“Well, still, I don’t know where we stand. If we have a shot at all, or what. I do know that I am pregnant with your child and I don’t know if you want it or if I can even have it.”
“I want it ... and I hope you can have it.”
Isaac’s words were music to Charlene’s ears. All of the pain and anger she felt toward him were gone, she felt like this was her chance to get her life back.
“Are you willing to work this out?”
“I can’t make any promises, Charlene, but I will tell you that I will try. I won’t leave you to raise this child alone, I can tell you that.”
“If the doctor says I can keep it, can we continue where we left off?”
Isaac didn’t respond right away, but he was able to see exactly how Charlene saw things. She figured since she was able to have the child he wanted so badly, he could put the situation behind them and move on.
“I’ll try, Charlene. I realize that if I never knew, we would have been just fine right now, but the fact still remains you lied about a whole lot to me, and I have to see if I can trust you again.”
“All I ask is that we try,” Charlene said.
“See what the doctor says, and we will plan accordingly.”
“Are you saying if the doctor says I can’t keep this child, you won’t work things out with me?”
“Charlene, I’m only sitting here because you’re pregnant. Just yesterday there was nothing for us to discuss.”
“That doesn’t have to be the case, though, that’s just you giving up on us.”
“See what the doctor says, Charlene ... We will talk about the rest after,” Isaac said, scooting to the end of the couch.
“You’re leaving?”
“Yeah, I have to go,” he said as he stood up from the couch. “Let me know what happens,” he continued.
She started to walk behind him toward the door. He turned around and gave her a hug. Isaac could never know fully how his hug felt to Charlene at that very moment. He didn’t know just how badly she needed that hug from him, to feel loved and protected, even just for that moment. She could tell he was feeling the hug too because he didn’t make it quick. He held on for quite some time before he let go and headed out the door. Charlene kept that feeling with her for as long as she could. She leaned up against the door trying to hold on to his essence in her place.
The scary part was that everything depended on what her doctor said.
Chapter 29
She had to wait for her appointment because Dr. Ginyard had none available for three days. She wouldn’t have been able to see the doctor for weeks, but they squeezed her in after she pleaded and told them it was an urgent matter.
The wait felt like forever. She hadn’t told anyone else about the pregnancy—not her parents, not Jasmine, or any of her coworkers. She wanted to tell Tanai, because she felt like she deserved to know that what they had done as children could finally stop haunting them. However, she wasn’t sure if the doctor’s medical advice would be good, or if being able to get pregnant was good news. She decided she would tell Tanai regardless, but she would tell her after she saw the doctor.
At work for those days Charlene acted normal and went on with her normal workday. She had a few minutes every now and then when she felt a little queasy and wanted to just sit still at her desk for a while, but for the most part it was business as usual. Paige called her about five times a day to see how she was doing. Charlene had told her she had told Isaac, and although Paige didn’t agree at first, she understood. Paige did not, however, know how to feel about Isaac leaving things in the air, pending what the doctor said. She told Charlene it sounded as if he didn’t love her, or why would the baby be the only factor in what their future would be? For the sake of not further stressing out Charlene she didn’t dwell on how foul it was, but she no longer thought highly of Isaac. She believed he just wanted a woman to carry his kids; he didn’t really want to marry Charlene out of love. At least, that was Paige’s new point of view.
Charlene only spoke to Isaac one day between the day he came over and the doctor’s appointment, and that was when she called to ask him if he wanted to come. At first he said yes he would love to come, but after they spoke some more he changed his mind. He said he wasn’t ready to hear the doctor say anything negative, he would rather go the next time around after he was at least mentally prepared. Charlene told him she, too, wasn’t emotionally stable enough for the appointment, and she would like him to be there with and for her. He told her in so many words that she made this bed, and she had to lie in it. Charlene was confused; she didn’t know how she felt anymore. She didn’t know how she felt about herself, her guilt, the pregnancy or Isaac; she was numb from all the emotions.
Paige took off work so she could go with Charlene to the appointment; she felt no woman should have to go through that alone. She didn’t feel Charlene should suffer because Isaac was being so insensitive. They both had thought that the baby growing inside her stomach would turn him from the toad back to the prince he had been, but apparently it hadn’t been enough. Charlene was strong, though. She had no time to cry or worry about Isaac and how he was feeling because she had some serious decisions to make either way.
When Charlene first got to the doctor’s office she signed in and sat down in the waiting room. Paige wasn’t there yet, but she was on her way. Charlene sat there looking at all the pregnant ladies waiting. They looked so happy and full of life—except one of them, who looked miserable, but she looked like she was about nine months and ready to pop. Two of the ladies had their significant others with them, and the guys looked just as into it as they were—looking at magazines and the signs on the walls, it seemed like they hadn’t been dragged to go. It made Charlene feel like an after-school special that she had to bring her sister. She felt like she had gotten knocked up by some high school jock who didn’t want to claim it, not that she had made a love child.
