He left.
WHEN CJ COULDN’T get his flight bumped up, he cleared out of the rectory and put himself up in a hotel room near O’Hare Airport instead.
He’d thought about bumming a room off Pepper, but she liked Natalie.
So did Jeremy.
And Kimmie.
And Fiona and Bob and—and basically, everyone CJ liked in Bliss.
Everyone who had liked him. Until now.
He hadn’t been more than three feet outside the civic center before his phone exploded. Even over text messages, his sisters squawked. And if they hated him for leaving, the rest of Bliss would too.
He gave Cinna his car, told her to spread word that he needed a break, turned his phone off, and disappeared from the world. Not from himself, but from the world.
When Tuesday morning finally arrived, when it was finally time to board his shuttle to the airport, he packed his bags, took the elevator downstairs, stepped into the lobby—and came face-to-face with Basil.
“How the—”
“Don’t underestimate a man of God,” Basil said.
Endearingly pompously, of course.
CJ’s ticket sat like a lead weight in his back pocket. “Got a plane to catch.”
“Taking the chicken way out, you mean.”
As if CJ didn’t know it. “Fuck off.”
“You’re a damn fool to not love her because you’re scared.”
CJ didn’t need Basil’s lecture.
He’d been giving it to himself for the last two and a half days. “She doesn’t need me,” he said.
“God only knows why, but she wants you. You. Don’t suppose it’s easy to love a strong woman, but before you get on that plane today, you ask yourself if you’re leaving because you think she’s better off without you, or if you’re leaving because you’re too afraid to be the one man who can stand by a strong woman and help her be stronger.”
Didn’t have to ask. CJ knew.
He was a worthless shithead.
Basil sighed the same heavy sigh CJ had heard Arthur make once or twice. “Don’t stay away too long. The girls aren’t the only ones who miss you when you’re off trying to kill yourself. And they won’t be the only ones who miss you if you finally succeed.”
Basil turned, head down—all his holy pompousness, all his obnoxious righteousness, all his eldest sibling insufferableness gone. He wasn’t Father Basil.
He was simply CJ’s brother, and truth was, CJ would miss him.
He’d miss Basil. And he’d be jealous of Pepper being around Bliss, of them seeing Jeremy and Gabby, seeing Kimmie, and Arthur.
And Natalie.
And Noah.
CJ squeezed his eyes shut. His chest was tight with grief and self-loathing and disappointment. And now Basil was walking away too. Leaving him alone.
Completely, utterly, miserably alone.
He was a dumbass.
Basil was right. He had a choice. Face his fears, or isolate himself for the rest of his life.
He could fail. Natalie could tell him to take a flying leap.
Or he could man up. Press past his fears. Be what she wanted.
What she needed.
Have a place in her life. In Noah’s life.
In his own life.
“Dammit,” he growled. He reached into his pocket, pulled out his phone. “When’s Pepper closing on the shop?”
Basil’s smirk wasn’t as smirky as CJ would’ve expected. “Now.”
“The hell she is.” CJ punched her number on his phone.
He loved Natalie.
He loved her, and he trusted her, and he would win her. Even if it took the rest of his life.
AFTER CJ HAD fled the reception and then refused Natalie’s phone calls last Saturday night, she did what she’d gotten entirely too good at doing.
She picked up the pieces of her life.
Or tried to, anyway.
She’d packed herself and Noah, and they’d headed north. Initially, she’d intended to go to Chicago for a few days, but they ended up in Wisconsin Dells instead.
Chicago was too close. Too close to home, too close to old memories, too close for breathing room.
She’d fallen in love with CJ, but he didn’t love her back. And this week, he was flying out of Chicago. So they went to Wisconsin instead.
Being welcomed back into her hometown—it was surreal. Especially since, as of Tuesday, Bliss Bridal belonged to Pepper. Dad had given her one last chance to change her mind, but she couldn’t run Bliss Bridal by herself. Nor did she want to.
