'So what now?' asked Katie Dillinger. There was nothing any of them said that could make her review her life. She had heard it all before. 'Why has the lawyer been back in touch?'
'Looking for more money, of course,' said Gilchrist. 'Why else? I mean, obviously I couldn't pay everything I was supposed to at the time. So every time I earn so much as a sixpence, the bastard pops up out the woodwork looking for a hundred per cent share in it. And if he hears of me actually spending any money, he shows up with all sorts of criminal henchmen attached.'
'I thought you'd fixed up some deal from a couple of months back?' said Fergus Flaherty.
'Aye,' said Gilchrist, 'I did. But then last week I bumps into that bastarding woman in Marks and Spencer's in Sauchiehall Street. Had just bought myself a two pound thirty-nine sandwich. That was it. She stops and looks at me, then looks at the sandwich, then bursts out laughing. Laughing! Can you believe it? And so off she trots to her lawyer to tell tales, and the next thing you know I'm getting threatened in the usual manner about how I've obviously got more money than I'm letting on so let's all move along to the nearest bastarding judge.'
A few heads shook around the room. Annie Webster looked upon him with a degree of sympathy once more. Even Barney, who did not know the full details of the story, could see the injustice of it.
'And you know the worst thing. I found out last week that the bloody woman is about to get married again to some rich bastard out Aberfoyle way. I mean, she's probably delighted I killed her husband. The guy was a wank. Now she's just doing me for every single penny she can get, even though she doesn't need any of it. Unbelievable.'
'So why don't you do something?' said Flaherty, an edge to the voice, suggesting exactly what it was that he had in mind.
'I'm going to,' said Gilchrist.
'Fergus!' snapped Katie Dillinger. 'Don't encourage him, for God's sake.'
She looked at Sammy Gilchrist and she knew what he meant to do. And maybe this time she could see the point. When you've lost everything, and the instigator of your downfall continues to kick you when you're down, what other way is there for you to act? What else can you do? When you have nothing to lose, why shouldn't you commit the ultimate crime?
'You still coming at the weekend?' she asked. Their Christmas weekend, and two days in which to achieve salvation.
Sammy nodded. 'Suppose so,' he said. 'If I'm not in the nick.'
She let out a long breath. It was more than just a pointless couple of days away, this weekend retreat. In the past she had saved more than one wayward heart from committing further murder. It was a good opportunity to become more closely involved with her group than the rest of the year allowed. The one time when she could devote full nights to the collective.
And just how far would she be prepared to go during those nights to help Sammy Gilchrist? And if she did everything she could, would there not be others who might fall prey to that bitter bastard, jealousy?
'You've been before, Sammy. It's a good weekend. There are a couple of excellent sessions, you know it can help you. You can maybe do some one-to-one stuff, to help you get through it. You never know. It's only two days away, Sammy, so don't do anything stupid. All right?'
Gilchrist stared at her for a while. Then stared at Annie Webster, who gave him a reassuring smile. One-to-one sessions. Sounded good, he thought.
And it would be a long time before there were any more one-to-one sessions after he'd killed that bitch and had been nicked. So he could wait. Might, in fact, just take her out on Christmas Eve, when they got back. That'd fuck her family up good and proper. In fact, maybe he'd take her family out on Christmas Eve, let her stew in her own misery, then take her out a couple of days later.
Whatever. He could wait. See what Katie Dillinger and Annie Webster had to offer. Maybe a two-to-one session ...
'Aye, all right,' he said. 'We'll see.'
Dillinger could read every single thought going through his head and knew that this would be tough. But this was why she was here; this was why she'd started this group in the first place.
Now for another tough nut to crack, or possibly a soft, pointless waste of time.
'Right,' she said, turning and looking into the near-insipid eyes of Barney Thomson. 'Barney. I'll not give you any shite. You're the third Barney Thomson we've had in here in a year. I'm sure all the others are pissed off at me for inviting you along. Persuade us you are who you say you are. Tell us something we don't know. Give it your best shot.'
