They had no possible future, but they might have now.
This time. This day. This moment. That was all anyone had. Susanna had said that to him once.
He wanted this time with her.
So he waited with his breath lodged in his chest. Every muscle locked tight. Only the grainy wood beneath his palm grounded him, his only point of contact with reality.
The reality that she might deny him.
No matter how much she wanted him.
And she did.
She might be warring with herself about being practical—there was so much against him. But she wanted him.
He’d felt her want in his gut, in her response.
Would she deny him, herself, them, their moment to be together?
He didn’t know. But Jay knew if he touched her again, he wouldn’t be able to stop.
So he waited as indecision and desire battled across her expression, while he realized with each passing instant how much he wanted her to give them the gift of this moment.
The seconds passed, marked only by the heavy beats of his heart, the steady drip, drip, drip of their clothing on the porch. Then Susanna caught a hard breath, a determined gasp that filtered through the quiet, and him, because Jay knew in that instant she’d made her decision.
A tiny smile tipped the corners of her mouth as she raised her hands and speared her fingers into his hair, lifting up on tiptoe to meet him in a kiss.
Their mouths met, clinching the deal, and he savored the taste of her yes. She was suddenly all fire in his arms, determination to make the most of their moment. And that was his last rational thought because opportunity presented itself, the chance to coax soft sighs from Susanna’s lips, to explore this chemistry they made together.
His body yielded to instinct, to his need for this woman, and with one deliberate move, he slipped his arms around her, brought her tightly against him.
Her body molded exactly as if she’d been designed to fit against him. The swell of her breasts crushed his chest. One slight tilting of her hips, and she cradled the heat of his growing arousal.
Grazing light fingers along his jaw, down his neck, she left a simmering heat in the wake of her touch, warmth to heat the clammy cold of his skin.
He groaned aloud, startled by the sound coming from his own mouth, by how hard his need spiked now that she’d committed to the course and met his kiss with a demand of her own.
With a throaty laugh, she dragged her mouth from his, dropped light kisses along his jaw, down the length of his neck, trailing fire in the wake of her touch.
Apparently she would be a force to be reckoned with. Burying his face in her damp hair, he inhaled deeply, drinking in the fresh scent that had driven him crazy since they’d met.
Suddenly he wanted to feel her everywhere. And didn’t temper the need. Sliding a hand along the curve of her waist, he moved beneath that chilly sweatshirt, sought the feel of her silken skin, dragged his open palm along her back, her spine, until she trembled against him.
He was impatient to explore, but to do that he needed to get her off this porch and inside. In the part of his brain still capable of reason, he acknowledged a perk to his home. There was no one around. This was their world right now to do with as they pleased.
Hooking his thumbs into her waistband, Jay tugged her sweatpants over her hips. Gravity obliged, and the wet mess fell to the porch with a muffled thump.
With a yelp, Susanna stepped out of the circle of fabric. Then she caught his gaze, and he recognized laughter in her beautiful face. He realized what she was going to do a split second before she broke away with a laugh. Spinning easily on her toes, she headed inside, bare bottom and long pale legs flexing sleekly with every light step.
He stood there like a total idiot, rooted to the spot by the sight of all that flashing skin, the strands of damp hair clinging to her shoulders. He might have pursued but before she cleared the living room, she raised her arms and dragged the sweatshirt over her head, revealing pale skin and trim curves in all her glorious nudity.
More laughter echoed from the confines of the house as she vanished from sight before Jay shook off his paralysis, ditched his own wet clothes in a pile right on the porch and headed after her. The door slammed behind him with more force than he’d intended, warning her of his approach.
He found her in the bedroom, exactly where he’d hoped she’d be, illuminated only by the moonlight through the windows and a small glow from the bathroom. With that cloud of dark hair tumbling over her profile and all that glowing fair skin, she presented a vision of such loveliness, she stole his breath. And again he found himself struck speechless, by the sight of her and the effect she had on him by just being there.
She’d turned down the comforter. She must have sensed his presence because she twisted around to face him, casual with her nudity but seemingly surprised by his.
“Oh.” Her mouth pursed around the slight exclamation as her gaze trailed from his face down his body.
She inhaled a halting breath but couldn’t seem to drag her gaze from the sight of him. And everything about her in that moment suggested she liked what she saw. Right then Jay knew he was in more trouble than he’d ever imagined because his body responded to her appreciation with an urgency that nearly brought him to his knees.
Out of necessity he closed the distance between them, guided her to the bed, where they were suddenly in each other’s arms, and kissed the gasp from her lips. They stretched out together, legs twining eagerly, bodies curving close to savor the heat of each other and the silky warmth of the bedding a relief to waterlogged skin.
His hands trembled as he skimmed his fingers over her, barely daring to touch as anticipation built the excitement between them.
