by Zoë Marshall
Cole returned from the kitchen and stood next to Sutton, who had stopped roaming around the tiny square of open floor space. “Did you want to go bowling today?”
“Umm…. Well….”
“What’s up, Sutt? You have important face,” Cole said, sitting on his bed.
Sutton stared at Cole for a moment, fearing how he was going to react. “Aiden texted me.”
Cole seem instantly concerned. “Just now?”
“No, on Christmas Eve,” Sutton replied. She couldn’t really read his facial expression in response. “I wasn’t sure whether or not I was going to go talk to him, so I wanted to wait to tell you,” she added.
“What does he want?” Cole asked, clearly beginning to get irritated.
“He just wants to tell me some things. Or say some things, I don’t know. But I feel like I need to let him do that, for both of us.”
“What do you even have to say to him anymore? You’ve moved on.” Cole was raising his voice, but he wasn’t reacting quite as badly as Sutton had imagined he would.
“That doesn’t mean it doesn’t still linger, that yearning for closure.”
Cole nodded his head slightly. “I get that.”
“It shouldn’t take long. We could go bowling afterward.”
“Just be careful. I don’t want you getting hurt. And people don’t change, from my experience,” Cole replied, surely in an attempt to protect his best friend.
“I know. I don’t expect anything really. I just think it will be good for me.”
“I understand.” Cole replied, as Sutton sat down next to him on the bed. “And I support you,” he added.
Sutton placed her head on Cole’s shoulder. “Thank you.”
“When are you meeting up with him?”
“In an hour or so. We were just going to grab a coffee or something,” Sutton replied.
“I can just hang with dad then. He wanted to watch some UFC replays. And maybe I can talk some sense into him about dating. Maybe I can convince him to join Matchbox.”
“I don’t know about that … but it will be good for you guys to have some alone time. I’ve been intruding on that time and I’m sorry.”
Cole patted Sutton’s head lightly. “You’re family and we’re both very glad you’re here. You should probably change, unless you want to go to coffee in your Frozen pajamas, which are ridiculous by the way.”
“You gave me these. Jerk,” Sutton replied, removing her head from Cole’s shoulder and playfully hitting him on the arm.
“I know,” Cole replied, smirking.
The three of them hadn’t exchanged many gifts, but the small amount they had exchanged was better than the giant piles of presents her parents had given her over the years, because they actually meant something. Sutton’s parents had always given her presents intended to sway her in the right direction. It always made Sutton feel unworthy and guilty.
She wished her parents could support her dreams. She was still aching from their disapproval and the fact that she hadn’t even spoken to them. The Meyerses were a cold bunch. Her own brother didn’t even care.
“Just be careful,” Cole said.
Sutton let out a deep breath. “I know. I will.”
SUTTON SAT AT a corner table at the café a few blocks from Cole’s house, sipping on her vanilla latte. Her heart was racing as she thought about what Aiden might say to her. She’d never thought she’d see or talk to him again, but here she was.
Suddenly she felt a tap on her shoulder and turned to see Aiden.
“Hey, you,” Aiden said, looking somewhat nervous as well. “I’m going to grab a coffee. I’ll be right back.”
“Okay.” Sutton tried to calm her trembling voice. She was relieved that she didn’t feel sad. She didn’t have an urge to wrap her arms around him and kiss him and never let go, as she feared she might. His classically handsome appearance wasn’t even affecting her—his chiseled jaw, his defined yet masculine cheekbones, his green eyes. They’d used to make Sutton melt.
And now? Nothing.
When Aiden returned, he sat across the table from her. “How are you doing?”
“I’m good. You?” It was a generic response, but to divulge exactly where she was, with her family and her failed attempts at moving on, would be too embarrassing.
“Same. So, look … I’ve been thinking, a lot. I just wanted to explain why I acted the way I acted.”
“Explain away,” Sutton replied, twirling her hair in one hand and tapping the table with the other.
“My ex really did a number on me. She was basically a sociopath, as you know. Being lied to for that long by someone you love can really mess with your head,” Aiden said, lowering his voice.
Sutton knew the feeling all too well.
“I don’t think I was really ready to date again,” he continued. “I just didn’t want to miss out on the chance to be with you. You were a breath of fresh air at the time. You were genuine. I could tell you had a good heart. And of course you were beautiful.”
Sutton took another sip of her latte, unsure of how to respond.
“I’m sorry I hurt you. I guess I sort of took it out on you. And that was unfair.”
“I understand,” Sutton replied, surprised that she actually meant it.
“Can you forgive me?”
Sutton paused for a moment, looking outside the window at the tiny drops of rain paving the busy streets. Then she turned back to him. “I already have. I moved on. I spent a long time trying to figure it all out. Then I finally realized that the why didn’t matter. I learned from it.”
“That’s good,” Aiden replied simply.
“How have things been with you?” Sutton asked, anxious to change the subject.
“College is great. I’m glad I stayed local. I get to spend time with my family and that’s nice. Speaking of which, how is yours? I know they had been pressuring you to go to Harvard. How did they react to your decision to move away to pursue writing?”
