by J. Naomi Ay
Unbeknownst to Gina, while she had been in the loo, Thad had already searched her bag for the elusive pills. Of course, he had seen what she had hidden, her brand new pink Lady Smith & Wesson, along with the written directions on how to use it.
Together, they forged across the hotel lobby, swimming through a sea of stranded passengers from everywhere.
"I think it was on the left," Thad said, trying to see over the meandering crowds.
"Are you sure? I thought it was towards the right."
"No, Gina. I’m certain it was this way."
"You're wrong, Thad. I'm positive it was that."
"Can I help you find something?" An Andorian woman asked. She was short, and her face was ugly and blue. "I work here. I can guide you to where you need to go. Tell me, please, Sir Duke. I am at your service."
"The Kwikie Mart," Thad replied. "Come on, Gina. Isn't she nice?"
"Shut the fuck up, Thad," Gina snapped, following Pym.
Pym was being very kind, indeed. After all, she had been told the game had started. She led them to where they needed to go, which wasn't exactly her convenience store. Instead, it was a service door beneath a sign which said, Exit.
Gina went into the hallway first. The Andorian had said this was a short cut to the shopping floor. They could avoid the overcrowded terminal, which was reeking with sweaty body smells of many different creatures.
However, this route was not at all what Gina had expected. Instead of a dark and dimly lit corridor, they were met by rows of stanchions lights. In fact, it was so bright, and Gina's eyes were so blinded by the glare of artificial light, that her head began to resonate with an optical migraine.
"Thad?" she called, reaching behind her for his arm.
However, Thad was in no condition to assist. Instead, he brushed Gina aside, his own migraine pulsing worse than before and threatening to snap his already suffering head in two.
"Let's go back," Thad decided after a minute when his eyes had adjusted to the astoundingly bright light. There was obviously no shopping mall at the end, no convenience store with a shelf of pills. In fact, Thad began to fear what they would find.
Quickly, turning around, he looked for the door which, unfortunately, had disappeared along with everything else. Thad moved back in the direction they had come, blindly reaching out his hands and hoping to find a wall, a door or a latch.
At first, Thad's hands encountered only air. No, now there was something else there, too. It was thin and silky like a spider's web. What was this fuzzy creature wrapped inside?
"Oh my god!" Gina screamed. "Thad, can you feel that?"
There were only a few things in this galaxy that Thad actually despised, one was snakes, the other was spiders, and the rest were his two ex-wives. When multiple long sticky legs touched the back of Thad's outstretched hand, he let out an ear-drum piercing shriek that echoed Gina's.
"Help!" Gina screamed, swiping at her hair, her shirt, her pants, her arms, her legs and shoes.
"Spider," Thad gasped, his own voice now too frightened to produce any volume.
Backing down the hall, Thad and Gina tried to move away, towards something at the other end, which they hoped was better. Unfortunately, it wasn't any better. With each step they took, they discovered more. Now, there were snakes and maybe even rats slithering across the floor.
"Thad!" Gina screamed again.
Thad was powerless to make a move, as he was frozen in place, except for his knees which buckled, knocking him down. He laid there on the floor, among the hideous creatures and critters, who had a field day swarming all over him.
"This was a mistake," Thad mumbled. "A huge and horrible mistake."
While Gina didn't like spiders and snakes all that much, her biggest fear, besides getting screwed out of her alimony money, was age. She was terrified of time's effects on her beauty and appearance which over the last few years had declined like anyone else. Desperately, Gina had been tucked and plucked, lifted, tightened and stapled in several places. As she tripped through the dark lightness, she landed on Thad, who was in the throes of his own spasms and screams.
"No!" Gina cried, reaching up to grasp her chin, which was now as multi-tiered and pendulous as a turkey's wattle. "Thad, help me!"
"Do what?" Thad shrieked as a boa constrictor began to circle his leg. Was this a rattler that was making such a racket on his other side? Is this a scorpion crawling down his left arm and a black widow entangled in his hair? "You got me, Ron!" he screamed. "I give up! You win. You always win. No matter what, I lose."
