The answer was simple. Because it had never died.
Katie said, “We like Nick Bradley. He is a good man. He cares about the Amish. His cousin Amber delivered both my babies. Are you going to her wedding?”
Miriam was delighted to talk about anything except Nick. “I didn’t know she was getting married. When is it?”
“This coming Saturday. She is marrying Dr. White’s grandson, Phillip. He is a doctor, too. When they first met, no one imagined they would end up together. He had the whole community in an uproar when he put a stop to Amber doing home deliveries.”
Since the vast majority of Amish babies were born at home with the help of midwives, a doctor trying to stop home deliveries would not be a popular. “If they are getting married, they must’ve come to terms somehow. Is she still delivering babies at home?”
“Oh, yes. I think it took a lot of soul-searching and compromising on both their parts. Isn’t it wondrous how God sends love into our lives? Not when we are expecting it, even when we think we don’t want it or deserve it. He has His own time for everything if only we open our hearts to His will.”
Miriam had closed her heart to love after Mark died. She had filled her life with caring for others. In spite of the good works she did, and she knew they were good works, there was still a measure of emptiness inside her. Opening her heart to love would mean forgiving herself. Was she ready to do that? She studied the baby in her arms. It would be so easy to fall in love with this child. What if she opened her heart to love Hannah and had to give her away? Wasn’t it better not to love than to feel the pain of another loss?
“Elam and I are going to Amber’s wedding. You could come with us.”
“I don’t know.”
Nick came walking back with a mug in one hand. The formula bottle sat warming in it. In his other hand he carried a bundled napkin. He sat down and placed the mug carefully between them. He held the napkin out to Miriam. “Your mother put together something for you to eat.”
“I can’t believe she thinks I need to be fed. I’m still stuffed from breakfast.”
“Are you sure? Because if you’re not hungry, I am.”
“Help yourself. Is Hannah’s bottle warm enough?”
Laying his lunch aside, he checked the milk. “I think it’s good. Don’t babies drink formula at room temperature? My sister never heated up her baby’s bottle.”
“I’ve tried, but Hannah seems to like it better if it’s warm. Otherwise, she gets fussy and doesn’t eat as much.” Miriam positioned the baby in her arms and gave her the bottle. It was exactly what Hannah wanted. The only sounds she made were contented sucking noises.
Katie said, “I was just telling Miriam that she should come to your cousin’s wedding. I know Amber would be delighted to see her there.”
Miriam shook her head. “I would feel funny showing up without an invitation.”
Nick took a bite of his sandwich and mumbled around his full mouth. “I’ve got you covered.”
He leaned to the side and pulled an envelope out of his hip pocket and held it out to her.
Miriam’s hands were full. “What is it?”
Grinning, he said, “Your invitation to the wedding. I asked Amber to invite you. There will be plenty of room in the church, and it’s not like there’s going to be any shortage of food at the dinner afterward. Half our family is Amish. Believe me, there will be food.” He laid the envelope beside her and took another bite of his sandwich.
“See, now there is no reason not to come,” Katie said with a bright smile.
Miriam still wasn’t sure it would be a good idea. It was one thing to work with him as they tried to locate Hannah’s mother. It was another thing to spend time with him at a social occasion. She opened her mouth to decline but ended up saying, “I’ll think about it.”
Katie got to her feet. “I see the elders have finished eating. I must go and help Elam feed the children. It was nice talking with you, Miriam. I will pray that Hannah’s mother comes for her soon.”
As Katie walked away, Nick said, “You know, she may not be coming back. The letter could have been a ruse. We may never learn who she is.”
“I know that.”
“Are you prepared to accept it?”
Miriam gazed at the baby in her arms. “I won’t have any choice in the matter, will I?”
“I guess not, but you do have a choice to attend a fun-filled wedding or to stay home and mope about not having fun.”
“What makes you think I would mope?”
The teasing grin left his face. His eyes grew serious. “It would mean a lot to Amber, and to me, if you come. Will you?”
“I said I’ll think about it.” It was the best that she could so until she figured out how she felt about spending more time with Nick.
Chapter Six
Hannah was crying at the top of her lungs. The dog was whining and pawing at Miriam and the kettle was whistling madly. With only four hours of sleep out of the past twenty-four, Miriam reached the end of her rope at ten o’clock Monday morning. As she struggled to get an irate baby into a clean sleeper for the third time in as many feedings, she shouted at the dog, “Bella, stop it! Mother, will you please take the kettle off the fire.”
Her mother had gone to her room to read and seemed oblivious to the pandemonium in the kitchen. Miriam finally got Hannah’s flailing fist through the sleeve and quickly tied the front of the outfit closed. She lifted the baby to her shoulder to calm her. Nudging Bella aside with her knee, Miriam reached for clean burp rag. She threw it over her shoulder, but before she could switch Hannah to that side she felt something warm and wet running down her back.
Miriam closed her eyes and gritted her teeth. “You did not just throw up on me.”
From the doorway, a man’s amused voice said, “Oh, yes, she did.”
Great. Why did Nick have to show up when she was too tired to keep up her defenses? “Don’t you knock?”
“I did. Several times.”
