Who knows how long I stand there? For however long it is, the ringing of my cell phone brings me out of my shocked haze.
Looking at the screen, when I see it’s the hospital, I immediately pick it up.
“Is my mom okay?” I ask with no preamble.
The nurse’s fatigued voice comes over the line. “She’s awake and asking for you. Can you head on back to see her now?”
“I’ll be there as fast as I can.”
Hanging up, I head back into the house to change my clothes. I’m still in the same thing I wore yesterday when I hauled ass to see my mom. I don’t know how to tell her what Amber just laid on her doorstep. First, I need a shower. I have the overwhelming need to feel clean, like I am finally washing away something dark.
Maybe I am.
All I know, as I head upstairs for fresh clothes and a shower, is that, for the first time in a long time, I don’t feel as if the impenetrable blackness surrounds me. I can see sunshine and shit. Wait until I tell Pixie about it.
~~~
“Trevor, it’s good to see you.” My mom’s voice is raspy and laced in fatigue. Her black hair is loose over the pillows. The olive of her skin shows the stress of years passed. She is still beautiful, but I feel the guilt of too many things unsaid between us. Now, isn’t the time to rectify it though.
“Get some sleep, Mom.” I squeeze her hand.
“I can’t sleep when I have my boy home for the first time in far too long.” She smiles softly at me.
“Mom …” I sigh out, not sure she will believe me.
“No, Trevor, don’t mom me. Listen to me, my son; I’ve tried to tell you for years. I know you aren’t a bad man. I didn’t want you to leave, thinking what you thought about your father and me. We believed you. We just didn’t know what to do. With what Mr. Bridges threatened, we were afraid you would end up in a worse place than the Army.”
I listen as the monitors beat wildly as she tries to explain, her emotions clearly taking over.
“Mom, sh … You need to rest.”
“Just know we did believe you. Trevor, please don’t stay away so much. Please,” she begs, the pain in her eyes cutting me deeply.
“Okay, Mom. I have to go back to Miami for a while, but I’ll visit once you’re home and stronger.”
“Promise?”
I nod, feeling far too many emotions.
With a kiss to her forehead, she settles to rest, and I get the nurse to agree to keep me updated. When I get back to Miami, I will make sure Screech gets a home nurse and any other help my mom needs. I gave her my word. I will come back. I will. I just don’t know when.
I have to lay to rest a brother before I can think about anything else.
~~~
“You ready for this, brother?” Looking over at my prez, I find his somber eyes staring at Big Jim’s casket on the trailer behind his motorcycle. It’s a devastating day for the Regulators MC as we get ready to take our brother on one last ride before we put him in the ground.
“Yeah. Wish like hell we didn’t have to do this shit, and that BJ was with us here instead. You going to let his ol’ lady ride with you?” Ice asks.
I nod.
Lisa asked if she could ride on the back of my bike today, not wanting to make this ride alone. It took me by surprise that she would me at all. I figured she wouldn’t want to ride behind anyone but Big Jim. Shit, if we let her lie on top of BJ’s casket, she would have gone to his funeral that way. She’s not taking the loss of her man well, and we are all worried about her. However, ever since the day we rescued her, she’s been more willing to talk to me than anyone else in the club. Hammer thinks it’s because I was the one who carried her out of there and held her while she cried.
“Ready as I’ll ever be. What are we planning to do with Lisa after the funeral? We can’t leave her alone.”
Ice shakes his head. “Not leaving her alone. Morgan and Des want to go sit with her today, even spend the night if Lisa will let them. Tomorrow, her mom is picking her up so she can go back home to Kentucky for a while to heal.”
“Hate to say it, but that will be good for her. She’ll be missed around the club,” I tell him honestly, knowing how the club won’t be the same without her.
“Yes, she will, just as much as BJ will be missed. Come on, man; it’s time to go.”
I walk back to my motorcycle where a heartbroken Lisa waits for me.
“Ready to go?”
She nods, not bothering to speak. I’m not going to try to make her, either. Sometimes, the best thing you can do is just be there and let the person who’s suffering do it in silence.
Florida doesn’t have a helmet law, and for once, I’m not going to put a lid on her head. This is a time to feel every sensation.
I settle on my bike before Lisa climbs on with the practiced ease of an ol’ lady. Immediately, it makes me think about Pixie.
