Which, he told himself as he restarted the car and headed back to Woodlands and the others, makes for an extra pretty kettle of fish all round!
Roger felt annoyed with himself. He felt that in some way he had let down Mrs. Crossman, although she gave no indication that these were her own sentiments. All the same, when she had asked him if he had discovered why Tansy insisted on proclaiming herself engaged to Garth when she knew their engagement was at an end, he could only say he had not been able to find out anything and that they hadn’t got around to that.
‘Not to worry, Mrs. Andy said cheerfully. ‘There are quite enough people around here keeping their worries to themselves, presenting a stiff upper lip to the world and generally carrying on as though all was well when they know perfectly well it’s just the opposite.’ He knew without being told that she was referring to Garth and Julie, but he could not say anything just then.
‘Take them both out for a drive, Roger,’ she suggested. ‘Maybe some change of scene might have the desired effect. They make me feel I want to bang their heads together,’ she joked. ‘I never have a great deal of sympathy with self-styled martyrs!’
‘I don’t think they are, really,’ Roger said seriously. ‘They—Garth, anyhow—just wants to do what is right.’
‘I once heard someone say “the road to hell is paved with good intentions”, and I didn’t agree,’ Mrs. Andy remarked crisply. ‘But I do think these good intentions of Garth’s and Julie are paving the way to untold misery for the pair of them, unless someone does something about it.’
‘Someone might,’ Roger said equally crisply, thinking that it was as well the old lady had not as yet realized there were now four people emotionally involved instead of three! She’d think me a complete nut case too, he told himself, then laughed at his own thoughts as he hurried off to obey her instructions and to take Julie and Garth on the promised trip to the coast.
‘Let’s not eat at an hotel or anywhere like that,’ Garth suggested when Roger talked with him. ‘I’ll ask Aunt Lavinia to have Cook pack another picnic basket as she did the other day, but for three this time. It’s much more fun, and the food tastes a good deal better out of doors on days like these.’
The suggestion was accepted by Julie and Roger with delight, and they spent an enjoyable day beside the sea, picnicking in a sheltered little cove with the sound of the breaking waves in their ears. Watching the other two, Roger knew Mrs. Andy was right, they seemed indeed made for each other, and when he returned to Woodlands that evening he asked her permission to use the telephone for a long-distance call and spent a long time talking to the producer of his film. When at last he had finished he came back to join the others, smiling with satisfaction.
‘I don’t know your fiancée,’ he said to Garth and wondered how he would explain that they had met when Tansy arrived for the weekend, ‘but I’ve had an idea. From what I’ve heard, she might be just the person we’re looking for to play the heroine in our next film. Would you mind?’ he asked Garth directly.
‘It wouldn’t be my business, would it?’ Garth answered briefly, but Roger had been quick to note the flash of relief which had swept over his face when he had made his suggestion.
‘I don’t know,’ he answered easily, ‘but I don’t want to tread on anyone’s toes by asking her to make a test.’ He made several other references to his ‘idea’ throughout the week, and by the time Tansy was due to arrive he was convinced that both Julie and Garth looked upon the possibility of a film career for Tansy as a possible means of escape from the fake engagement, but none of them made any direct reference of that nature. All day Friday Roger worried as to what explanation he could give when, as he knew she would, Tansy gave away the fact that they had already met, that he had called at her flat, as soon as she arrived. He need not have worried at all, he discovered later. Mrs. Andy had sent Julie and Garth to the village in the estate car just before Bailey drove up from the station with Tansy, and it was Mrs. Andy who managed to convey so discreetly that it would be better if Garth and Julie knew nothing of Roger’s visit to Tansy’s flat.
‘I don’t think Garth would be jealous,’ Tansy said outright. ‘But Julie may not like the idea of her brother visiting her patient’s fiancée. She’s as bad as Garth on matters of what one should do and should not do to do the right thing. I’m afraid I’m too impetuous for that,’ she confessed, endearing herself in some strange way still further to Roger by the naive confession. ‘Act first and think later is what applies to me.’
‘I’m a little that way myself at times,’ Roger confessed, ‘especially since this film-making racket started. I quite understand.’
‘You do, don’t you?’ Tansy shot a direct glance at him from under her fantastic eyelashes. ‘That’s what I like so much about you.’
‘That isn’t all you like, I hope?’ Roger had said the words before he really thought about them.
Tansy looked back at him, gravely and sincerely, suddenly sobered by the thoughts his words had evoked.
‘No,’ she said seriously, ‘that isn’t all I like about you. That isn’t even the half of it,’ and knew to her own surprise that she was speaking the perfect truth.
She considered Roger over the rim of her glass. He was all she had ever admired in a man, and he had the stimulating, exciting personality which she had dreamed of. And he believed her firmly engaged to and in love with Garth, dear kind Garth, who would no more dream of dashing off to Mexico than he would of building a house without windows or warmth.