Paige walked in just as the nurse called Charlene’s name to see the doctor. They both walked back to the exam room together.
“How do you feel?” Paige asked.
“I’m OK, just want to get this over with.”
Once they got into the room, the nurse asked her some questions and told her to wait a few moments, the doctor would be right in.
Dr. Ginyard walked in and greeted them both.
“What brings you back so soon?” the doctor asked.
“I took a home pregnancy test and it came out positive.”
As the doctor listened, she shuffled through Charlene’s file to look for her notes.
“Positive, huh? Were you using protection?”
“Not really. I didn’t think I could get pregnant, anyway.”
“But didn’t I tell you to use protection, because you didn’t want an unplanned pregnancy in your situation?”
“Yes ...” Charlene said, not knowing exactly what the doctor wanted her to say. The last thing she wanted was a lecture.
“OK. Well, first we have to take another test and make sure that you’re really pregnant, and then we will talk about your options.”
“How long for the results?”
“It will just take a couple of minutes; I just need you to pee in a cup for me.”
Charlene took the cup from the nurse, went into the bathroom and did the do. Then she went back to the exam room. Paige was still there but the doctor had stepped out for a second.
“That test could have been wrong, you know?”
“I know, I’ve heard that before.”
“Yeah, well, this would have been a waste of emotions,” Paige said, laughing.
“I know. I don’t even know what I want it to be.”
“Don’t think it matters, you probably are. The throwing up and all that wasn’t just random.”
“Yeah, I guess you’re right.”
The doctor came back in on the tail end of their conversation.
“Well, Charlene, you are pregnant,” the doctor told her.
<
br /> “I figured,” she replied.
The doctor proceeded to ask her questions about her last menstruation and symptoms, etc. She determined Charlene was about eight weeks’ pregnant. Once all that was done Charlene started asking questions.
“What happens now?” Charlene asked.
“What do you mean?” Dr. Ginyard asked in her high-pitched voice.
“I mean, what are my options, can I carry the baby?”
“I’m not going to lie to you, Charlene, I wouldn’t suggest that you do, but I can’t tell you what to do. I can only tell you the dangers.”
Charlene immediately looked down for a second, trying to brace herself for the rest of the conversation.
“What are the dangers?” she asked.
“Well, your uterus is damaged so it’s no condition to carry a child. There are very high chances that you will lose the baby at some point along the way. Even if you remained on bed rest, your uterus can rupture while you’re giving birth and cause excessive bleeding.”
“Would you say that there is no way I can have a successful pregnancy?”
“Of course not. Of course it is possible, just very risky. You can always have a scheduled Cesarean. If you are extremely careful and follow every instruction there is a chance that both you and the baby will survive, but there are no guarantees.”
“So what would you advise?” Paige interjected.
“I can’t tell her that. That is up to her and the father of the child. I can’t say I would recommend it. This may be her only chance to get pregnant so she may not want to abort it, I really don’t know. I just give the facts, you make the decision.”
Charlene was just sitting there. She didn’t know what to think. The doctor told Charlene that she should make up her mind in the next couple of weeks, because if she decided to abort there would be different procedures involved depending on when she decided. After giving Charlene some vitamins to take in the meantime, the doctor sent her on her way.
Once in the car, Charlene broke down in tears. She couldn’t believe that she had to make such a hard decision. She knew that nobody could tell her what was best, but she didn’t know, either. She also knew that this child inside of her would mean the world to her and Isaac, but she didn’t know if she was willing to risk her own life. She tried to think about what kind of mother wouldn’t risk her life for her child, and decided that only a bad mother wouldn’t. Besides, just the thought of aborting it made her sick, because she knew that the abortion she had had before was what had her here in the first place.
Paige didn’t have much to say. She assured Charlene that everything would be all right and that she was there to support her no matter what decision she made. Paige also told her not to base her decision on Isaac, to base it on what she wanted to do. She tried to stress to Charlene that this wasn’t a minor decision, not that Charlene didn’t know that; but that it was literally life or death.
Charlene knew that Paige was right, that Isaac shouldn’t be a major influence in the decision she made. Still, it was easy for Paige to say, Charlene thought. She hadn’t lost her fiancé or spent the last month miserable and depressed. As much as Charlene disliked Isaac for the way he was treating her, she still felt at fault for his behavior and wanted more than anything to have him back. She didn’t know exactly what to tell him about her doctor’s visit, or whether she should make the decision before she told him or with him.
By the time she got home she couldn’t wait another minute to call Isaac. Paige offered to come up with her, but Charlene told her no thanks. Charlene said she could use the time alone to try to figure out what she wanted to do and she would call her later. In reality Charlene wanted to use the time alone to call Isaac and see what would happen.
“Hey, Isaac,” Charlene said when she got him on the phone.
It was weird how she appreciated him even answering the phone. After weeks of getting his voice mail, even the simplest respect made her feel good.
“Hey, Charlene. What happened?”
“Well, the doctor said I am pregnant.”