Barney swallowed and nodded. He'd expected to be able to sit at the back for a little longer than this, to rest easy in his anonymity, but he'd known that he would have to speak at some point.
And so, at last, it was time to talk. The odd brief explanation aside, he had never really told his story. Many times it had been formulated in his head, many times he'd yearned for a captive audience. Now at last they sat before him. It was time to open up the doors of divulgence and spit the clotted words of truth onto the fires of revelation. These people expected to scorn him, and so he had to persuade them of the veracity of his words and let them all follow him; this Pied Piper of adumbration, this ringmaster of axiomatic necessity, this bedevilled master of ceremonies, this pantheon of verity and rectitude.
'I really am Barney Thomson, honest,' he began.
So Lonely Steps
Barney stepped into the church, his feet crunching through autumn leaves. He had been here before, but the memory was vague. He had a strange feeling that it ought to have been more familiar than it was. He pulled his coat closer to him, as the wind howled through broken windows and the door swung and creaked. There ought to have been someone waiting for him, but he could not think who it should be. In any case, he was alone.
He looked up. There should have been something there. Something evil. Something swinging from the ceiling, its hollow eyes staring at him. But there was nothing but faded and peeling paint, leaves falling in through holes in the roof.
Barney shuffled up the aisle, his feet dragging through the sodden autumn mass. Took a look behind him as the door creaked again but it was merely the wind. An old desolate church and he was alone. And with this realisation came relief. The dark of night and nothing to fear. Perhaps at last he would be free... and he thought about it and looked around the blighted kirk, and could not remember what it was that he needed to escape.
Then, as he reached the front of the church and stood beside the remnants of the pulpit, he came to the point of the evening. And it induced no fear at first, no thumping heart. Just curiosity.
For in the corner there was a television. Small, portable, old. A round aerial on top, giving an unimpressive picture of a street scene at night. Live as-it-happened action, that was what he was seeing.
He stepped closer.
Volume down low, but he could hear it now that he was near. The click of a woman's hurried footsteps across a wet road. Blonde hair, coat pulled tightly against her, as protection against the cold, or against the evil that stalked her. She glanced over her shoulder and from the look in her eye, she could see what was coming behind. Barney only had sight of her, however, not of the one who stalked her.
She passed a couple in the street, tried to talk to them, but they were not interested. They walked on, giggling and laughing, consumed by each other; the feral beauty of young infatuation.
And so she walked on, starting to break into a run, but her shoes were not made for running. Barney began to feel nervous for her, for himself. Perhaps there was also someone behind him. But he did not look round. Eyes locked on the television. Thought he recognised this place. Near the centre of town, past Anderston, down towards the crane at Finneston. She walked on, hurriedly, in no particular direction. Waved at a passing taxi; the taxi drove on. Not even employed, the driver on his way home; had forgotten to switch off the light.
The camera pulled back and Barney got his first glimpse of the girl's pursuer. Just the back of his head, but he recognised that in itself. The dar
k hair, badly combed. The head of a minister. Had seen it somewhere before. No more than ten yards away from the woman.
Barney flinched; his mouth was dry. Decided it was time to leave, but he could not. He could not move. This wasn't real, yet he didn't have the control he should. And anyway, there was something behind him too that he did not want to see. Perhaps the same man who was closing in on the woman.
The shivers ran all over him; his heart thumped truly now. He would turn away, but he was not allowed. The woman broke into a run, she stumbled and instantly the beast was upon her. It wielded a knife, hand over the victim's mouth to dull the scream, and a vicious slash to the top of the leg. Barney winced and closed his eyes.
A hand touched his shoulder.
Barney Thomson awoke, screaming, face bathed in sweat.
A Bigga Bigga Bigga Hunka Metal
The crane loomed large, casting a dull shadow in the half-light of morning. The Finneston Crane. Monument to the recumbent past; grand testament to the flourishing Glasgow of old; as majestic as the rooftops of Florence, as architecturally precise as the Eiffel Tower. The very begetter of the soul of this great city; the physical manifestation of the strength and purpose that lay at its heart.
