“You wouldn’t…” he said, his mouth wide.
“Of course not.” I smirked. “As long as you don’t say anything about tonight.”
“Deal.” He nodded. “I won’t tell if you don’t tell.”
We parted ways, and I was halfway to the park when I realized something that had been nagging at the back of my mind.
Eric was searching for the rum right next to the safe where Dad kept his gun.
Thursday, October 30
Jake sat on a bench overlooking a fountain, the glow from the nearly full moon soft on his face. In jeans, a black t-shirt, and with his hair falling into his eyes, he looked just like the Jake I’d fallen in love with over the past few months—the one who had fallen in love with me, too.
But this was the Jake from this world, not from my world. And while it hurt to remind myself of that, I had to hold onto hope that we could build back what we had. Why would he be here tonight if he didn’t want that too?
So I took a deep breath, shoved my hands into the back pockets of my jeans, and walked over to join him.
“Hey,” he said, making room for me on the bench. “I was starting to get worried that you wouldn’t show.”
“My brother was still up, so getting out of the house was more complicated than expected,” I explained.
My mind drifted to how Eric had been rummaging near the safe with Dad’s gun. But Dad was the only one who knew the code to get into that safe. Plus, Eric had explained why he was there—to find the rum.
I needed to stop being so paranoid. Yes, there were many possibilities about who the shooter could be, but it couldn’t be Eric.
“He won’t get you in trouble, right?” Jake asked.
“No,” I said. “It’s fine.”
“Good.” He stared at the fountain for a few seconds, saying nothing.
“So…” I looked down at my feet, fidgeting with the strings of my hoodie.
“I guess you’re wondering why I asked you to come meet me at two in the morning?” he asked.
“Yeah,” I said, looking back up at him. “That’s exactly what I’m wondering.”
“I couldn’t stop thinking about everything you said.” His eyes turned serious, and I froze, entranced by his gaze. “We only had time to talk about the plan for Friday night. But so much has happened to you… I see it every time I look into your eyes.”
“What do you mean?” I asked, softer now.
“You’re not Annabelle, but you’re also not the Anna I was best friends with,” he said. “You’re more haunted than either of them ever were.”
“I’ve been through a lot these past few months,” I told him, scuffing my flip-flops against the bricks.
“That’s why I needed to see you.” He placed a hand on top of mine, and I sucked in a sharp breath, savoring his touch. “Neither of us know what’s going to happen on Friday, and I can’t let this week pass by without getting to know you—this version of you. I want to know everything that’s happened to you in the past few months… but mostly, I want to know about us. And don’t tell me that nothing happened between us, because I’ll know it’s a lie. I can see it in your eyes every time you look at me.”
“What about Marisa?” I could barely say her name. “Where I’m from, she’s still my best friend. And in this world, she’s your girlfriend.”
“I care about Marisa a lot,” he said. “I don’t want to hurt her. But I also can’t push you away because of Annabelle’s choices. And I wouldn’t be able to live with myself if I didn’t know what happened between us in your world.”
“You have no idea how much it means to me to hear that.” I squeezed his hand, just like the Jake from my world did when he was reassuring me about anything.
“I'm glad.” He squeezed my hand in return, and my heart sparked with hope that I might get my Jake back. “Now—tell me everything.”
Thursday, October 30
I started on the first day back from spring break—when the assistant principal pulled me out of class to tell me that I would be leaving early. She couldn’t give me any details, and my brother and I waited in her office, knowing nothing until Dad picked us up and broke the news about Mom’s accident.
“I thought I’d never see her again,” I said, not realizing that I’d started crying until Jake’s thumb brushed away a tear. “It wasn’t fair. Why had she been going through that intersection when the truck sped through the red light? It was a matter of seconds. If she’d left the house a minute earlier to go to work, if she’d spent ten more seconds brushing her teeth that morning, if she’d been sick from bad sushi the night before and was stuck in bed—it wouldn’t have happened. She would have still been alive.”
“I’m so sorry, Anna.” Jake pulled me into a hug, and I sunk into his arms, wanting to stay wrapped inside them forever. “I wish I could have been there for you.”
“You were.” I pulled back to look into his eyes. “I couldn’t have gotten through the weeks after the accident without you. You and Marisa were my rocks. You were there for me as much as you could be, even if we were just hanging at my house doing homework or watching TV. Then, after Dad told me that I couldn’t go to Europe anymore because we had to be more careful with our budget, you practically forced me to be a counselor with you at the camp in Maine. At first I didn’t want to go—I wanted to stay home and grieve with my family. But my dad thought the change of scenery would be good for me, and he convinced me to go.”
“So in your world, you were with me at camp last summer,” he said. “Not Marisa.”
“Yes.” I smiled, thinking about the memories we’d made there. “You made sure we had all the same break times and nights off, so we spent all of our free time together. You taught me how to waterski, we went kayaking, and windsurfing, and out to dinner at Bear’s Tavern.”
“I’ve never had a better burger than the one at Bear’s,” he said.