“How far along are you?” Isaac asked. You could hear the excitement in his voice.
“I am eight weeks, but I would have to get a sonogram soon to double-check the accuracy of that.”
“It is my baby, right?”
“Isaac!! Of course it’s your baby. How could you ask me that?”
“Just asking. I don’t know what to believe anymore. Besides, except for a few days ago, I haven’t spoken to you in weeks.”
“Well, we were speaking eight weeks ago; we were obviously doing more than just speaking.”
Isaac laughed. It was music to Charlene’s ears. Although it wasn’t exactly the topic that she would have selected to break the ice, she was just happy that it was broken.
“Babe, I am sorry about everything. I can’t express how hurt I was, and I still am.”
“I’m sorry, too, Isaac. Really, I am.”
“I want us to work through this; we are going to be a family.”
Charlene almost forgot about the decision, and she figured Isaac got caught up in the excitement and forgot, too.
“Well, Isaac, that’s what we have to decide. The doctor said that the pregnancy could be risky, and if I’m not careful I can lose the baby or my life.”
“Well then, we will have to be extra careful.”
“I would have to be on bed rest the majority of the pregnancy and would have to have a Cesarean, which she said would make my chances better.”
“Well, if need be you will quit your job and move in with me, everything will be just fine.”
Charlene wanted to cry. Not just because she was miraculously able to get pregnant, but because she had her Isaac back. Charlene was extremely excited that the two of them had a chance at the future that she had always wanted. She agreed with him that they would pray and get through it together. They hung up the phone after Isaac said he would be over after work.
She hung up and went in her bedroom to think. She knew she had to call Paige, and Jasmine and Tanai and eventually her parents. She couldn’t just yet. She needed to sit and think for a bit.
Chapter 30
Charlene didn’t have time to get much thinking done before Isaac arrived. She did speak to Paige for a bit, but didn’t tell her that she had made a concrete decision. She called Tanai but didn’t reach her, so she left a message. Jasmine said she would call her back because she couldn’t make a scene at work about it like she wanted to.
She planned on calling her mother, but that’s when she stopped to try to prepare her words and more of her thoughts. She knew that with each person she spoke to, she would have to be prepared for the questions and the good and the bad that they would have to say. For her mom, she needed the most preparation of all. Ann Tanner wasn’t going to hold her tongue, not in the least bit. So whenever Charlene spoke to her she had to put on her toughest layer of skin. But before she got around to making that call, Isaac showed up.
They sat on the couch, kind of like old times, watching television, with Isaac holding Charlene in his arms.
But things felt a little strange between them. Charlene couldn’t help but feel a little distant toward him. She wanted this more than anything, but it was going to take a little while for her to feel completely comfortable with him again. Especially since deep down she did feel betrayed by him. She knew she was wrong for lying, but she couldn’t help but feel like he had turned his back on her when she needed him most. Even worse, she wasn’t sure if he ever would have held her again if she hadn’t been pregnant. Although she knew that he could have walked away from the baby, too, it made her doubt his true love for her as a person.
She didn’t know if he was too embarrassed to discuss all the many things they needed to discuss, or if he really just felt back at home with everything. She sure didn’t. After about an hour, Isaac turned to Charlene and looked her in her eyes.
“I know our relationship was just put to a major test
, but God saw through that and we survived. He gave us a child to remind us of the big picture and I’m looking forward to building our lives together,” he said as he pulled the ring out of his pocket.
Charlene didn’t want to—it was probably because her hormones were all out of wack—but she started crying. She held out her hand as he placed the ring back on the finger that he had so recently demanded she remove it from. It didn’t have the same sweet feeling like the first time around, but it did feel nice.
He pulled her closer to him and hugged her. She let her body rest up against his. She released all of her energy and emotion, and let all of the weight on her shoulders lean up against him. She wanted him to feel just how emotionally drained and heavy the stress was on her, but there was no way he could ever really know everything that she was feeling. A week ago this would have been something that Charlene could only dream about, having her fiancé back. Now, here it was a reality and she didn’t know how she felt about it. Despite the questions in her head, she didn’t think twice about accepting her position back. She reached up and gave him a kiss to let him know that she was still there with him and that he hadn’t lost her yet, just in case he had any doubts. Charlene knew she still had some rebuilding of trust to do if she wanted this to be more than only about the baby.
After they finished their emotional lovemaking, Isaac sat up and looked dead at Charlene.
“So ... How do you feel?” he asked.
“I feel fine,” she responded.
“Good ... How does your family feel?”
“Well, I haven’t had a chance to tell my parents just yet, but Paige is excited.”
“Yeah, I know. Everything happened so fast.”
“Definitely did,” Charlene said, realizing for the first time how crazy everything was. She had been having sex for years and years, since she was a little girl and was deemed basically incapable of having a child, and now, weeks after a doctor confirming that fact, she comes up pregnant. Charlene felt like it was definitely the doing of something bigger than her, as if Our Savior up above was trying to tell her something or test her.
She's No Angel Page 17
