"Remy, you here?" Bauer’s voice echoes through the house and I sigh.
"Just up in the library," I call out, knowing now that I don't have to shout for him to hear me. The stairs creak as he makes his way up to me, finding me in his corner, books scattered around me and my head on the table.
"You okay?" he asks, sitting opposite me. "This is some heavy reading."
He lifts the books, chuckling at some of the titles I pulled out.
"I just wanted to find a way to trigger some memories, I hate not knowing everything, being in this limbo. I feel like I'm trying to do a jigsaw puzzle, but half of the pieces are missing," I groan, and I hate myself for it. I've never been this whiney.
"I get that, god knows we've all been there, but sometimes there is no way to trigger them. They either come or they don't. Is there something specific you're trying to unlock?" he looks at me, sincere, never suspecting the truth.
"Kind of, but I don't know exactly what's going on, so I don't even know where to go to trigger it," I half lie, deciding that tonight, Kain is getting a barrage of questions, whether he wants them or not. Even if he can't answer everything, hopefully filling in the gaps will help some things make more sense. Even if only a little, or to nudge me closer to the truth of things.
"Well, if there's anything I can do to help, just ask, and if I can answer, I will." he smiles at me and pats my hand.
"Do you know where I hid my journals?" I ask him, hopeful, but not expecting an answer really.
"I don't, sorry. You were always very protective of them. We even tried a treasure hunt once, when we were bored to try and discover the truth, but no, I have no idea. Sorry."
"It's okay, was worth a shot." I shrug and smile. "How is Dad?" he asks, standing with me.
"He's the same," I tell him as we head back down. I've been up here for hours barely moving, and oh man can I feel it. Sitting pouring over books is not something I do very often.
“Okay. At least he’s no worse.” He breathes a sigh of relief and I feel bad that I’ve not been more concerned, yet again wrapped up in my own drama.
“I’m going to head home for a bit, then to my class. I’ve got to swing by the bar and pick up my stuff after, but I’ll be back tonight okay?”
“Yeah that’s fine, I cleared the next few days so I can be here. You don’t need to worry about coming back if you’ve got stuff going on.” He smiles and pulls be in for a bear hug. I sink into him; the comfort and safety of my big brother has always been the same. Always my protector. Always looking out for me.
“Thanks Bauer, I’ll text you and let you know if stuff changes, but if not, expect me back.” I grab my stuff from beside the door, along with a bag of laundry I found by the washer. “I’m taking the laundry with me; I’ll get it done at mine and bring it back later.”
“Thanks Remy.” He smiles at me as I wave when I leave.
I wonder if he’d be so thankful and understanding if he knew where I was really heading tonight.
Eighteen
The shadows wrap around me like a second skin. While Kain said to meet at dusk, the sun was hidden today,
and so darkness came in quickly. Having checked the perimeter, I walk towards the abandoned hotel, straight up the front steps. I slip in through the huge wooden doors, as quietly as I can.
The entry hall is a big open space, with stairs on either side of the room. This must be where I heard them the other day. I step forward, and the wooden floor creaks beneath my feet, making me flinch.
"You came." Kain's voice echoes through the room down to me. I look up and see him stood on the first-floor mezzanine. I wonder how I could have not remembered him fully, because the way my heart races upon just seeing him, I know I recognize him on a deeper level.
He moves humanly slow as he walks down the stairs, meeting me in the middle of the room. I gasp as he caresses my cheek, cupping my chin as he joins me, so close to me it’s hard to see where he ends, and I begin. My hands reach up to his arms almost instinctively, his muscles jump beneath my touch and his eyes almost glow.
"I did not know if you would." His words caress my skin, and I sigh as he lowers his head and kisses me softly, just a whisper of his lips upon mine. "I missed you, mon amour. It feels like it has been forever since my heart felt yours."
He rests his forehead on mine and pulls me tight into his embrace. His scent fills my nose and memories flood me. Our times together. The laughter, the love, but the darkness too. The secrets, the hiding, the fear.
