “I don’t know Maggs. He is cute but if he’s anything like his friend Flynn I want to steer clear of him.” It was a good excuse.
She sighed. “Yeah, I said that to Brent, but he claims that even though they are best friends in a lot of ways they are way different. He practically swore Luke was a good guy.”
Still I wondered when they’d even have time to say two words to each other. “Maggs.” I began.
“Come on Eme. Now we can go together.”
Her statement reminded me as usual how Maggie poured herself into whatever guy she was dating. It hadn’t really bothered me in the past because I’d had Paul to fall back on. But as fate seemed so against me at the moment they both seemed to be in the best part of budding relationships. I would be left on the sidelines alone.
Giving in way to easily, I asked, “Ok, what time are you going to pick me up?” My eyes again fell on Luke’s jacket in my chair. I wouldn’t give voice to the fact that I did want to see him. My resolve broke. I didn’t want to be the lone wolf on the sideline. I wanted a perfect relationship too. But later when my walls were up again, I would tell myself that I just needed to give Luke his jacket back. The game was a perfect time to do so.
Maggie showed up at my house an hour before the game so we could get ready. We were giggling in the bathroom applying makeup when my mom past the open doorway at the hall and stopped. It felt good to laugh and be a little nervous about meeting a guy.
I’d been the third wheel in Maggie’s previous relationships. I’d hang out with her and her boy de jour along with any of his friends. Occasionally I’d have an admirer in the group. It never bothered me to turn them down before. I guess what I meant was that I never really been interested in anyone seriously since Paul until now.
“Where you guys headed tonight?” she asked.
Mom had slept most of the afternoon in preparation for working another overnight shift at the hospital so I hadn’t had a chance to tell her I was going out to the game with Maggie.
“Football game,” Maggie answered enthusiastically.
Holding the doorframe and inspecting us, she smiled. “Have a good time,” she said before adding, “don’t be out late.”
Inwardly I cringed at her words hoping she wouldn’t add a time to describe late. I wanted to maintain my invisible curfew so I hastily said, “No worries, I should be home early.” I didn’t tell her I’d planned to go to Dewey’s. I would leave a note about that when we left in case something happened. But if I got home before she did, I would discretely discard the note because it wouldn’t be necessary.
When we were leaving, I held Luke’s jacket, Maggie gave me the wink and nod. “You’ve been holding out on me,” she said quizzically.
I knew she was talking about the jacket. I didn’t want her to read too much into it because after tonight nothing more could come from this thing between Luke and me.
“Oh, since you had my jacket in your car,” I’d sneered, “Luke offered me his to borrow.” I said emphasizing the last word.
She held up a hand in peace not wanting to continue our conversation from last night. “Ok, you don’t have to be snarky.”
We rode in song, singing our favorite tunes once again overcoming any bad blood. She’d promised not to leave me tonight unless I wanted to leave without her. I’d rolled my eyes at her when she’d added that last bit.
The place was packed. We were playing our rivals an
d the game was destined to be a good one. The temperature wasn’t yet chilly, yet girls lucky enough to be dating anyone on the team wore the letterman’s jacket including Maggie. I’d held Luke’s in my lap. She and I had gotten more than a few vicious stares from senior girls deciding we weren’t worthy of such treasures when we entered the stands. I smiled at their frowns. So maybe I’d brought the jacket to feel like I too was wanted. I’d been the poor girl who’d not had a boyfriend at school in all the years I been there. I knew I wouldn’t be able to give the jacket to him while he was on the field dressed in full football gear. Being honest with myself, I’d wanted people to see me with it. Was that wrong?
When Paul arrived, he’d sat a row behind us. I saw Amber wave from the sidelines in her way too short cheerleading uniform but I’d didn’t hold that against her. I knew she was a nice girl or Paul wouldn’t date her.
