by Taja Kartio
I opened my mouth to instantly say I was sorry but I felt that it wouldn't do much, not with the very limited time I had. Sorry wouldn't do anything for him or me. So instead, I stuck with, “Thank you… For saving my life.”
Alex turned with a pained grin and opened his mouth but nothing came out except for a sticky wad of blood. His choking intensified to a level that prevented him from saying anything recognizable and I could only watch in horror as he fell into ten shades of suffering. He was unreachable now. I'd never seen anyone die before. Not like this where it was within close quarters with someone I knew closely. By the looks of it, death would take Alex first and watching the progression was cruel. His pain would be with him until the end and it would come back the moment he turned whether he had any sense to know that or not. It was such a pitiless and bitter process that it made me want to vomit. I feared what was waiting for Alex on the other side, wherever that was.
Then his distress calmed and he took one last ragged breath, so worn out and shredded that I wasn't even sure if it could have been considered a breath. His eyes claimed a glass-like look before disappearing underneath his closing eyelids.
He was dead.
Emotions erupted. Rage, grief, shock. I stepped back feeling almost disconnected and almost completely numb in physical feeling except for a dull throb that immediately began to gnaw at my insides. I wasn't sure what the proper response was but I knew exactly what I wanted to do next,
I wanted to find Hollie.
Thirty Eight
I didn't need to walk very far. Hollie stood at the bottom of the steps of the main level looking a bit surprised to see me. Her face was a mellow rose color and it looked like her eyelashes were clumped together. Crying, huh?
"Is he dead?" She asked. I could tell that she was upset but no matter how tiny it was, there was still some disrespectful, mordant bite to her tone that I wasn't if sure it was there because it just a bad trait and she couldn't help it or because she was choosing this moment to be cheeky. Either way, I felt absolutely enraged.
"Ya Hollie," A muscle twitched in my jaw, "He's dead."
She shook her head to herself miserably, "I'm so sorry."
"Sorry doesn't mean anything right now. Not to me and it sure as hell doesn't mean anything to Alex," My voice was beginning to snarl. I had to keep my cool. I had to keep it together, "Your sorry is meaningless."
"But I do mean it! I wasn't trying to get him killed!"
There was so much emphasis on 'him' that I had to pause for a moment. I knew what she meant as soon as it came out of her mouth. She didn't shut the door on me because she panicked, she shut it on purpose. She had deliberately tried to keep me outside.
"Ya, I know. You were trying to get me killed," By her shocked expression, I knew I was right. What insane reality was she in that she didn't think I would figure out her dirty little plan, "Because for whatever god-damn, selfish reason, you don't like me! From the second you saw me, I was a threat to you! Why? I don't fucking know! But you figured the only way you didn't have to deal with me was to get me killed! I wouldn't even be surprised if this had been your plan from the moment you dad told you that you had to come to this house while he went out without you. Why is that?"
Still, in a shocked state, she was trying to find words but couldn't seem to make a coherent sentence and I certainly didn't have the patience to wait for her to make up some bullshit.
"Huh? What is it? Rebellion? You trying to show daddy that you don't like it when he tells you to do something you don't wanna do? Is it... I mean, I don't even know what it could be! It is because your mom is dead? You gotta act all tough and resilient or something?"
I could see her anger was starting to return by the familiar way her forehead creased and brows knitted together. Bringing up her dead mother probably hadn't been in my best interest but words kept spilling from my mouth. I was livid and I kept spewing out words, now finding myself at the bottom of the steps within a full step of Hollie.
To my surprise, though, she didn't cry out or yell or scream. Her voice was low and sour, "I'm sorry about Alex."
Bullshit, "I don't think you are. You didn't know him enough to care."
"I got him killed. Of course, I care about that."
"You don't know me and you tried to get me killed. Would you have cared then?" When she didn't answer, I huffed, "No, of course not. Why?"