"No!" Gina yelled. She was shrieking as her boobs lost all support. Her butt began to sag and drag, her knees wobbled, and her ankles swelled.
Thad lay on the floor, as he was out of options. He couldn't climb the sticky walls, and he couldn’t run.
"Go ahead and kill me," he wept to the snakes and spiders. "I deserve it. I've been bad. I've been the most unsavory duke, after Berkan, in the entire realm."
"Not me!" Gina protested, sinking to the floor, as well. "I might have annoyed him, but I don't deserve an execution."
"You never know why he does what he does." Thad tried to brush a spider leg out of his eye and shift his body, so the snake circling his waist wasn't quite so tight. "Before I go, Gina, I just want to tell you this."
"What Thad?" Gina waited while jiggling the bat wings on her upper arms.
"I once loved you a whole lot. In fact, I loved you more than I ever loved Leslie, so of my two ex-wives, I considered you the better one."
"That's great, Thad. As long as we're having a heart to heart, I loved you once upon a time even though you were a colossal jerk. Actually, you're still a colossal jerk now, and I'm sort of glad that Ron is taking you out. I just wish I didn't have to be part of the collateral damage."
Thad and Gina sat and waited for the next event to take place. Although, neither could see their watch, they knew time had passed. The snakes and spiders kept slipping and crawling. Gina's skin wrinkled and dropped some more, but so far, nothing else advanced their progress.
"Maybe we're already in purgatory," Gina suggested after a while. "Thad, doesn't the light in here look a little odd?"
"It's kind of silvery," Thad realized. "Which means, for sure, this is Ron's doing. If it was yellow or white or another color, it might just have been a coincidence."
"Maybe he's waiting for us to apologize? If we say we're sorry, he'll let us go on our way."
Thad thought this was a good idea so despite the tarantula that was crawling in his ear, he yelled, "I'm sorry, Sir. I apologize for all of my mistakes. Everything I did that you didn't approve, I humbly request you grant me your forgiveness. That includes all the times I cheated on my taxes, as well as my wives, and all the partying I did, and other behavior unbecoming of a duke. Your turn, Gina."
"I apologize," Gina started, wracking her brain, trying to come up with something specific that might have irritated Ron. "I apologize for every time I invited you guys out to dinner when I know you would have rather stayed home and watched the game. I also apologize for dropping scalpels when I assisted you in surgeries. I'm sorry that I lied to the nurses about being with you. Most importantly, I apologize for telling Dr. Markoff that you didn't feel competent to perform a ventriculo-peritoneal cerebral shunt on Katie, which prompted that fight you had with him all those years ago."
"You did what, Gina?" Thad gasped, which might have been due to the hobo spider that was in his pants.
"I lied. Okay? I lied. I don't know why I did it, but I did. Ron and Markoff had a fight over who was going to operate on Katie, and then, Ron got suspended from the Rozari Science Institute. After that, we all went to work at SdK, so it turned out alright and he married her anyway."
"Geez," Thad exclaimed. "No wonder he's got it in for you. Ron would kill anyone who accused him of not being competent."
"Shut up, Thad." Gina waited for something to happen while Thad pulled an adder out of his shirt. He was thinking he'd rathe
r go to Hell than spend the rest of eternity sitting here in a snake and spider filled corridor next to Gina.
A few moments later, a doorway swung open, the darkness casting a shadow in the silvery light. Standing in the frame was a tall, broad-shouldered man dressed in a heavy, hooded, black cloak which hid his face.
"This way, please," he said in that unmistakable Mishnese accemt and then, he disappeared leaving Thad and Gina to follow. They ran toward the darkness ahead scrambling to pass through the narrow door.
"I'm first."
"No, I'm first." They pushed and shoved until they fell through.
Together, they landed on the hard cement floor of the adjacent room. Thad was pleased to discover that the snakes were gone. The spiders had instantly disappeared. In fact, all that remained was an earwig and a handful of lice that were conveniently reproducing in his hair.
Gina, to her delight, was once again, tucked and toned. She wasn't any younger, but at least she wasn't dragging on the floor.
"Jerry?" Thad gasped in surprise as he picked himself up and looked around. "Dude! It's good to see you again, although I could think of better places to meet than down here."
