“I found myself in a city made by men and being accosted by some person in a blue suit. He waved a weapon in my face, so I took it and beat him senseless with it.”
“You mean a police officer?” Stacy moved away for a moment, then leaned back against the woman. She ignored the motion, as if Stacy’s brief rejection didn’t matter.
That, too, reminded me of Roy. All purpose of action without any extra motions.
“They were arrogant and demanding. It annoyed me. More showed up. Then more. Then eventually they hit me with an electric device and I woke up here.” She didn’t actually answer the question about who she beat up, just people in blue clothes. It had probably been police.
“You never told me that, Debbie.”
“I have told you I don’t like pet names. It’s Deborah.” The hard-muscled woman didn’t look like a Deborah or Debbie. “And you never asked.”
Brand rolled her eyes with pure teenage annoyance. “And you’re, whatever he is? The same sort of creature?”
Deborah didn’t respond. She didn’t uncross her arms and stared off into the tree line.
We’d stayed by the river. Apparently they were secure enough in their ability to fight off vampires lurking in the night. I’d spent dozens, hundreds of nights in the woods like this.
An image hit me. Meeting a woman made from a tree. She’d moved slowly with inhuman eyes. She’d been deemed safe enough and brought back to Bottom Pit. Her tree relocated with her. What good did this knowledge do me now? None at all. It was simply another piece of history to sort into a pile for later.
By the time my mind pulled out of it, Leo had started stomping around our fire pit after apparently hitting critical mass. “Sure, even if she is like me. Or purer, or whatever, how does that balance out?”
“If you had less discipline, you’d be a wreck. Even as a half blood,” Deborah snarled. “Eventually even a coward like you will be the first to sign up for a battle. You’ll fight, if you want to or not. But you’ll be stronger as the Ogray’s nature overpowers your weaker human side.”
“I know how it works,” Leo snapped at her. “But why? How is that balanced?”
Stacy shrugged. “Wolves have anger issues too. Or just women. I mean, no girls grow up wanting to be pack. That means surviving the change and putting up with the mental alterations. I mean, if all you want to do is fight, then whatever.”
Leo tapped himself on the chest. “But I didn’t ask for it. I didn’t grow up wanting to change races. At least you got a choice.” The teen’s words were downright venomous.
“The only one here who got a choice is her.” Agent Brand pointed to Stacy, then to me. “And maybe him. I guess. I don’t know what his deal is either, but I doubt he volunteered for it.”
“Oh yeah. Balance, right? That’s what you said? It all evens out? So I get strong or whatever. Maybe I’ll play football, but I don’t want to be like my dad, searching for opponents to fight every weekend. He sits down in front of a computer, searching for fighters to challenge. Just spending hours watching videos and grunting about how no one is strong enough.”
The teen grunted a few times in demonstration. It was clear Leo really didn’t like fighting as much as the rest of his family did. Hell, even Roy with all his discipline relished combat. He treated it like fuel for his existence.
“Then there’s Uncle Jay.” He used air quotes when saying my name. “Toughest fighter in the Sector. Takes on me and my brothers, beats us senseless. And we’ve been trained to fight hand to hand since we were old enough to walk.” His lips quivered and voice broke.
“Then he asks for more. Demands it. Takes on my grandpa, dad, and Nick like it’s not enough. Three men who’ve got a hundred years of practice between them. Then he breathes fucking fire everywhere. And that’s not even his final form.” Leo closed his eyes and I could feel the small tremor pass through him.
“How in the gods name is any of that balanced or fair? How?”
He stopped, deflated. His breath steamed in the cooling night air. Wind shifted and blew smoke behind him.
“I’m sure he’s got something. What’s your deal, Jay?” Agent Brand asked me.
Leo shook his head. “He won’t tell you. He never tells any of us about himself.”
“How long have you known him?” Brand followed up.