She made no attempt to answer my question and she was lucky I didn't throw that punch Kale suggested for me to do earlier. She was saved by a cry tearing from the upstairs. Ben had been thrown toward the bathroom and Toby was pinned on the ground while Hayden stared at the newly turned Infected in absolute horror. Alex was up and moving, but not in the way we all remembered him. He was still just as tall and lanky as before, but there was a certain movement to him that didn't match. I couldn't quite explain it. Alex wasn't Alex anymore.
I propelled myself forward and tackled him off of Toby just before any teeth could tear into skin. After landing, I scrambled to my feet and ushered Toby towards Ben and Hayden.
"Find me something from the kitchen I can use!" I yelled.
"Like what?" Toby answered, already flying down the stairs after his brother and Hayden.
"A knife! Something sharp!" An irritating bite was laced in my shout.
Alex staggered to his feet and I could hear the bones crack in his stiffening neck as he snapped his head in my direction. His face was a sort of twisted macabre white, his once soft forest green eyes were now a deep mustard and glowering at me. The cloudy irises had symbols and lines crisscrossing in a deadly manner, making the entire eye look as though it was devoid of all emotion. There was absolutely nothing in his wolfish expression that gave any indication that he knew who I was.
I started for the steps, thinking I could meet Toby in the kitchen where he would have found something ready for me but Alex somehow caught up to me. His hands grabbed me and pushed me forward, though he didn't let go. We both tumbled down the stairs. Thankfully I didn't snap my neck or anything as the ride down to the bottom was rough, especially the last landing on the wooden flooring.
"Dani!"
I heard the yell behind me. Toby stood with a large kitchen knife in his hand.
I was a little woozy from the fall but I managed to get to my feet without Alex catching me. When I took the knife, there was a sharp yelp. Hollie had come from god-knows-where and was now getting hammered into the floor. Without thinking it through, I kicked Alex in the head and immediately jumped on top of him. I kneeled over his body and raised the knife over my head. The second the blade dug into Alex's skull, I could feel everything go still. His beating heart ceased and his lungs were motionless. I watched his eyes gloss over for the second time, not losing their cloudiness or even the maddening twinkle.
My hands began to vibrate. I killed him. I killed Alex.
I shuffled backward, off of Alex and onto my feet. Tears built. My insides stiffened.
Hollie came up beside me, "Thank God he's dead. He could have killed us."
"This is your fault," I knew my voice cracked and I was sure that was what caught her attention the most. I shoved her to the floor and pointed a finger at her, "This is all your fault! He'd still be alive if it hadn't been for you!" Salty drops suddenly spilled down cheeks, "You murderer!"
Hands grabbed my shoulders and pulled me back. I found my back pressed against Beckett's chest of all places. His arms wrapped around across my torso and supported my body as I crumbled, my legs giving out. Sobs punched through, wracking against my bones. My forehead fell into my brother's arms and I let the pain blossom. Feet away, Alex's lifeless eyes glared, they were a bullet to my heart.
Thirty Nine
The wall would never be completed. Not really. It wasn’t a hundred feet tall and wasn’t half a mile thick of cement and steel. What we had was made of wood and all the scrap metal we could gather up. It could always use more reinforcement and defense. But for now, it would hold. We could ta
ke a small break after tirelessly building. I was skeptical, as were some others, that the wall stopped it’s barriers at the river that flowed behind the cul-de-sac. Scott said that the Infected didn’t swim, that he’d seen them try and fail. For now, we were putting any more wall construction on hold, and would trust Scott’s word on that theory. Now we were going to put all our efforts into finding and building a decent food and medical supply. Beckett was real keen on medical. Hayden was sick, building up a nasty cough that we didn’t need to spread around the cul-de-sac. Though, today I let him leave the house to go outside, just for a few minutes. It’d been a month, a whole thirty days since Alex had died.