“Not well,” Sutton responded, in a defeated tone. She realized she now had no choice but to explain her current predicament. “They wouldn’t let me stay with them over break, so I’m staying with Cole at his place.”
Aiden put his head down for a moment, then looked back up to her. “Cole, huh? So, when you say you’ve moved on, you mean you and Cole finally got together?”
“What? No. That would never happen,” Sutton replied, defensively. “I had a boyfriend, but it didn’t work out. I think my ex did a number on me as well.”
“God, Sutton, I am so sorry.”
“There’s no need to say sorry, really. I’m mostly joking,” Sutton replied, smirking a bit.
“I know, but still….”
“It’s okay. I have no resentment toward you. The timing just wasn’t right. And a part of me knew that, but I ignored it. I didn’t want to miss out on the chance of being with you either.”
“We had some good times.”
“Yes, we did. And I’m glad we gave it a shot, even if it ended somewhat badly,” Sutton replied, skeptical as to whether or not she actually meant the words. For the longest time, she had regretted the day she met Aiden, and had often dreamt about what her life would have been like if they had never crossed paths. Had the experience made her a better, stronger person? Or had it simply broken her down?
“I am too. But I do regret how it ended. And how I acted toward the end. You’ll always hold a special place in my heart,” Aiden replied, with a sad look on his face.
Sutton wasn’t sure she believed Aiden, but at least he’d finally realized how he had hurt her, and felt some sort of remorse. He seemed to have grown a lot and she was happy about that.
“You will too, Aiden. I really need to get going, though. I have plans. It was good to see you.”
“Yeah, it was.” Aiden’s voice was still low as he took a sip of his coffee. “Don’t be a stranger, okay?”
Sutton had no intention of staying in contact with Aiden, but she d
idn’t want to tell him that, so she lied. “I won’t. Enjoy the rest of your break.”
Aiden stood up and gave her a hug. Sutton wasn’t sure what she would feel if he touched her in any way, but she was excited to discover that she didn’t feel much of anything. She felt like she could finally truly let go of his ghost.
“You too, Sutton.”
As Sutton walked out of the coffee shop, she had no urge to turn back around. She was finally free. When she’d said she didn’t resent Aiden, she’d meant it. He just hadn’t been ready, and that wasn’t his fault. She began the walk back to Cole’s place, relieved and pain-free.
SUTTON RETURNED TO Cole’s house and walked in to see him sitting on the living room couch watching Chopped on the Food Network. It was their favorite show to watch together.
Cole turned to Sutton and smiled. She sat down next to him, turning toward the TV. “So, what round are we on?”
“Dessert. This dude tried to make ice cream and it was a disaster.”
“I feel like they rarely pull off ice cream in the dessert round.”
“I’ve only seen it a handful of times,” Cole replied.
“Did you still want to go bowling?” Sutton asked.
Cole turned toward her. “Not just yet, missy. I need to hear all about how your meeting with Aiden went.”
Sutton sighed. “It was fine.”
“Yeah … you’re going to have to tell me more than that.”
“I mean, it was good. He apologized and stuff. We caught up a little bit, but it was obviously a short interaction,” Sutton replied, turning down the volume on the TV.
“Do you feel better?”
“Yeah, I do. I think I needed that. Now I can truly let him go,” Sutton replied.
Cole put his hand on Sutton’s. “Well, that is awesome. After this dessert round, we’ll head off to the bowling alley, okay?”
“Well, duh. You’ve come too far to not see who wins.”
IT WAS THE last night of break and Cole and Sutton were in the living room with Ralph, watching Family Guy reruns.
“Guys, I’m going to be heading out for a bit,” Ralph said.
“Where are you going?” Cole asked, seeming intrigued.
“Well … your old man has a date,” Ralph replied, with a smile.
“Really?” Cole asked, excitedly. “Where did you meet this mystery woman?”
“I was at the farmer’s market yesterday, just walking around, when I bumped into a beautiful woman. She smiled apologetically and introduced herself. We talked for a while. She’s a science teacher at Brookhaven middle school.”
“That’s great, dad. I’m really happy for you. And I expect a full report when you get home.”
Ralph laughed. “Of course. You kids don’t get into too much trouble, okay?”
“Don’t worry, Ralph. We’re just going to stay in tonight. We’re both leaving really early tomorrow,” Sutton replied.
“I may be home late, but we’ll do breakfast tomorrow before you guys leave.”
“Sounds good. Have a good time, dad.”
“I’ll try my best.” Ralph stood up.
Sutton stood up and hugged Ralph tightly. “Don’t do anything we wouldn’t do.” She released him and smiled. “And you look really nice.”
Ralph was actually wearing a button-up shirt and slacks, a look Sutton had never seen. “Thank you, Sutton,” he replied. “Maybe I’ll see you guys when I get back.”
“Either way, we’ll see you in the morning.” Cole stood up and gave Ralph a hug. “I’m proud of you, dad.”
“Thank you, son. You guys have fun.”
“We’ll try our best,” Sutton replied, sitting back down on the couch.
Ralph turned, grabbed his keys from the coffee table and left.