A big hunk of metal. And at its foot lay a body, red coat stained darker red with blood. The fourth victim of this year's serial killer.
The murder had featured a few stages. Stabbed in the leg as a foretaste; an aperitif. Gagged and bound, but conscious. While Cindy Wellman had watched, the skin had been stripped from the top of her thigh to more than halfway down her leg. This had hurt, and she'd fainted three times. Each time, however, her killer had woken her before continuing. He had thought of using the skin to strangle her, but it'd snapped seconds after he tightened it around her neck. So instead he'd thrust it deep down her throat, thus suffocating her in a matter of a few, frantic, thrashing seconds.
Creative, but disgusting. As is much of modern art.
Having committed his crime, the killer had made his way home for a relaxing cup of tea, a few minutes' pointless late-night television, and then a good night's sleep. He had, he had to admit, even disturbed himself a little with this crime, and intended not to repeat it. Sometimes convention wasn't so bad. Next time he would return to the more straightforward stabbing scenario.
The body had been discovered – in the usual manner – by illicit lovers at half past three in the morning. Two men, by chance, both firmly in the closet; one a bank clerk, the other a well-known Premiership footballer. An anonymous call had been placed to the authorities, and the police were thinking that there might have been a lead in that call, when there was none.
The body still lay where it had been discovered, five hours previously. There was the usual crime scene. Yellow tape; more officers than were necessary. The ghouls of the press and public as close as they could get, trying to see what all the fuss was about. Two plainclothes officers moving within the crowd, on the basis that forty per cent of murderers, taking pride in their work, would return to the crime scene after the event. A helicopter circled overhead. Squad cars came and went, headed off to round up the usual suspects. Somewhere a woman bit into a chocolate pretzel she'd seen advertised on the television.
Mulholland and Proudfoot stood and stared. The cadaver was finally being placed into the removal bag, everyone who'd needed to look and prod having had their turn; every clue that could be garnered from the position and substance of the body as it had lain having been so.
Proudfoot was white, blood having retreated inside to mix with the haunting of her stomach and her heart. She was being taken back down a long black tunnel to the events of the previous winter, and everything she'd seen then was returning to torment her.
Mulholland felt nothing. In his way he was a lot less ready to address the demons of the past. Still hiding from it all, and it was possible that he would never emerge from that hiding place. Maybe it would penetrate his consciousness in ten, twenty, thirty years' time. Or maybe he would take all the feelings of terror, desperation and inadequacy to the grave. Whatever; as he watched the victim of the most vile of murders being enclosed in the Big Bag, he felt nothing. 'Well,' he said, 'that's not something you see every day.'
Proudfoot barely heard him. One of the medics gave him a From Dusk till Dawn look; the other was as tied up as Proudfoot in horrors of the soul and did not notice.
'What?' she said eventually. Took so long to speak that Mulholland had almost forgotten what he'd said. He shook his head and said nothing.
A small boat passed by on the Clyde, those on board craning to have a look at the activity. Seeing nothing, they went on their way, but they would later tell anyone who would listen that they'd been there and that they'd seen everything.
The two detectives glanced at one another and then looked around. Activity everywhere, none of it to much end. Finally their eyes settled on the water, and the grey Clyde coldly flowing past.
Another bleak day, the colour of the river. And there they stood, for neither knew of any point in rushing to their tasks. The immediate work was awful and bore no relation to solving the crime. Inform the relatives; speak to the press. Perhaps there might be some clues to be gleaned from the former, but unlikely at the moment of revelation. 'Your daughter's dead. What were you doing at midnight last night, by the way?' Couldn't do it like that. Not any more, at any rate.
Detective Sergeant Ferguson approached. Looking sombre for once, but only because he hadn't eaten anything in ten hours. They were aware of his approach; only Mulholland bothered to take it in.
