Also Available by Janine A. Morris
Diva Diaries
Plaything
Drama 99 FM
Published by Dafina Books
She’s No Angel
JANINE A. MORRIS
KENSINGTON PUBLISHING CORP.
http://www.kensingtonbooks.com
All copyrighted material within is Attributor Protected.
Table of Contents
Also Available by Janine A. Morris
Title Page
Dedication
Acknowledgments
Chapter 1
Chapter 2
Chapter 3
Chapter 4
Chapter 5
Chapter 6
Chapter 7
Chapter 8
Chapter 9
Chapter 10
Chapter 11
Chapter 12
Chapter 13
Chapter 14
Chapter 15
Chapter 16
Chapter 17
Chapter 18
Chapter 19
Chapter 20
Chapter 21
Chapter 22
Chapter 23
Chapter 24
Chapter 25
Chapter 26
Chapter 27
Chapter 28
Chapter 29
Chapter 30
Chapter 31
Chapter 32
Chapter 33
Chapter 34
Chapter 35
Chapter 36
Chapter 37
Chapter 38
Chapter 39
Chapter 40
Chapter 41
Chapter 42
Chapter 43
Confessions
Copyright Page
I dedicate this book to
my twin brother, Jason Antwon Morris.
Rest in peace.
Acknowledgments
I thanked pretty much everyone in my debut novel, Diva Diaries, but there are a few people I must acknowledge again, and some new people that I need to acknowledge as well.
Frank Iemetti ... I have been blessed not only to know you but to call you a friend and mentor; you are one of the most real and humble people on this Earth. Frank, I can’t thank you enough for being such a source of reality from my first day in radio until now. You have never forgotten about me, and I will never forget about you.
My baby and best friend, Ahmad E. Meggett (“My Air”). You make every day easier. Being able to share the days of this life with someone I truly love makes me feel like one of the luckiest women in the world. You’re my friend before anything, and I love you ... with every beat of my heart.
My family—Carolyn Morris, Julius Morris, Tashah Bigelow, Julius “Jewlz” Morris Jr., Alex Bigelow, Hamilton and Tylah Bigelow, and Leila Morris ... Don’t know what I’d do without you. Mommy, you’re my idol ... I just hope I never fall short of the strength you have.
My second family—Ma and Dad Meggett—I couldn’t be more thankful to know you and I hope your son and I end up to be just like the two of you. Rashard and Leslie—Congrats on the wedding and many, many years of happiness. Rashida, Kai and the twins, many blessings. Thanks for all the love, I love you all ... and I hope Ahmad and I have a relationship that resembles the one you share.
My buddies of the Fab 5 ... Sytieya Mann, Derica Carty, Rene Hylton, Nicole Lytle, and our honoree member Mona Thompson ... I love you all so much and they need to stop letting us loose out there. Friends are some of God’s little treats and treasures, I’m happy we enjoy them. Ebony Esannason—we STILL got it going on, and always will ... Can’t tell you how much I love you, girl. Alicia McFarlane and Kim Grant, when we graduate from law school we are going to be unstoppable. (Alicia—I truly hope you know that you have a blessed heart and you are a great friend to me and others, I’ll always love you for being you.) Diandra Ortiz, Tenille Clyburn, April Debartolo, Dreena, Kimberly Pena, Vanessa Quinonez, Martha Cuellar, Tamanisha Miller, Nicole Bigelow, Darnell ‘Snap’ Childs, Sammy Martin, and Jessica aka Pookie... . old friends and new friends. What would life be without them? Craig “Speedy” Claxton (CB) and Ira “Bo” Miller: a decade and counting—nothing but love for you both. (Royal Toya in Maryland, thanks for the help.)
Selena James, my editor ... Thanks for the patience and brainstorming. Karen Thomas, thanks for everything and for being real. Sarah Camilli, my agent—thanks for the advice and support this year. Candice Dow, for being not just a true friend but an author that I can call on for advice and strength when I need it most. Daaimah Poole, an inspirational author and friend, thanks for the motivation to hustle. Adeola Saul, my publicist—thanks for being my friend before business. Jessica McClean at Kensington, thanks for everything especially being the person to always keep it real, Gigi, my webmaster and friend—thanks for everything and for being beautiful in and out.
