by Laura Howard
“Well, thank you. I hope everything turns out okay,” I said, looking down at the tips of my boots.
“How’s your mom, honey?” she asked, her expression turning concerned.
I smiled tightly. “As far as I know, she’s doing…better. She and my dad went back to work this past week, so that’s something.”
“This soon?” she asked, eyebrows slanting in. “Well. I mean, I didn’t expect…”
“I know, neither did I.” I turned toward the counter and reached up to grab the bottle of olive oil off the shelf. “But, that’s my mother for you. She’s going to do what she’s going to do.”
“And all you can do is give her your love and support,” Diane said in the perfect motherly tone. “My own mother was very stubborn, much like yours. Have I ever told you about her?”
I smiled and glanced over at her as I poured olive oil onto a pan. Noah’s mother had a way of defusing any subject and keeping things from getting awkward. I’d never met anyone with such a talent.
“A little,” I said, returning the oil to its rightful place. “Noah has told me about her.”
The timer went off for the mushrooms and I put on my new gingham oven mitts to take them out of the toaster oven.
“She was a special woman, my mother. A stony exterior with the heart of a lamb. Typical Irish widow, I suppose. It takes a certain kind of woman to raise seven children without a husband.”
I grimaced. “I can only imagine. I guess it would take a certain amount of grit to raise all those kids, even with a husband.”
Diane nodded. “Too right.”
Another knock at the door and Noah’s father, Al, walked in. He held a large paper bag in one arm and a bouquet of wildflowers in the other.
“Kate, my dear. So good to see you,” he said with an exaggerated flourish. He handed the paper bag to Noah and the flowers to me. “Beautiful flowers for a beautiful lady.”
“Wait, Dad,” Noah said in an amused tone. “You got me a six pack and a bottle of wine, now aren’t you going to tell me how beautiful I am?”
“Oh my boy,” Al said, winking at me. “That will have to wait until after the six pack.”
“Thanks a lot,” Noah said, accepting his father’s handshake turned hug. “Good to see you too, Dad.”
“And for the record,” Al said as he took his windbreaker off. “If you two break up again, we’re keeping Kate this time.”
“Yes!” Stephanie said, grinning at me. “I’ve missed you.”
I finished arranging the mushrooms on a glass serving dish and returned her smile. “Well, don’t worry. I’m not quite done with him yet,” I said, handing the mushrooms to Noah.
“Good to have you back, kiddo,” Al said. He planted a kiss on my forehead he made his way out to the living room, beer in hand. Noah grabbed a beer for himself before slinging an arm around his sister’s shoulders and leading her over to the couch.
“So how was your flight?” I asked, turning my attention to Diane. She leaned against the counter, gazing at the spot where her family had just stood.
“Not too bad,” she said as she turned to look at me. “Steph and I ordered a movie, so that helped pass the time quite nicely.”
“Oh, good. What did you watch?”
“It was Stephanie’s choice, but I ended up enjoying it.”
I smiled and placed the flowers into a plastic cup, making a mental note to get a vase as soon as possible.
“Well, anyway, it’s great to see you, Kate.”
I sucked in my top lip, hearing what she wasn’t saying. “You know, I’m sorry things were...messy while I was away.”
She narrowed her eyes at me. “Nonsense. Life has a way of getting difficult, but you’re here now. That’s what counts”
So she didn’t blame me for deserting Noah the way I’d thought she might. The relief was staggering.
“I guess,” I said, picking up the colander and shaking the excess water from the green beans.
“Do you feel like things are going well between the two of you?” she asked, and I looked up in surprise at her question.
I considered for a moment. “I do,” I said finally. “We’ve grown up a lot while we were apart. I like to think so, at least. And he’s really been there for me since Jack died.” I held my chin up, swallowing back the tears that threatened every time I said those words out loud.
“You have no idea how glad I am that you two have each other,” she said, rubbing my back. “I’m proud of you both.”