I ought to have left my ring where it was, Tansy thought suddenly. If I told Garth the truth now, cleared that blank space in his memory for him, it may be no good after all. Roger Saxon isn’t the type of man who would think much of a girl who broke off her engagement with a man just recovering from an accident such as happened to Garth! And he’d wonder why I had felt I had to have my ring back. He doesn’t know me well enough to understand, not yet, but if he did I’m sure he’d know why I felt I had to get back to where we were...
‘Tansy,’ Roger said suddenly, startling her, ‘do you think you’ll be happy, living in Hyncaster all your life, watching Garth go off to the office or out to some site day after day, never being able to do the things you’re doing now, because it wouldn’t be the right thing, once you were his wife, or perhaps because you wouldn’t have time to make records, sing with the group ... all the rest of it?’
‘I ... don’t know,’ Tansy said slowly. ‘Yes, I do,’ she corrected herself before he had time to speak. ‘I know I shouldn’t be happy living that way, but I hope—hoped—Garth would want to come with me sometimes, when we get tours abroad.’
‘But he couldn’t, not and do his work here,’ Roger persisted, ‘and his work is his life to Garth. He wouldn’t want to live the way I do nowadays, and hope to go on doing, living out of a suitcase, seeing new places, meeting new people...’
They had been sitting on the veranda as they talked and just at that moment the estate car rounded the curve in the drive, Julie at the wheel, and there was no opportunity for further private conversation, but all through the weekend Roger’s words rang in Tansy’s ears, teasing her with their exciting promise.
‘Living from a suitcase, meeting new people, seeing strange places ... excitement...’ Wasn’t that what she had always wanted, longed for? Wasn’t that what she felt she was living for? And Saturday evening he had said something about a film test, something about the part of Wanda, whoever she may be, in his next book.
If I could get that part. Tansy’s thoughts ran on, maybe others would follow. They would, I know they would. I’d work as I’ve never worked before, and the training I did with the rep company would serve me in good stead, even though I expect I’d have a great deal to learn, playing to a camera instead of to a live audience. But it’s what I’ve always wanted, what I know I can do. Nothing would stop me working hard enough to get to the top ... especially if I had someone to whom it meant as much as it meant to me...
It was that I found fascinating—in the beginning, Tansy admitted to herself now, but how much more exciting to live as Roger was living. One might ride on the crest of the wave one minute and be down in the trough the next, but the moments on the crest made up for all the rest, she was sure of that now.
She was sitting on the wide window-seat in the drawing room as these thoughts ran through her mind. Mr. and Mrs. Crossman, Julie and Garth were playing bridge. Tansy did not play, the scoring worried her and she could never see through a game ... ‘I haven’t that kind of mind’, had been her excuse. Roger was not keen either. He had been listening to a travel talk on the radio and now it was ended. He switched off the set and came to sit beside her, careful not to disturb the players.
‘Penny for your thoughts, Tansy?’ he offered gently.
‘They’re not worth it,’ she answered pertly. ‘You can have them for nothing. I was wondering,’ she wrinkled her brow thoughtfully, ‘if I did manage to make such a good test fiat they offered me a part in that film you were telling me about, do you think I have it in me to work hard enough to ... get places? Real places, I mean.’
‘In films?’ Roger shot at her. ‘I’m sure of it. Merriman’s a good producer. He’d help you, groom you they call it. You’d do fine ... but it won’t be a comfortable film to make,’ he warned her. ‘Most of the location will be where I am now. Saves expense. You may not like the climate, the country, the people ... we have a number of the local population in as extras, crowd scenes and so on. You’d be working with a strange community...’
‘And loving every minute,’ Tansy said, and he knew she was speaking the truth. ‘I must get it, I must,’ she said suddenly and fiercely. ‘I want it so much, and I know I’d do well. If Garth doesn’t like it, that’s just too bad.’
She stole a quick glance at Roger to see how he was taking this, but Roger was having difficulty in controlling his own emotions just then. Abruptly he too knew she must get the part. He could not bear to say goodbye to her now. He looked across to where Julie and Garth sat at the bridge table. If this was what it was like for them, loving each other, wanting each other, longing to proclaim their love to the world and yet bound by an engagement which was so false as to be utterly wrong, then somehow he must make one or the other see this situation could not continue. He must tell Garth that he knew the full story and persuade the other man that the only thing left to do was to break with Tansy whether it hurt her pride or not.
I’ll make it up to her, Roger vowed to himself. I’ll be so proud of her myself she’ll never know her own pride’s been damaged at all—if it has or is! He rose suddenly, knocking out his pipe and holding out a hand to help Tansy to her feet.
‘Come and walk in the rose garden with me while they finish that rubber,’ he suggested. ‘ I feel I must have a breath of air,’ and neither of them was aware as she watched them go that Julie’s heart was weeping silently, wondering why her beloved brother should be complicating matters by a sudden and tremendous interest in Tansy Maitland instead of helping her, Julie, solve the emotional tangle she was in.
