Which absolutely crushed her heart, since over the last fortnight, she had fallen absolutely and irrevocably in love with Harry, something she could no longer deny.
And that fact that Harry probably didn’t care enough about her to even secure her future when he would be the one to destroy it cut Penny to shreds.
Penny had suspected she might be falling in love with Harry the first night they made love, but she had been certain of her feelings the morning after – starting when they had been alone in his coach as he confessed that he knew why she was in London. Just then, in that very moment, she had known or at least started to know. And it hadn’t been from any one thing that he said or did.
Rather it had been a combination of things. The way Harry had looked at her and understood. The way he had held her hand and comforted her and not judged her as she made her teary confession. His voice when he spoke to her, so soft and gentle. So full of caring that it made her heart ache. Penny hadn’t known right then, perhaps, but in the quiet hours that followed, she knew. The truth had whispered through her heart like a song and guided her every action since.
Penny was in love with Harry and there wasn’t a damn thing she could do about it.
Which was unfortunate because she rather doubted that Harry loved her back. If he had, he would have said something to Nick just now.
Oh, he would not have professed his love or anything as foolish and sentimental as all of that. Harry was not that sort, and his reputation for being slightly cold unfeeling with women had sprung from his inherent need to protect himself and his emotions, after all.
Penny had hoped, however, that Harry would at least say something more about her future than simply “setting her free.” She had hoped he might mention… Well, she did not know what, but something. After all, he and Nick had spoken about placing Josie with Lord and Lady Berkshire once Uncle Charles had been dealt with, and allowing Cassandra, the marchioness, to guide Josie into Society where she might make a respectable match.
But what about me? Penny had wanted to all but shout at the top of her lungs through the still-closed doors. What do you plan for my future? Or do I mean so little to you that I am inconsequential now?
If Harry had plans for her, Penny was certain he would have mentioned them. That he hadn’t indicated to her that he simply planned to return her to the rented town home, along with Janie, when this entire mess was all said and done and wish her well. After that? The rest was up to her.
If she was lucky, Penny supposed, Harry might convince her uncle to release her inheritance to her now so that she could at least have some means of survival, but she could not count on that. Meaning that for a year, she might have to make do and survive on her own.
Penny didn’t even want to think about what “surviving on her own” might entail. After all, she was female and thus, her choices were extremely limited.
This would not be the first time she had been cast aside, of course. While her parents had loved her, few others ever had or even been concerned for her welfare. Her uncle certainly had never cared. Nor had anyone at the seemingly endless parade of finishing schools she had attended over the years. Josie cared. Penny was certain enough of that, but the young woman was in no position to help.
Penny had thought Harry was different, however. Or at least she had prayed that he was. She wanted him to be, mostly because she loved him. But it seemed that he was no different than the rest. He would use her until he no longer had any use for her and then cast her aside.
Except in this case, the pain of being abandoned was worse. Much worse. Because Penny loved Harry with all of her being and she doubted that would ever change.
So in the end, Penny could not be embarrassed about what she and Harry had done together because she had wanted him and, well, he might be the only man who would ever bed her. And Penny had wanted Harry with all of her body and soul. She still did. Because she still loved him, even now that she knew – or at least strongly suspected – that he did not love her in return. And therefore, she could not truly regret her actions. She could, however, regret that he did not care enough about her to plan for her future, too.
Though why she should have expected differently, Penny didn’t know. After all, Harry hadn’t made her any promises and she hadn’t asked for any, either.
They hadn’t even spoken about a potential future, actually. Only vague ideas that never seemed quite real. Mostly, she supposed, because neither of them had expected there might be a future together.
Even if that chance for a happily ever after together might have existed in her mind, it was clear to Penny that Harry hadn’t even considered the possibility of one. He didn’t love her and he didn’t want her. She had been a distraction for him, or, at worst, part of the game he was playing with her uncle so that he could protect Fullbridge. All of this had never really been about her. It had been about the duke.
Penny chided herself silently for not realizing that before now. Because she should have. She had been right not to trust Harry. It was only her stupid, foolish heart that had somehow managed to overrule her normally rational head.
Well, no longer.
Instead of waiting for Harry to emerge from his study, the Bloody Duke probably in tow, Penny decided that she would be better off hiding in her temporary chambers until it was time to depart for the ball. Some of the carriages that had arrived earlier had been carrying her things and she had heard someone whispering about smoke damage to Lord and Lady Radcliffe’s home as well as the need to move her to “a safer location,” at least according to Harry’s cook.
No one, not even Janie, had bothered to mention to Penny that her possessions, including the icy pink ball gown that she was supposed to wear this evening, had been brought to Harry’s home, even though she had clearly been able to see her trunks being brought in as she waited in the library. All Penny had been told was that if she needed to rest, she could use the guest room at the end of the hall for her needs. It was yet more confirmation that her usefulness to Harry and his friends was drawing to a close.
Penny was alone now and likely always would be. Her first instinct was to simply go to her room, curl up in a ball and cry. But she could not do that. Not if she wished to survive and move on with her life. She needed to be strong, just as she had been when she had been banished by her uncle to that final and most wretched boarding school just outside of Sharpe-on-Edgecombe. She had lived there in misery and isolation for several months, cut off from nearly everyone and everything she knew until her uncle finally decided how he might best use her in his plans for revenge against Lord Fullbridge.