Everything was in place and I stood back to appreciate the look of Noah's family sitting around our little table.
Diane beamed up at me from her seat. “Oh, Kate. Everything looks beautiful, honey. I couldn't have done it better myself.”
I smiled, grateful for her kindness. As a doctor's wife, she entertained a lot. I'd been to several of her dinner parties, and while I knew I couldn't compare to the spread she put out, I was proud of my little dinner.
I took my place beside Noah, almost too nervous to eat. I couldn't stop watching the reactions of his family members as they ate. He caught my eye a few times and nudged my plate without drawing attention to me.
“So, what will Marcello offer you for vacation time?” Noah’s dad asked him.
Noah cleared his throat. “For the first year, it's one week paid. Pretty standard stuff. But the benefits package is what really stood out. Full medical, dental—it's fantastic.”
“Very nice,” Diane said, her eyes sparkling with pride.
“Did Noah tell you I'm applying at Saint Mary's?” Stephanie asked me.
I blinked and looked at Noah. His jaw tightened, but he didn't comment. He hadn't mentioned anything about Stephanie's college plans. She would be entering her senior year of high school in the fall, and I’d suspected she would choose to stay closer to her parents in Colorado.
“No, he didn't. Do you know what you want to major in?” I asked.
“Journalism. I think I'd like to be a travel journalist. Doesn't that sound so exciting?”
“Oh, wow,” I said, trying to gauge her parents' reaction. They both stared down at their plates, giving me the feeling they weren't thrilled with her plans. “Saint Mary's has been great, but what about the schools in Denver? I'm sure you could find a journalism program closer to home.”
Stephanie licked her lips and looked down. “I don't know. I really want to come back here, you know?”
I tried to meet Diane's eye, hoping for some guidance on how I should respond, but she kept her gaze on her plate. “Sure, but you still have plenty of time to decide.”
Al wiped his mouth with his napkin and pushed his chair out. “Well, Noah. Kate did a wonderful job making this dinner. What do you say I help you clean up?”
Noah glanced from his father to me, his face stretched into a grim smile. “Absolutely. Thanks, Dad.”
As soon as they left the living room/dining room, Diane threw her hands up. “I told you not to bring that up in front of your father for a while, Stephanie.”
Stephanie's eyes flashed and she raised her chin. “I don't understand why Daddy is so against me coming back here for school.”
“You need to give him time to get used to the idea,” Diane said, sighing.
I fidgeted in my seat, uncomfortable. “I can put on a pot of coffee, if you'd like,” I said, thinking it might be best for me to give them space to talk.
“Oh, no sweetheart. No coffee for me, thank you,” Diane said as she stood and stacked the dishes to carry them into the kitchen.
I watched her walk away before meeting Stephanie's gaze. “You okay?”
She shrugged, and a trace of a smile lifted one corner of her mouth. “I guess I should be glad Daddy doesn't want me to move so far away, right?”
“Your dad will come around, if you decide Saint Mary's is what you really want. Don't worry,” I said, wanting to be supportive without countermanding her parents.
She nodded and I wracked my brain for something t
o distract her. “If I'm not mistaken, there was a box of cupcakes in the kitchen. What do you say we sneak a couple while those guys clean up?”
Her eyes lit up at the mention of sweets. “Yes, I have missed the cupcakes from Hickey's so much!”
I smiled, relieved to have defused the tension for the moment. I couldn't bear to see Noah's family at odds. I wanted this visit to be happy for all of them.
The graduation ceremony was long and boring, and Stephanie and I cheered like wild women when it was over.
Noah's parents had reserved one of the function rooms at Monaghan's for a family get-together after the graduation.
I excused myself for a trip to the ladies’ room. Noah was deep in conversation with his Uncle Tom, but he gave me a brief smile of acknowledgment before I left the room.
The restrooms were just around the corner from the function room. As I was about to push the ladies room door open, someone called out my name.