I had to admit it’d been a whole lot quieter in the house since his passing. Hayden and him weren’t watching movies or playing video games together, arguing who was the better video-gamer and Kale wasn’t telling him to shut up all the time or laughing at his obvious comments. And I was sure Kale was the one who missed him the most. Two and half months since getting run out of our home in Litchfield, I had only known Alex for maybe three-ish weeks? Something like that? I was missing for over a month when being a human lab experiment in Minneapolis so I didn’t have all that bonding time like my brothers had. I was sincerely upset over Alex’s death but I had to say that I didn’t really know him all that well… and I didn’t think I was as upset over all of this as much as I should have been. I wasn’t completely devastated and I knew what that felt like. I was sure that my brothers, especially Kale, were far more upset than I was. In a way, I felt incredibly guilty. Alex had risked his life to save mine. He was dead and I should probably be in his place, in the ground with a handmade, wooden cross sticking out of the ground.
Hayden was clearly torn up and I understood. He was a child and he had grown incredibly fond of the person whom he shared most of his time with. Hayden hadn’t even known him for a full two weeks and yet here he was, deciding to finally put the Crash Team Racing out of commission and place it against the wooden cross. I wasn’t going to argue with him about it. We stood by the grave without saying a word and after minutes of silence, Hayden coughed into his shoulder and trekked back inside. I followed behind, glancing at the house two doors down. Hollie hadn’t been seen since. Not that I cared too much. She was the whole reason he died anyway. Scott informed the group she wasn’t allowed to leave the house they were staying in. The group seemed to be perfectly okay with that, in fear she would bring unwanted trouble and attention.
It wasn’t a prison cell, but her permanent confinement in that house would have to be good enough for me.
Forty
"Stay by me."
I rolled my eyes for probably the third time in the last five minutes, "You've said that already."
"Just reminding you."
For whatever reason, Kale was on extra edge today and I was trying so hard to contain my irritation. Beckett had to keep silently telling me to "cool it" everytime Kale turned away.
We drove a little further than usual for our supply run, Everett's idea, to a super Target that would have most of everything we needed. I was only along for insisting I needed to find medicine for Hayden. Everett tagged along and seemed cool with the idea, calling me the 'unofficial foster mother' of the kid. He had his sister, Dayna, taking care of him while I was gone.
"Hey guys," Riley pointed to messily, hand-written sign on one of the apparently unoperational sliding doors, "Look at this."
WARNING! MEAT BAGS INSIDE! DO NOT OPEN!
"Meat Bags huh?" Scott ripped the paper off the wall with a short chuckle, "That's great."
"How many do you think could be in there?" Riley asked, looking more directly at Everett, who shrugged. How should he know?
"I don't think we should find out," Beckett said, taking a sudden hesitant step back.
Scott continued to crumble the paper between his hands, "Think of all the goods just waiting in there though! We don't want to be those people who see this sign and do exactly what you just said, walking away. It could be a gold mine all for the taking!"
"It's not worth of our lives if there are more Infected in there than there are of us."
Scott now threw the paper in front of him hotly, giving my brother a rather tense look, "And what lives do you think we're gonna have without food and medicine and all those friendly essentials we need?"
Beckett nodded his head off toward the cars, "We can find the same supplies elsewhere."
"Sure," Scott turned back toward the doors and grunted, "But then someone else will have the pleasure of this place, and I think we deserve it more."
Before anyone could and stop him, Scott dug his fingers in between the metal frame and began pulling one of the doors to the side. The squealing was minimal but still enough to make the rest of us cringe. Everett and Kale immediately stepped forward and took him by the shoulders, shoving him away from the doors that were now had at least a two foot opening to squeeze through.
Almost instantly, a figure jetted out from the shadows and forced itself through the doors. Beckett was most prepared, and used the pocket knife in his hand to stab the Infected straight through the skull. More followed and more shared the same fate. The Infected that came into the light pushed the doors but not enough to cause an alarm, which still only allowed one at a time through the entrance. It was a lot easier than taking all the Infected on one at a time, an advantage that had me wondering if Scott had purposely been thinking strategy or if Everett and Kale had shoved him away from the doors fast enough to stop him from pushing them all the way open.