He could tell she liked these almost-touches because she shivered lightly, inviting him to greater boldness as he explored the smooth swell of her breasts, idly thumbed a nipple, until the rosy skin grew taut and she trembled again. Bracing on an elbow, he leaned forward to catch that tight peak with a gentle kiss, and she moaned, a yearning sound in the quiet dark.
His body pulsed with awareness as she arched upward into his erotic touch, her fingers lingering softly through his hair then down his back with whispery strokes.
Trailing kisses along the expanse of her chest, he worked his way up the slim column of her neck, tasting her eagerness, savoring the taste of her arousal. Then their mouths came together again, and their bodies sought each other, swayed gently, mimicking the rhythm that would bring them together.
Coaxing her legs apart, she was suddenly straddling his erection with those smooth thighs, cradling him. She tilted back erotically, all pale skin glowing in the moonlight. Then he pressed into her softness, causing her body to arch in liquid motion, all trembling curves and excitement.
Why now? He’d lived his entire life on these sixty acres, thirty-two years, and this woman finally shows up during his last metaphoric minutes. Jay sought his answers by driving deep inside her, by abandoning himself into yielding softness, by locking his fingers into her hips and hanging on for stroke after delicious stroke until he forgot the question completely.
* * *
SUSANNA SHOULD HAVE passed out, but she lay there as the night deepened then faded beyond the windows. Jay had held her for a long time, but eventually did what she couldn’t do—sleep.
She simply had too much racing through her mind, all beginning and ending with the man who lay wrapp
ed around her, a beautiful, thoughtful, overly burdened man who, for these precious few hours, had allowed himself to just be.
Susanna had been working beside him for nearly three months, had trained with him, argued with him, shared companionable moments and lusted after him. But not until tonight had she realized how much he kept packed away deep inside his personable, capable demeanor.
Not until he’d lost all restraint in her arms.
He carried the weight of the world on his shoulders, this one did, and she had never realized it until this very second when he was naked inside her, the strength of his warm body all around her, just savoring the moment, the two of them without personality, without commitment or obligation or responsibility. Just the two of them, savoring the excitement of their first time together. The way their bodies fitted together. All her soft places molded the contours of his hard body as if she’d been made to fit perfectly against him.
Their legs twined beneath the sheets, hers smooth-shaven silk, his roughly muscled strength. The contrast made her aware of how very long it had been since her body had tingled with a desire that began deep inside and radiated outward, until every inch of her was heightened sensation.
And his strong arms held her. His big body surrounded her. There was only Jay, and her. The only place in the world she wanted to be, safe in his arms in the dark.
He was a man who cared about so many.
And as she listened to the even sounds of his breathing, she asked herself how could she not have known how much he kept locked away inside his oh, so capable self?
She glimpsed his urgency to put The Arbors and everything associated with it behind him.
Including her.
Because without her, he couldn’t leave.
Sleeping with him had been such a mistake. But what else could Susanna have done? Lied to him. She had wanted to kiss him, even knowing where those kisses would eventually lead.
Susanna didn’t believe in lying. Lies of omission, maybe. To spare someone’s feelings. To avoid a situation she would only complicate with her opinions. To allow her children to find their own ways, make their own decisions, learn to trust their instincts and gain confidence. To not fuel the fires with Karan back in the days whenever her BFF restlessly manufactured drama to keep life interesting.
To Skip when it became clear he was losing his battle with cancer, yet worried about how she was holding up...
“I’m hanging in there, hon. As long as you’re with me.”
Definitely not a lie.
Why was she even thinking about Skip right now, staring into the darkness wrapped around another man? She supposed it was natural. Skip had been her one and only. Until now.
But there was tomorrow to contend with, the aftermath of this pleasurable night. Susanna didn’t have a clue if there’d be awkwardness or more arguments or even if she’d undermined the acquisition. But in this drowsy contentment, the wake of a satisfaction she’d almost forgotten, she thought about the last time she and Skip had made love as normal lovers, without illness between them, without the realization that each time they made love might be their last, sex without the burden of life and death.
She couldn’t remember the last time.
Because the night before Skip had gone to the doctor for a prescription of antibiotics to deal with the bug he couldn’t shake, he’d rolled over and kissed her. He’d wanted to make love, but she’d been too tired, too worried about his health, too wrapped up in the things that comprised their lives—kids, illness, work, lunches, homework, dinner and on and on. If she had expressed an interest in sex, they’d have made love.
But she’d only kissed him, uninterested in anything more than the lingering taste of his mouth, the warm strength of his arms cradling her close as she’d fallen asleep.
Susanna remembered that.
She’d sacrificed their last time as normal lovers. It had never once occurred to her their time together would be limited. They were planning to grow old together, to chase their children wherever life led them, to dote on grandchildren as active grandparents. She’d taken their time together for granted.