He crossed the kitchen and pulled the kettle from the heat. The whistling died away, but Hannah was still crying at the top of her lungs, and Bella was still whining and dancing underfoot, upset that her baby was unhappy.
Nick returned to the door, held it open and said, “Bella, outside.”
The dejected dog trotted out the door, and he closed it behind her. Then, he crossed the room to Miriam and lifted the baby away from her soggy shoulder. “Come here, sweet one, and tell me what’s the matter.”
It wasn’t the first time in the past few days that Miriam felt inadequate as Hannah’s caretaker, but it was the first time she’d had her shortcomings displayed to an audience.
Nick took the clean burp cloth from Miriam, tossed it over his shoulder and settled the baby with her face nuzzled into the side of his neck. She immediately stopped crying. Why she couldn’t throw up on him was beyond knowing.
In the ensuing silence, Miriam dropped onto a chair and raked a hand through her hair. “Where were you eight hours ago?”
“Eight hours ago I was sleeping like a baby.”
“Babies do not sleep. They fuss, they spit up, they make the dog crazy and they keep everyone else from sleeping, but they do not sleep.”
Miriam didn’t want to look at his face because she knew he would be smiling, amused at her expense. It was kind of funny now that she thought about it. She met his gaze and they both chuckled.
“Rough night?” he asked.
“Killer.”
“Why don’t you go change? I’ll take care of her for a while.”
“I had things under control, you know.”
He smirked. “I saw that.”
“What are you doing here, anyway?”
“I just wanted to check on the two of you. No sign of the mother I take it?”
Miriam stood up. The streak of warm formula down her back was quickly growing cold and sticky. “No sign of her or the father. At the moment, I’m beginning to think she was smarter than I gave
her credit for.”
“You don’t mean that,” Nick chided.
Miriam glanced at him and the little darling in a pink sleeper curled into a ball against his chest. The soft smile on his face as he looked down at the baby did funny things to Miriam’s insides. There was something endearing about a man who held a baby so easily. “No, I don’t mean it. I just need some sleep.”
Ada walked into the room. “Nicolas, what a surprise. How nice to see you. Miriam, did the kettle boil? I didn’t hear it. I’m afraid I fell asleep. A strong cup of tea will perk me up.”
“Yes, mother, the kettle boiled. Nick just took it off the heat so it should be perfect for your tea. If you’ll both excuse me, I’m going to go change my shirt, again. I hope this spitting up settles down when she is switched all the way over to soy formula.”
Her mother said, “All babies spit up a little. You did. How your papa hollered when you spit up on his Sunday suit just as we got to the preaching. I tried so hard not to laugh at him. Is he home yet?”
Miriam exchanged a startled glance with Nick. She studied her mother closely. “Is who home yet?”
Ada’s shoulders slumped. “That was silly. I know my William is gone. I must have been dreaming about the old days.”
She turned and gave Nick a bright grin. “Would you like some tea?”
“Sounds great. Do you need any help?”
“Nee, you sit and hold our pretty baby. She’s so goot. She barely made a peep last night. Miriam, would you like tea?”
Not a peep, but a whole lot of crying. Miriam was amazed her mother had slept through it. “No tea for me, danki.”
“That’s right. You’re a coffee drinker like your papa. Mark was the one who liked tea.” She smiled sadly and turned back to the stove. “What was I going to do?”
“Mamm, are you okay?” Miriam stepped closer.
“I’m fine. I need another cup, that’s what I was going to do.” She pulled a second mug from the cabinet and placed a tea bag in it.
Miriam gave her mother one more worried look, then hurried upstairs. When she came downstairs five minutes later, Hannah was sound asleep in her crib. Bella was curled up on the rag rug beneath it. Her long tail thumped twice when she saw Miriam, but she didn’t move. Ada and Nick were chatting over tea and oatmeal cookies at the kitchen table. Miriam joined them, but she couldn’t stifle a yawn.
Her mother patted Miriam’s hand. “Why don’t you take a nap, dear. Nicolas and I will watch the baby.”
“I’m sure the sheriff has other things to do besides babysit.”
“I have a few errands to run, but I’m not in any hurry. I’ll stay for a while. At least until the cookies run out.” He bit into the one he was holding.
Ada grinned. “Miriam made them. They are sugar-free. She can be a goot cook when she sets her mind to it.”
“Sugar-free doesn’t mean calorie free, so only two for you, Mamm.” Miriam reminded her.
“How many can I have?” He slipped another one from the plate on to his napkin.
“None,” she teased.
“You mean none after this one.” He filched a fourth cookie and added it the stack in front of him.
Miriam shook her head. “Whatever.”
Nick gave Ada a sympathetic look. “She’s cranky today, isn’t she?”
Ada glanced at the crib. “Nee, she is a sweet boppli. I wish she could stay with us forever.”
He said, “I was talking about Miriam.”
Ada glanced at Miriam and leaned closer to Nick. “She gets that way when she is tired.”
Straightening in her chair, Ada gave Miriam a stern look. “Go lie down. We will be fine.”
Miriam knew if she didn’t get some rest she was going to fall down and sleep on the floor. “All right, but get me up if she gets fussy again.”
