Parker's Island

by Kimberly Schwartzmiller

  The nurse came back in then and soon I was being filled with warm fluid and some medication to stop the nausea and vomiting. After about two full hours of being hooked up to the IV, I finally had to go to the bathroom. I gave the nurse a sample and she came back and said, “You’re still pretty dehydrated. We need to keep giving you fluids until your urine is clear.”

  Finally, another hour passed and my urine was evidently clear enough for me to be able to leave. I had to admit, I felt better than I had in weeks. Dr. Branson told me my due date was March 20, and gave me a book on things to expect during my pregnancy. I was to come back in a week for an ultrasound or immediately if I was feeling ill again.

  I thanked him and said I would do what he said. Logan shook his hand, grateful that I was feeling better. I breathed a huge sigh of relief when I finally got back into the car.

  “Was it really that bad?” Logan asked, responding to my sigh.

  “No, but only because you were there. Thank you. I’m such a baby. You were right. I didn’t want to face it.”

  “I know, and I don’t blame you. You handled it all very well. I don’t think I would have been that brave,” he said.

  “Brave? I’m a coward. I would have run screaming if it wasn’t for you.”

  “That’s not true. You’ve been through a lot, and you’re much stronger than you think.”

  “I’m sorry about…you know the whole exam thing.”

  “I just didn’t know what you wanted me to do. I didn’t want to embarrass you.”

  “I wasn’t embarrassed in front of you, even if you were.”

  “I was just…uncomfortable.”

  “I noticed. I’ve never understood a man’s fascination with breasts.”

  “Hmm, maybe it’s because we don’t have them,” he grinned.

  I rolled my eyes at him, “Actually, they’re just kind of annoying. You’re not missing anything.”

  “I saw exactly what I was missing…they’re beautiful, you’re beautiful. I’m regretting my decision to keep my hands to myself more and more, so let’s just drop it.”

  “I told you it was okay.”

  “No. It wasn’t,” he said, and then started the car.

  He took me out to dinner and I actually felt like eating. I was hungry and it felt great. I ate until I was stuffed full, then I ordered a piece of pie for dessert. When I was finally satiated, we headed back to the house. “Would you like some ice cream or something before we head home? Although I don’t know where you’d put it,” he asked, happy to see that I was feeling better.

  I was having such a nice time with him during dinner. My problems had just seemed to vanish until I heard him say the word ‘home’. I wasn’t home, I knew that. But it felt so good and so easy to pretend that this was our life and that I was carrying his baby that the word ‘home’ hit me hard.

  “This isn’t my home Logan, I know that. Someday I have to go back and face the consequences.”

  “Yes, you will have to go back and make peace with…everyone. But, this is your home for as long as you want it.” He stopped at a light, turned to me and said, “I want you to stay. I’ll never ask you to leave again.”

  I smiled at him and then looked out the window, lost in my own thoughts. If only things were that simple. But we both knew they weren’t.

  That night, I lied in bed, waiting for the nausea to send me running back to the bathroom, but it never came. I closed my eyes and thought of Logan in the room down the hall. His face was the last face I saw before I drifted off to sleep. But his face wasn’t what I saw when I sat up in bed screaming a few hours later. I was breathing hard and shaking. I wasn’t sure it was a nightmare at first. I looked around, trying to focus on where I was, when Logan ran into the room, “Delaney? Are you okay? Are you hurt, or the baby?”

  “No. I’m fine. It was just a bad dream. I’m sorry I woke you,” I said, not really remembering much of the dream, but shaken nonetheless.

  “You scared me half to death. Oh, well, I guess if you’re sure you’re okay, I’ll let you go back to sleep.”

  “No. I don’t want to sleep now,” I said, still frightened by the image from my dream.

  “It’s 4:00 am. What do you want to do?”

  I knew exactly what I wanted to do, but since that wasn’t an option, I asked him if he wanted a peanut butter and jelly sandwich.

  “It’s 4:00 am,” he repeated.

  “Anytime is the right time for a PB &J!”