"I remember," I gasp. "So much... and yet…" words escape me, because there are still so many holes, but one thing I know, with every part of me, is that loving Kain was not a choice, not a plot. Loving him was something that swept me up and carried me away. Made me realize so much wasn't right.
"My first life... you were there... you showed me the truth."
"As I will always do, my love. You brought me back to life, our meeting in Paris is one of the fondest memories I have, and I will cherish it for my entire existence. I have searched for you every life you've had since then. I have always found you, and I always will." He kisses me again, and I feel it in every inch of my body. My toes curl at the rush of love that sweeps through me and I tangle my fingers in his hair.
"You cut your hair," I smile. "It was longer when I saw you last?"
"It was, but these modern times called for a change. Much about you has changed, but you are still my Remy."
"I don't understand... there is so much still missing." I’ve just gained a whole load more new memories and yet I’m more confused than ever.
"I know, and I wish I could answer all of the questions I know you have, but I cannot. You always told me that I should not. Not until it was time, and not enough time has yet passed."
I frown at his words, but I can feel the truth of them. "Past me is a pain in my ass."
He chuckles and pulls me into his arms again. "You say the same thing in each life mon amour, but each time, you are thankful for it. Eventually at least."
"How did you find me?" I ask, hopeful that he can at least answer that. He pulls back and leads me over to the sofas in the corner of the room, sitting, but keeping contact with me, as if unwilling to let me go again.
He loosens the collar of his shirt, and pulls from it a necklace that looks suspiciously like the talisman of Fallon's, except the gemstone is red. "This was made for us, by Antoine Laveau, it contains your blood, and it heats when your life is restarted. It always takes me time to reach you, and sometimes, sometimes life is at a point where I cannot make myself known to you, but I am always there, even if only in the shadows to guide you. To help where I can." His eyes are sad, and it breaks my heart. "At least, I have found you now, before it is too late. This life, I will not let you go so easy as I have before. I have missed you too much and searched too hard. Darkness is coming, and I will not let you be taken away by it."
I sigh at his declaration, because while that explains the dreams, the feelings I have for Creek do not make anything any easier for me. I’m also curious about what he means by darkness is coming, but that’s another thing for future Remy to deal with.
"I know your heart does not belong solely to me, I made my peace with that long ago, but if you will let me be a part of your life, let me back into your heart, I will love you and treasure you with all I am. Protect you with every tool at my disposal." He kisses me again, and I lose myself in him, forgetting any and all questions I might have in this moment, barely taking a breath when he moves me so I straddle him. His hands roam my body, lighting a fire in their path.
"I have missed you so much, I cannot say, but you cannot stay here, Remy. It is not safe for us." His words bring me back to reality and I sigh. "Believe me, I dislike this as much as you do."
He chuckles, his hardness beneath me proof of his words. "I have somewhere, unknown to those who would betray us, but you should know that Roman arrived here. I know you and he... have history." His face shutters, unreadable, an
d I realize, that beyond the dream I had with Roman, that there may be more to it. "I should not say a thing, but I do not know why he would risk coming here. Not with the elders still not scattered and especially with my clan having declared the territory. It is unusual. I am still waiting to hear from him, but I want you to be prepared if you come across him or his kind."
"Thank you," I tell him with a small smile. "My brothers told me the Dracul presence here is substantial currently, is that you too?"
"It is not. I came here because of rumors; rumors I hope cannot possibly be true. It was happenstance that we crossed paths, but I have never been so thankful to the fates for it."
I frown, because rumors that strike fear in the heart of the King of the Dracul, the warrior who built civilizations as easily as he tore them down, is something to be afraid of, no matter what the threat.
"Is there anything I can do? Can I help?" I ask, his blue eyes meeting mine, and they soften.
"Not yet my love, I do not wish to put you in any more danger than you're in until you are ready. You will kick me at that point for protecting you, I'm sure, but regardless, I will take the punishment. You are my heart, and I will always protect you, even from yourself." I sigh, and lean forward, my head on his chest.