Jerry was sitting at a poker table with three other men, although no one was playing cards or looking very happy. In fact, they all looked terrified, clutching their hands tightly in their laps and waiting for something, whatever it was that was about to happen.
"Sit down!" The Imperial Voice echoed against the walls. Immediately, Thad and Gina grabbed the vacant seats.
"So, what's happening, Boss?" Thad asked, his voice trembling with false bravado. "If you wanted to play poker, couldn't we have found a table upstairs?”
"You are all here by virtue of your fate. I merely assembled you in the same place for my own entertainment. 'Tis time for your to commence the game, the rules of which are your own choosing, as well as the reward which you will earn upon completion."
"Is death considered a win or a loss?" Michael asked, pushing his glasses up his nose and giggling in a nervous voice that was way too high.
"As I just said, that shall be for you to decide," the Emperor replied, his voice resonating off the exposed pipes overhead. "I can tell you only this, no one shall have the same score. There shall be winners, and there shall be losers. Good luck to all."
He was gone. His invisible presence lifted like a heavy fog from the air.
"Are we supposed to play poker?" Lester asked. "Who wants to deal?"
"I hate poker," Woofbert said. "Why don't we have a round of Worf instead? Look, I'm already dressed and ready to play."
"Who the hell are you?" Thad asked, studying the purple clad Andorian. "And, what the hell are you doing in here with us?"
"Why don’t we just vote someone off?" Gina suggested. "You know, like the show about that island on the vid? We're all friends except for this blue guy wearing that ridiculous beard."
"That's not fair!" Woofbert exclaimed, jumping up so quickly, he knocked all the playing cards upon the floor. "Just because you all know each other doesn't mean I don't deserve to live. I'm president of Andorus II and you all are nothing compared to me."
"That's not true," Jerry insisted. "Thad is the Duke of Kalika-hahr. The rest of us may not have titles, but that doesn't mean our lives are worthless. Lester may be the most awesome shoe salesman who ever sold a pair of Doc Martins in space. Gina, Michael and I are all physicians."
"So then, how do we play this game?" Michael asked, gathering the cards and attempting to shuffle the deck.
"Why are we putting up with this?" Lester said. "Just because he wants us to play, it doesn't mean that we have to do it."
"I'm leaving," Woofbert declared and ran off to disappear in the shadows.
"You can't go," Gina called, following the Andorian into the dark. "Come back here. You have to play by our rules."
"Where are you going, Gina?" Thad was next, after which Jerry, Michael and Lester fell in line. They all fumbled through the room until Woofbert found a door.
"I'm out of here!" He yelled, running down the hall into a tunnel that was filled with odd green light. Everyone else paused and considered whether or not to follow.
"If we chase after him," Jerry remarked. "We may all end up lost in space which is maybe the objective of this game.”
Seven stories higher in a small café, Katie had just been served a salad course.
"Fresh ground pepper, Madame?" The waiter asked, holding a grinder high above her plate.
"Yes, please," Katie replied, "And, some for my husband. He'll be returning shortly, as he had to take a call."
"Merci, Madame." The waiter strutted away.
"Oh, there you are." Katie waved as Senya came to join her at the table. "I've ordered you the fresh salmon with wild rice."
"How shall the salmon be prepared? Is it cooked?"
"No. I asked for it to be served completely raw."
Senya smiled at his wife, who understood him like no one else, before taking her hand and kissing the back of her palm.
Chapter 16
Steve and Rent were having burgers and splitting a pitcher of Coca Cola at the Space Sailor's Bar. Rent would have preferred a beer, but the bar had run out. He would have also liked a plate of fries, but the spacebase's potatoes were completely gone. In any case, his brother insisted he shouldn't eat the fat and carbs. In addition to diet tips, Steve had lots of advice on Rent's hair and clothing.
"See, dude," Steve was saying, "You've got to upgrade your image, but I'm not telling you to get all decked out in fancy suits. Frankly, I hate wearing all that shit. Every time I have to button my collar, I feel like I'm going to choke."
