by B. E. Laine
He cocks his head to the side and gives me a pointed look. “You’re hungry. We should go so I can feed you,” he says, not waiting for my answer.
“Okay.” He starts the car and backs out, leaving me missing his touch already. I know I should not feel this way, but I decide to put my past and all the thoughts aside, even if it is only for tonight.
I sit here, wringing my hands together in my lap and looking out the window when his hand appears on mine. “Oops, sorry.” I remember he asked me to stop saying that word earlier.
When he stops at a light, I look at him because he hasn’t said anything. I receive a look that I can’t quite read. “What?”
“Don’t say sorry,” he says and I just nod.
The light turns green and he presses the gas. He pulls my left hand out of my right and intertwines his hand with mine. I smile. Something as simple as holding hands can make me feel all these great little things inside. There is no way to explain the butterflies floating in my stomach, or the hot tingle I feel all over wherever he touches me. There’s definitely no words for this goofy ass grin I have on my face. I let a giggle escape for the improper things running through my mind. It is just crazy feeling this way. Does everyone feels this way when they go out on dates? I don’t really remember what it was like, or maybe I don’t want to remember.
“Are you ever going to let me in on those conversations you have with yourself inside that head of yours?”
“Huh? Oh, it’s nothing really.” I need to get a grip. I’m sure he thinks I’m some kind of lunatic. My stomach chooses that time to growl again. I cover it with my right hand and give him a look of remorse.
“Have you eaten today?” he says, a little more tightly than I expected. I’m not sure I like it but, hell, it’s hot. Then I think of what I did eat for lunch. I really don’t think I should tell him I had goldfish.
“Um … yeah, I had some lunch.” I’m hoping he buys it and drops it but, of course, no such luck.
“And what did you eat?” he says, in a little lighter mood. “Don’t lie,” he warns.
Well, there goes the light mood. “Um, some goldfish … water … and I don’t remember what else …,” I say, trailing off.
Yeah, there’s that face again. I am almost positive I am going to hear that voice again, too. Well, I know that face and his joking face … now, just a million more facial expressions to figure out.
“Kara …” Okay, maybe I don’t think that voice is hot anymore.
“I slept in, then I was busy, then I fell asleep. I’m so—” Wow, the look that I am receiving right now. Realizing that we are stopped, I look back over to the not-so-happy Drew. “Where are we?”
We’re sitting in a parking lot at the back of a building I have never seen before. We are surrounded by older brick buildings that have been painted, but could really use another coat. I look across the street and see another building, this one with big doors. I have certainly never been here before. I would almost feel scared to get out if I was not with Drew, but I trust him.
He shakes his head, gets out of the car, and makes his way to my side. I already have my purse in one hand and the door handle in the other. He opens the door and offers his other hand to help me out. He’s smirking again, as he leads me around the building. He leans in close and says “Trust me.” I shiver from the feel of his breath on my ear.
We round the corner and I can see the skyline of downtown Tulsa. The sun is peeking through the massive buildings; it’s picture perfect. He stopped walking so I looked up at him to find him admiring me, not the view. He smiles and gestures towards a door. I smile at him and walk through.
The café reminds me of the one back in my hometown, with its mismatched chairs and those hideous red checkered table coverings. It still looks fairly clean and looks to be pretty busy, which is always a good sign if you ask me.
The waitress comes over and asks us how many. Well, she asks Drew, distinctly ignoring me. I guess I cannot blame her because I’m sure she is wondering what a guy like him is doing with someone like me. They would look perfect together … her long, tan legs; tiny waist; and blonde hair. It makes me think again why he would want short, pale-legged, boring, brown hair me?
“We just need to see the menu for a to-go order, please,” he says to the waitress, and looks down at me.
“We aren’t eatin’ here?” I ask.
He chuckles, cups the side of my face, and says, “I love it when the southern comes out.”