Today isn’t the day to deal with the mess I made out of things with her. Since hearing from Amber, I had to get my mom set up in a rehabilitation facility and get back to Miami for the service. I haven’t found the time or the words to explain everything to Pixie, so I let it be.
“Go slow, Coal,” Lisa whispers, and I nod.
She settles her hands on either side of me, but doesn’t hold on tightly. I didn’t imagine she would. With her hands still healing, they are wrapped and covered.
Cranking the bike, I feel her shudder behind me. Her body feels like it’s trembling as we line up.
Ice takes the lead as usual, and I settle in on his right rear with Hammer three feet behind me to my left. The rest of the club falls in line two by two. In rhythm, we twist the throttle, almost in a song of celebration to Big Jim.
The ride is somber. The ride is heavy. This moment is one that will be burned in each of our souls. BJ was a good man, taken far too soon.
When we stop, I feel Lisa fall against me, shaking and sobbing. Not moving, I allow her to grieve. I allow her to feel the loss, the pain, and find her own moment to accept what today is. It takes her a beat, but she eventually climbs off slowly, and only then do the rest of us follow suit.
As I walk Lisa to the grave site where the man she loved will be buried, I can’t help thinking of how unfair this is. Lisa and Big Jim were so in love … They were looking forward to the long ride that life would take them on together. Now Lisa is left here alone, her other half gone.
I know it’s cliché to think it, but all of this brings home the fact that life is too short. You never know what’s going to happen. I spent half my life with my heart surrounded by a concrete wall. It’s just not fair for a bastard like me to still be alive when a good man like Big Jim is dead and the woman he loves is now alone.
Pixie flashes through my mind again, making me wonder if I can change. Because, as I help Lisa sit down in the front row to wait for the brothers to carry over Big Jim’s casket, it just seems wrong to go about living this life only half-ass the way I have. It would be better to live like Big Jim always did—to the fullest.
As I have that realization, I sit down next to Lisa while my brothers carry the casket over and set it down in front of us. Lisa and I don’t get time to take much in before the preacher starts to speak.
“Dearly beloved, we are gathered here today to say good-bye to Jim Thomas Wemes. Known to many of you as Big Jim …”
~Paisley~
Guilt plagues me. I shouldn’t have contacted Amber. Then Des told me Coal had to rush home because his mother was sick.
There is a void in my energy since Coal left my place over a week ago. It’s something I can’t explain and something I don’t know how to reset.
Aura isn’t like a video game where a simple press of the reset button starts over. The colors are overlapping layers of our core. Everything we do and feel adds a layer of color to our energy.
I need to come clean. I need to contact Coal and at least let him know I contacted Amber. Whether she’s used his phone number or not, it wasn’t min
e to give away. It wasn’t my place to step in.
Even doing things in the name of being good or doing good doesn’t make them right. The end does not justify the means.
Making up my mind to contact Coal later today, I set off for the gym with a foreboding tension I can’t shake. I constantly look in my mirrors on the drive over. The problem is South Beach traffic is always crazy and I don’t like the distraction.
I hate feeling so on edge. People who know me and don’t understand my lifestyle already think I am crazy … with the paranoia of being watched, I can’t help but wonder if I have lost my mind.
My yoga class is normally relaxing for me. Even though I get paid a portion of the class fee from the gym, I would honestly teach it for free. Any other day, the stretches would center me and any tension I could be carrying would melt away. I know every person in attendance. Nothing is different, except the lingering feeling someone is watching. It has me constantly looking out of the glass door to my room. So rather than participate in my class as I often do, I’m walking around checking form and looking over my shoulder.
Something has to give. I can’t keep living like this.
Desirae isn’t here today, and I make a mental note to give her a call to make sure she’s okay when I leave.
Exiting the women’s locker room after showering, I walk right into Scotty.
He grabs my wrists, causing me to drop my bag as he raises my arms over my head, using his size to pin me to the wall. It happens so fast I have no time to react, think, or even feel until he drops his head to my neck and licks me. Then I freeze.
“Fuckin’ tease,” he growls, pressing into me with his compression pants. I feel his erection, which causes fear to seize me. “Prancin’ around like you’re too good for anyone.”