And missed their last time completely.
In that moment, Susanna knew. No matter what tomorrow would bring with Jay—the potential awkwardness, the problems, the age difference, the inevitable parting....
She was still glad they’d had tonight.
* * *
JAY STARED AT A SLEEPING Susanna, soft waves partially hiding her face, the sky paling to dawn beyond the windows. He could feel every warm inch of her pressed against him, her body so perfectly aligned with his.
How was it she felt familiar in his arms, this woman he hadn’t known but for an instant against the backdrop of a lifetime? Jay didn’t know, but he could lie here forever wrapped around her, his cheek resting on the top of her head, inhaling the cool scent of her hair with every breath.
The feeling was so comfortable, so recognizable, an almost-overwhelming sense of need—the same way he’d felt last night when he hadn’t been able to keep his hands off her. Not when it would have meant letting this feeling slip away.
The familiarity had nothing to do with the cottage. He never slept here. Why would he when he had a house to himself?
But as he held Susanna and watched the fading night chase the shadows from the bedroom, he realized this familiarity wasn’t so much Susanna but the very act of feeling.
He hadn’t in such a long time.
When had he died? It had happened so slowly, so subtly, he couldn’t even remember, just one morning, possibly a morning like this one, he simply didn’t wake up. Life at The Arbors had finally sucked him dry. Or maybe loss had done the deed. Losing everyone, one at a time—even losing his brother to the Marines—until he was the only man standing.
But not alive. He knew the difference, could feel the difference, knew he’d died a slow death that mirrored Alzheimer’s, seconds ticking away until eventually awareness simply wasn’t there anymore.
He hadn’t known.
Not until this morning when he’d awakened in Susanna’s arms after a night of coming back to life.
Jay had no idea how long he lay there, realizing, feeling, but by the time Susanna stirred against him, the sun was bright beyond the windows.
He sensed the moment she became aware. One moment she was molded against him, a smooth-skinned extension of him, and the next she was simply lying close, still touching but separate. As if awareness had come invisibly between them.
She didn’t open her eyes although he knew she was awake. Maybe, like him, she wasn’t eager to give up this feeling, didn’t want reality to intrude on this warm contentment.
Her lashes finally fluttered, and she opened her eyes. Their gazes met, but there was no room for words in the quiet, at least not any words he wanted to hear. He could see reality in those deep blue eyes, wasn’t surprised when she finally whispered, “This wasn’t smart, Jay. There’s no place for us to go.”
“I know.”
He pulled her closer, as if he could physically bridge the distance reality had created between them, bring back that feeling of oneness.
She exhaled a soft sigh, and her eyes fluttered shut again, her expression dreamy and still soft from sleep.
And contentment.
He saw that in her expression, too.
And guessed it had been a long time since she’d felt this way, as well. Since her husband died?
“We’re just going to make a big mess.”
“I know.”
But he lowered his mouth and caught hers gently, tasting the morning on her lips, discovering that the arousal of the previous night had been as potent as he remembered, and he didn’t care about anything except not losing this feeling again.
CHAPTER FOURTEEN
JAY FINISHED CHOPPING garlic then pressed the knife blade on the fragrant chunks to release the flavor. He sensed Susanna’s gaze on him.
He turned to find her watching him. “What?”
“You are a man of many talents, Jay.” Dropping a freshly washed spoon into the drain board, she smiled then leaned down to rub Butters’s head.
Gatsby wanted in on the action and they wound up with both dogs crowding the limited space in the kitchen.
Jay shooed them out again. “Go, beasts. Settle down.”
Then when Susanna slipped her hands into the sink again to wash away the dog fur, he said, “I’m trying to impress you. Sounds like it’s working.”
“Definitely. Cooking is unexpected, I must admit. I can’t think of anything you’re not good at.”
After drying her hands, she came up behind him and slipped her arms around his waist, pressing close. “Running The Arbors. Taking care of everyone around you. Fixing broken pipes. Cooking delicious meals.”
“Sex. You forgot sex.”
Pressing a kiss to his shoulder, she exhaled a breath penetrating the flannel shirt in a burst of warmth against his skin and sent the blood skittering to his crotch.
“No. You’re not good at sex,” she whispered. “You excel at sex. Different list.” She tightened her grip around his waist and rubbed her cheek against him to emphasize the point.
Leaning into her, Jay savored the familiar feel of her against him. “That was the right answer, so you can eat.”
“Good, because I’m starving.”
“Good, because we’re making enough food here to feed half the nursing center. Think we should pack some up and bring it to third-shift staff?” He brushed the garlic off the cutting board into the skillet and left it to brown in simmering olive oil.
The Time of Her Life Page 19