  “Don’t take this wrong, but I can’t believe you could even be hungry after what you ate for dinner.”

  “That was hours ago. Dr. Branson told me I’d feel better. He was right.”

  “Okay, come on. You’re not going to add pickles to it, are you? I’m not sure I could watch you eat that.”

  “Pickles! Yuck! I was thinking more on the lines of bacon!” I grinned at him, having already left the nightmare behind.

  “Oh, that’s much better,” he said and rolled his eyes.

  Chapter Eight: Room to Grow

  As the weeks passed, Logan and I fell into a wonderful routine. If it weren’t for the circumstances, my life would be perfect. But, there were circumstances, and my circumstance was becoming increasingly difficult to hide.

  I stood in front of the mirror, turning this way and that and noted how I seemed to have blossomed overnight. I was so sick during the first three and a half months of my pregnancy that I hadn’t gained an ounce of weight. In fact, I had lost about 15 pounds. Now, I was making up for lost time and Logan was feeding me far too well. I had gained seven pounds when I weighed in at my next appointment at Dr. Branson’s office.

  “Seven pounds in a little over a week? That’s terrible,” I said, staring unbelievingly at the scale.

  “Delaney, you were very dehydrated when you first came here. A lot of it is fluid. You have to remember that you need to gain weight to have a healthy baby. I assure you, you haven’t gained too much. Actually you are still under-weight,” Dr. Branson said at my next prenatal appointment.

  “If you say so,” I said, suddenly feeling very uncomfortable in my jeans.”

  “Today, we’re going to do an ultrasound. If we can tell, would you like to know the sex of the baby?”

  I looked over at Logan and he raised his eyebrows as if to say it was up to me. “No. I don’t think so,” I said, not wanting to give anymore validity to the fact that I was actually carrying a human life than I had to.

  I climbed up onto the table and Dr. Branson exposed my belly, which was no longer flat at 20 weeks. “You’re half way there now. Are you getting excited?” he asked, while readying the machine.

  “Um, yes,” I lied.

  “Do you have names picked out yet?” he asked, and I turned to Logan.

  “No. Not yet. We’re still deciding,” Logan said, and then took my hand.

  Dr. Branson squeezed a big glob of warm goo on my belly and then he was pointing at the screen, “There’s your baby’s heartbeat. Can you see it? It looks perfect; good and strong.”

  Logan and I were mesmerized by the screen. There, right in front of us was a tiny little beating heart and it was growing inside of me. He held my hand and we watched the heart beat together. Dr. Branson pointed out the baby’s head, arms, and legs. I was shocked at how I was feeling, and I noticed Logan couldn’t look away from the monitor. “Are you sure you don’t want to know the sex of the baby?” Dr. Branson asked, obviously having discovered the answer.

  “Yes, I want to know!” I said, suddenly needing to know if this was a boy or a girl.

  “Logan, do you want to know?” he asked, not wanting to give anything away prematurely.

  “Yes,” he whispered, still mesmerized by the tiny beating heart.

  “Well, I think you two had better paint the baby’s room pink.”

  “A girl?” Logan asked.

  “Yes, she’s definitely a girl.” he grinned and turned off the machine. We were both speechless for a few minutes. “Okay, you se
em to be doing much better now, so I don’t need to see you for a month this time; unless you have any concerns, then you should come in sooner.” He handed us a picture of the baby and left the room.

  I sat up and stared at the picture. If it wasn’t real before, it was now. “She’s beautiful, just like her mother,” Logan said, looking at the picture with me.

  I didn’t know what to say. I wanted to be excited. I wanted to be happy. I wanted the baby to be Logan’s. “Thank you,” I said, and hopped off the table and tried to button the top of my jeans.

  “Maybe we should buy you some new clothes today,” he said, seeing my difficulty.

  “No, it’s fine.”

  “Delaney, you need to be able to breathe.”

  “I can breathe just fine!” I said, irritated that I couldn’t button my jeans. Finally I just pulled my shirt down over my belly and said, “Let’s go!” I wasn’t sure, but I thought I saw Logan laughing at me out of the corner of my eye.