“Neither have I,” I agreed. “But the best was the ice cream sundaes. We would get them and sit at the fireplace, talking until we had to go back for curfew.”
“Marisa would only eat the salad,” he said. “I kept trying to get her to try the burgers and the ice cream… but she was determined to stick with her diet.”
I pulled my knees to my chest at the thought of Marisa spending all that time with Jake instead of me. Of her sitting with him by the fireplace, laughing and joking around until they were forced to leave. I could tell this Jake about my memories at camp all I wanted, but it didn’t change that his memories were with her, not with me. Nothing I said could make those memories real for him.
“I shouldn’t have brought her up,” he said. “I want to hear about us. You said we started the summer as friends. But I’m guessing we didn’t end it that way?”
“No,” I said, my cheeks heating. “Three weeks into summer, we were making s’mores with our campers around the campfire. Everything was the same as usual—until they started chanting for us to kiss.”
“And…?” he asked, moving closer to me.
“You kissed me for the first time, in front of a bunch of middle schoolers who were hooting and cheering us on.” I chuckled at the memory. “When you kissed me, I felt alive for the first time since my mom’s accident. I couldn’t believe we’d gone for so long only being friends, not realizing how much more there was between us.”
“Anna,” he said, his voice tight. “I’d wanted more between us since freshman year. I just never thought you felt the same way.”
“After our first kiss, I felt like an idiot for not realizing my feelings for you sooner,” I told him. “But I believed it worked out like that for a reason. That we ended up at camp together because it was where we were meant to fall in love.”
“Fall in love?” He raised an eyebrow. “You’d only gotten up to our first kiss…”
“I guess I got ahead of myself.” I laughed, embarrassed for throwing so much on him at once. “On the last week of camp, we snuck out after midnight and took a boa
t out to the middle of the lake. It felt like we were the only two people in the universe.” I glanced up at the stars, which weren’t nearly as bright here as they’d been in the mountains. But I took comfort in them, because no matter where I was—here, or in my original world—the stars were still the same. “We promised to love each other forever.”
“Wow,” he said. “It sounds perfect.”
“But didn’t you have a similar summer?” I asked. “With Marisa?”
“No.” He shook his head. “I had a fun time with her, yes. But it was nothing as serious as what you said we had in your world.”
“So you and Marisa… you’ve never…”
“Said we loved each other?” he asked, and I nodded. “No.”
I couldn’t help but smile at his answer.
“What about Zac?” he asked. “How serious has Annabelle gotten with him?”
“I don’t know.” I bit my lip and wrung my hands together. “He misses her a lot. And I haven’t asked him about their relationship, because he’s hoping that the more he tells me, the more I’ll remember. But I don’t remember anything. I’m not sure I ever will.”
“But he’s still helping us on Friday,” Jake said. “So he must not be giving up.”
“I think he hopes that if he helps me fix everything, I’ll go back to my world and he’ll get Annabelle back in this one.”
“I hope not,” Jake said, his eyes blazing with intensity. “Because I want you to stay.”
“What about Marisa?” I asked. “I don’t imagine she’ll let you go without a fight.”
“It’ll definitely be complicated.” He stared at the fountain, chewing on his thumbnail. “We had fun last summer, and these past few months, I’ve been happy when I’m with her.”
“Oh.” I let out a long breath—that wasn’t the answer I was hoping for.
But what had I expected? She was the one he’d spent all these months with—not me. He could listen to my stories about our time together, but that didn’t make those stories real for him.
He wasn’t my Jake any more than I was Zac’s Annabelle.
“But even though I care about her,” he continued. “I’m not in love with her. And I’m not sure I ever will be.”
“Then why are you with her?” I asked softly.
“Because we have fun together.” He shrugged. “And you chose Zac. You changed into someone I didn’t know—someone I didn’t want to know. And Marisa was there for me. I kept telling myself that in time, I could love her like she wants me to. But even before you got here, I was realizing that it might not happen. That I couldn’t force myself to feel what I don’t.”
“You shouldn’t lead her on,” I said. “That’s not fair to either of you.”
“I know.” He sighed and ran a hand through his hair. “I just have no idea what to say to her. She didn’t do anything wrong. But she deserves someone who’s in love with her. I wanted to be that person for her, and I tried to be, but I’m not.”
“It sounds like you already know what to say,” I said, resting my hand on his knee.
“I guess I do.” He studied me for a few seconds, his gaze so intense that I could barely breathe. “I missed you, Anna. The version of me from your world was lucky to have you.”
“The Jake from my world is dead.” My eyes filled with tears again, and this time, I let them fall. “I watched him die and I couldn’t stop it. First my mom, and then him. It’s not fair.”
“You’re right—it’s not fair.” He pulled me closer, and I curled into him, burying my face in his shoulder. “But you’re here now—with your mom, and with me. And I promise that I’m not going anywhere.”
“You don’t know that.” I sniffed. “What if on Friday night, we can’t change anything? I can’t lose you again. Not when I just got you back.”
“We have a plan.” He cupped my face in his hands, wiping away a tear with his thumb. “It’s going to work. Because I also just got you back, and I can’t lose you either.”