“Since I was a kid. He grew up with my dad. Even Dad doesn’t know everything. Grandpa knew more but they won’t tell us. Hell, even that Hunter, Daniel. He knows stuff and orders my dad around. But no one will share his”—he cast a dismissive gesture in my direction— “big secrets. They tell me to keep him safe. That Uncle Jay is weak right now. That he may not be able to think straight.”
“That’s stupid,” Agent Brand said. She paused and frowned while staring up at the sky. Apparently thoughts had occurred to her, such as perhaps Muni messing with me.
Leo shrugged, a mockery of my own typical indifferent response. His cheeks tightened and hands balled. I’d seen the look before, of a man who wanted to punch me but couldn’t bring himself to start a real fight.
What should I say to that? As his “uncle” and Roy’s sort of brother? I couldn’t figure out how one guided a child. I’d never had my own or understood anything about them.
“Everything has a price,” I said quietly.
For all my strength, it wasn’t enough to simply waltz through life. There, among all the crap floating around in my head these last few months, was even more advice from my father. I still couldn’t remember the man, or large leathery lizard, himself, but his words were a constant.
Beware love, for love of others becomes sacrifice.
Beware arrogance, for arrogance leads to death.
Beware heroism, the Gods gave this lethal gift to man.
I knew I wasn’t a hero. That was a gift reserved for people like Daniel. Mortals who fought monsters. I’d known, somewhere in the recesses of my imprinted memories, his abilities were a gift from the Gods. Daniel himself had told me once before, so it wasn’t new.
Those were my weaknesses. Women and family. My own stupid pride. Hunters. Foolhardy arrogance and self-sacrifice for love were both faults which I’d indulged in too many times to count.
Hell, I sat on an island, when it would have been simple enough to escape and find a hole to live in forever. Yet, I couldn’t bring myself to even consider the thought of running away. Even during my memory suppressed years I’d still gravitated toward keeping my mishmash family safe.
“Everything,” I repeated.
18
No More Sacrifice
They kept talking. I put my non-committal attitude up front like a wall. Deborah at least managed to let Stacy close to her. I had no one, and nothing.
It bothered me. Not enough to do anything. I missed having someone to rely on, not a friend like Daniel or Julianne, but someone who had a physical connection.
And, as screwed up as it was, I missed Kahina. It didn’t matter that I’d chosen to leave her, twice, in a terribly fucked up manner. It’d been around a year since we separated. It wasn’t her, exactly, that I missed, it was the connection.
Or more specifically, I actually felt comfortable talking to her. None of these people near me fit into the extremely narrow circle of trust. None of them. Julianne had, but her girlfriend and potential life partner, Stacy, didn’t. Daniel had, but Daniel had to distance himself to make this stupid plan work.
Beware love, for love of others becomes sacrifice.
I’d given up years of my life in order to stay hidden. By doing so, those I cared for were able to survive longer. The problem with our entire game, the Order, Western Sector, us Hidden, is we were trying to stay out of the news.
What you claim defines you.
I’d claimed a lot of people. It wasn’t that a perceived ownership directly fueled my powers. They formed connections. Those links, the cords of energy my other side pulled on, changed us both.
What I claimed, became altered. Th
at’s why so few people or items were brought close. Instinct let me know there were fine lines between an outer circle of belongings, and those directly attached to me.
Worse, the change wasn’t one way. It went both directions, especially with people. I’d never be the same as they could never be the same. Keeper, Kahina’s vampire sponsor, had talked about purity. Kahina had been able to kill Night Shades by reaching into a wall. The memory had almost faded, but her pillar and a few others had a thread of scales through them. Had that been tied to me having scales in the other form?
I’d changed her. Even if our time together was done, she’d also left a mark on me. Much different than the life I’d been living before her.
I’d changed Tal and Roy as well. They knew more of their tribe than ever. They’d started forming a group instead of being scattered. Had their true natures been altered as well? Were they less bestial than their forefathers because of me, or because of the modern times?
And what the hell was an Ogray whatever?