She glanced at me before moving back into cheerleading mode. I wanted to talk to Paul but I didn’t want to make her feel like I was trying to steal him from her. A girl like her would have power over Paul I couldn’t imagine and I didn’t want to lose him. So I made a show of putting on Luke’s jacket and turning to Paul giving Amber a good view of the name on the back when I leaned back to chat with my other best friend.
“Hey,” I said.
He looked at me with much curiosity. He wasn’t one to make flashy statements in public so I didn’t expect him to comment on the jacket. I answered his unspoken question.
“I know. It’s a long story, but I plan to give him the jacket back tonight at the pond.”
Maggie turned and stared at me. “I can’t believe you said that. You haven’t even given the guy a chance.”
I sighed again. I hadn’t thought before I spoke. “Maggs, I just don’t think I want to date him.” I lied softly.
Maggie swiveled around to face Paul. “Paul, talk some sense into her. She’s never given any guy a chance, except you.”
Great I thought. She would bring that up. “Ignore her.” I said patiently. “She thinks the whole world should be happy when she is.”
Maggie gave me a cool stare. “And what so wrong with that?”
I didn’t get to answer because the crowd got to their feet as our team made a push towards the goal line. I took the opportunity to step up a row and sat next to Paul when the crowd finally silenced after the extra point kick. Very softly because ears were all around I gave Paul a skimmed overview of last night’s events. He nodded.
“What should I do?” I asked.
“I trust you’ll end up doing the right thing.”
That hadn’t been the answer I was looking for as it was riddled with holes. What was the right thing? That’s subjective to the whim of the one holding it.
“He’s a nice guy though,” he said.
I shot him a glance not sure why he added that last sentence. “Flynn can be a dick and frankly I’m pissed on how he treated you last night and I told him so.”
My eyes widened. I didn’t know that Paul had come to my rescue. “Stay away from him, ” he added.
That was an understatement. “You don’t have to worry. He has no equanimity. I planned to never speak to him again.”
He smirked as if he didn’t truly believe.
“I’m not like all the rest of the girls,” I said. Ok, I did recognize he was incredible eye candy, but that couldn’t be helped. Of course I kept that thought to myself.
“I know,” he said definitively.
“Are you going down to Dewey’s after the game?” I asked, changing the subject.
He nodded. “I’ll call you later after I take Amber home.”
I nodded back before moving to sit next to Maggie again.
Our team won in grand fashion on the last play. The game was close the whole way through and would have legendary status for years to come. One for the record books I was sure and would make the senior year book page as well.
We made it to Dewey’s in a large processional of cars. Several spots in the front of the parking lot were left for the football players who hadn’t made it yet. Maggie, Paul and I found an empty patch of grass to wait for our prospective dates. The cheerleaders hadn’t shown up yet either.
“Maggie, Brent’s not as bad as Flynn but the guys no saint. Be careful not to do anything you might regret.”
I was glad our surrogate big brother gave Maggie that advice because she wouldn’t listen to me. She turned and curtly said, “That goes for you and Amber too.”
I felt wedged in the middle sitting between them. Paul was my best friend and was friends with Maggie by default. So we usually sat in this pattern.
“Both of you should be safe if you know what I mean,” I said with a laugh trying to break what could become a battle of wills. Maggie being the youngest with two older brothers, she resented another surrogate big brother telling her what to do. She’d just gotten rid of both her brothers to college in the last couple of years.
Their gazes turned on me just as the sounds of hoots and hollers preceded the grand entrance of the football team and cheerleading squad. Maggie was on her feet walking in the general direction of the cars now parking with a brief “see you in a minute,” phrase said off handed to me.
Paul leaned over to me and spoke softly to ensure nothing would be heard. But with the loud music blasting from what appeared to be another senior’s Jeep Wrangler with an amazing sound system, Paul needed not bother with the hushed tones.
“I know nothing happened with the kiss with Flynn but still be careful.”
I had thought about that. I’d wondered if maybe my mother had been wrong.
“No worries, I don’t plan to kiss anyone tonight.”