  “I didn’t mean to laugh at you,” Logan said, as we were taking our daily walk along the beach. “You’re not fat, Delaney; it’s all baby. You do realize you’re going to get bigger though, right? You’re only half way there. You still have 20 weeks to go.”

  “Yes, but I don’t have to like it,” I said, irritated at the weight gain and the fact that Logan had laughed at me, even though I knew I was being ridiculous. Of course I had to gain more weight, but I refused to gain more than I absolutely had to.

  He smiled and put his arm around my shoulder. “You’re beautiful,” he said, trying to get back into my good graces.

  “I don’t feel beautiful.”

  “Trust me, you are!”

  “Why are you so good to me?”

  “Because I love you,” he said, and then added, “Delaney, I think we need to talk about what you want to do about the baby.”

  “I don’t know. I think maybe I should give it...her, up for adoption. I don’t think I could handle looking at her, knowing…”

  “Are you sure you want to do that?”

  “Yes. She’ll be better off. There are hundreds of couples that can give her a wonderful home,” I said, and then changed the subject. “What would you like for dinner tonight?” I asked, suddenly realizing I was hungry…again.

  “Anything is fine. We can go out, if you want.”

  “No, I like cooking for you. It makes me feel useful.”

  “You are useful. But, you only have one job, and that’s to rest and take care of yourself.”

  “I am rested. I feel so much better.”

  “You do look…radiant,” he said, stopping in front of me.

  “How do you do that?” I asked.

  “Do what?”

  “Make my heart race like that.”

  “I thought it was just mine,” he said, looking at me like he wanted to kiss me. I wanted him to, desperately. I knew it was wrong, so I started walking again.

  “Delaney, you’ve been here a while now. Don’t you think you should call your parents and Molly and tell them you’re okay? I’m sure they’re all very worried…and what about Brian?”

  “I don’t know what I would say. I’m supposed to be in Belize on a Mission. How would I explain the island phone number?”

  “You can use a cell phone, a disposable one, and then they won’t know.”

  “I’ll think about it.”

  “Okay, but I think you should. I know you’ll feel better if you do.”

  “Can I ask you something?” I said.

  “Anything.”

  “Something you said a few weeks ago keeps running through my mind. You told me that you saw me and Brian on my porch.”

  “Yes.”

  “When?”

  “A few weeks before you showed up here.”

  It was him. I should have run after him, I thought to myself. “What were you doing there?”

  “I wanted to see you. I was coming to tell you that I was a fool for sending you away and to beg you to wait for me.”

  “I saw you from my bedroom window, but you were talking to my neighbor and then you just drove off,” I said, remembering how excited I was to see his car.

  “Your neighbor just asked about my car. I didn’t know her. I saw you and Brian together. You looked happy. I didn’t want to ruin that for you. I couldn’t ask you to give that happiness up just so you could wait around for me.”

  “You didn’t think I would? I would have. I would have waited forever. I will wait forever. My heart dropped when you drove away. I loved you. Didn’t you know that?”

  “Yes. That’s why I came back for you. But it was still wrong to ask you to wait.”

  “You saw through me, too. I thought I was hiding it so well.”

  “Hiding what?”

  “How I felt about you. I’m not surprised you could read my face so easily. Obviously everyone else could,” I said, remembering what Brian had told me.

  He smiled.

  “What?” I asked.

  “It wasn’t just your face that I read,” he said, and pulled his wallet out of his back pocket.

  “What do you mean?”

  He handed me a piece of paper that had obviously been folded and re-folded many times. I unfolded the white notebook paper and took a deep breath. I remembered it well:

  Logan always turns his homework in on time.

  Logan is the smartest guy I know.

  Logan has a beautiful smile.

  Logan has the most beautiful eyes and lips.

  Logan is perfect.

  Logan, I love you.

  “I wondered where that went. I told you I had a lot of nice things to say about you,” I said, blushing.