I glanced across the fire pit at Deborah. She cupped her hands in front of her and faced the moon. What that position helped her do, I didn’t know. The sight certainly distracted me, not from an attraction point of view, but from admiration of form.
Deborah, wherever she’d been before Atlas, had clearly worked her ass off to get muscles which popped in such a fashion. It wasn’t even like I cared about her specifically. She represented hope for Leo’s race, not mine. She didn’t look like the type to be wooed by any man. I assumed she’d need to be bested in one on one combat over and over to even get on board.
There were examples of my personal belongings changing their nature too. They were stronger. Such as the sword which cut through thick armor with ease. Or the shield deflecting bullets.
Daniel and I had been really close, could he have changed to? Would he be a super hunter? Could he have been brainwashed to support me?
My lips quirked. At least Daniel, Leo, and Stacy, had others to guide them and shape their expectations. Even Agent Brand had lived with her condition and had it passed down from a relative. She knew what to expect.
I had voices in my head. They were mildly useful and I could finally focus on specific problems to sort out. At least out here my head could almost think clearly. It was the air. It didn’t feel recycled. They were talking, but not aggressively at me. Even Agent Brand looked downright relaxed.
So, I started through a long list of questions that had been building up.
Did every one of my race have gifts of the elements? I believed we did. Did we all have memories passed down from our fathers? Mine had come from a long chain of them, passed back at least four generations. Were there memories from a mother? None I could recall. Females weren’t mentioned much in any of the mantras of flashes of a past that didn’t fit.
Then a question stumped me. Were there any others of my kind in this version of reality? Was I alone? Daniel stated the last of my race had been killed by Hunters nearly seven hundred years ago, by a knight named George. They’d had a name, but it had been burned to cinders in the ongoing Shadow War. Apparently keeping records had been a pain in the ass before the internet.
It was getting easier to sort through specific bits of knowledge. Making the night better. I had to pretend we were friends on a campout under the stars.
“So what are we going to do?” Leo asked.
I jumped because I hadn’t realized the young man had gotten so close. My tactile senses and general awareness were messed up after arranging memories.
Leo sat next to me, with his gaze fixated on Deborah’s rear. Stacy stood and intercepted the line of sight. I smiled weakly and shook my head. Stacy wasn’t any better, since she’d been fixated on Agent Brand. Brand was asleep next to the fire. A few stray sparks would catch her shirt on fire.
“We can’t stay here forever. Those two have broken more than a few people’s arms, and the vampires spend more time finding places to hide than hunting. From what I can tell they’re terrified wolves will find them during the day. Even the burnouts.”
Leo had practically exploded about me earlier, but here he sat, babbling away like feeding me information would somehow result in a magic answer.
“We could too. It’s not hard. Vampire scent sticks around like bleach.” Stacy sniffed, then yawned.
I felt tired too. Sleep could be fought off by accessing other energies. Hiding my abilities wouldn’t matter out here. What would Hunters do, storm out here and chase me instead of the giant ugly sea serpent sanctioned to eat people? That’d be fantastic.
The word fantastic triggered thoughts of Boss Wylde. She loved the phrase with an abnormal fascination. Her first name wasn’t Boss, of course. That’d be silly. Her proper name was Lacey Wylde.
I stared into the fire between us all. Only it wasn’t fire anymore. It was her. Red hair, freckles, and a body dancing like flame. If flames had a human body that danced and enticed the eye, it would be Wylde. Fire incarnate. She made Brand’s transformation look like a part time job.
“Do you know how hard it is to find a man who can take the heat?” she asked me.
My toes burned pleasantly as they dug into embers. Someone far away grunted in confusion. Fire didn’t bother me. I loved it. To me, the heat was an expression of all the primal emotions.
“No,” I answered honestly.
It wasn’t that I felt clueless. It was Wylde, which was a name far more suitable for her than Lacey, slowly removed her top while asking me the question. Thinking coherently went right out the window.
My eyebrows bunched as the impossibility registered. She wasn’t here. Not in the woods. That bit of dancing flame wore less than any modest woman might, belonged to an illusion of flame.
