by Noelle Adams
The bunny had on a Santa hat.
In one of those random thoughts, Sophie assumed the sweater was a gift from his daughter. Surely Abigail wouldn’t have cursed him with that particular holiday sweater.
All three of them waved at her when they saw her slow down in the car.
Since no one else was in the road, Sophie pulled the car over to the wrong side of the street, rolling down her window.
Before she could ask them if they’d happened to see Mark, Mia called out, “We’re taking a long walk to get my brother to finally come out! He’s going to be a Christmas baby, and his name is going to be Rudolph.”
Abigail was five days past her due date, Sophie remembered.
“We’re still discussing the name,” Thomas added with a dry smile.
Sophie wanted to laugh, but she was too distracted and emotional. Before she could get a word in, Abigail said, “Mark was looking for you.”
“What?”
“We saw him back there,” Abigail explained, pointing back toward downtown. “He was running around like a house on fire, looking for you.”
Sophie made an embarrassing sound in her throat at this piece of news.
Abigail smiled sympathetically. “I think he was heading down toward the duck pond. It wasn’t that long ago, so you can probably catch him.’
Putting the car into drive, Sophie felt a new surge of excitement and emotion. “Thank you! I better go find him.”
“Don’t let him get away,” Abigail said with another smile. “And have a merry Christmas!”
“You too. Thank you! I hope Rudolph makes an appearance soon!” Sophie waved to the Morgans as she made a U-turn and headed back toward downtown. She took the turn that led to the duck pond and accelerated far past the speed limit in her suddenly frantic need to get to Mark.
She saw him when he was a block away. He’d evidently been down to the far side of the duck pond and was now on his way back. He wore the jeans and black T-shirt he’d put on earlier, but he wasn’t wearing a coat.
She gasped when she saw him. He must be absolutely freezing.
He must have seen her car because he suddenly started running in her direction.
Without thinking, she pulled to the side of the road, where there weren’t any parking spaces, and ran across the road toward the grassy area that led down to the pond.
The ducks had all been grouped in a crowd near the water, but at the sight of Sophie getting so close to them, they started toward her en masse, hoping for the bread that people often threw to them.
Sophie wasn’t aware of anything but Mark. He was running full speed now, and he’d almost reached her.
He barely stopped in time, but he grabbed onto her anyway, swinging her around into a tight hug.
“Oh, God, baby, I thought you were gone,” he muttered, tightening his arms so much she could barely breathe.
She didn’t want to breathe. She clung to him desperately. And then, completely unable to stop herself, she burst into helpless tears.
Mark made a guttural sound and adjusted his grip on her, holding her against him as she sobbed into his chest.
“Baby, please,” Mark murmured, after a minute. He was stroking her hair, and he moved them slightly to get out of the range of the flock of ducks that were squawking eagerly, looking for food. “Are you okay?”
“No!” she gasped, still crying so hard she could barely speak. “I’m so sorry about everything! I’m sorry if I was pushy or manipulative. I need you so much, Mark. I need you more than anything. Please don’t leave me!”
She sounded pitiful and uncontrolled and utterly weak, but it was how she felt, who she was, and there was no way for her to hide it anymore.
Mark gathered her more closely in his arms. “I’m never going to let you go. I kept thinking it would be better for you, without me. I’m so broken, so…so worthless, I didn’t want to keep dragging you down with me. So I kept pushing you away. But, when you left me earlier today, I suddenly realized what my life would be like without you. And I couldn’t stand it. I couldn’t stand it. So I don’t care if you can do so much better than me. You’re mine, and I’m going to keep you that way.”
“I’m glad.”
“And we can move to New York if that’s what you want. Or we can stay here and I’ll take that job with the Ledger. I’ll do anything you want me to do. I’ll do anything to make you happy. I’ll try to be the man you want me to be.”
“But I don’t want you to be any specific kind of man,” she choked, realizing that—in spite of the ways they’d tried to be real and communicate—they’d never really heard each other until now. “Maybe I didn’t do a good job of showing you that, but I don’t want you to be a certain way. I just want you to heal. I want you to be happy. And I’ll support anything you want that will do that.”
He stared down at her. “I don’t want to be a journalist anymore.”
She took a ragged breath. “Then don’t be. Mark, don’t be. Do something else.”
“You’re okay with that?”
“Of course, I’m okay with that. I thought journalism would make you happy, but if it doesn’t, then do anything else. You can deliver newspapers for the rest of your life, for all I care. I’m sorry you ever thought differently. I loved the man you used to be, but I love the you now even more.”
He made a rough, helpless sound and nearly strangled her with a hug.
When his arms loosened, she was still crying, but the helplessness had slowly turned into joy as he told her the truth, opened up to her with rough, tender words. He was brushing her hair back, trying to see her face, but she was far too emotional and messy to do any kissing at the moment.
“I thought you didn’t cry anymore,” Mark said, his mouth turning up just slightly as he kept trying to wipe away her tears.
“I was trying…trying to be strong…for you.”
“You are strong,” he murmured, leaning down to kiss her gently, despite the messiness. “But what I want most of all is for you to be Sophie. I’m sorry if I ever acted like you shouldn’t be able to cry. I love your heart so much.”
