I am staying with Lady Briddlesworth of Houghton House at present, and I could not leave the area without taking advantage of your generous hospitality.
I so long for us to take up where we left off—your enlightened instruction on your family—our burgeoning friendship—and exploring the wonders of Haverford Estate.
I know you are a busy man and I promise to be as discrete and unobtrusive as possible on your valuable time. However, I believe we might have many satisfying evenings of pleasant conversation to look forward to.
You may send your answer to Lady Briddlesworth, Houghton House, Travistock, Kent.
Your Ardent and Devoted,
Fiona Fitzwilliam
John sat back in his chair and sighed. Yes, he had offered to have Miss Fitzwilliam visit again, but it could not be at a more inconvenient moment. Simon was still recovering, the wool was being shipped and he really wanted to focus on founding the new school for the villagers. Still, it might be lively to have an entertaining guest. And it might cheer Simon up as well. He needed to start reentering active life again, and Fitz might be just the one to help do that.
He took out a piece of stationary and quickly responded to her letter in the affirmative.
Susan thought it would be a nice gesture to offer to accompany Simon on a little walk outside if he was up to it. It had been a week since his arrival and she knew he was out of bed and beginning to attend the family meals.
After supper one evening she went over to him as he was leaving the dining room.
“Simon, I see you are regaining your strength,” she said. “Might you be interested in accompanying me on my walk some morning? I usually take various routes around the estate. However, we could make the walk as short or as long as you wish.”
“Hmm. That sounds interesting. I’ve not been outside yet and I believe it would be good for me. However, I think we should start with a modest walk and see how well I do.”
“Of course. We will tailor the length to your needs.”
“What time do you usually go?” Simon asked.
“About seven o’clock.”
Simon laughed. “Oh, Miss Susan, you greatly overestimate my abilities to be up and ready at such an hour. These days I don’t even awake until after nine.”
Susan laughed. “How very thoughtless of me. Then an afternoon walk perhaps? —while Elizabeth is taking her nap.”
“That sounds a great deal more practical.”
“Then tomorrow afternoon I shall come and find you—weather permitting, of course.”
“I look forward to it,” Simon said smiling.
Susan found Simon sitting by the fire in the smaller sitting room.
“Here you are. I went to your rooms.”
“No. I’m trying to live a more normal life now. I seem to get by most of the day with only a brief nap before supper.”
“Then shall we walk?”
Simon stood. Susan saw that he had regained much of his strength and vigor. His color had greatly improved and he no longer hesitated when he walked.
“It’s quite chilly out, even though the sun is bright.”
“I’m prepared,” he said, wrapping a large wool scarf around his neck.
They left the house and started on the path around the lake. There was a moderately biting breeze and Susan needed to pull up her coat collar.
“Are you cold?” Simon asked as he took her arm.
“Just a little, but I’ll be fine.”
“Thank you for asking me to walk with you. It means a lot to me that you even speak to me after the terrible way I treated you on our wedding day.”
“You might have at least written me a note explaining.”
Simon lowered his head. “I was out of my mind. I was angry, confused, and terribly resentful of John. I didn’t understand that he had planned to grant me a living. I stole from him, bolted, and behaved unforgivably to you. And there is no excuse.”
“It hurt me deeply.”
“Of course, it did. And I can only beg your forgiveness.” Susan nodded but did not openly forgive him. “I understand you cannot forgive me now, but I will do everything in my power to win your trust again.”
They walked back to the house mostly in silence. Susan was still struggling with some deep anger that she thought she’d released. But it appeared to have only been repressed.
Before going inside, Simon turned to Susan and, taking hold of her arm, asked, “Do you think you can forgive me one day?”
“I thought I had, Simon. But seeing you, and being close to you again, has brought up feelings of anger I thought were long gone. It seems it is I who must also ask forgiveness of you.”
Simon hung his head. “Then, I believe, we both have work to do.”
John found Simon in his room, gazing out of the windows, seemingly lost in thought.
“Brother, might I have a word with you?” John asked.
Simon turned to him. “Yes, of course.”
“You seem greatly improved. I barely recognize the poor tortured soul I found in those horrible rooms in London.”
Simon smiled. “Fortunately, I was so totally dazed I remember barely anything of the ordeal.”
“That’s a blessing.” John came over and stood at the window with Simon. “It’s quite the view—our estate—is in not?”
Simon turned to him. “Our estate? No. I think it is your estate. You made that perfectly clear to me all those years ago when Father died.”
John hung his head. “Yes. I did stress that, didn’t I?”
“Yes, you did.”
“Simon, you know the family’s stance on the inheritance. The estate must always pass along in its entirety. But that doesn’t mean there can’t be a consideration for your needs.” Simon turned to John and studied him, but didn’t answer. “We must discuss what you want to do with your life, now that you’ve recovered.”
“Nearly recovered,” Simon corrected.
“Yes. But that need not stop us from discussing what you want, and how I might help you achieve that.”