Natalie tried to lose herself in the water parks with Noah. On the Duck tour. Reading that Mae Daniels book while Noah was sleeping.
It hadn’t worked. And Noah—innocent, optimistic, perfect little Noah—had asked about CJ every couple of hours.
Watching the Husband Games had obviously been confusing for him.
Natalie could relate.
But how could she explain to a four-year-old that she needed a man who not only loved and accepted both her and Noah, but could also understand that Bliss would always be a part of her?
Derek hadn’t understood. Natalie hadn’t either. Not fully. But she’d grown up in Bliss. She’d adored dresses and weddings and being a member of the Most Married-est Town on Earth. She’d spent five years trying to flip that switch in her brain, to convince herself that the town was right to shun her, to accept that she needed to shun herself.
She’d been wrong.
So now, a week after CJ had walked out of her life, a week after she’d discovered what true heartbreak was, she was going back to Bliss. Back home. To make her own mark on her world.
Not because Marilyn had given her permission.
Because she’d given herself permission.
Playing in the Games, then standing on the stage and giving up her own grievances against Marilyn—Dad had been right that she’d needed a friend, and he had too—Natalie’s world had shifted into focus.
She’d accepted herself.
If she could accept herself, they damn well could too.
And CJ could—
No. No, she couldn’t go there. She had to stay strong. For Noah, if not for herself.
So Saturday, a week after the Golden Husband Games, while Dad was off somewhere enjoying retirement, Natalie dropped Noah at Lindsey’s. They were all due at Jeremy and Gabby’s wedding soon, but first, Natalie had a stop to make.
Bliss Bridal. Pepper’s shop.
Just inside the familiar front door, the scent of wedding cake smacked her in the face. It was thicker in the shop than it had been on the street. One of the bridal consultants abandoned a bride to hug Natalie. Three others moved toward her, but Natalie held up a hand. “Where’s Pepper?”
“The office.”
No one stopped her—she’d have to talk to Pepper about propriety and ownership. Until the bridal consultants accepted that Natalie was no longer their boss, Pepper wouldn’t have the authority she needed.
Not that Natalie intended to make a habit of interrupting operations on the floor. Today, though, they needed to talk.
But back in the office, Pepper wasn’t alone.
Dad was there too.
He jumped to his feet when she stopped in the doorway. “Hey, hon.” His tight hug brought tears to her eyes. “Where’s Noah? Miss that little guy.”
“He’s with Lindsey.” Natalie blinked quickly. “I need to speak with Pepper a minute.”
Dad and Pepper shared a look, then he gestured her into his seat. “Of course.”
He propped himself against the file cabinet.
“Alone.”
Dad and Pepper shared another strange look, but then Dad shrugged. With a loaded nod to Pepper, he left.
Nat and Pepper stared at each other for a minute, Natalie to gain courage, Pepper with a sort of fascinated curiosity. “You want to stay at Bliss Bridal?” Pepper prompted.
“I want you to sell my designs.”
Before Pepper cou
ld speak, Natalie rushed on. “I don’t have much in the way of a collection yet, but I will. For now, I’d be happy to work on custom alterations and bridal personalizations, and I’m willing to negotiate terms. But I know you recognize the value of an original line of designs from Bliss, so I’d strongly urge you to consider carefully before you make me an insulting offer.”
She was being brassy and bold, but she knew what she was worth. She knew what the Bliss name was worth. And she wouldn’t settle for anything less than what she deserved.
She knew she’d have to negotiate, and she expected Pepper to be tough. What she hadn’t anticipated, however, was for Pepper to laugh.
Natalie’s pulse boiled and her skin burned. She didn’t have much money, but she wouldn’t tolerate being laughed at.
Especially by CJ’s sister.
Natalie turned. “Won’t be so funny when La Belle and Mrs. launch a bidding war over me.”
“Wait, sit, sit,” Pepper said.
“Too late. You know what? I’m done with your whole family.”
“He’s an idiot.”
Mollification seeped into Natalie’s bones, despite her willful resistance to it.