If he was trying to get her to stop crying, he’d definitely picked the wrong thing to say.
There was no telling how long she would have kept it up, but she suddenly felt something strange poking her on the ankle. She looked down to see a duck, pecking at her, reminding her that he and his comrades were here, ready to snap up any treats, and yet no scraps of bread were forthcoming.
She and Mark were absolutely surrounded by ducks.
She squealed when the duck pecked at her again and practically jumped into Mark’s arms.
He laughed and gently put his foot out to nudge the ducks away.
The ducks refused to be nudged. Apparently deciding that the aggressive approach was the most effective, they all came after them, squawking excitedly. Sophie cried out in surprise and fear as the ducks chased her and Mark across the street.
Both of them were laughing helplessly when they climbed in the car, making it to safety.
“Crazy ducks,” Mark muttered. “They’re definitely spoiled.”
Sophie looked out the window at the ducks, who were now waddling back to the pond dejectedly. “Oh, the poor little things.”
Mark gave her a quick look. “You’ve got to be kidding.”
“We have to go get some bread and come back. They’re hungry, and they haven’t had a Christmas.”
Mark groaned exaggeratedly, but he didn’t hesitate to put the car into gear and drive them to a grocery store. The little one downtown was closed, so they had to go to a big chain store on the outskirts of town, near the highway.
They got a loaf of fresh cinnamon bread, since Sophie decided that would be a special Christmas treat for the ducks.
Then they came back to the pond and tossed out pieces of the bread, making sure that all of the ducks got a few bites, even the smaller ones in the back.
After their bread was gone, they made another
escape from the ducks and went back to the apartment. They both took showers and then they took a nap together, sleeping for a few hours, since they were both physically and emotionally exhausted.
When she woke up, Mark was still asleep, and she lay in bed, gazing at him with a heart too full to handle.
She was sniffing when he opened his eyes.
He gave her a dry smile. “Are you crying again?”
She wiped at her eye quickly. “No.”
His smile was more tender than ironic as he pulled her into his arms, nestling her against him. But his tone was serious as he said, “I need you to need me, Sophie.”
“I do need you.” She pressed a few kisses against his chest. “I need you so much. I should have let you see how much from the very beginning. I was trying to be strong, but I should have just loved you.”
“I should have just loved you too.”
For the moment, it felt like her world had righted itself. She knew Mark still had a lot of healing to do, and she knew she had healing left to do as well. But now, at last, it felt like maybe they could do it together.
They lay in contented silence for a while, until she finally asked, “I’m not pressuring or anything, but do you have any idea what you might want to do in terms of work, since you don’t want to do journalism anymore.”
“I have an idea.” Mark sounded hesitant, as if she might not like his idea.
“What is it?”
“I’ve been talking to Micah. His contracting business is so big now that he needs a business manager—talking to new clients, planning the scheduling, handling purchases and payments, and that kind of thing. I guess his paperwork is in a mess and things are falling through the cracks. I could do that.”
Her eyes widened in surprise. “Is that something you would enjoy?”
“Sure. I like people, and I’m good with numbers and paperwork. I really like Micah and his crew. And it would be…so different. I like the idea of watching things get built, get fixed.”
Sophie’s heart suddenly throbbed with joy. “Well, good. That’s really good then. I had no idea you were even thinking about it.”
“I know. That was my mistake. I shouldn’t have kept it from you.” He cleared his throat. “Are you really okay with it? I know it’s not as impressive a job as I had, and I won’t be making as much money. You married a journalist, and now—”
“Oh, just shut up about that,” she interrupted, frowning at him. “I don’t care about any of that. I just want you to wake up in the morning and look forward to what you’re going to do. Would you, with this job?”
“Yeah. Yeah, I think I would. At least for now.”
“Then do it. Tell Micah you’ll do it.”
“I will. He should be at the service tonight, if you still want to go.”
Sophie gasped and sat up, checking the clock. “Yes, I want to go. It starts in a half-hour! We’re going to be late!”
***
They weren’t late to the Christmas Eve service at church. They walked in one minute before it started.
Sophie clung to Mark’s hand as they went through the readings and carols of the service, and she felt like she understood the completely counter-intuitive beauty of the Incarnation in a way she never had before—coming in weakness rather than strength, proving the full power of love.
She and Mark were going to stay in Willow Park after all, so she wouldn’t have to leave the community she’d grown to love. All of them were here tonight, sitting in the pews around them, except for Abigail, Thomas, and Mia, who were at the hospital, having their baby.
Sophie was crying openly as they sang Silent Night at the end of the service, as they lit each other’s candles until the dark sanctuary glowed. She wasn’t even embarrassed by her tears.
Mark stood beside her and put an arm around shoulders, holding her protectively, like she was his to take care of.
It was so much better this way—when they could take care of each other.
***
Sophie woke up while it was still dark. She instinctively checked the bedside table for the clock and was surprised to find it not there. She lifted her head and blinked around the darkened room, confused when the clock appeared on the other side of the bed.
