He had a small scar on his chin that was new, or at least she didn’t remember it. His eyes were the same intense blue, but there was a weariness behind them that told her life wasn’t always easy for him. How could it be for a law enforcement officer?
“You’d better take this.” He held out the burp cloth.
She took it, kissed Hannah’s head and settled the baby in her arms with the burp cloth under her chin just in case.
If only it could be like this forever, the two of them taking care of the most beautiful baby in the world. It couldn’t be, but just for a moment, she could imagine what it would be like. Much as she wanted to, she couldn’t keep reality at bay. “How soon do you have to notify Child Protective Services?”
“Soon.”
“Can you wait until I know that Mother is going to be okay?”
“Yes. I’m so sorry, Miriam. I didn’t realize she would take it so hard.”
Miriam saw the regret in his eyes and heard it in his voice. He wasn’t to blame for her mother’s condition. Even if the stress of the situation had triggered this episode, none of it was his fault. He didn’t need to carry that guilt.
“Nick, Mother could have had another attack at any time. I don’t blame you for this, and you shouldn’t blame yourself.”
“I appreciate that.”
There was so much she needed to tell him about Mark and about the days leading up to his death. Some of what she had to say would reflect poorly on her, but Nick needed to know the truth. Even if it changed what he thought of her.
“Nick, I need to talk to you.”
“I have things I’ve been wanting to say to you, too.”
She opened her mouth to speak just as his phone began ringing. He gave her an apologetic glance and pulled his cell phone from his pocket. “Sheriff Bradley.”
As he listened, his expression hardened. “I’m already at the hospital. How soon will she be here?”
He glanced at his watch and then rose to his feet. “I’ll meet you in the emergency room.”
Nick snapped his phone shut and gave a deep sigh. “I’m sorry, Miriam. There are a lot of things I want to talk to you about, but they’re going to have to wait.”
“What’s going on?”
“EMS is bringing in a suicide attempt. An eighteen-year-old girl has slashed her wrists. Apparently, her boyfriend is the one who found her. I need to interview both of them and sort out what happened.”
“Eighteen. That is way too young to feel life has nothing to offer.”
“Amen to that. I don’t know how long I’ll be.”
“What about Hannah?”
“As far as I’m concerned, she’s in the best possible hands.”
She smiled in relief. At least she would have a chance to say goodbye. “Thank you.”
“If you want, I’ll make arrangements for someone to take you home in case I’m tied up later.”
“I’m staying here until I know mother is doing okay.”
“All right, keep me informed. You have my cell phone number, right?”
“I do. Don’t worry about us.”
She could tell he was reluctant to leave. Suddenly, he crossed the room and bent to kiss her. She was so astonished that for a second she didn’t respond. The firm pressure of his lips on hers sent her heart soaring. Then the warmth drew her in and she kissed him back as joy spread through her, making her ache to have his arms around her.
He drew back and said, “When this mess is over and your mother is better, we need to talk.”
“Yes, we do,” she muttered as she came down to earth with a thud.
He nodded and headed toward the door. She accepted that conversation needed to wait until they could have some uninterrupted time together, but she hoped it wouldn’t be long before she could ask him exactly what the kiss meant.
When he was gone, she gazed at Hannah’s face. It was amazing how a baby changed things. With God’s help, Miriam had come to understand that forgiving Nick was her first step on the journey to forgiving herself. For the first time since Mark’s death, she was able to believe in the possibility. And the possibility of a future with Nick.
* * *
Nick was waiting in the emergency room when the ambulance carrying the girl who had attempted suicide arrived. As they wheeled her past him, he thought how small, pale and alone she looked. Her eyes were open, but they were empty of emotion.
One of the nurses stopped a young man from following the gurney into the exam room. She directed him to the information desk and told him someone would be with him shortly. Nick had a chance to observe the man wondering if he was the boyfriend. He looked a lot older than eighteen. Nick would’ve pegged his age closer to thirty. He was unkempt with dirty clothes and greasy hair.
Nick saw his deputy’s cruiser pull in behind ambulance. Lance Medford got out and came inside the building. When he caught sight of Nick he stopped. “I was surprised to hear you were already here. I hope everything’s okay?”
“I was out at Ada Kauffman’s place when she had a heart attack.”
“That’s a shame. How’s she doing?”
“I’m not sure yet. They’re still working on her. Is that the boyfriend?” Nick nodded toward the nervous man standing in front of the reception desk.
“That’s him. Said he found her in the bathroom when he got home tonight. He claims the cuts were self-inflicted.”
Nick gave Lance a sharp look. “You don’t believe his story?”
“I do, but I’m running the name he gave us, anyway. I suspect it’s an alias. He has conveniently misplaced his ID. Our crime scene tech was pulling some fingerprints from the apartment when I left. My guess is that we’ll get a hit and it won’t be on Kevin Smith.”
Lance pulled out his notebook and opened it. “He says she’s eighteen years old. To me, she doesn’t look older than sixteen. He’s twenty-eight and claims he was just giving her a place to stay.”
“Does he have an idea why she might have wanted to kill herself?”