I turn my face away and mumble, “Not funny,” just as the waitress returns with menus. He hands me one and turns to look at his.
The too friendly waitress returned to take our orders, said it’ll be ready in about ten minutes, and told us to have a seat while we wait. We sit and I peek a glance at Drew to find him glaring at me.
“What’s wrong?” I ask, wondering where his smile went.
“You better eat all of that chicken salad,” he says, raising his eyebrows and making his tanned forehead wrinkle. Even that is sexy, but I’m not sure how to take his tone.
“What’s the problem, Drew?” I say.
“Kara, you haven’t eaten all day and you order a salad and water,” he says, like it’s obvious.
“Okay, um … what was I supposed to get?”
“You can get whatever you like. You just need to eat, okay?” he says, sounding like he does not want to have this conversation.
“Okay,” I say meekly.
He just stares outside the window and says nothing. I sit with my purse in my lap, absentmindedly playing with a string that has frayed. I know I need a new purse; maybe after I start my new intern job. I won’t be making a lot, but it will be a hell of a lot more than what I made at the coffee shop. I am lucky that I still have grants and part of a scholarship for working my butt off in high school. However, I will have to get a student loan and another one at the end of the semester if I want to pursue my career any further. I know I want to, but it depends on bills and such if I decide to get my masters.
I was in deep in thought when Miss Friendly Waitress brings our food. Drew refused to let me pay for mine again. So while he is paying for the food, I take the opportunity to get a good look at him for the first time tonight. I can see his sculpted muscles moving under his semi-tight black shirt; his tattoos cover all I can see of one arm and are sporadically on the other; those faded designer jeans hug him in all the right places.
He turns as I lick my lips and we lock eyes. He has a teasing face. “Hungry?” he says in a seductive voice. I nod my head because that is all I am capable of at the moment. He has me immersed until he breaks the connection and starts walking towards the door.
When we walk out, I start walking the way we came. “Where are you going, sweetie?”
“Um …,” I say, as I turn my body half-way towards him and where we parked.
He smiles and takes my hand, leading me in the opposite direction of the car, towards the beautiful skyline, and a corner intersection. He pushes the button with both of our hands, and I wonder if that’s just because he didn’t want to let go of mine. Even if that wasn’t it, the thought still makes me smile. How pathetic.
We make our way across the four lanes, and then I notice an inviting park. It’s all perfectly cut plush grass, which is odd for the end of summer. He walks in between two trees and just sits down, practically pulling me with him. I almost fall backwards, and we both laugh. He gets the food out, still laughing. I finally sit upright, and notice the most spectacular view that the city has to offer. I look at him and find him intently watching me. At that moment, I wonder if I have been missing out on things like this because of what one worthless person did. I told myself that I was not going to think about those things tonight. I am going to enjoy myself and the amazing man I’m with.
We sit quietly eating our food, just exchanging smirks and glances, while enjoying the view. He finishes before me and every time I sneak a glance that way, he’s unashamedly staring. I glance down
at my shirt while wiping my mouth. I look back up at him to see that smile that instantly makes me happy.
“You have nothing on you, don’t worry,” he says, answering my unasked question.
I just smile and nod, turning so I can lean on my hands behind me. I feel so comfortable sitting here with him. I have never even felt this way with someone that I’ve known for years. He has this calm essence about him that flows off onto everyone around him. It feels like I have known him longer than two days. Wait, it’s only been two days?
“When’s your birthday?” he abruptly asks.
I slightly turn my head, wondering what he’s got up his sleeve. “Okay, random. August twenty-fifth, why?” I say, skeptically.
He looks at me like there is nothing else in the world. He makes me feel like there is nothing else in this world that matter. Be careful, Kara! Ugh! I know I should be careful, but there is just something about him …
“Oh, I was just wondering. I want to get to know you, Kara. I won’t ask you questions if you don’t want me to … wait, that’s in just a few days!”