“Katie Dolan.”
I tensed. Nobody called me Katie except my grandmother and occasionally my father. I balled my fists and turned to see who’d said my name. A sick feeling unfurled in the pit of my stomach when my suspicion was confirmed. It was Andrew Harris, whose voice I could have gone the rest of my life without hearing again.
“Andrew,” I said, refusing to meet his eyes.
“Who knew you’d grow up to be so hot?” he said, obviously drunk judging from the obnoxious slurring of his words.
When we were in high school, Andrew Harris had announced in front of a crowd of his groupies that I was pregnant. His mother had been in the waiting room when I went in for my first obstetrician appointment, and she hadn’t exactly seen fit to keep quiet about it.
“Who knew you’d grow up to be so bald?” I said.
“Ouch, Kate. Learn to take a compliment. I just meant you’re not as freaky as you were in high school.”
With that, I spun around and met his eyes. “Watch your mouth, asshat. I have the same charming personality.”
“Oooh, she still has claws,” Andrew said, laughing at his own joke.
Deciding the conversation was at an end, I started back toward the bathroom. Andrew grabbed my arm. “Oh, come on. I’m just messing with you. I’m sorry about what happened with Jack. Why don’t you come to the bar and let me buy you a drink?”
“Get your hand off of her,” Noah said, approaching us. He was so furious his voice shook.
“Oh, Christ,” Andrew groaned. “Don’t tell me you two are still together?”
“How about you do us all a favor and just walk away, Andrew?” I said, trying to get between the two guys. Noah’s hands were flexing and unflexing, not a good sign.
Andrew snorted. “Still letting your woman fight your battles for you, Hunter?” he said, ignoring me.
“Listen. I have to pee, we’re done here,” I said, trying to distract Noah, but Andrew was clearly not done.
“You might have gotten hot, but you were right about one thing. You’re still a bitch.”
Noah’s face turned a deep shade of red. “Don’t fucking talk to her like that.”
As if Noah hadn’t even spoken, Andrew sneered at me and headed back in the direction he’d come from. “Too bad you’re here with him, babe. We could have had some fun tonight.”
Noah strained against me, breathing heavily through his nose. But there was no way I was letting him get into a fight with that tool.
“As if that would ever happen,” I said without taking my eyes from Noah’s. He didn’t respond, but after a minute his breathing slowed and I thought it might be safe to leave him. “I’m going to the bathroom. I’ll just be a minute.”
He nodded and stormed into the men’s room without a word. A few minutes later I found him leaning against the wall outside the ladies room, his eyes fixed on the ceiling. When I put my hand on his arm, his gaze darted to me and then quickly away.
I followed as he made his way back to the party. He was quiet and subdued for the rest of the night. No one else seemed to notice the difference, but it was painfully obvious to me.
Once the majority of his extended family left, we stood chatting with his cousin Mark, who’d had a little too much to drink. His wife Lori looked like she was ready to fall asleep on her feet, but Mark kept talking about how glad he was that Noah and I were still together.
“I get the feeling it won’t be long before we’re watching you two walk down the aisle,” Mark said, nearly dumping the contents of his tumbler.
“All right, big guy,” Lori said, taking his drink out of his hand. “That’s enough for you, we need to get going so we can relieve the babysitter.”
“It was really good to see you,” I said, smiling at her apologetic expression.
Noah’s parents and sister were the only ones left in our group once Mark and Lori left. They helped us gather together the gifts people had brought for Noah and we all said goodnight. Noah was markedly silent on the short drive home.
“What’s wrong?” I asked. “You’re too quiet.”
He kept his eyes on the road. “Nothing.”
“Did I do something?”
“No, I’m fine,” he said, still avoiding my gaze. He pulled into his parking spot and we walked up to the apartment in silence.
As he loosened his tie, I sat at the kitchen table watching him. “I just want to know if you’re upset with me.”
“I said I’m fine. Let it go.”