He turned and squeezed my arm before giving me a quick kiss on the cheek then he too was gone heading over where a bunch of seniors were gathered by the Jeep. I wanted to put my hand on my cheek to hold in the warmth from his kiss. Nothing in life was fair. I was still looking to my left to hide my emotions. The commotion of the team’s arrival came from my right where both Maggie and Paul as well was the rest of the student body seemed to be going to congregate.
Over a month ago, I would have been curled in my living room with at least Paul if not Maggie eating popcorn and watching Sci-Fi movies. Paul and I shared a secret passion for space and other frontiers. Maggie didn’t care but would watch anyway. But I’d lost my friends to the dating game. And honestly I shouldn’t be here. I was being selfish. I would make things right and give Luke his jacket by the end of the night and go back to my passive self and ignore the longing in my heart.
When I felt the person sit to my right so close, I inwardly smiled feeling happy that Luke hadn’t waited to come find me. I turned with a radiant smile to beam at him. I couldn’t help the emotion that bubbled inside me. The smile abruptly fell into a glower when I saw it was Flynn who sat next to me.
This just couldn’t be happening to me. I didn’t understand why he is fixated on me all of a sudden. I wished he would leave because I didn’t want any speculation about us. The gossip mill is a beast in high school. Nothing went unnoticed.
I scooted away not wanting to touch him. “Please leave me alone,” I said with my palms on my forehead in disgust.
“We need to-,” he began.
I felt hands on my shoulders and titled my head far back to see Luke looming over me. I was never so grateful to see a boy in my life.
“Flynn, Amanda is looking for you,” Luke said with impeccable timing.
Flynn’s expression was unreadable as I turned to watch him get up and leave. Luke sat next to me in the spot Paul had vacated. “Thanks for that.” I said.
“Is there something going on between the two of you?” he asked. It wasn’t an accusation, so I didn’t get on the defensive.
I frowned. This is exactly what I was afraid of. “Not in a million years. I don’t understand why he’s fixated on me.” I said before I could stop the words. I wasn’t sure why I’d told him that.
He
laughed. “He probably feels really bad about last night and wants to apologize,” he said with a shrug.
“You tell him I’m not interested in anything from him ever,” I said drawing out the last word.
“Never mind him. I’m glad you came.” He was looking at me with impassioned eyes. The blue shinned like stars in the darkness.
“Well, I needed to give you your jacket back.”
He looked down at me when I realized I was still wearing it.
I smiled. “Let me take it off.”
He put a gentle hand on my arm and said, “Keep it.” I knew he didn’t mean forever but rather a message that he wanted me to wear his jacket for now. I smiled again at him not sure what to say as my moral conscious was telling me to say the words and leave or rather run before it was too late.
We ended up leaning back and staring at the sky as we talked about school and some of the teachers I have that he’d had last year. He told me about current teacher he had that I might have next year. He warned me of the good, bad, easy A, and hard grader teachers. We laughed some more and made jokes and it was really nice.
Then he leaned up while I still lay on the ground and looked at me with those dreamy blue eyes of his. I knew what was about to happen but was paralyzed to stop it. Lifting on one elbow, he turned to me. Then moving down towards me, he kissed my right cheek then grazed over my lips to kiss my left cheek. The softness of his touch left a tingling sensation on those spots.
I tried to show equanimity rather than the all out panic I felt. With no other means of resistance, I got to my feet and shrugged out of his jacket. I held it out to him and let it go as soon as his hand touched it. “I’m sorry, I can’t do this.” I said and fled his confused expression.
I nearly ran toward the throngs of people in search of Maggie. I found her sitting on the back of a flat bed truck lip-locked with Brent. I didn’t bother to be cool or worry about breaking their little moment. I stormed up to them and demanded her keys. Puzzled, she fished them out of her pocket and I snatched them without a word.
Beg for Mercy - kindle edition v3 Page 4