Why did he have to ask that, and why did I answer?! Oh yeah, maybe it’s his extremely handsome face or his voice that lures me in. I hope he will get the hint that I’m not too keen on celebrating my birthday. It marks another year that I have survived the nightmare of that night.
“Um, yeah, it’s no big deal.” I pray that he doesn’t want to do what I think he does.
“Oh, yes, it is! We’ll have to make plans to celebrate!” How can I tell him I don’t want to do this? He sounds so excited. Maybe I could just suck it up because I would be with him, but I don’t know how much fun I would be.
He must have taken in my mood. “I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have assumed. I’m sure you already have plans.”
Oh, crap! I don’t want him to think I’d be blowing him off. “Um, no, I don’t have plans. I just … uh … don’t celebrate my birthday.”
Pulling his eyebrows together, he asks the enviable question, “Would you like to share why not?”
Of course, he had to say it in the most considerate way. Since he already knows the story, I might as well be truthful. “The night of my birthday was when … um … when he … you know …”
He inhales sharply. “Oh.”
I drop my head. I’m not only embarrassed, but I can’t help but think he wouldn’t have to deal with this if he was with someone else.
He takes my chin, turning my face towards his, and I see a look of anger flash across his face before he pulls himself together. “I’m truly sorry for bringing it up. It appears that we can’t have a night without it being an issue. I do promise you this year that night will be the furthest thing from your mind.”
I am stunned. I’m also wondering what he has planned that’ll make me forget that night, if only for a little bit. Why am I always stunned by his honesty? That is the only thing that anyone wants in life, right? I should just appreciate it and maybe, just maybe, take advantage of it.
“Okay, since we’re playing the question game, when is your birthday?” I ask playfully, as I sit up and cross my legs Indian-style so I am looking right at him. He looked a little stunned. Maybe this wasn’t such a great idea because now I won’t be able to focus on what he’s saying. That little dimple in his cheek when he does that drop dead gorgeous smile, those piercing eyes of his, and the muscles poking out of his shirt … mmm … FOCUS, Kara!
“Huh?” I say, realizing that he said something. I hope he didn’t notice me checking him out but, by the shy smile he’s wearing, I am assuming he did. Crap. He’s not going to want to take “Miss Freak” out again.
“I said that’s not how you play. You have to ask me a different question than what I asked you,” he said.
“Oh, um … what’s your last name?” That was the first thing that came to my mind. Well, okay, I was wondering that one earlier anyway.
“Evans.”
“Hm … Andrew Evans.” It felt good saying his name out loud and having the feeling that name isn’t going anywhere anytime soon. Maybe I only hope that it doesn’t.
When I look back up, he is looking at me with eyes burning with desire. He smirks and seductively says, “I like the way my name sounds coming out of your mouth.”
Oh … my … gosh. The way he said that makes me think things I should not, but they are pleasant thoughts. Especially with him. “Oh … um … well … it’s your turn,” was all I managed to sputter out.
He let out a small laugh and puts his finger on his perfectly sculpted chin, acting like he’s thinking. There are no words for this man because he’s simply beautiful inside and out. After all these years of swearing off guys, I’m glad I gave him a chance. For a second, I have the thought of thanking him for getting me off of the prim, proper, preppy, jock assholes that I was accustomed to before. He did teach me that it does not matter what you look like on the outside; what counts is what is on the inside.
We end up lying down and looking at the stars. He tells me about him growing up with a single parent, like me, but no siblings. He told me his favorite color is black, and I told him that it that was a little obvious. He cut his eyes to me, laughed, and grabbed my hand. Entangling our fingers together, I can feel the heat from him through my whole body. It takes all my energy to stay focused on the rest of the conversation.
He eventually told me his birthday is June 2nd, and that he grew up around the city. He also works for a guy that has a center close to downtown that helps kids get off the street. For some reason, it tugged at my heart hearing him talking about those kids. I can feel how passionate he is about it. He proceeds to tell me that he worked there while he went to college and that it was more than he anticipated, but was well worth it when he got his current job at the law firm. He talks about how lucky he is to have gotten a job as quick as he did, but how he still spends every second that he can at the gym, helping with the kids.