Michael Baisden, Fatman Scoop, DJ Clue, DJ Envy, Shaila, Kay Slay, Miss Info, Julie Jones, Flex, Donnell Rawlings: thanks for the support and love on and off the radio. Serena Kim and Benjamin Ingram-Meadows at Vibe Magazine, Alicia and Noni at Jolie Magazine, Datwon Thomas at King Magazine ... Thanks for the support. Heather Covington, thanks as well for all the big ups.
Jeanine McClean at MBK Management, Helen Demoz at Def Jam, Cheryl Singleton at Warner Music, James Brown and Sherise Malachi at Sony, Jay Brown at Def Jam, Joe Riccitelli at Jive, Mike “Hollywood” Kyser at Warner Music, Karen Rait and Dave House at Interscope, Sean Pecas at Def Jam and the other real people in the music business. . . Thanks for keeping it balanced.
Mona Scott-Young, thanks for believing in me and my projects. I look forward to everything we have in the works, and I know Monami will make it a blockbuster success. Qianna Wallace and Spice Greene—thanks for working with me, it’s been a blast. I hope this won’t be the last.
All the book stores and book clubs I truly thank you for your time and support. Carol Mackey at Black Expressions, thanks for loving Diva Diaries and showing it and myself so much love and support. Last but not least to every person who picked up my debut novel Diva Diaries with the bright pink cover and took the time to sit inside my mind with me for over 400 pages of reading—(in the words of my hero Oprah), “I celebrate you.”
Chapter 1
Charlene Tanner began to tense up at the sight of him kneeling down. Her eyes instinctively followed him as her lips curled up in a smile. Her heart was beating a million beats per minute, or at least it felt that way. Although he hadn’t said a word Charlene seemed to know exactly what Isaac was about to do.
A cool wind blew through the trees, but Charlene was heating up inside. Her palms were sweaty and she was hoping it wasn’t grossing him out. On the inside, she wanted to burst out and cry, but she also felt faint, like she was going to pass out. Charlene’s mind was racing with a million thoughts, whereas Isaac Milton seemed to be focused on one thing. In her mind she wished that she could pause time, even if just for a moment, just enough time to gather her thoughts and actually enjoy the moment. Like most women, Charlene had imagined this moment in her life way too many times, but now that it was here she had no idea how to act or what to say.
She began to calm down some and focus on Isaac. As she looked into his eyes, she could tell that he wasn’t down there just making noise, he was really pouring his soul into it. After she realized how sweet and romantic his speech was, she started to wonder how to react. She didn’t know if she should just shout out, “Yes, yes ... yes,” like in the movies, or say “Of course” with a lot of excitement to switch it up. Or even better, say something really sweet, like “Gladly I will,” in a soft tone. She tried to figure it out before he finished his speech, which all seemed like a blur because she was so anxious. Hearing his speech kind
of tickled her, though. It wasn’t humorous, it was just that she had always hoped that when she was proposed to, he (whoever he was) would find some unique way to tell her he loved her and that he wanted to marry her. Not that she’d thought about it often.
Despite her attempts to concentrate, all that had registered thus far was when he said, “I know you are the one for me ... I look forward to raising kids with you and spending every night with you and waking up every morning with you.” There was a lot more said, but for the most part it was all stuff she had heard before in some movie somewhere, or seen on a greeting card. Still, it sounded great just the same; especially with him on his knees and the shiny 2.5 karat diamond rock in his hand. She hadn’t heard similar words from Isaac before, and that gave them even more meaning, hearing them from him for the first time. Isaac wasn’t the emotional, sappy kind of guy. Even though their relationship had been going pretty well, she wouldn’t have thought that he wanted her to be his wife.