I sighed. “Okay. But if you change your mind…”
“God, Kate. I thought you said you would leave me alone when I don’t feel like talking?”
I lifted my chin. “I said I was going to stop asking about the past, not that I would never be concerned about you again.”
“And I said I’m fine.”
I shook my head and started toward the bedroom. I couldn't believe that he'd still be so bothered by a few drunken insults from Andrew Harris. “Whatever. But you can’t have it both ways. If we’re going to leave the past behind us, you have to let it go, too.”
“You want to know what my problem is? Fine,” he said, following me. “What Andrew said bothered me. Does that make you feel better?”
“What, that I’m a bitch? I’m pretty sure you already knew that.”
“Not that part.”
“We both know that Andrew Harris is an idiot. That’s nothing new.”
“It’s what he implied. It got me thinking, about you and me and how I was before you left.”
“Wow, I can’t believe it takes running into Andrew freaking Harris to get you to talk to me.”
“Do you want me to tell you or not?” he asked from the doorway.
I held up my hands. “By all means.”
“I told you I was going through something…I guess I was depressed. Jack had this amazing opportunity for the future, and I was just going through the motions. I didn't know if I even wanted to be an architect, what if I'd been following Jack's dream instead of my own? I would lay awake at night thinking about you and how, like Jack, you were meant to go on to do great things. I wondered if I was holding you back, if maybe I’d always held you back.”
“What is that supposed to mean?” I asked.
“I’m not finished. Let me speak, woman.”
I looked down at my hands. “Sorry, go on.”
“Okay, answer a question for me. How did we get together in the first place?”
My eyes widened and I cocked my head to the side. “Is this a trick question?”
“Just answer it.”
“Because we…” I began, unsure where that would go.
“I’ll tell you how. We were each other’s firsts because of an experiment. It wasn’t something that was supposed to last. I know you didn’t intend for it to become anything more at the time. If I hadn’t gotten you…”
“Why does that matter?” I asked, effectively cutting him off. I honestly didn’t understand his point.
“Because I was supposed to be that old friend you w
ould remember when you looked back at your childhood. I was supposed to be that guy you and Jack would think about sometimes when you reminisced about being kids.”
“You’re forgetting something vitally important. Doesn’t it matter that I fell in love with you?”
“Of course it does. But I couldn’t help thinking that if you hadn’t gotten pregnant, you would’ve ended up with someone else.”
“No, Noah. I chose you. I was already in love with you when I found out I was pregnant.”
“Listen, I never said I was right. But that was what I was thinking in those days.”
“Well, then. It goes both ways, doesn’t it? I’m sorry you got stuck with me because you knocked me up,” I said, my voice laced with acid.
“You aren’t getting it,” he said, frustrated. “You aren’t hearing me. How could I not want you? I fell hopelessly in love with you the first time you let me touch you. But you? You’re like, this whole other solar system. Some people might think you’re too bright…maybe they can’t stand to look at you for fear of going blind, but I’ve always been pulled to you like a moth to a flame. Don’t you see it in the way I make love to you? How I can’t help but try to dominate you?”
I stared at him, open mouthed. But he wasn’t finished.
“You want to know why I’m always pulling the same old territorial bullshit? Because I need to know that you want me. That it’s not just because you got stuck with me. I need to feel like I’m your man.”
I wasn’t sure if I should laugh at his idiocy or cry over the fact that he still didn’t appear to realize what he meant to me. “After all this time, you still don’t know…”
As he stared at me, swallowing hard, my defenses snapped back into place. When he started to speak, I held up one hand.
“No. You’re a fucking idiot,” I said and stood up to leave the room.
“You aren’t leaving. Not now,” he said, reaching out to grab my arm a little too forcefully.
“Oh, yes, I am,” I said, attempting to shake my arm free. “I think we’ve said enough.” I needed some time to process this conversation. Time to think about what it really meant for me…for us.