Or did it?
“Jay,” the fire whispered. It grew a solid foot in height and the color deep inside changed.
I tilted my head and wrinkled my forehead. Nothing else happened. I sat there huffing at the fire pit. Stacy dropped in a new piece of wood and the fire slowly engulfed its new fuel. She checked the pit’s edges and shoved back in some ash and pulled out other clumps.
“Would you believe being a wolf is really useful out here? We have to know how to camp when we’re working with new pack members. I kind of miss those days.” Stacy walked to the edge of the pit and sat. “Julianne and I used to talk about finding a reservation and going out. Just the two of us.”
“You are very talkative,” Deborah said.
Stacy bunched tightly and cast her eyes down. For a moment she reminded me of the mousy clothed woman she used to be. Then she righted her shoulders and stared straight ahead.
“I haven’t had a chance to just… talk about it. With anyone. Not those counselors they had at the jail. Not my pack. Not even Thomas.”
That made sense.
Who had I talked to about my problems? Stacy at least had the bravery to talk aloud about her problems. I simply bottled mine and pretended they didn’t exist. Liquor had only done so much. Having false memories gave me time but never actually addressed the problem.
That guard had said I could try to put in hours with counselors as part of the rehabilitation process. I hadn’t. Leo had said I never told anyone about my past. I had, and Daniel was missing in action, Kahina had her memories removed to keep her safe, and Julianne was dead.
Talking about my past fucked people up. There was no kinder way to state it. I resolved to keep my new memories secret, even from those who knew parts of it. Even if Muni and Daniel knew too much, I’d be extra careful.
Stacy talked softly of the things she wished she had done with Julianne. She complained about Julianne never taking breaks to go on weekend getaways. There was some resentment. Stacy implied, in words I didn’t fully register, that Julianne had been keeping ownership of the bar for me.
I cast my eyes back to the fire and stopped looking across its haze to the other people. Once again my choices had screwed up others.
“And all he say
s is that everything has a price,” Stacy finished with a snort.
“He’s not wrong,” Deborah said.
“I didn’t say he’s wrong. I’ve come to terms with Jay’s fuckups. Even Thomas agrees. But it’s like vampires with mental patients. Or wolves with their wilder pack members, it’s a soft spot. We love them, but they’re dangerous.”
Despite looking away, my other senses still picked up too much. Stacy’s lips tightened and Deborah shifted. Leo stood, facing the woods. His head cocked to one side so he could hear us as he kept watch.
“I don’t like it either,” I abruptly said. The others stilled for a moment, even the normally steady Deborah. I swallowed and continued, skirting my past but at least trying to air some feelings, “Brand said it. I’m not normal. You saw me flying overhead, right?” I didn’t look up but felt Stacy roll her eyes and Leo nod. Brand snored by the fire.
“So, imagine being that. I don’t even have a name for it. There’s no one else like me that I’ve found, and I’ve looked. The only other person I knew of is gone. I can’t find her—” I clammed up for a second and took a deep breath. Despite my earlier resolution and keeping my past quiet, I’d almost slipped.
They were lucky I’d recently transformed. Doing so often left me calmer after the fact. Almost like the sedation they’d used on me during the first day.
“But everything I’ve done, has been for the peace. Just like a sector agent. Unofficially. A hidden monster to fight others. Leo could tell you what I’ve done. Daniel could too. Julianne could have, maybe she did. I don’t know what you two talked about while I was gone.” In truth, I didn’t care. Julianne couldn’t have explained everything to Stacy, or else her entire pack would know.
They didn’t. Julianne’s grandfather might. I didn’t have time to search out those memories and triggering them in a rush was getting thankfully harder.
“Brand, wake up.” I toed her lightly. She grumbled, swatted my foot, and stayed sleeping.
I could shout and shake her violently, but the thin girl had already proven violent and unstable. Letting her sleep might be better.
Prince in the Tower (Royal Scales Book 4) Page 28