“Yeah, he said she had a miscarriage a little over a week ago and she hasn’t been the same since then.”
Another woman who’d lost a baby. He couldn’t help but think of Miriam waiting to have Hannah taken away from her. Life wasn’t fair. “What about the girl’s family?”
“He says she doesn’t have any. She wouldn’t talk to me at all. As far as I know, she hasn’t said a word to anyone.”
“All right, you sit with Mr. Smith until we can figure out if we need to hold him or cut him loose. I’ll check with the doctor to see how soon I can talk to her.”
After speaking to a nurse in the emergency room, Nick learned it would be at least two hours before he could interview the young woman. She was in serious condition and on her way to surgery to have her lacerations repaired.
He no longer had an excuse to put off making his call to Child Protective Services. With lagging steps, he went back inside the hospital to search out Miriam. He found her sitting beside her mother in the intensive care unit. Hannah was asleep in her carrier on a chair beside Miriam. When he entered the room, he met Miriam’s eyes. She raised a finger to her lips, and came to the door to speak to him. By mutual and unspoken consent, they stepped outside of the room before speaking.
“How is she?” he asked.
“The procedure went well. They were able to get the stent in place and increase the blood flow to her heart. The doctor is optimistic that she will make a good recovery.”
He let out a breath of relief. “That’s the best news I’ve heard all day.”
“How is your suicide attempt doing?”
“She’s in surgery. I’m still waiting to talk to her.”
“I hope she’s okay.”
He cupped her cheek and stroked it softly with his thumb. “How are you doing?”
“I’m tired. I’m sad. I’m angry.”
“At me?”
“At the universe. At God. Why bring Hannah to me only to tear her away?
Why make my mother suffer with a bad heart? Hasn’t she suffered enough already? Life is so unfair, it makes me want to scream.”
“Come here.” He pulled her close in a comforting hug. For a second she resisted, then she settled against him with a weary sigh.
“Thank you. I needed a hug.”
“I will always have one for you if you need it.” It was the least he could do after the grief he’d brought into her life.
Miriam pulled away and folded her arms over her chest. “Have you talked to Child Protective Services?”
He pulled out his cell phone. “I was just about to make the call.”
She nodded, but there were tears in her eyes. He had no choice in what he was about to do, but it didn’t make him feel any better. Miriam didn’t deserve this. She deserved happiness and so much more. He noticed the sting of tears at the back of his own eyes and knew he wasn’t doing any better than Miriam at letting go of the child they had both grown to love. He dialed the number of Child Protective Services and swallowed back his grief when a social worker came on the line.
When he explained the circumstances of Hannah’s abandonment, he was surprised to find Hannah’s new case worker was sympathetic. She was familiar with the Amish and understood the reluctance of the Kauffman family to report an abandoned child. She wasn’t quite so understanding of Nick’s part in the affair, but as the baby had received adequate care and medical attention, she didn’t intend to make an issue of it.
At her direction, Hannah was to be admitted to the hospital for observation. Once they were certain her condition was stable, she would be placed in foster care. He arranged to meet the social worker shortly and turn the baby over to her.
He closed the phone and shoved his hands in his pockets to keep from reaching for Miriam again.
“Are they coming?” she asked.
“Yes. A case worker named Helen Benson is on her way here. I know her. She’s a good woman. She wants Hannah admitted to the hospital until the pediatrician here is certain her condition is stable. After that, Hannah will go to foster care.”
“They’ll be good to her, won’t they? I’ve heard so many horror stories about children in foster care.”
“I’ll keep an eye on her and her new family, whoever they are.”
“Thank you, Nick. I know this is difficult for you, too.”
“The social worker will be here soon. Do you want to come with me when I turn Hannah over to them?”
Miriam opened the door to glance into the room. She whispered, “I should be here in case Mother wakes up.”
From the bed, Ada said, “You can stop whispering. I’m not asleep and I hear just fine.”
Nick and Miriam reentered the room. He said, “I’m sorry for disturbing you, Ada. You gave me quite a scare earlier today.”
She chuckled. “Could be it was well earned, but I imagine I should be sorry for upsetting everyone.”
“I’m certainly sorry for upsetting you,” he said as he leaned on the bed rail.
“Old women get foolish sometimes. We think of things we should have done differently and we wish for chance to do them over. The baby is not ours to keep. Gott will take care of her.”
“She has to come with me now,” he whispered. He could barely get the words past the lump in his throat.
“Let me give her one more kiss before you take her.”
Miriam lifted the baby from her carrier and placed her in Ada’s arms. She spoke to the child softly in Pennsylvania Dutch and then kissed her on each cheek. “All right Nicolas, you may take her now.”
He picked up the baby and glanced at Miriam. She said, “I already said my goodbyes.”
After settling the baby in her carrier again, he left the room without another word.
* * *
Miriam willed herself not to cry. If she broke down it would only upset her mother.
Ada said, “I know it is a hard thing for you, but rely on God for strength and you will get through this.”
“Is that how you did it when Mark died?”