“Do you mean that, John?” Simon asked cautiously.
“I do. Tell me your thoughts.”
Simon took a deep breath and collapsed into a chair by the window. John sat opposite him.
“Please, share with me.”
Simon considered for a long moment, and then said, “I’ve wasted a great deal of my life so far. I fully acknowledge my mistakes and, knowing that I can’t go back and undo them, I must reassess my life and find a meaningful purpose from here on out.”
“And do you know what that might be?” John asked.
“I’ve had a great deal of time to reflect since the illness and there are two major thoughts.”
“Yes?”
“First, I want to reconcile with you. I cannot pay back what I stole from you and squandered, nor can I undo the break in your trust, but I can start to rebuild that trust and beg that you forgive me for my theft.”
“Consider that done.”
“And, since I’ve returned and seen Susan again, I realize I still have feelings for her. However, she still harbors me ill feelings and I know that she still doesn’t trust me.”
“That I can’t do anything about, Simon. And you should also know that she’s involved with a Naval Captain and they are considering an engagement. You can’t expect her not to have moved on.”
Simon sighed. “No, I can’t. But you say she’s not actually engaged yet?”
“Yes, that’s correct.”
“Then might there still be hope?”
John was conflicted by that question. He had his own emerging feelings toward Susan and he didn’t know what to say.
“That must be between the two of you. I can’t advise you on that. But what I’d like you to consider is how we might be able to work together. Do you have any interest at all in staying at Haverford or do you wish to return to London?”
Simon looked at John and said with all sincerity, “London was nothing bu
t ruin for me. I would love to explore any suggestions you might have.”
John sat at his desk in the library and couldn’t stop thinking about Susan. Ever since their ride together, and from the moment he lifted her up onto the horse, he couldn’t get her out of his mind. He could still feel her breath against his cheek. But then, as he looked back, he remembered the many small moments when he’d been stricken by her beauty or her exquisite sensitivity.
And, of course, there was her suburb regard for Elizabeth. He realized that, if not for Susan, he might still be neglecting his care for his daughter—separating himself from her young life.
But this was a very tricky situation. Miss Susan was his employee—the teacher and nanny to his child. And she was not of his class. But when had that ever mattered to him? He was already known amongst his peers as the rogue Duke—as he had so little regard for the trappings of his rank. In many ways, he was much more like her than he was to his father, the former Duke.
And then he remembered the great impediment—she was nearly engaged to that sea captain, and his spirits sank.
There was a knock at the door, and Miss Susan entered.
“I’m so glad you’re ready to work on the school now. Have you had an opportunity to review the list of equipment I gave you?”
John needed to pull himself together after his musings.
“Yes, I have and I see no impediment to moving forward. I’ve budgeted enough for what you suggest we need to purchase.”
“Excellent. Then what do you think about making the changes to the school building that we discussed earlier?”
“I think we may want to wait until the spring to make those changes. The house can be very cold to work in during the winter.”
Susan nodded. “Yes. That makes sense. Then would you like me to put together lesson plans for the classes? I could start on those.”
“Yes, and let’s work together on ordering all the equipment we’ll need. It’ll take time for the items to be shipped and in some cases installed. I know the kitchen is nowhere near being functional.”
Susan lit up. “Oh, John, I’m so excited about the school. I know the parents and children of the village are going to be so happy to finally have their school open.”
John was so taken with her glowing enthusiasm that he got up from his desk and went over to her and took her hands.
“Susan. You don’t mind me calling you just Susan, do you?”
Susan looked up at him with a glowing expression. “Not at all. In fact, I like it,” she said as she lowered her eyes.
“You know I hold you in very high regard.”
“Thank you, John. I am both humbled and honored.”
“But it’s not just for your service, but for you personally as well.
Susan looked up at him with a questioning regard. “But… John…I…”
“I know about your sea captain, but I can’t help myself. Susan, please, unless you’ve betrothed yourself to him please consider my suit.”
“Oh, John… I…” She removed her hands from his and turned toward the window.
“Susan, ever since…”
There was a knock at the door and Standish appeared.
“Your Grace, your guest, Miss Fitzwilliam, has arrived and wishes to be admitted.
Chapter 23
“Ah, John, how delightful to see you again,” Fitz cooed as she floated into the library, hands extended, to grab hold of John’s hands. But, as she neared, he took a step backward and withdrew his arms to his sides and frowned.
Fitz froze at the gesture. John was staring at Susan by the window and Fitz turned and saw her.
“Oh, Miss Susan…” She turned back to John. “I see you are engaged. Please excuse the interruption, but perhaps you might dismiss the help and welcome me properly.”
Susan heard Fitz’s words but didn’t register the meaning. She was totally overwhelmed by John’s words to her earlier. Her mind was spinning. John had feelings for her? How was this possible? But at the same time, she had to recognize that his words had stirred something deep within her that she now recognized had been there all along. She could not deny it, she responded to his declaration with a passionate longing.
She turned and looked out the window, trying to calm her inner turmoil at this new revelation.