I just lay there and stare at him as he talks so freely about his life, though there is a feeling that he’s leaving something out. I hope that it’s not even close to the horrors of my past, but I will not pressure him to tell me either. Hmmm, I think I can do this boyfriend thing.
“I’m sorry. I’m probably boring you with my whole life story.”
“Not at all. I like to hear you talk,” I reply, blushing a little at the fact that I just told him I like listening to him talk. I always have had a tendency to say the stupidest things.
When I finally get the guts to face him, he’s gazing up at the dazzling stars, a small smile playing on his lips. He has one arm under his head and he looks like utter perfection laying there. “Tell me about you,” he says, sneaking a glance in my direction. I looked up at the marvelous sky again.
“Um … okay, but there isn’t much to me that you don’t already know.” I still can’t believe that I told him that. There is no telling what he thinks of me now. I am surprised that he asked me out with all that I unloaded on him in just the first night. What in the hell was I thinking? Scaring the one and only guy I have been attracted to in the past four years … I really am screwed up.
He surprises me by turning on his side and resting on his elbow. He takes my face with his free hand, urging me to look towards him while he says, “What you told me last night doesn’t defy you, Kara. That is not who you are. Some of the deepest pain will only empower you to grow into a higher version of yourself. You have your whole future …”
I am so lost in his words that a bomb could go off and it would not affect me. I swear he has the ability to turn an already perfect night into pure heaven. He’s always so considerate to me, but I do not understand why he’s wasting his time with someone as broken as me.
“Thank-you for that, but you really need to understand that is who I am now. I’m broken, and I would understand if you didn’t want to go on with … whatever this is,” I reply sadly, as I move to sit upright and he follows suit.
“I am a big boy, Kara. Let me be the judge
of what I get myself into, okay?” he says, nudging me in a playful manner.
I look up at him with raised eyebrows and say, “Okay, but you can’t say I didn’t warn you, Mr. Evans.”
That makes him throw his head back and laugh. “Okay, Ms. Brooks. How about we get out of here?”
We gather up our trash from dinner and discard it. We make our way to the edge of the park and I notice that traffic is very light and the café is closed. I didn’t think we were out there very long. A cool breeze comes through making me slightly shiver. I try to hide it, but he catches it.
“I’m sorry I don’t have a coat for you. I didn’t expect to be out this late,” he says, looking upset.
“Oh, no, it’s okay. I’m fine. What time is it anyway?” I don’t like that look of regret on his face.
“Um … almost eleven,” he says after looking at his phone. The look on his face makes me think that he thinks I’m going to freak out because everything is not perfect. He just doesn’t know that everything with him is already perfect.
“Oh, okay.” I give him a little smile because I do not want him to think that he has done anything wrong.
He returns my smile and puts his arm me. I’m instantly warm all over. He opens the car door for me. I am not used to that, but I definitely think I could be. As he’s walking around the car to get in, I take the opportunity to take a deep breath. I close my eyes and open them back up. Yup, I’m still sitting in this amazing man’s car. Some things just do not seem real, especially after so many fake things in my life before. I will enjoy every bit of time he will give me. That might seem pathetic, but after feeling dead for over five years, and you start to feel a little bit of life inside you, there is nothing that will stop you from taking the chance. It’s not like there is much of me left. If I were to give what is left of me away, I believe I would be okay with giving it to someone as special as Drew.
When we make it back to my dorm, he pulls in at my building and parks. I grab my purse and set it in my lap, fiddling with the strap and not knowing what to say. He’s also extremely quiet so I take a chance and break the silence. “I had a really good time tonight. Thank-you so much; it was perfect.” I keep my head down and stare at my fingers, bending and prodding at the strap of my purse.