"Me too," Rent agreed, sipping his coke. Actually, he didn't like soda very much, except for Rootbeer. All other types sent tiny bubbles up his nose, which made his eyes water and ruined his meal. The burger was pretty good, although it was slathered in too much cheese and way too much secret mayonnaise sauce.
"Listen to me, dude," Steve continued, not minding the burger or the coke. In fact, when Rent left half on his plate, Steve finished the rest. Proteins were good, according to Steve.
"See, it's all about muscle building and restoring broken down tissue, which occurs when you're exercising which, dude, trust me, you need to do."
"Okay," Rent nodded, wondering if any of his tissues had failed. As far as he could tell everything worked fine, but Steve said he needed to exercise.
"So, you get good clothes and build up your pects and your abs. Then, your hair, bro. That's the next thing we need to address."
Rent patted his curly locks, nearly the same color as Steve's but slightly longer and curlier which Steve thought out of style.
"You want it short, really short like a SpaceNavy crew. Trust me, dude. You don't want to look anything like our dad. No way. No how. Nothing like him. Don't dress like him. Don't grow out your hair. Don't speak the way he does. You want to copy someone? You copy me, because I am totally cool."
"You are cool, Steve," Rent agreed.
"All the chicks everywhere think I'm totally hot."
"Except for Joanne and probably, your ex-wife, I suspect."
"What?" Steve set down his burger in surprise. "How do you know? Did Joanne tell you she doesn't like me?"
"No, but I could see it in her eyes."
Rent picked up the menu and glanced at the list of desserts. There was an odd assortment of pies and cakes. He really wanted a banana split, especially since he had only eaten half a burger, either that, or something like chocolate fudge from the candy store down the mall.
"Hey, Steve, let's go find Sara and get some ice cream for dessert."
"Sara?" For a moment, Steve looked blank. Who was Sara? "Oh yeah. Right. Oops. Yeah, the chicklet. They've been gone quite some time." Steve looked at his cell since he never wore a watch. "Didn't Joanne say they'd be about thirty minutes? That was what, three hours ago?"
"Something like that." Rent shrugged and waved to the waitress f
or the check.
"Hey, you know who you guys look like?" The girl remarked as she set the bill down upon the table.
"Who, darling?" Steve smiled and flashed his straight white teeth while Rent reached in his pocket and took out some cash. "The Imperial Princes or that guy on the vid? You know, that one who hosts that game show on the island?"
"Actually, I was thinking of my asshole ex-husband and my asshole ex-brother-in-law. I hated them. Actually, I still hate them today. Thanks for the tip, boys. Have a nice night."
Sara was in the bathroom at the Holiday Inn while Joanne was speaking with Taner on the vid. Trudy was lying on a bed, thumbing through the spacebase's brochure, and reading all about the various restaurants.
She had managed to recover from her drinking binge by combining ibuprofen with a nap. That, plus four cups of coffee and Trudy was feeling alright. However, she was anxious to look around and spend today's per diem.
"You can't bring her here," Taner was telling Joanne, "Without permission from the Imperial Prince. I'm sorry about what happened to Sam, but it must be a coincidence. I suggest, Joanne, you not act rashly. Return the Princess to her father, and come back home."
"But, Taner," Joanne persisted. "There was nothing wrong with Sam. I don't believe he could just fall over dead."
"Actually, he could, and apparently, he did. It may have had nothing to do with flying the Imperial Spaceplane. After you get home, we'll discuss this more, and if need be, I'll contact the Palace again."
"Thank you, Taner," Joanne said, although she wasn't particularly satisfied with his response. In any case, she was stuck here in space, at least until this dust storm cleared.
In the meantime, Sara was having fun. She was wearing her new underwear, and that was cool. Joanne had also bought her a makeup kit, which Sara's grandma would never have allowed, so Sara was experimenting with all the colors. She had orange eyelids, highlighted with pink stripes. Sara traced them with purple eyeliner and then, she made her lashes long and thick by applying green mascara in several coats. As a finishing touch, Sara was spraying on sparkly dots. She put them on her cheeks as well as her forehead. With a last dab of shiny black lipstick, Sara puckered and kissed her reflection.