Charlene felt like she was in the middle of a fairy tale, as if she was Cinderella putting on the shoe for the prince. Her heart was filled with joy and love for the man that was now half her height as she looked down at him. From the look in his eyes she felt like he meant every word. She wasn’t sure if he noticed from the look in her eyes or not, but she was touched by everything he had to say. She hoped that he didn’t change his mind.
Finally he was done. He could have only been speaking for a few minutes, but it felt like forever. Charlene almost wished it didn’t have to end; she wished she could have held on to the moment forever. Unfortunately, it did and it couldn’t. It was showtime again. She was back on, back to reality. The last sentence out of his mouth was, “I couldn’t live without you, and I would love if you can spend forever with me. Will you marry me?”
“Of course I will ... of course,” she replied in a soft tone.
Isaac removed the ring from the black velvet box and slowly placed it on her left ring finger. The ring was absolutely beautiful. He had made a great choice. How could she say no to such a piece of art even if she hadn’t wanted Isaac? The center was a blinging flower-shaped diamond, and the sides were like petals, made of platinum gold with diamond-encrusted dewdrops. The band was simple and plain with an engraved stem going around it. Charlene loved flowers, so his personalization of the ring made it that much more special to her. Her eyes had welled up as soon as she spoke her response, and as he put the ring on her finger a tear rolled down her cheek. It was a joyful tear. She was happy, and still in shock that this was happening. She knew she would start crying, she was actually surprised she hadn’t started sooner. As soon as he’d placed the ring on her finger, he looked up and noticed the tear. He stood up and he hugged her, and she felt an overwhelming rush of emotion. He held her tight and she held him just as tight in return.
Isaac and Charlene were engaged. She couldn’t believe it. She still felt like there was so much that she wanted to say to him before accepting the proposal. She wanted to ask him if he was sure he wanted to be her husband; she wanted to ask him if he would feel the same love for her no matter what. It was too late, though, and besides, it wasn’t the right time. She would just have to find out the answers to her questions over time. So she just enjoyed the moment as they stood there hugging one another. Tears continued to run down her face as he held her tight in his arms. She almost didn’t want him to let her go, mainly because it felt so good but more because she didn’t want the moment to end.
She tried to make sure there was nothing more she should say or do. She was thinking it over in her mind, to make sure that she had done everything as she should have. She didn’t want to walk away and then later realize that there was something she had missed. She thought about stories she’d heard and movies she had watched, and nothing came to mind. She didn’t want to come off as rude or unappreciative, so she was hoping that by saying “of course,” hugging him and crying it was more than enough for Isaac. When she thought about it, she realized it didn’t really matter, anyway. She couldn’t make sure she put on a perfect performance, because it was his show. Regardless of how many times she played it over in her mind and tried to get it just right, Isaac was the director, actor, screenplay writer and producer of this show. Hell, he was even the casting director. She was just the actress he cast to play the role. She realized there was no perfect script for this, she was just happy that she had gotten the part. She was madly in love with Isaac. She had no doubts in her heart when she told him yes, and that was as perfect as it could get for her. He held her for a few seconds longer as he rubbed her back some and she squeezed her arms around his.
No one was around but Charlene and Isaac. They were standing by a pond, their pond, actually. The pond that they had come to on quite a few dates, and whenever they were in a rough patch they would go sit by it. Over time their essence filled the air there. As soon as they stepped out of the car, inhaling the moist air always refreshed them and rejuvenated their relationship with one breath. Charlene knew that he couldn’t have chosen a better location.
He had let go and looked her in her eyes and glanced over her face. It was still soaked from her tears. Her eyes were still watery and her breathing was still a tad jittery. He began wiping her tears and drying her face with his bare hands. It helped some, and some it just smeared over her face. They both giggled at the mess they were making.
“Let’s get out of here, so you can go tell everybody. . . I know you’re dying to,” he said playfully.