“Miss Fitzwilliam,” John said. “You are most welcome, but Miss Susan is not the help and we are presently engaged in an important meeting. Standish will be happy to escort you to your room where you may lounge until I am prepared to visit with you.”
Fitz caught her breath and put her hand to her mouth, utterly confounded. She turned to Standish, and barked, “Make sure all of my luggage is properly stowed in my room. And I would like some tea immediately.”
She turned and swept out of the room in a huff.
Susan and John turned to look at each other, and at the same time burst out laughing. It gave each of them a release from their mutual tension at their previously interrupted moment.
Susan walked over to John and stood before him. “I didn’t know you were expecting company. I don’t mind leaving if I’m an inconvenience.”
John took her hands again. “You certainly are not.”
Susan lowered her eyes briefly and then looked up at him. “John, what you said earlier…”
“And I meant every word.”
“I know you did. And I’m not insensitive to your expression of affection. It’s just…” She winced slightly.
“Your captain. I know.”
“I truly care for him.”
“More than me?”
“Oh, John, how can you ask me that?”
“Then you do. He is your choice?”
Susan squeezed his hands. “I…” She shook her head. “I… I… don’t know. It’s too soon.”
“Then you do have feelings for me?”
“Yes, I do. But I don’t know what they mean. It’s all so sudden. So new. My head is swimming.”
John sighed. “Of course. For me too.”
“Then what? What do we do about this? It doesn’t make any sense right now. You have a beautiful woman who’s just come to spend time with you. And here you are declaring your affection for me. How can this be?”
“Miss Fitzwilliam invited herself. She is clearly out to capture herself a Duke with no subtlety at all. She’s like a vixen hunting her prey. But I’m not about to be her catch. Try as she might, her wiles have no effect on me, whatsoever.”
“Will you ask her to leave?” Susan asked, turning away.
“Not immediately. She’s a guest and I may not force her out until she is able to make plans to leave and has somewhere else to go.”
“Certainly that would be home, no?”
“You are probably not aware, but there is a certain class of ladies who are huntresses—constantly on the prowl for a romantic catch. They have no permanent abode but travel from house to house as guests, trading on their charms until they find the perfect mark—a gentleman with title and means. However, their charms have a certain end date and there is a desperation in their hunt which reveals itself as insensitivity and impatience.”
“But what about Sir Andrew, is he not her beau?”
John laughed. “No, his interests lie elsewhere.”
“Then I am truly sorry for her.”
John nodded. “I as well.”
Susan clasped her hands before her. “John, I need time. I don’t think we should continue our meeting on the school today. I feel we both need some time to think about what has transpired today. At least, I know I do.”
“Yes, I agree.”
Susan desperately wanted to talk to someone about what had just happened. She wanted to see her friend, Katherine, but that was not convenient, and she would not be the most impartial judge, as Daniel was her brother.
Susan knocked on Clarissa’s door.
“Ah, was just thinking about you,” Clarissa greeted. “I saw you walking with Simon. He must be improving.”<
br />
“Yes, I believe he is,” Susan said shyly, but not wanting to talk about Simon. “Clarissa, might I discuss a delicate matter with you?”
“Of course, come sit by me.” She patted the seat on the sofa next to her.
“It’s about John… and Daniel.”
“Oh… you’d better tell me about this. It suggests a problem. Am I right?”
Susan nodded and folded her hands in her lap.
“John has declared that he has feelings for me,” Susan said softly.
“Oh, my… And you for him?”
She nodded. “Yes, I’m afraid I do.”
“And where is Daniel in all of this?”
“Out at sea.”
“Uh huh. Do I detect a possible shift in affection?”
“Possibly. Yes. Absolutely… I don’t know. Dear Aunt Clarissa, for I think of you as family, what am I to do? How do I figure this out?”
“Well… This is a development. Not that I’m surprised, mind you.”
“Really? What makes you say that?” Susan asked.
“Oh, my dear… Are you so unaware of your effect on men? First, there was Simon… although he made a mess of it. Then there was your charming captain. So obviously head over heels… And can you be surprised that John might also have feelings?”
“But he was so devoted to Annabel.”
“My dear, she died years ago. He is a man. He is of flesh and blood and he has seen how entirely devoted you are to Elizabeth, how could he be impervious to your other obvious charms?”
“And you have seen this?” Clarissa nodded. “Then why haven’t you said anything to me about this?”
“It wasn’t my place to do so. He’s a man with his own mind and heart. He must speak for himself—and it seems he has,” she said smiling broadly.
“But we haven’t addressed my dilemma. How do I reconcile my feeling for both of these men?”
“Very well, let me ask you this,” she said, picking up her knitting and returning to the socks she was making for Elizabeth. “How would you describe what you feel—physically—when you are with each man? Can you do that?”
Susan gave that some thought. “Well, Daniel makes me feel warm, safe, and comfortable.”
The Governess Who Stole My Heart: A Historical Regency Romance Novel Page 20