  “Don’t be embarrassed. This piece of paper has gotten me through a lot. I read it all the time. That’s one of the reasons I went back to get you. That wasn’t the first time I went back for you, but you were always with Brian. I figured you’d moved on. I almost begged you to come with me that last time. But, when I saw you two…kissing, I knew I couldn’t stand in your way. You looked so happy.”

  “I was happy; as happy as I could be…without you.”

  That night I made another one of Christine’s recipes. It was Chicken Cordon Bleu. It reminded me of my first dinner at Brian’s house.

  “Dinner is wonderful. What are you thinking about?” Logan asked, looking at me curiously.

  “When I showed up at your doorstep, I told myself that no matter what you asked me, I would answer you truthfully. I was so tired of lying to everyone.”

  “Thank you…” he said, knowing this must be heading somewhere.

  “I was thinking about Brian. His mother served this the first night I had dinner with his family.”

  “You miss him?”

  “Yes, sometimes. But it’s not just him. I miss Christine, too. She was so good to me. I crushed Brian that day and I know that she’ll never forgive me for hurting her son.”

  “She would if she knew the truth. Delaney, this is not your fault! Chad’s the Bastard that…”

  “I know. I don’t want to talk about that now…or ever. I told you that I wouldn’t lie to you. So will you tell me the truth about something?”

  “I haven’t ever lied to you, Delaney.”

  “I know that. I didn’t mean to imply that you did. But you may not want to answer this, and I need to know.”

  “I promise.”

  “Did you…fix Ch…his transcripts and have the steroids planted in his locker?”

  “Yes.”

  “Thank you for being honest.”

  “I have something for you,” he said, and left the room for a moment. When he returned a moment later, he said, “I wasn’t sure how to give this to you without you finding out that I knew, so I just held on to it.”

  He handed me a box, and when I opened it, I was thrilled. “Oh, thank you,” I said, the tears starting again. He handed me the missing diamond earring that my parents had given me for graduation.

  “How did you…?
”

  “It doesn’t matter. But let’s just say that Chad won’t be keeping mementos or bothering anyone, ever again.”

  “You confronted him?” I asked, mortified.

  “Do you really want to know?” he asked, with a look that said he was sure that I didn’t.

  “No,” I suddenly felt a chill run down my back and I knew then that I didn’t want to be on the bad side of Logan Barnett.

  “Good. Then how about I clean up the kitchen and you go call your parents?” he said, and then handed me a disposable cell phone.

  “You can be very persuasive. Do you know that?” I asked, grinning up at him.

  “Good, then promise me that you’ll never leave. I don’t think I could take it!”

  “I can’t make that promise. It’s not fair to you.”

  “It will all work out, Delaney. I promise you! Now, go call your parents.”

  I took a deep breath and dialed Molly’s number. I figured I would start with her first, working up the courage to talk to my parents.

  “Delaney? Are you okay? Where are you?” she asked.

  “I’m fine. How are you?”

  “I’m fine. Where are you, and when are you coming home?”

  “I’m not coming home, not yet anyway and I can’t tell you where I am.”

  “Why not?” she asked.

  “Because, I don’t want to have to lie anymore, and I don’t want anyone to come after me. I’m staying here for a while longer.”

  “Your parents have about driven me crazy! They think that I know where you are. I keep telling them that I don’t, but they don’t believe me.”

  We talked for a while, both missing the other’s familiar banter. I finally got the nerve to ask, “How is he?”

  “He’s…okay,” she said, sounding funny.

  “What does that mean?”

  “What do you think it means? He’s heartbroken and he’s devastated. Is that what you wanted to hear?” she asked, angrily.

  “No, but I guess it’s what I expected.” I was stung by her harshness.

  “I’m sorry, Delaney, but you just left him. He loves you so much. How could you do that to him?”

  “Molly, I can’t tell you everything right now, but you have to believe me when I say that it’s better for Brian this way. I hurt him, a lot! I couldn’t keep hurting him and I couldn’t go on pretending that everything was okay.”