“Honestly, I might be too,” Pepper said.
This time, Natalie spared her a look. Pepper pointed to the chair again. “Have a seat. We need to talk.”
Chapter Twenty-One
“THOUGHT YOU WERE headed to Utah,” Jeremy said.
“Had a wedding I didn’t want to miss.” CJ lounged in the doorway of the groom’s quarters at St. Valentine’s. His buddy was getting dressed in a tux courtesy of Bliss Bridal, Natalie’s last thank you to Jeremy for stepping in as the boutique’s sponsored bachelor in last year’s bachelor auction.
“That the only thing you’re here for?” Jeremy said.
Not even close. Although, fear of screwing that up had him nervous.
Especially since he hadn’t stopped Pepper in time.
Jeremy quirked a grin and went to work on his bow tie. “Crow don’t taste all that bad, man.”
“Yeah, about that…” CJ rubbed his neck. “I can help you work up a budget so you and Gabby can buy Suckers. If you’re interested.”
“You serious?”
“I’d buy into it with you, but my money’s tied up.” Tied up with his heart.
Or would be, as soon as he found Natalie. Because she had his heart, and she’d disappeared.
He could’ve called. Could’ve called Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday. But every time he pulled up her number, he couldn’t dial.
He couldn’t grovel and beg over the phone. He couldn’t use a phone call to prove to her that he had what it took to stand by her side and support her while she soared.
If he wanted to be Natalie’s partner, he needed to be her equal. No way in hell she’d take the chicken way out behind a phone call if she were the one who needed to do the groveling and begging.
Jeremy jerked his head to a chair in the corner. “What kind of budget?”
“Don’t need to interrupt your wedding day. Just wanted you to know I won’t let Huck sell while you’re gone, if you’re still interested.”
“All this is formality, man.” Jeremy plucked at his bow tie. “Sit. Wedding don’t start for another half hour. Tell me what we’ve gotta do.”
CJ sat. Jeremy’s best man arrived—he’d been sent to fetch the rings that had been forgotten at home—followed by Jeremy’s family. Good folks, all of them.
Five minutes before the wedding, Basil poked his head in, the Holy Constipated Look of Exasperation making a lovably familiar appearance. “Both God and I would be extremely grateful,” he said in his long-suffering, Holy Piousness way, “if you people would quit marring the sanctity of my confessional.”
CJ’s pulse skyrocketed. The quaking launched in his stomach. He bolted up, and barreled toward the door.
“Good luck today,” he called to Jeremy.
“You’re gonna need it more than me,” Jeremy called back.
That was the truth.
NATALIE STOOD in the small, semi-dark room, sweet scents tickling her nose, and stared at the red vinyl chair.
She shouldn’t be here, but she couldn’t come to St. Valentine’s without taking one last look.
Gabby and Jeremy’s wedding would start soon. Lindsey and Noah were already seated. But Nat was in the confessional, staring at her past.
CJ had sat there. Almost three months ago, he’d sat there, listening to her pour her heart out while she hid from Marilyn Elias.
She lowered herself into the seat, as much to see if she could feel him there as to give her wobbly legs a break. Today was overwhelming. A lot of her life lately was overwhelming.
She’d handle it, and she’d be a stronger person for it.
But she didn’t want to.
Not alone.
The door on the other side of the screen banged open, then slammed shut.
“Natalie.”
“Ohmigod.”
“Not even close, Nat. Thought that’d be obvious by now.”
CJ.
Her heart tripped. She squeezed the armrests and shrank back into the chair.
He was gone. He’d flown to Utah. Except there he was, scooting around the screen, so tall and broad he barely fit.
Her chin wobbled. Her eyes stung.
“I lied.” He dropped to his knees before her. “A goat didn’t eat my letter. I didn’t want to read it because it wasn’t for them. It was for you.”
She wanted to touch him. She wanted to touch his cheek, his lips, his hands. But if she touched him, she’d want more.
She already had so much.
Why did she keep wanting more? When would she stop always wanting more?
