Firstly, feelings were definitely deeply involved. Secondly, Phoenix needed to handle this blackmailing incident with Wallace before it put a halt to his campaign. Ashley had enough on his plate with his scheming manager for Cee-Cee to have serious concern about his ability to get those pictures.
She also wondered if Phoenix’s invitation to go to the Caribbean was coming from a sincere desire to spend time with them. Or was he pragmatically putting on a show ahead of this interview with Five? If so, it was disheartening. Maybe what people said was true. Never trust a politician. They always had an agenda.
She pushed aside the uncomfortable thoughts and ran upstairs to pack while Baby Joe and Hailey were asleep. Soon, Josey and Brett would be home to take over. They were tying up paperwork on their new house. Cee-Cee stepped past her custom-built computer and dug a suitcase out of her closet. On the screen was an app she was polishing up for debut. It was just as promising as NowIn, but it would have to be put on hold until she got back from her trip.
Looking at the future laid out ahead of her, she felt like an entirely different person. She wanted things with Ashley and Phoenix to work. She wanted it more than fame or fortune or notoriety. But the success or failure of a relationship with the men she loved wasn’t in her hands. It was up to fate.
* * *
Ashley parked in front of Phoenix’s apartment and killed the engine, and the two of them sat in silence instead of getting out. He glanced over at the other man, uncertainty written on his face. “You know, I don’t have to come inside. It’s daylight, and I know you’re worried about people seeing us.”
Phoenix blew out a breath and quietly took his hand. He squeezed Ashley’s fingers as he stared out the window, lost in thought. Ashley stared at the steering wheel. He felt rejected whenever what someone else thought about Phoenix took precedence over how he felt for him. Easing his hand away, he turned the key in the ignition to start the car so he could drop off the mayor and leave.
“I don’t want you to go,” Phoenix murmured.
Chuckling without humor, Ashley pointed out, “You don’t want me to come in, either. I can’t sit out in the parking lot all day.”
“What is it with you lately? I’m trying to find some middle ground here. Yeah, I’m concerned about how we look in public. As far as the public knows, we’re just friends, and I want them to keep thinking that, but you know how I—” He bit the words short with an angry exhale. Trying again, softer, he whispered, “Look, you know how I feel about you.”
“No, actually, I don’t.” Ashley gave him a sad half-smile, and Phoenix groaned. He tucked a finger under Ashley’s chin and drew his face forward, kissing his lips publicly and openly. It didn’t matter who saw. The very act caused Ashley’s heartbeat to race, and his eyes drifted shut. It was almost impossible to believe this was happening.
Phoenix pulled back. “You know how I feel about you.” Ashley dove his fingers into Phoenix’s hair and kissed him again. His lips slid over Phoenix’s mouth. Their tongues touched and danced, and the fever got hotter. Phoenix moaned as he kissed him harder. They shifted, turning towards each other, and Phoenix wrapped his arms around Ashley in a bold, passionate embrace that had Ashley wishing it would never end.
Suddenly a pedestrian came around the corner, and Phoenix tore away from him with a ragged swear. Ashley covered his face and dropped his head back, throbbing for sexual release. “See?” he whispered.
“That doesn’t change how I feel,” Phoenix tried to explain.
“It changes everything. Love isn’t a secret.”
“It’s private!” Phoenix thundered. Ashley scowled wordlessly. “I’m trying to take us someplace where the three of us can be ourselves. Bear with me, Ashley, alright? I’m trying.”
“I know,” he muttered bitterly. “I know. I know you’re trying.”
“But it’s not enough for you?”
Shaking his head and blowing out a breath, Ashley finally looked at him. “It’s enough for now. Cee-Cee is worried about us.”
Phoenix swallowed thickly. “I know.”
“All three of us. I don’t know if you realize it, but she cares. She’s not the same workaholic she was when we met her. She can talk the big talk about not getting hurt if this falls apart, but it’s not true. So, let’s stop with the fighting, alright?”