Penny had survived all of that. She could survive again.
But first, a nap might be just the thing. For she was tired. So very, very tired. Right down to the core of her bones.
Only her plans for a nap vanished when she arrived at the door to her new chambers and found Eliza waiting for her.
“Your grace.” Penny somehow managed to gather her wits enough to drop down into a curtsey.
In response, Eliza rolled her eyes, reminding Penny just then very much of the Bloody Duke. “It is just Eliza, remember.”
Penny nodded. “My apologies. Eliza.”
The duchess offered a small smile. “Do not worry, my dear. I understand, or at least as much as one not in your situation possibly can. This is not a normal situation, either, but then I am hardly a normal duchess.”
“Well, you are far less proper than I imagined a duchess might be,” Penny confessed as she opened the door to her new chambers, deciding to avoid the guest room for now. “You and Julia both, actually.”
Eliza all but yanked Penny inside and shut the door firmly behind her. “Yes, well, we are hardly married to average dukes, though. Wouldn’t you agree?”
“I will grant you that.” Actually, Penny had discovered that amongst this particular circle of friends, none of them were as she expected. “Though you do not seem to mind.”
“Not at all.” Eliz
a took a seat in one of the two overstuffed and comfortable chairs that dominated the little room, shaking her head in disappointment as she looked around. “I really need to speak to Harry about the décor in here. It is truly abysmal, but then, this place lacks a woman’s touch, does it not?” She cast Penny a sly look. “Though I hope I am not wrong in assuming that will change soon?”
Penny had no idea what to say so she opted for some version of the truth. “I would not be so hopeful, Eliza.” Unable to keep still, she began to pace. “You know what took place this morning at Lord and Lady Radcliffe’s?”
“I do.” Eliza shook out the skirts of her scarlet red riding habit. “That is why I am here. Once Nick informed me that you had been relocated here, I wished to see you for myself. Make certain that you are well, for I imagine that was quite a fright, at least at first.” She chuckled. “I also wanted to make certain that my husband did not scare the living daylights out of you earlier, either. He told me about the blood on Lavinia’s carpets comment, so I am to apologize for that as well. I also know how he can be and he is rather good at terrifying people. Though he is mostly harmless, and I am in a position to know. I married him, after all.”
“Scare me?” Penny was utterly confused.
“Why, yes.” Now it was Eliza’s turn to be confused. “Didn’t Nick send anyone to tell you? You and Harry are the bait that will lure your uncle out at Frost’s ball this evening so that Nick and his friends might finally catch the earl and be done with this whole nasty business. That is, I would think, a bit of a frightening prospect given your history with your uncle.”
Biting her lip, Penny wondered how much she should reveal. Then she wondered why she should keep anything back at this point. This woman likely knew more about Penny’s fate than Penny did herself. “I, er, gathered that much. Sort of. But not really. Actually, not any of that.”
“Eavesdropping?” Eliza asked and Penny nodded, still a bit ashamed of herself. “Well, I can’t say that I recommend doing so, as it is extremely easy to misunderstand things, but then, this is a bachelor household and both Harry and Nick can be absolute dunderheads at times when it comes to keeping the ladies informed of their plans.” She sniffed. “Even if the ladies in question are integral to their plans.”
Penny seriously doubted that anyone other than the man’s wife could refer to the Bloody Duke as a “dunderhead” and get away with it. Then again, this whole social circle was very, very peculiar. Though also so very welcoming at the same time and she really did long to be a part of it. Even if that was unlikely at this point.
“So you know of this evening’s plans?” Penny certainly hoped someone around here did and would be willing to share those plans with her.
“I know enough.” Seemingly unable to sit still either, Eliza launched herself out of her chair and began to move about the room, doing things like inspecting the molding and fingering the wallpaper as if she was planning on redecorating.
Finally, Eliza turned back to Penny. “You and Harry have, well, not to put too fine of a point on things, my dear, but you have enraged your uncle with your recent behavior. To the point of near madness, actually. Lord Fullbridge only adds fuel to that particular fire.”
“Lord Fullbridge hasn’t been in London as of yet,” Penny reminded the other woman. “Last anyone knew, he was still in the country.”
“That is not what your uncle thinks, and as of today, he will be correct. But he wasn’t correct before.” Eliza rolled her eyes again. “Your Uncle Charles has it in his head, likely mostly due to my husband and his stupidly foolish machinations, that Phin has been in Town for a week or so now, and that you simply prefer Harry over the duke.”
“But I do prefer Harry! Very much so!” Penny protested. “I’ve never even met the duke! Nor do I want to, either, for I don’t think I’d like him very much!”
“Excellent.” Eliza’s smile just then matched the wickedness of her husband’s. “That is excellent news.”
Penny threw up her hands in frustration. Was everyone around here mad? “Is it?”
“Of course it is.” Eliza sounded far too certain about that for Penny’s liking, not to mention far too pleased with herself. “You love Harry. He loves you. That is all that is important just now.”