“I will,” Ada promised.
Miriam wondered if she would be the topic of conversation once she was out of the room. At this point, she really didn’t care. She climbed the steps, walked into her bedroom and fell down on her bed fully dressed.
The next time she pried her eyes open, her watch told her she been asleep for four hours. She ran her fingers through her tangled hair and made her way back downstairs. The kitchen was empty. Hannah wasn’t in her crib.
Frowning, Miriam was about to check the rest of the house when she heard a sound coming from the front porch. She walked to the window and looked out. Nick sat in her mother’s white rocker. She couldn’t see if he had Hannah, but she assumed he did because Bella sat quietly beside him watching him like a hawk.
Nick was singing softly in a beautiful baritone voice that sent chills up her spine. It was the old spiritual, “Michael Row the Boat Ashore.” She stood listening for several stanzas, captured by the beauty of his voice and the healing words of the song. Death was not an end, merely a river to be crossed.
Mark and her father waiting for her on a shore she couldn’t see yet, but someday she would. If only she could
be sure she could gain their forgiveness.
How could she if she hadn’t forgiven Nick? She pushed the screen door open and walked out onto the porch.
* * *
Nick looked over his shoulder as Miriam came out of the house. Her hair was tousled and her eyes were puffy, but she looked more rested than when he arrived. “Did you have a nice nap?”
“Better than you’ll ever know. Where’s my mother?” She paused to gaze lovingly at the baby.
“She went to take a nap shortly after you did.”
“And she just left you with the baby all this time?”
“I didn’t mind.” He looked down at the baby nestled in the crook of his arm. She was so sweet and so innocent. In his line of work he often saw the seedy side of humanity. It did his soul good to realize how healing and calm holding a baby made him feel.
“I thought you had errands to run?” Miriam rubbed her hands up and down her arms as if she were cold.
It was warm on the porch. He knew it was his presence, not the temperature that made her uncomfortable. He wished it could be different. Would he ever be able to break through the barrier she had erected between them? He prayed to God that it was possible. They had been good friends once. He would settle for that again if were possible.
Miriam said, “I can take her now.”
Reluctant to give Hannah up, he said, “I don’t mind holding her. She’s asleep. If I give her to you, she may wake up and start fussing.”
Taking a seat in the other rocker on the porch, Miriam smothered another yawn. “I honestly don’t know how new mothers do this.”
“Beats me. I’m pretty much a wreck if I don’t get eight hours.”
He hesitated, then asked, “Has your mother been confused and forgetful before today, or is this something new?” Miriam had a lot on her plate at the moment. How well would she hold up under the strain?
“It’s something new. I hope it’s just the excitement of the past few days and not something serious.”
“Don’t take this the wrong way, but are you sure you’re up to this?” He knew the moment the words left his mouth that he had made a mistake.
She scowled at him. “Exactly how should I take your inference that I can’t take care of my mother and a newborn?”
“What I wanted to say was you have enough to worry about with your mother’s health. It’s understandable that you would have difficulty managing a new baby on top of that. Never mind. I can see by the look in your eyes that you don’t want sympathy and you don’t want help. No need to bite my head off. I’m sorry.”
To his surprise, she took a deep breath and leaned back in her rocker. “I’m the one who is sorry. My mother is right. I get cranky when I don’t get enough sleep. I may not want help, but I need it. You have no idea how much I needed this break. Thanks for sticking around today.”
“You’re welcome. Did you know your mother is talking about wanting to keep Hannah?”
“I do.”
“Did she spit up again?” Quick concern flooded Miriam’s face.
Nick smiled. Miriam was no different than his sisters or any other new mother. It was all about the baby. He raised the burp rag he had on his shoulder to reveal a damp stain. “It wasn’t too much.”
Miriam relaxed. “I was beginning to think it was just me. I’m happy to know she’s willing to share.”
He smiled at the baby and stroked her hair with the back of his fingers. “She seems to be an equal opportunity spitter, but she sure knows how to wrap a guy around her little finger.”
“All babies can do that. You seem to have a knack for handling her.”
“I’ve had lots of practice with a half dozen nieces and nephews. What can I say, I like babies.”
“It shows.” There was a softening in her tone that pleased him. He was glad now that he had stayed.
* * *
Miriam couldn’t take her gaze off of Nick’s face. There was such compassion and wonder in his eyes as he gazed at the baby.
Painting him as a heartless villain had been easy when she didn’t have to see him. Face-to-face with him now, she didn’t see a villain, just a man in awe of the new life he held.
Did it change anything? She wasn’t sure.
He said, “I meant to tell you earlier that I drew a blank for fingerprints on the basket and note. It was a long shot at best. We recovered several prints but they were too smudged to be of any use. Which is rotten luck if she doesn’t come back. It will leave us almost nothing to go on.”
“I believe she’ll come back for Hannah. I just wish we could locate her and find out what kind of trouble she is in.”
“You’re a practical woman. You have to know that women who leave their babies in a safe haven are unlikely to return for them. I don’t know of a single case in Ohio where custody was returned to the biological mother.”
A Home for Hannah Page 7