“Nee, I railed against Gotte for taking my son. Grief is a human thing. No mother should have to lose her child, but we must accept Gottes wille for we cannot change it.”
“I’m not sure I can do that. I’m not sure I can accept that the sorrowful things in life are God’s will.”
“Understanding his ways are not possible for us. Our faith must be as the faith of a child.”
“That is easier said than done.”
“Don’t you think it’s time you told me what is really troubling you?”
Miriam’s defenses shot up. She wasn’t ready for this. “I don’t know what you mean.”
“Yes, you do. You know exactly why you ran away from your faith and your family. Whatever fear you carry in your heart, it is not a burden you must carry alone.”
Ada grimaced and shifted in her bed. Miriam moved to help adjust her pillow. “You should rest now.”
Ada closed her eyes and sighed deeply. “I think you’re right.”
Miriam thought her mother was asleep until a few moments later, when Ada said, “I saw your brother in a dream, earlier.”
“That’s nice.” In Miriam’s dreams she searched for Mark but could never find him. She smoothed a few strands of hair away from her mother’s forehead.
“He loves you, and so do I.” Ada’s voice trailed off. Her mother’s breathing grew regular and Miriam knew she was sleeping at last.
A nurse peeked into the room and asked quietly, “How is she doing?”
Glancing at the monitor over the bed, Miriam was satisfied with the numbers it displayed. Her mother’s color was definitely better and her heart rhythm was normal. The heart cath and stent placement had done wonders. “She’s resting comfortably.”
“Sleep is the best thing for her. Let us know if she needs anything.”
Miriam nodded. “I will.”
The nurse left, closing the door softly behind her. One more crisis averted.
Miriam sat down and glanced at the empty chair where Hannah had been only a short time ago. The tears she tried so hard to hold back began to slide down her cheeks.
Chapter Twelve
Helen Benson was waiting for Nick when he arrived in the hospital lobby. A petite woman with a short bob of white-blond hair, she was wearing a business suit and carrying a large briefcase. Her smile when she saw him was warm and welcoming. It eased some of his fears.
He set Hannah’s carrier on the floor between them. “This is the baby I was telling you about.”
She squatted in front of Hannah and said, “You are a cute one.”
“Careful, she’ll steal your heart before you know it.” Nick stuffed his hands in his front pockets.
Helen rose. “Don’t worry, Sheriff, we will take good care of her.”
“Will I, or the family who has been caring for her, be able to see her here in the hospital?”
“I’m afraid not. I will keep you updated on any changes in her condition and let you know when she is ready for discharge. Other than that, don’t expect to hear from me until we’ve found a placement for her. How is the investigation into finding her parents going?”
“At this point, there’s little to go on. Just a blue-and-white patchwork quilt and a wooden laundry basket with green trim and a note saying she would be back. Since no one has reported a missing baby in the area, I have to wonder if it was a ruse to give her more time to get away.”
“Placing the baby in an Amish buggy might indicate she wanted the child raised by Amish parents.”
“Or, it might have been the first handy place she saw. I’ve already had the buggy impounded. We’ll check it for prints and trace evidence. We’ll be expanding the search tomorrow and focus on the store in Sugarcreek. I’m hoping they have a surveillance camera in their parking lot. Either way, we’ll do door-to-door interviews in the area. Finding the woman who discarded this baby is going to be my top priority.”
Helen picked up th
e carrier. “I understand. And making sure the baby is happy and well cared for is going to be mine. How are your friend and her mother doing?”
“Things are looking hopeful for Mrs. Kauffman. Miriam is coping with a lot right now, losing Hannah and having her mother so ill.”
“I’d like to visit with her in the next day or two. I understand she has a foster care license in our state.”
“Yes, but she fosters teens in Medina.”
“It wouldn’t take much for us to do a home study of her new residence.
“Are you saying it is possible she could keep Hannah?”
“Finding willing and skilled foster parents to take children with medical issues is an ongoing problem for our agency. Encourage her to go ahead with her application. Who knows, it may be possible to place Hannah with her eventually. So much depends on finding the child’s parents.”
It was a small ray of hope, but it was better than nothing. Hannah has succeeded in bringing Miriam back into Nick’s life. Her arrival had opened a door he thought was closed forever. He would always be grateful for that. “I’ll relay your information to Miriam. Thank you.”
“I’m sorry this didn’t turn out as you had hoped.”
“You and me, both. How are Danny Jr. and his sister doing?”
“The family has agreed to counseling. I’m hopeful that we won’t need to intervene. Both parents realize it was an unhealthy situation, not only for them, but for the kids, too. The dad says he is willing to do whatever it takes to keep the family together, including anger management classes. I hope he follows through with it.”
“I have a friend who works in construction. He’s going to see about getting Mr. Hicks a part-time job. He understands the man’s out on bail, but I think he’ll get community service rather than jail time. It was his first offense.”
“That would take a tremendous amount of strain off the family. Thank you.”
Helen bid him goodbye and walked toward the admissions desk carrying Hannah. Nick watched her leave with a heavy heart. He missed the little girl already. What was life going to be like without her?
A Home for Hannah Page 13