“I’m sorry, Natalie.” His hand hovered over hers as if he was as afraid to touch her as she was to touch him. “I shouldn’t have left. I panicked. You—you’re one of the strongest, most amazing women I’ve ever known, and I didn’t know—” He blew out a short breath. “Can I read it to you?”
She wanted to hug him and make that scared, broken sound in his voice and that uncertainty in the bend of his shoulders go away.
But she couldn’t move. Because if she moved, if she touched him and he wasn’t really there, if she misunderstood why he was here, she wouldn’t recover.
He pulled a wrinkled paper from his back pocket. It was folded in fourths, the edges bent, the paper wrinkled. When he opened it, she saw smudged writing.
He looked at her.
She nodded.
He sucked in a big, audible breath. “Dear Serena,” he began.
Natalie squeaked an indignant sputter.
He glanced up at her, mild amusement lightening the shadows under his eyes. “It gets better.” He lowered his head to the letter, but he put his hand over Natalie’s, his solid, strong, very real hand, warming her skin and her heart. “I’m supposed to be writing you a love letter to read at the Husband Games. My sisters must’ve helped dream this one up, because this is probably the hardest thing I’ve done since that camel and I had a disagreement in Morocco a few years back.”
A reluctant smile tugged Natalie’s lips.
She missed him. She missed him so badly.
“I’ve spent the last four years wishing I could tell you I was sorry,” he read. “But I’ve spent the last few months learning that I can’t be sorry for the rest of my life. Instead, I need to try to do it better next time. Were our positions reversed, had I made the ultimate sacrifice while you stayed here, I would’ve wanted you to move on and be happy.”
His eyes lifted once more, a question in them. Natalie nodded, and he went on. “God knows we had our problems, most of them my fault. You had a few faults too, though. All that hair in the shower drain, always using the last of my shaving cream without telling me, the way your boots stunk to high heaven… and you know what? If I’d died and you spent the rest of your life regretting that you never got Odor-Eaters to satisfy my olfactory sensibilitie
s, I’d be pretty pissed at you.”
He was cheating, using his unique charm against her.
He shifted on his knees, closer to her, head down over the letter. “I know not supporting you and your career—your calling—are orders of magnitude worse than not leaving enough room for my clothes in the closet. I still wish I could change things, but living in constant regret is an insult to you. In hiding from life instead of living it, I’ve put a shadow on your memory.” His voice went husky. “And so one last time, I ask for your forgiveness, this time for moving on and finding happiness in the life that I’ve been gifted with.”
“I’ve met someone.” He wasn’t reading anymore. He was looking straight at Natalie. “She’s strong. Independent. Stubborn.” He tucked her hair behind her ear. “She puts me in my place, even before she knows why I deserve it. She challenges me. She’s been bearing her own grief, but instead of hiding from it, she’s used it to make herself stronger.”
Natalie’s breath wobbled.
He set the letter aside. “A goat should’ve eaten the rest of it, because I really got it wrong after that.”
“Don’t tease me, CJ,” Natalie whispered.
He gripped her chin, held her face while he gazed ferociously into her eyes. “I love you, Natalie. I’ve loved you since the first time I kissed you on purpose, but I was just too slow and scared to admit it. You’ve turned my world upside down, and I like it better this way. I love you, and I want to love you forever.”
He wrapped his arms around her, all warmth and strength and comfort. “I’m gonna mess up, Nat. I’m gonna mess up a lot. But I’m here. I’m here for you, if you’ll have me.”
She didn’t know what she’d done to deserve everything she’d ever wanted, but here he was.
The last piece to make her whole.
She buried her face in his neck, inhaled the scent of his skin, gripped him as tight as she could. “Are you sure?”
“I’m a little terrified. You’re a hell of a woman to keep up with.”
He’d meant to be funny. She could hear it in his voice. But based on what Pepper had told her this morning, he still didn’t know everything he was signing up for.
Blissed (Misfit Brides #1) Page 32