"We must not linger here, but I couldn't go any longer without seeing you. Can I see you again?" he strokes my hair and I melt against him once again.
"Of course, but I need to tell you, that Creek... he and I... it is complicated," I say quietly.
"It is always complicated mon amour. I do not wish to share you, but if the only way I can have you is to do so, then I will."
I shake my head, the thought of it impossible. To love them both. To be able to have them both. I mean, as far as ideas go it’s not the worst. But Creek would never... he would never accept that I could love someone that he hates so much. Right?
I say nothing, just taking comfort in his arms for the small amount of time we have left together tonight.
"We must go, Remy," he sighs, though his arms tighten around me.
"Okay," I agree, but I have never felt more unwilling to leave. "How will I see you again?"
He smiles down at me as I lean back and pulls a cellphone from his jeans. "Modern technology is a wonderful thing."
He passes it to me, and I put my number in. My phone pings seconds after handing it back to him.
"Now you can reach me whenever you need." He smiles before leaning forward and kissing me softly again. I sigh as we part and he lifts me with ease to my feet, standing swiftly as he does.
"I will leave first, ensure it is safe. Wait two minutes before you leave." He runs his thumb across my lips, his eyes flash with heat, and then in an instant he is gone.
My heart thunders in my chest as my brain swims with this new knowledge, the love, the pain, all of it. It threatens to overwhelm me, but I take a deep breath and shove it down. Later.
Later I can sift through everything, but for now, I have to get myself together. I wait the two minutes he requested before I leave and walk on silent feet back to my mustang, parked three blocks away. I pull the keys from my pocket and unlock the car. A breeze rushes past me, his scent hits my senses, and I know that that was his goodbye. That he kept me safe, even when I didn't realize. Just as he promised he would.
I pull the car up in the driveway at my dad’s and rest my head on my steering wheel. So much happened tonight, even though so little transpired. Chunks of my memory still float out of my reach, and I can't help the frustration I feel. The guilt from my selfishness reaches up and hits me as I realize I haven't thought about my dad once since I left here. I groan and shake off what I’ve learned tonight. My dad needs me, even if he's still unconscious. I need to get a grip of myself. My family have always been there for me. Have helped me, even when I didn't want or need it. The least I can do is be here, and be present, rather than being wrapped up in my own shit.
I climb out of the car, take a deep breath and head into the house where I find Bauer and Creek sat around the table, talking in hushed voices.
"Remy," Creek says, seeing me first giving me a look that could make a girl swoon. Bauer’s head flicks to me and he gives me a taut smile.
"What’s wrong?" I ask wearily. "Is it Dad?"
"Oh, gods, no. Dad is fine," Bauer says quickly. "Sorry. We just got news from Archer. Roman Knight has been spotted in the city, and nobody seems to know why."
I feign shock and sit beside them. "Roman Knight, alpha of the alphas, right?"
"The one and only," Creek says, and I can see the fear flicker in his eyes, it disappears a second later, but I tuck it away to look into later.
"Have you guys met him before?" I ask, looking between them. Bauer shakes his head, but Creek nods.
"Just once."
"And he still lives?" I ask, knowing that the opportunity for any Hunter would have been too great to pass up on.
"It's complicated," his voice strains before he drains the rest of the glass in front of him.
"I won't ask." I say and he relaxes a little. "I'm getting the impression that questions are not the way forward," I laugh, and Bauer shoots me a look.
"What? Every time I ask a question, I get told to wait. So I'm waiting, kind of." I stick my tongue out at him and he shakes his head.
"Only you could hear that Roman Knight is in town and shrug it off like I just told you what's for dinner," Bauer says while rolling his eyes at me.
"Well I mean, he hasn't caused any trouble yet, or you'd have said something. And since the Dracul activity is up in town too, something is obviously happening. Maybe we need to dig a little deeper. Maybe I can look into it?" I offer, shrugging my shoulders, like I'm doing this for them, not to meet Roman. I mean, really, it’s for both reasons, but they don’t need to know that, and since Dad is okay, I don't see how offering myself up could hurt.