'You're in luck,' said Ferguson.
Mulholland raised an eyebrow. 'You mean she's not dead?'
'Better than that. Her parents are dead, so you don't have to tell the mother.'
'A blessing,' said Mulholland dryly. 'What about boyfriends, husbands, that kind of thing?'
'She wasn't married, that's about it. Worked at a wee solicitor's up in Bearsden. Got the address.'
'Bearsden, eh? Brilliant. Better start there, then. See if you can get the doc to write her a sick note and we can drop it off.'
Ferguson laughed. 'Aye, right. A sick note. Nice one.'
'It's arbitrary,' said Proudfoot, still staring abstractly across the Clyde. A paper bag floated slowly past; an empty bottle, a packet of cigarettes, a bedraggled cuddly toy, and somewhere a child cried.
Mulholland watched as the body was laid to rest in the ambulance and the doors closed upon it. Pondered on what it must be like to ride in the back of one of those with the deceased. Would you constantly be waiting for the zip to be undone and a hand to suddenly appear? If there was an unexpected movement within the bag, would you dare open it?
'Why d'you say that?' asked Ferguson.
'Got a feeling,' she said. 'It's nobody he knew. It's just a guy committing murder in an entirely random way. No motive, no reason, just doing it. Might not even know why. He's just out wandering the streets and the mood takes him. The gay bloke from the other night, that's the same. Nothing to do with him being gay.'
'Right,' Ferguson said. 'Like when you're driving along the road and you pass a chippie, and you get a whiff of a fish supper. You're not hungry, but you think, what the fuck, and dive in and buy one.'
'Then again,' said Mulholland, joining in, 'sometimes you might not go in at all. You might ignore the urge, or you might not even feel it.'
'Exactly,' said Proudfoot. 'And this is our man. He goes out late, for whatever reason, and so he doesn't see too many people. Most of them that he does see, he thinks nothing of. But something hits him every now and again. Something snaps. Some weird, primeval thing. Some memory buried deep in the subconscious, and this vicious, bestial action kicks in.'
'And he buys a fish supper.'
'Right. He buys a fish supper,' she said, nodding.
The three of them watched the ambulance drive off, scattering the assorted officers of the law. The SOCOs were hard at work; every piece of potential evidence being carefu
lly placed in small, airtight bags by rubber-gloved fingers. Every cigarette butt, every piece of broken glass, every leaf, every stone.
'What d'you want us to do, boss?' asked Ferguson.
Mulholland continued to watch the ambulance go, out of the conference centre carpark, onto the road, up onto the Expressway, until it was lost behind concrete walls and articulated lorries. There was bound to be someone upset by her death, he thought. There always was.
'How many people at this law firm?' he asked.
'About twenty, I think.'
'Better come with us. And grab ...' and Mulholland's voice tailed off as he realised that he couldn't remember the names of any of the constables still circulating the area. 'Grab someone to come with us. We can do the rounds. Might come up with something.'
'It was arbitrary. We'll get nothing,' said Proudfoot. 'Unless one of them was with her last night.'
Mulholland nodded but said nothing. Probably right.
Didn't think the chief superintendent would be too impressed, however, if he told him they hadn't bothered to investigate the girl's life, based on his sergeant's hunch that it would be a waste of time.
'Come on, Sergeant, let's go,' he said.
And off they meandered, to plunder the soul of the investigation.
Love's Labours And Barbershop Floors
'I've been meaning to ask you,' said Leyman Blizzard. 'How d'you get on last night, by the way? I presume you went to this meeting I told you about, seeing as you weren't at the boozer?'
Barney swept the floor as he thought of a reply. He'd never been particularly adept at formulating opinions – mostly because he'd never had any – and so his brain moved in time with his brush as he thought about the night, and thought about what he would say and what he wouldn't.
And after several minutes he finally came up with an answer.
'It was all right,' he said. 'You know,' he added as an afterthought.
The Barbershop Seven: A Barney Thomson omnibus Page 63