She giggled a bit. Although she wanted the moment to last some more, he was right. She couldn’t wait to tell her mom. Besides, she knew if they stood there any longer, she wouldn’t be able to look him in his eyes much more. She would be too afraid that he would be able to see through her. That he would see the guilt—the guilt from knowing that there was a discussion she had never had with him, although she had meant to. She had always hoped to have the discussion before this time came. However, for now she didn’t want to think about that. She wanted to enjoy this moment as if she had.
Chapter 2
“Oh, my goodness!” Jasmine screamed into the phone as Charlene told her the news.
Jasmine was sitting on her couch curled up in her lavender cotton pajamas watching The Office when her phone rang. Two towns over, Charlene was still fully dressed sitting on Isaac’s love seat with her cell phone, smiling from ear to ear as she shared her breaking news story. Charlene would have died if she hadn’t gotten Jasmine on the phone right away to tell her.
Jasmine was one of Charlene’s closest friends, they’d known each other since A. B. Gail Junior High School. They had been through a lot together, and they had celebrated and suffered a lot together. Jasmine was twenty-eight years old and she had been married for only a year to her high school sweetheart. Jasmine was one of Charlene’s few childhood friends who had graduated from high school. Since high school Jasmine had been working at clerical jobs to make ends meet, and raising her baby girl, Serenity. Jasmine was also one of the few friends from Charlene’s youth that she still kept in touch with. Jasmine, like Charlene, tried her best to live a better life than they had once had and to become a mature adult woman. They wanted to live a life for the future, and not remain stuck in their past. So, although they were at somewhat different stages in their lives, they always had that understanding and bond with one another. It was the bond of reform; they both knew where they had been and where they were trying to go—or, rather, what they were trying to leave behind.
Charlene and Jasmine had often discussed marriage in their friendship, but it was usually about Jasmine’s, and about Charlene’s belief that hers would never exist. So, without hesitation, Charlene had to call Jasmine to tell her that she was finally one step closer.
“I know, I know ... It still feels like I’m dreaming,” Charlene said back.
“How is the ring?” Jasmine asked.
“It’s beautiful... looks like it’s about two or three karats,” Charlene said, holding out her
hand to look at the rock Isaac had bestowed upon her.
“Uh-oh ... Souky, souky now ...” Jasmine said.
“Be quiet,” Charlene replied, blushing. “The ring is designed like a flower with petals, it is the most gorgeous ring I have ever seen,” Charlene said while still staring at her ring.
“Aww, that’s nice. Especially since you love flowers,” Jasmine added.
“Yeah, I know. I’m still kind of in shock.”
“Charlene’s getting married ... go ’head, go ’head ...” Jasmine started to sing some silly song.
They both laughed. Charlene would have loved to sit and talk about every detail of the night, but she had to rush Jasmine off the phone so she could tell her family and call one other friend to brag. It wasn’t actually bragging, most of Charlene’s friends were either married or engaged, but she had to let people know she was “validated” as well. Some of it was because at Charlene’s age, when everyone is getting married and engaged, it messes with your self-esteem when your ring finger is still bare. However, some of it was from Charlene’s own low self-esteem. She hadn’t completely become comfortable and stable as the woman of worth she was trying to be. So Isaac hadn’t only made her romantic dreams come true tonight, he helped make her whole. And Charlene was eager to spread the news. As soon as there was a moment of silence she told Jasmine she would call her back because she had to call her mother.
Charlene had kicked off her shoes and buried her feet into the couch in Isaac’s living room. She looked over at the pewter picture frame that held an 8 x 10 picture of the two of them at Great Adventure. She looked over and smiled as she dialed her parents’ house number. Most people would be surprised to find out that Charlene had any esteem issues. She was all of twenty-six years old, and full of youth and energy. She had the body of a runway model: tall and slender with long legs. She was light-skinned with a beautiful face that most people would say was made for television. High cheekbones with naturally rosy cheeks. She was gorgeous and she knew it, her looks got her by a lot in life. Yet with all her beauty, what made her feel like a true woman was sitting there on her hand, her left ring finger, to be exact. So, as she waited for one of her parents to answer, she sat there in Isaac’s living room still glowing with joy.
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