“Yeah.” The buzz of attraction between them was something he couldn’t understand. He had never felt like this before, had never really imagined it. If that were all—just the desire, the infatuation—that would be difficult enough, but seeing Ashley’s downcast face hurt him deeply. All this emotional involvement. Three passionate, vulnerable people, all taking more of a risk than they had intended. That was where things truly got scary.
He tried to explain, “I don’t do labels. People are going to categorize me, Ashley. That’s something you have to understand, and it’s something that I can’t accept when it comes to what I’m trying to do for this town. I can’t have people shutting me out simply because they believe I’m too different from them to lead. I know I’m a good mayor; I know what I can do. That’s why it matters what people think.”
As he spoke, Ashley watched him with glassy grey eyes full of emotion and possibly tears. Phoenix touched his face, and Ashley turned to kiss his fingertips, and his dusky lashes closed over the grey orbs. “It’s not only Cee-Cee who will be hurt.”
“I know.”
“Phoenix, I will be the darkest night and the quietest whisper for you. I’ll keep all your secrets like a diary. But I can’t let you lie to me or to yourself. Don’t tell me you love me to mollify me. Love isn’t a word. It’s an action. It’s behavior. You don’t have to say it to the world, but you have to show me. I don’t want to be manipulated with words. I’m not a part of your political machinations.” When he opened his eyes, Phoenix felt a lurch in his chest.
“I’ll show you. On this cruise, I’ll show you.”
Chapter 31
“Let’s get this out of the way before I take my vacation,” Phoenix spoke into the phone. “I’ll send a car around to get you for seven o’clock tomorrow night. Be ready.”
Gina laughed throatily. “Darling, I stay ready. Where to?”
Phoenix had thought long and hard about where the take the public relations agent on this date she had insisted on. He had no desire to be alone with her, but he was reticent to be seen with her in public. So, he had finally settled upon taking her to his favorite haunt. “The Yellow Lounge,” he replied. It would be casual, not so intimate, and over as soon as possible.
“Ah,” Gina said in surprise. “You’re taking me to you and Cee-Cee’s spot. How original. I’ll be sure to look my best since people are used to seeing you with that little girl. They need to see you with a woman.”
“Gina, let’s not make this more unpleasant than it needs to be.” He hung up the phone with a sour face. The woman was determined to drum up interest where there was none, and she was only succeeding in making him like her even less.
Bryan had confided by email that he was giving Gina the promotion she wanted if for no other reason than to take some of the heat off of Cee-Cee. However, Phoenix suspected the woman had another target in sight. Him.
Not for the first time, he considered just telling Cee-Cee outright. It was his mother who ended up making him think twice about doing so. Lucy Briton called for her son to come visit her the Thursday before his scheduled cruise, and when Lucy called, Phoenix answered.
Breezing into her stylish mid-century mansion, Phoenix smiled with satisfaction at how well the renovations were going. “You’ve outdone yourself, Mother,” he called out.
“Is that you, Phoenix?” she answered from her study on the third floor. Lucy stepped onto the landing. She was in her early fifties but when his mother smiled, she didn’t look a day over thirty-five. Her long legs were jean-clad, and she wore a t-shirt. It was a far cry from her usual chic business suit. It was refreshing to see her so relaxed, more evidence th
at she was doing well for herself.
“Come on up!” Her dark ponytail bobbed as she waved to the stairwell. “Watch the scaffolding. Painting this crown molding has proven a challenge to my staff, but they’re getting it done.”
“Good to know. I’m glad you decided to buy this place. I like having you closer to me. How was your trip?”
When he had reached adulthood, his mom had taken to traveling. He suspected that being in this town reminded her of things she’d rather forget. But coming home to stay for good might mean she was finally ready to put the past behind her.
Phoenix skirted drop cloths and paint pails and made his way up the winding staircase to where his mother waited for him. She had been away the past two months on a business venture in Vienna. He was glad to have her home. Phoenix pulled the statuesque woman into a tight hug and bussed her nose, and Lucy chuckled at the age-old habit between mother and son.