Then she realized she wasn’t in her apartment. She was in a big, old-fashioned room—filled with lovely, comfortable antique furniture—in the Evergreen Inn and Farms. It was four o’clock in the morning on the last day of the year.
Tomorrow was New Year’s Day, beginning the year she finally had her husband back. Not just in body, but also in heart, in spirit. All the way.
Mark was still sleeping beside her, so she rolled over to tuck herself at his side. He mumbled a few times and wrapped an arm around her, and Sophie was so happy she could hardly contain the feeling.
“What are you vibrating about?” Mark mumbled.
She couldn’t hold back a giggle. “I’m not vibrating.”
“I know vibrating when I feel it.” His hand had moved up so it was cupping the back of her head in a way that felt tender, possessive.
“I’m happy.”
“It’s four o’clock in the morning.” Despite his dry tone, it felt like he was smiling.
“Is there some rule against being happy at four in the morning?”
“There should be a rule.”
She laughed again and pressed a kiss on his chest. “Well, if there’s ever a ridiculous rule like that, I’m telling you right now that I’m going to defy it on every available occasion.”
Mark chuckled and pulled her farther up so she could almost see his face in the dark. “Me too.”
Her heart felt like bursting again as she kissed him on the mouth and then settled against him. “I wish we didn’t have to leave today. I’ve had a great time here. Something about how quiet and out-of-the-way it is, seems like it puts the rest of the world into better perspective.”
They’d stayed at Evergreen Farms for three days, taking walks, having long talks, and really relaxing in a way neither one of them had for a really long time. After the past two years, the past two months, both of them had needed it.
“We can stay longer, if you want. But I thought you wanted to get back in time for the Duncans’ New Year’s Eve party.”
“I do. I don’t want to miss it. It will just be strange to go back to the real world, somehow.”
Mark’s body stiffened slightly. “I think we’re doing okay, even in the real world.”
She gasped and reached a hand up to cup his bearded face. “Of course, we’re doing okay. I didn’t mean anything would change between us. I know it’s not going to be easy and we both still have a road to travel, a road that’s sometimes hard, but I really feel like we’ve gotten over a mountain—and at least we won’t have to travel the road alone.”
Mark was smiling as he leaned down to kiss her. “That’s exactly the way I feel too.”
She responded to the kiss, letting her body express the power of her feelings, and soon the embrace had deepened. Mark had turned her over, taken off her pajamas, and stretched her arms up over her head as he started to kiss his way down her body. Both her body and her heart were throbbing with need and pleasure and love when Mark suddenly jerked and raised his head.
“Why are you stopping?” she gasped.
“Just making sure. You want to do this, don’t you? Or would you rather talk?”
She choked on a laugh and pulled his head back down to her breasts. “I definitely want to do this right now.”
He groaned in what sounded like relief. His dark eyes got very soft and hot as he raised his head again so he could kiss her mouth. Sophie kissed him back, with all the affection she possessed.
Mark wasn’t like he used to be—easy, good-humored, always laughing. He was deeper and more complicated and tortured in a way that wasn’t going to just vanish, no matter how much they both wanted it to. He’d talked a little more in the past few days about his time imprisoned. As John had underst
ood, there was no dark secret he needed to let out. It was just incredibly hard to put himself back there, remember all of the difficult things he’d seen and heard, what people could do to other people. He hadn’t told her everything, though. He might not ever do so. But he was still Mark, and she still loved him—maybe even more now than she had before.
And she knew, without doubt or hesitation, that he still loved her too.
He kissed and caressed her until she was eager, almost helpless in her desire, and then he entered her and they moved together in hungry urgency. She needed him desperately—just as much as he needed her. She came, just before he did, and both of them collapsed in hot satiation, still clinging to each other.
“I love you,” he murmured hoarsely, pressing little kisses on her cheek and jaw. “You know I love you, don’t you?”
“Yeah.” She was smiling and panting at the same time. “I do.”
They lay together for another couple of hours, dozing off occasionally and then having silly conversations in between about the huge doilies on the wall and what Sophie should wear to the New Year’s Eve party tonight.
Then finally the thought of what they needed to do today—drive back to Willow Park, go grocery shopping, go down to the bookstore and make sure everything was in order after the days she’d been out of town—pushed Sophie out of bed.
She took a long shower, and she was drying off in the bathroom when she heard a voice from the bedroom. It was obviously Mark’s voice, and it didn’t take her long to figure out he was talking to John.
“Yes,” Mark was saying. “I’m telling you that things are going really well with Sophie.”
After the pause, during which John must have replied, Mark continued, “I’m not putting on a happy face. They’re going really well. I told her the truth about how I was feeling, just like you’ve been nagging at me to for all this time…Yes, I know that means you were right. Try not to get too obnoxious about it. Everyone accidentally lands on the right thing occasionally, you know…Yeah, I’m going to start counseling as soon as New Year’s is over. Sophie and I agreed that we will do some counseling together and I’ll do some alone…No, you were right about that too. We were both trying to be strong for the other, instead of admitting how much we need each other. But don’t expect me to tell you that you’re right twice in one conversation again. It’s not likely to happen another time in our lifetime.”