“Well, that was unexpected,” Cole said, turning the sound down on the TV. “So, Sutt … I’m curious to see what you’ve been up to with my Matchbox account. Give me the password so I can see the crazy messages girls have sent me.”
“I’ll put it in for you. I’m not ready to divulge that information yet. But that means you have to log me into mine too.”
Sutton and Cole exchanged phones and logged into each other’s accounts, then switched back.
Before she even had a chance to check her messages, Matchbox prompted Sutton that she was in a new location, and asked if she wanted to see local matches. Shrugging a little, she touched the Yes button, and flipped through a few profiles, always swiping down. She showed Cole a couple of funny ones, and when he showed her one he was looking at she realized Matchbox had made him change his location too.
So it shouldn’t have surprised her—but it did—that the next profile she saw was Cole’s. She stifled a giggle, then read what she had written and smiled.
“All I know is I want to enjoy the ride. I want someone to laugh with, someone to make happy. There’s nothing I love more than making someone happy … I’m a loyal guy and I always hold the door open for a lady.”
Sutton flipped through the pictures she had posted. She had cropped herself out of a few, not wanting girls to assume she was Cole’s girlfriend. She paused as she came across a selfie of Cole and her cropped-out self, which they’d taken at the zoo the day Aiden broke up with her. She smiled as she remembered the slushy brain freeze incident. Everything was always so easy with Cole. It was simple and effortless. He felt like home to her.
Sutton contemplated which way to swipe. She couldn’t skip him. There was no option to pass; she had to make a choice. He was bound to come across her as well. She wondered what he would do when he saw her.
If she swiped up and didn’t see “It’s a Match!” on her screen, that meant he had swiped down for her, leaving the match unlit. But what if he swiped up for her and she had swiped down for him?
After careful consideration, Sutton held her breath as she swiped up.
Nothing.
No match.
Sutton felt like an idiot. Why had she done that? This was her best friend. Of course he wouldn’t want to match her. What good could come from that? Sutton thought they might have at least had a good laugh over it. But she planned on never mentioning it. Maybe he wouldn’t come across her at all….
A few minutes later, Sutton saw the notification on her phone: “It’s a Match!” And right below it was Cole’s picture. Cole turned to look at her, locking eyes with her, wearing a confused expression. She stared back, speechless.
“Well, this is awkward….” Cole said with a smirk, finally breaking the silence.
Sutton couldn’t help but laugh. “Well, now it is,” she replied in a snarky tone.
“You know how much your friendship means to me, right?”
“I do.”
“And I would never want to do anything to jeopardize it. I don’t want to lose you,” Cole continued slowly.
“I don’t want to lose you either.”
The two grew silent once more. Sutton fidgeted, suddenly uncomfortable. What was happening here? It was like they had been transported into an alternate universe, where logic and reason had slipped away, leading the two of them into uncharted territory, to a fork in the road.
Cole broke the silence once again. “I feel like I know you better than anyone. We have so much in common. Hurt. Lost. Vulnerable. Sarcastic as all hell. I get you on so many levels. And sometimes I don’t get you at all. But that’s the best part. You keep me on my toes. You amaze me.”
“I don’t know what to say,” Sutton replied, twirling her hair nervously.
“You don’t need to say anything.”
“But I do. Look, Cole … I’ve never really seen you like that.”
Cole appeared discouraged. “I know,” he replied. “Truth be told, I’ve never really seen you like that either.”
Sutton shook her head. “What I mean to say is … I wasn’t allowing myself to really like anybody. I just have these vast and all-encompassing walls around me. You just kind of snuck up on me. And I think you�
�re amazing.”
“Well, I can’t blame you for that. I am pretty awesome.”
Sutton laughed, as she felt like she was truly seeing her best friend for the first time. She had been struggling for months to figure out how her book characters’ story would play out. It only just now occurred to her that their journey was eerily similar to hers and Cole’s. Had she been subconsciously struggling to write her and Cole’s story all along?
She knew that the two characters had also reached a fork in the road. And she hadn’t been able to figure out which direction they would take and whether or not they’d choose the same path. She still didn’t know whether or not they would. But she was aching to figure it out.
“Oh god,” Cole muttered, under his breath.
“What?”
“I think … I’m completely in love with you.”
Sutton had a stunned look on her face. “Umm….”
“I know you don’t feel the same way. And that’s totally okay. This is taking me by surprise too,” Cole said, cheeks turning beet red.
“It’s not that I don’t feel the same way. It’s just … you know I’m going to end up totally messing this up, right?”
“I think I’m okay with the risk.”
“Our friendship won’t survive it,” Sutton insisted.
“You’re always so focused on the future, or the past…. Do me a favor.”
“Yes?”
“Close your eyes.”
Sutton took a slow, deep breath as she shut her eyes nervously.
“I want you to forget about heartbreak for a moment,” Cole continued. “I want you to forget about loss, or fear of what awaits you tomorrow or even years from now. I want you to be in this exact moment, because I can assure you it’s an important one. I’m going to let you write this story. But I want you to be sure. Don’t worry about hurting my feelings or about ruining what we have. Just feel your heart beating. Feel the blood pumping through your veins. Notice the way your skin feels when I do this….”