“I got a lot accomplished. I brokered a deal with that flooring merchant I was telling you about to give me exclusive rights to sell his product. We are, as they say, in the money! What about you? What have I missed? Come into the study and tell me about it while I do this detailing.”
They stepped into a large study with vaulted ceilings and walls lined with bookcases. A large window let in enough sunlight that electricity wasn’t needed. He saw where she was working at painting the windowsill and smiled. “Just like you to have to put your touch on things,” he teased.
“What can I say? Keeping busy keeps me grounded.”
True to form, Lucy wasn’t one to sit back and watch others work. She was lending a hand in getting her new home ready. Phoenix pushed up his sleeves and grabbed a paintbrush to help out. “You should have told me you were doing this. I wouldn’t have made plans to leave for the next few days,” he replied.
“Leave?”
“Yes, I’m going on a cruise with a few friends. I have a lot to talk to you about, about me, about my campaign. But I also need to talk to you about something between us.” It occurred to Phoenix that now was as good a time as any to tell his mother his secrets. She was the one person in the world he could fully trust. They had been there for each other through some tough times, including his parents’ nasty divorce. Which was all the more reason it was time for Phoenix to come clean.
“I want you to sit down for this,” he murmured gently. Phoenix extricated the paintbrush from her hand and guided her to the sofa that was covered with plastic to protect it. Lucy blinked at him with inquisitive dark brown eyes.
“Hyperbole isn’t like you, so I hazard a guess this is serious,” she replied lightly. Lucy squared her shoulders and looked him in the eyes, the way she always had—straightforward and point blank. He nodded, and he wondered why it had taken him this long to get around to telling her the truth.
“It’s about Dad…Mom, there is something I’ve been keeping from you for years, and it’s weighing on my conscience. I need to tell you this for my sake and yours.”
“Go on.”
“I was seventeen when you found out about Dad’s affairs, remember? I was already in college, and you were so preoccupied with making sure that I did okay in school, making sure the business ran smoothly, all of that. You had a lot on your shoulders. That’s why I couldn’t bring myself to tell you back then. I was afraid it would make you…not love me.” He sighed, staring at his hands. There was a smudge of paint on his thumb that he picked at.
Lucy chuckled at his phrasing, but firmly reassured him, “There’s nothing you could do to make me not love you. You’re all I’ve got.”
“The affairs. I knew about them. As soon as I became a teenager, Dad started allowing me to meet some of his lady friends. He said it was our secret and if I told you, it would hurt you. At fourteen years old, I didn’t know any better. I trusted him. But as I grew older and realized he was still up to his shenanigans, I should have let you know…and I’m sorry.”
As he spilled the weight that had been placed on his shoulders at a young age, he watched his mother wilt. Her lips went from surprised Oh to downturned at the corners in a serious frown to finally a sad smile. “Oh, Phoenix,” she whispered, pushing his hair back like she had when he was a child. “I’m sorry you had to go through that. Yes, it hurts me to know, but not because you kept it a secret. You were still a child; how could you know what to do in such a confusing situation? I’m more upset that your father forced you into his sordid affairs.”
“He threatened to tell you himself, but I was sure he wouldn’t be completely honest with you. Wallace has found himself in some trouble, as usual, and he wanted to use the knowledge against me.”
“That devil. I do wish you had told me sooner so I could tell you it wasn’t your fault. You didn’t make Wallace the man he is. He allowed his own ego to inflate to the size of Texas. I’m not surprised he’s in trouble, and I’m glad you took the wind out of his sails by telling me first.”
He smiled ruefully. “I’m afraid I didn’t. He still has something on me that could ruin my campaign. I’m doing the best I can to mitigate he damage, but I suspect there may be some fallout. So, before you hear it on the news, there’s something else I want to tell you.”
“Oh, wow, there’s more?” she tittered. He chuckled at the levity she was adding to an otherwise uncomfortable discussion. He knew he could tell his mother anything, but coming out of the closet to her had never crossed his mind, mainly because he had never considered himself in the closet.