“I never said that I loved him.”
“You didn’t have to. It is plain for anyone to see.”
“He doesn’t love me. I know he doesn’t.”
This time, Eliza made a pish-ing sort of sound as she waved away Penny’s words. “I have known Harry Greer for a very long time, my dear, and you can take my word for it that I have never seen him make such a fool of himself with a woman as he has with you. He is utterly smitten and quite in love. I am certain of it.”
Penny wanted to say that the other woman was wrong, even though in her deepest of hearts, she desperately hoped that Eliza was right. Except that Penny couldn’t say anything because just then, everything seemed so very overwhelming and it took all she could do not to simply burst into tears again.
When Eliza still said nothing, allowing the silence to stretch on, Penny took a few more moments to collect herself, knowing that the duchess expected some sort of response from her.
She picked up her silver-backed hairbrush that had somehow appeared on this dressing table and clutched it to her like a shield. The brush, along with a matching mirror and comb, had been a birthday gift from her parents so very many years ago. Right now, they were also a source of comfort when Penny felt lost and adrift in a world she no longer understood. She wanted to cry again, but she wouldn’t. She needed to be strong, if not for anyone else, then for herself at the very least.
Somehow, Penny finally managed to find her voice. “So what do you suggest, Eliza?”
“I suggest you get dressed.” Just as she had done only the other day, but what now seemed like a lifetime ago, Eliza flung open the doors to the wardrobe that was housing Penny’s now-meager selection of clothing. “Is this all you have with you?”
“It was a rather sudden move,” Penny admitted ruefully. “And I had nothing to do with packing any of that, though the pink gown I was to wear this evening is downstairs being pressed at the moment. All of the rest simply appeared here about an hour ago by carriage and wagon. I assume the remainder of my things are still at Julia’s.” She gestured to the wardrobe which she now noticed didn’t contain even enough undergarments to properly prepare her for the ball that night.
Eliza reached over and gave the bell pull a hard yank. “Well, this will never do. Tonight, we need you sparkling like the diamond you are, my dear.”
As the duchess placed her hands upon Penny’s shoulders, for the first time since this entire mess had begun back in Cumbria, Penny didn’t feel quite as alone. She could not explain why for nothing much had changed. She was still in the same position she had been an hour ago – a pawn in a game she no longer understood, being moved about against her will and likely to be discarded when the game ended.
“Why are you doing this?” Penny hated that her voice cracked. “I am nothing to you.”
“Oh, my dear,” Eliza sighed as she drew Penny into her arms for a motherly sort of hug – the sort Penny had not had in a very long time. “Don’t you understand that you are not nothing? No one is nothing. Everyone is someone. Everyone, no matter how humble or poor, has value.”
“But you don’t know me.” Penny’s words were muffled by Eliza’s shoulder.
Pulling back, Eliza met Penny’s gaze and the honestly Penny saw in the other woman’s gaze was her undoing. She wasn’t accustomed to people not hiding their true selves from her.
“I know enough, my dear.” Eliza clutched Penny’s hands in her own. “I know that you deserve more from life than you have been given. I know that, despite the reasons why you first came to London, you are a good woman at heart. More than that, I know that despite what you say, you love Harry very much and he loves you just as deeply. And I want my friends to be happy.” She wiped a
t the single tear that Penny hadn’t been able to keep from sliding down her cheek. “And you make Harry happy, Penny. You make him human and I have not seen the human side of Harry Greer in a very, very long time.”
Penny sniffed. “I still think you are wrong.”
“I know you do.” Eliza pulled back as a knock sounded at the door. “But I am hopeful that by the end of this evening, you will come to believe that I am right.”
Penny hoped so as well, but she was not holding on to that hope too tightly. For she had hoped and been wrong far too often in the past. Those times, she had survived. This time? With her heart full of love for Harry? Penny was fairly certain that she would not. If Harry hurt her, it would most likely be the end of her.
Still, Penny felt as if she had to try. Because what if Eliza was right? Well, if she was, then the reward promised to be far greater than any heartbreak Penny would endure. Or so she hoped – and there was that word again. Hope.
However, just then, Penny had enough hope growing inside of her that she wished to try. She wanted to believe that all of her dreams would come true and that Harry really was her white knight, just as she had thought the first time they had met.
So Penny would put her trust in another person and believe. Just this one last time.
Chapter Nineteen
The glittering ballroom seemed to spin around Penny as she waltzed with Harry, making her just a bit dizzy once more. She had felt a bit lightheaded since leaving his town home earlier that day, but then, she hadn’t eaten much so that would likely explain why everything she looked at appeared to be moving in and out of focus.
Though what a lovely picture it created, in any case.
The Chillton’s London home was the very picture of elegance. The ballroom was done in a soft, muted reds and featured black, gold, a dash of bright yellow, some orange, hints of bright pink and sweeps of deep cream accents that gave it a vaguely Oriental air. Far Eastern-style floor vases were scattered about, and the wallpaper appeared to have tiny pagodas interwoven into the floral pattern that was made up of peonies, chrysanthemums, and orchids if one looked closely enough.
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