“Really?” I looked up at him, my heart jumping into my throat. “You’re ready to forget about everything Annabelle did, just like that?”
“You’re not Annabelle,” he said, confident and sure. “And I’m not the Jake from your world either. Those memories you have from last summer will always be with him, not with me. But from what you’ve told me about him, he doesn’t sound so different from me. And I want to try to be that person for you now… if you’ll let me.”
“That’s what I’ve wanted since the day I got here,” I said. “You have no idea how much I missed you.”
His breathing slowed, his eyes full of desire. I knew that look—it was the way he looked at me when he wanted to kiss me.
But he was also holding back, which reminded me that while I’d kissed him more times than I could count, this would be his first time kissing me.
“I know it’s not the same as campers cheering us on around a campfire.” He reached for my hand, leaning in closer. “But I want us to make new memories. Memories that are only ours.”
“I want that too,” I breathed, and his lips were on mine before I could say another word.
Kissing Jake was as familiar as ever. I knew every curve of his lips, of his body. We fit together perfectly—in my universe and in this one. His tongue brushed against mine, and I pulled him closer, wanting to savor every moment we had together.
But this Jake didn’t love me yet—not like my Jake did. It had been so easy to forget while I was lost in his touch, but we needed to take this slow. So I broke the kiss, catching my breath and resting my forehead against his.
“Wow,” he said, his hand still cupped around my cheek. “You have no idea how long I’ve wanted to do that.”
“Actually, I think I do.” I smiled, knowing that this—me and Jake together—was always meant to be, no matter what world we were in. “After you kissed me at camp, you said the exact same thing.”
“Because it’s true.”
“Even after all those months of me being Annabelle?”
“Annabelle changed, but that never stopped me from caring about her,” he said. “Even if I thought she would never return those feelings.”
“For me, it’s always been you,” I told him. “I don’t know what was going on in Annabelle’s head these past few months, but given enough time, she’d realize that you’re the one for her. Because no matter what universe we’re in, we’ll always find our way back to each other. At least I’d like to hope so.”
“I’m just glad that you’re here, and that we’re together,” he said. “No matter how complicated this makes things with Marisa and Zac.”
I deflated at the mention of both of them. “I feel awful for Zac,” I said, meaning it. “I always thought he was a dumb jock who only cared about football and partying, but I was wrong. He’s a good guy. He cared about Annabelle so much—he might have even loved her—and every time he looks at me I can tell he wants her back. But if I’m able to stay here after Friday night, then she might be gone forever. He’ll be devastated. And it’ll be my fault.”
“No.” Jake tightened his grip around my hand, as if doing so could ground me permanently in this reality. “You’re an amazing person, Anna, and this life—with your mom, and with me—is the life you deserve. You’re not going anywhere after Friday night. You’re staying here, where you belong.”
“I want that more than anything,” I told him. “But it might not be up to me.”
“You have to stay,” he said. “I just got you back. I can’t lose you again.”
“Annabelle’s changed, but deep down, she’s still me,” I said, needing him to understand this in case the worst happened. “If she comes back, I want you to fight for her. No matter what. Make her realize that she’s supposed to be with you.”
“But she’s not you.” He traced my palm, as if he were trying to memorize every line. “You don’t know because you haven’t met her.”
“She is me,” I said. “She’s differe
nt, yes. But she loves you, even if she doesn’t know it yet. She kept your playlist as her morning alarm. That has to mean something.”
“Maybe,” he said, and from the way he hesitated, I could tell I was starting to get through to him.
“She might need time, but all I’m asking is that you try your best,” I urged. “I fought for you here, and look how far that’s gotten us. If she comes back, I want you to fight for her in return.”
“Okay,” he said. “But hopefully you’ll stay, and it won’t be an issue at all.”
“Hopefully,” I agreed.
Then he kissed me again, and I forgot about everything except for him. If I could stop time, I would stop it right now and live in this moment forever. But that was impossible, and eventually we had to pull away from each other, despite the protests of every cell in my body.
“I’m ending things with Marisa tomorrow after school,” he said suddenly. “I have to.”
“I know.” I sighed and leaned back against the bench. “But we still need to make sure the plan runs smoothly on Friday night. In my world, Marisa was at the Halloween dance. If you break up with her tomorrow, what if she doesn’t go?”
“Maybe you’re trying too hard to keep things the same as they were in your world,” he said. “Don’t we not want things to end the way they did there?”
“Of course we don't want it to end the same way,” I said. “But right now we have a lead—knowing when and where the shooter will strike. The more we change, the less likely it’ll be that we keep that lead.”
“So you don’t want me to break up with Marisa?” he asked. “You want me to lead her on—to go to the dance with her—knowing that it’s you I want to be there with?”
“I wish there were another way,” I said, holding tightly onto his hands. “But if you break up with Marisa and then go to the dance with me, she’ll be devastated. She might not show up. And she has to be there, because Zac thinks…” I took a deep breath, not wanting to say this next part out loud. But I had to. “He thinks Marisa might be the shooter.”
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