Phoenix Briton had had his share of relationships with people of both sexes, but prior to meeting Ashley, he had always thought of himself as a straight male who sometimes slept with men. He was falling in love, and that changed everything. Because contrary to what he frequently told Ashley and Cee-Cee, the way he felt about them wasn’t something he wanted swept under the rug.
It was a large love. An unwieldy emotion bound to be seen no matter how he tried to hide it. There was no way to not look at either of them with his whole heart in his eyes, no way to not touch or to not slip into speaking to them with love in his voice. Up until now, he had mitigated that by limiting contact with Ashley.
Early on, Cee-Cee had told him he would ruin his campaign by trying to hide something no one was looking for. Yet what Phoenix feared most was that he would lose this relationship if he didn’t start being honest with himself and them. Ashley had asked him to show him how much he cared, and he intended to, starting with telling the people closest to him that he had met someone he couldn’t see himself living without.
Piece by piece, he told his mother the story of how he had met Cee-Cee when he hired her PR firm. Lucy Briton smiled encouragingly as the tale unfolded, but when he began to tell her about Ashley, she nodded understanding.
“Mother, I don’t know how to turn it off. I love them,” he murmured.
“Am I going to get to meet them?” Lucy asked.
“I…” Phoenix stammered, “J-just like that? No questions asked?” He laughed.
“Well, you sound like you have your mind made up. What difference does my opinion have to do with things? For that matter, what difference should anyone's opinion make? Take it from someone who played by the rules and did everything by the book, heteronormative in every sense. A regular relationship doesn’t have shit on real love.”
He peered into her eyes, trying to read the unspoken. All he saw there was love and acceptance and a desire for him to be happy. “I truly respect you and appreciate you for that,” he replied, in an attempt to be as serious and unconcerned as she was. But inside was a little boy glowing with happiness because his mother had not let him down. She lifted a shoulder in a shrug and smiled.
“Another word of advice? People keep secret the things they are ashamed of. If you’re not ashamed of this admittedly unorthodox love affair, then you owe it to the ones you care about not to make them feel like they have to stay hidden. You see, I know a thing or two about that, too.”
Lucy patted his knee and beckoned f
or him to follow her. They went down to the first level and into the den where there was a man working on the mantle of the fireplace. When he heard them coming, he looked up and smiled, but the smile faltered when he saw Phoenix. “Is this the son you were telling me about?” he asked.
Phoenix stared as his mother flowed into the construction worker’s arms and turned to look at him. “Phoenix, I’d like you to meet Paolo…We’ve been dating several months. I didn’t tell you about him because I was afraid that it wouldn’t last. I’m still afraid, but you know what? I love him. And he deserves for people to know that, and you deserve to know that. To know that if I can have faith in love, then so can you.”
He stared. The man was strong-shouldered, not tall but rugged, with salt and pepper hair, a warm smile and steady eyes. He looked nothing like Phoenix’s father. He stood up to shake Phoenix’s hand and Phoenix could see the signs of a man who’d done physical work all his life and likely had a few aches and pains. His mother beamed.
“It’s great to meet you, sir,” he said.
“Hey, hey. It’s Paulo.”
“Paulo.”
Phoenix left his mother’s house with his mind abuzz with everything she had told him. After meeting her new significant other, the three of them had sat down for coffee and remarkably pleasant conversation. Paulo was a friendly man who made his mother laugh, told well-crafted stories about the construction business, and listened carefully when Phoenix spoke. But more than that, one thing had stood out: His mother had his back, no matter how he decided to move forward.
He had given up any thought of telling Cee-Cee about Gina because Gina didn’t matter. When they went out, he planned to tell the troublesome PR agent exactly how serious things were between him and Cora-Lynn Carson. Gina wouldn’t have a choice but to bow out to the better woman, and that would be that. Any ideas she had about making him her own would die a swift death, and his obligations to deal with her any longer would be done. She had already scheduled the interview with Five Parker for him.
MMF BISEXUAL ROMANCE: Phoenix Running Page 24