"Not a chance in hell, Remy," Creek says, gripping his glass so tight I fear it might shatter. "You're still going through your awakening. He'd chew you up and spit you out."
"Oh shut the fuck up." I roll my eyes and they both gawk at me, mouths open. "What? He doesn't know that I don't have all of my memories back. And it’s not like I was suggesting I just rock up and knock on his door, announcing myself. I was just going to poke around. I want to be useful, and you guys keep pushing me back. I get it, you want to protect me, but did you ever think that maybe I don't need you to protect me. I've heard stories and remembered even more at this point. I might not have everything, but I know for sure that I'm not some god damned helpless freaking fairy princess who needs to be locked in a god damned tower."
I hadn't realized how much it was getting to me, everyone trying to protect me, and as much as I appreciate where they're coming from, I'm starting to feel stifled. Like they're trying to clip my wings.
"Well, I guess more of the old Remy is back than I realized," Bauer says with a frown. He stands from the table and leaves the room without so much as a backward glance.
"What crawled up his ass?" I ask Creek, who's just looking at me like he doesn't know where to start.
"Remy, Bauer has seen you rush into things more times than he can count, and while you're some person of legend, you're still his little sister, and he's nearly lost you too many times. He might have only been around for six of your twelve lives, but he feels the loss of you each and every time. He is the cautious brother, he thinks before he acts, unlike you and Colt who act first and damn the consequences."
"Oh," I say, unsure what else to say, especially when he seems so disappointed.
"Yeah. So maybe just try not to rush into danger so much before you remember. I know it goes against your nature, against the very grain of who you are, but with your mum gone, your dad already riding the line, and Colt not here, Bauer is struggling. Even more so with this new Hunter killing material that no-one seems to have a clue about."
"I didn't know," I say quietly, and reach over, finishing the whiskey Bauer left behind.
"I know you didn't, you have a tendency to get a little wrapped up in your own head, and that's fine. We love you, and we wouldn't change a thing about you. Usually you're wrapped up because you're trying to keep one of us out of the line of fire, but just for now, take it easy? Don't go rushing off into the night with any heroics, okay?"
"I can do that." I sigh. Fuck my life, poor Bauer. I'm such a selfish bitch right now, and I kind of hate myself for it. "Is there anything I can do here?"
"No, Bauer's got everything handled. Just be here for him, especially until Colt comes back." I nod at him and slump in my chair.
"Sorry." I sigh again, and he puts his hand on my thigh. "Don't be sorry, Remy. Just, just know that you have people counting on you, watching out for you, even when you don't want it."
"Are you okay?" I ask, noticing how tired he looks.
"I'm fine, I've just been helping Dad look into the material in the bullets we pulled out of your dad. No-one's heard even a whisper about it, and its composition is so strange."
"I'm sure your dad will work it out." I smile and squeeze his hand.
"I hope so, because the other factions are deadly enough. With this at their disposal, they could wipe us all from the earth, and wreak havoc until we begin to cycle back." his head drops against his chest, and it hurts me to see him so harrowed.
I stand and wrap my arms around his shoulders. He turns and buries his face in my stomach, his arms tight around me. A shudder runs through me, and I wonder again how I can care so deeply, react so extremely to both him and Kain.
Especially knowing that despite Kain's declaration that he would share me, I will have to give one of them up. I’m not sure I could ever choose and I sure as hell couldn't be with them both and lie to one of them. It is bad enough the lies and secrets I carry already.
I stroke his hair and just hold him, until the tightness in his shoulders seems to subside. Creek has always been a sensitive soul. So strong, so willing to carry the burdens of others, but so unwilling to let others carry the weight on his shoulders. It is a privilege that he still lets me be that person for him.
A Crown of Blood and Bone: Paranormal Romance (The Shadow Walkers Saga Book 1) Page 18