The sign that had been posted on the door hadn't been kidding. Infected came one after another and it was almost like a movie lagging on the same scene. The motions we executed for what seemed like forever were repeated over and over again. By the time we took down what looked like the last Infected, sweat was dripping down all of our foreheads and we were panting underneath the humid temperature.
"Are you out of your mind?" Kale suddenly blasted in Scott's direction, "You could have gotten us all killed."
Scott shrugged and used an open palm to gesture at the doors, "With an opening like that, we can take on whatever number of Infected that come our way, like we had just done. We just cleared an entire store without so much as a scratch, so why don't you sit your ass down kid."
I hated to admit it, but Scott had a point. Though, I still wondered if he really had that idea in his mind in the first place. I wanted to think his greediness had made him reckless and now he was using the success as a way to cover up that recklessness. Either way, he had Kale on the spot and my brother clearly knew Scott was right as well. My brother shook his head frustratedly and Scott snorted.
"Let's go," Everett muttered, looking just as annoyed as my oldest brother.
We all allowed Scott first entrance in the store. The second I stepped behind with my brothers, my nose scrunched up. The smell was overwhelming, more distinctively of decay. Though, I figured it was a factor I should start getting used to. Stray, dead bodies were beginning to become a norm.
"Damn," Riley muttered between clenched teeth.
Ahead of us, the sunlight dimly shone on perhaps a dozen unmoving masses surrounded by more dried blood than white tile flooring. I gulped. The Infected really knew how to leave behind some dirty handiwork, and I wasn't sure why I had been expecting anything less. This was almost like walking into that Wal-mart a while back except this time, there wasn't a Hollie to push me into a pile of guts.
"Kale, Beckett, take Dani with you to pharmaceuticals. Riley, Scott, you're with me. Let's grab as much as we can and try to be out of here within the next hour." Everett adjusted the bright orange duffel bag dangling from his shoulder and only waited for a small nod of acknowledgment from my brothers before turning toes toward the aisles of food off to the right.
Kale nudged me and we set off in the opposite direction. Without the electrical lights, the natural sunlight outside could only brighten so much of the store. Beckett handed me a spare flashlight.
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"Let's be cautious, guys. There still could be some Infected hiding out in this place."
"Wouldn't all the noise up front have attracted anybody in here?" I asked, clicking the button on my flashlight and stepping around the body that beam of light exposed in front of me.
"You would think, but I wouldn't take any chances," Beckett pointed at another body for me to carefully step over, "Some could be stuck in a room with no way out unless we carelessly open the door for them. Some could be caught on something and stuck where they stand, and some like to hide oddly enough."
I gave him a look, "Hide?"
"Bastards," Kale gruffed, "When we were at Lowes a few days ago, Riley and I rounded a corner while we were looking for more nails and an Infected jumped out of freaking nowhere. It was like the damn thing had been waiting to jump us."
I cocked my head at that. Why was only hearing about this just now? "That's kind of... weird. Since when did Infected get all strategic?"
Both brothers shrugged.
"We just had the one experience with something like that," Beckett said, "I'd like to dream that it was a one time deal but we can never be too careful."
The pharmacy was relatively easy to spot even from this distance with this lack of light inside the store just as it was so close to the front doors. Being that this was a super Target, there were rows and rows and rows of basic medications, drugs, first aid essentials, and personal care items. I immediately turned the corner of an aisle with what I was hoping would have stocked cold and fever medications but I wasn't anticipating my foot nailing a large lump on the floor. Shining my flashlight down, I yelped softly at the woman staring back at me with a hanging jaw and cold, lifeless eyes. She lay slumped against the shelves with a massive hatchet wedged in her skull.