CHAPTER XII
Tansy left Woodlands late on Sunday evening. It was that or an early start Monday, as she was due to rehearse with the group just after lunch, and Tansy hated an early start. Julie watched her departure with mixed feelings, knowing that Garth was in the same state of emotional chaos as she was herself. He had tried very frequently throughout the weekend to talk to Tansy, not sure what he was going to say beyond a blunt ‘I’ve remembered everything that happened the night of the accident’ and thus give her a chance to make the break for herself, but the opportunity did not arise. All through the weekend Tansy had hovered around Roger. It was all too apparent that she was fascinated by him, by his way of life, by his achievements, as indeed she was, and when she left the house she was still unaware that Garth knew the truth of their engagement, and she was still wearing his ring on her finger.
‘I suppose you think me an emotional coward, Julie?’ Garth asked, as together they turned after seeing Tansy off.
Julie shook her head. ‘No,’ she said honestly. ‘It’s a very difficult situation. I don’t know what I would do in your place. Maybe a letter...’
‘No.’ Garth was decided on that point at any rate. ‘I must tell her face to face,’ he said decisively. ‘I must let her know, but I must give her a chance to explain at the same time.’
‘Then there’s nothing we can do but wait until next weekend,’ Julie sighed. ‘I had thought Roger might have been able to help...’
‘I don’t see how. He doesn’t know any of us well enough to be able to help, except for yourself,’ Garth said crisply. ‘No, this is something I must do myself, and not hide behind anyone else or behind any letter. I shall give her the chance to explain and to offer to break things off herself—as she had done before the trailer hit us—and I shall tell her why. That I love you, Julie.’ He turned suddenly and his left arm went about her, holding her in an awkward embrace. ‘Damn this plaster,’ he exclaimed irritably, finding some relief from the emotional tension in his little outburst. ‘If Greensmith doesn’t come and remove it soon I’ll take the thing off myself. I know how. I watched him do the left hand.’
‘He’ll be here tomorrow, or the day after,’ Julie consoled. ‘Don’t touch it, it isn’t worth risking anything now.’
‘I won’t.’ The left arm, now fully recovered and strong, drew her close. ‘You haven’t said it yet, Julie,’ Garth whispered. ‘I’ve told you that I love you, you know I want to marry you ... but you haven’t yet said you love me.’
‘I do,’ Julie whispered in return, ‘you know I do. I think we both knew it on the night of the Hospital Ball, if only we had had the sense to recognize what was happening to us.’
‘And none of this would ever have happened,’ Garth said softly. ‘Aunt Lavinia has a theory that everyone’s life is planned out for them and that what has to be will be and all that sort of thing. If her theory is right, I wonder why we aren’t given enough sense to recognize a thing as important as love when we meet it? Why should we be allowed to make mistakes, choose the wrong person for the wrong reasons, as I allowed myself to be flattered by Tansy’s interest?’
‘My mother used to say we all had a free will and that to exercise it and make the right or wrong decisions was part of God’s plan for us,’ Julie remembered slowly. ‘I don’t understand all these things, they’re a little out of my depth, but I do understand that we must put things right ... now. We both know to go on as we are doing is as unfair to Tansy as it is to ourselves...’
The telephone shrilled through the house at that moment and they drew apart as Edna came to tell Julie Mr. Greensmith was on the phone and would like to speak to her. Julie took the call in the study, and was a little shattered by Ian’s greeting.
‘Well, my dear,’ he began heartily, quite unlike the self-contained Ian she knew so well, ‘when is the happy day?’ It was only as he spoke the last three words that Julie realized the hearty joviality was false, that Ian, having been notified that Garth had recovered from his temporary loss of part of his memory, had put
matters to rights and had terminated his association with Tansy and was now all set for a marriage with Julie. This greeting was Ian’s way of dealing with that event without whining that he had lost.
‘I ...’ Suddenly the misery, the frustration, the anxiety of the past weekend swept over Julie like an overwhelming tide, and she felt the foolish tears rise in her throat, threatening to choke her.
‘Tansy doesn’t know,’ she managed with difficulty. ‘There hasn’t been an opportunity to tell her.’
‘Rubbish.’ This was the Ian she knew so well, all false heartiness gone now, crisp and decisive. ‘What do you mean, there hasn’t been an opportunity?’ he demanded. ‘All it needed was for Garth to tell her quietly that he had remembered everything that had happened on the night the trailer hit them, and Tansy’s own decency would have done the rest. She’s not a bad kid, and I believe she really would want to do what she knew to be the right thing.’
‘It’s difficult,’ Julie said, wondering why she felt so apologetic. ‘Roger is here, of course, and she’s spent most of the weekend with him. He thinks he may be able to get her a film test and probably a part in the film they’re going to make of the book he’s working on at present.’
‘I see.’ The two words were spoken so quietly, so deliberately, that Julie wondered if Ian, with his quick perception of human nature, really did see something important which had escaped herself and Garth. ‘We’ll talk about it tomorrow,’ he went on decisively. ‘I shall be there early, and I’m taking the plaster off Garth’s right hand in the morning. He’ll be as fit as he ever was by the time he has exercised that for a week or so, I’ll guarantee.’
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