I should scream out. I should kick him. Instead, I move, trying to get leverage to knee him in the nuts, but I can’t. Panic is overtaking me. The fear is winning.
“Get off me, Scotty,” I say, pushing my ass into the wall and trying to use my chest to push out and put space between us.
“Oh, I’m gonna get off on you, Paisley.” His grip on my wrists is painful. “I’ve been following you. I’ve been waiting for a chance. You keep locking your house, though. I need you, Paisley. I need to fuck you, baby.”
“No!” I say firmly, instantly thinking of Coal and his unsure memories. No matter what happens, I will make sure Scotty doesn’t think I want this in any way. “Get your filthy fingers off me.” I raise my knee, only to make contact with his inner thigh.
“Paisley!” I hear Des yell my name and wonder where she came from. More importantly, I’m thankful not to be alone with Scotty anymore.
Suddenly, I’m shuffled, and my wrists twist in agony as Scotty is no longer against me.
I sag to the ground as Coal slams Scotty into the wall.
“She said fucking no, you douche.”
“Biker boy, you don’t know what she said and how she prances around here.”
Coal releases Scotty, only to free his hands so he can reach back and swing. His fist makes contact with Scotty’s face, and I hear the bones crunch.
Des pulls me up off the ground and into her arms as Hammer moves around us to look Scotty in the eye.
“Gave you a pass. My mistake,” Hammer says to the man as Coal stands back, allowing Scotty to right himself as blood pours freely from his nose.
“Scotty, what’re you on?” Des asks, earning a look from Hammer. The kind that says she needs to stand down.
Scotty doesn’t answer.
“You gonna leave Paisley alone?” Coal asks Scotty, who nods, looking panicked.
Coal slams his fist into Scotty’s groin before Scotty crumbles to the ground, fighting to breathe.
“Remember this feeling. The way it’s gonna burn when you pee for the next week. Think on it before you ever even look Paisley’s way again. You just canceled your membership at this gym, you just quit your job, and you’re gonna be out of town in twelve hours.”
Scotty groans in response.
“Got me?” Coal asks, kicking Scotty’s shoulder to make him turn and look him in the eye.
Again, Scotty nods but doesn’t speak and makes no attempt to look at me.
Coal picks up my gym bag, laces his fingers through mine, and leads us out of the gym. When the fresh air hits my face, I inhale deeply.
“Call Screech. Get the cameras wiped,” Coal tells Hammer. Then he stops me before guiding me in front of him. “You okay, Pixie?”
I nod, unable to form words.
The energy between us is so powerful that it’s dizzying. This is an intensity I don’t know how to describe or handle.
Does Coal feel it, too?
My eyes meet his. The dark around his aura is gone. In its place is a red of passion, a red of emotion.
We are both in trouble now that he’s freed from whatever was holding him back. Only, I’m not sure he realizes it yet.
Chapter Fifteen
~Coal~
Today’s the day. Today, I’m going to stop living a half-life and start working toward a full one like my brother Big Jim used to. I even made plans to prove that I can make those changes.
Tonight, I’m going to take Pixie out to dinner. Just the two of us, exploring what this chemistry between us can become. I haven’t told her my intentions, though. I’m going to surprise her, instead.
Finding her trapped by Scotty three days ago pulled at something inside of me. Every wall that has so carefully been built to keep everyone out of my life and away from my heart crumbled the moment I saw her at risk.
Pulling up to the grocery store where she works, I watch through the glass front windows as she rings up a customer. Typical Pixie, all smiles and friendly toward the person she is helping.
I wait ten minutes for her shift to end, and then watch as she heads to the back of the store to clock out. Five minutes later, she’s heading out the front entrance.
It takes her a few seconds to spot me, and when she does, her whole body gives a little jerk in surprise.
I can’t help smiling. I find that I like the idea of surprising Pixie. If I have my way, I will find all sorts of ways to surprise and make her body jerk tonight after dinner.
“Hey, Pixie,” I greet as she approaches.
“Trevor.” She smiles back. “What brings you here?”
“You,” I answer honestly.
Her face changes, showing concern. “If this is about Amber, Trevor, I’m sorry. I should’ve listened.”
Immediately, I feel tension build through me. “What are you talking about?”
She takes a deep breath. “After you told me what happened, I realized the best thing I could do for you is to give you closure.” She reaches out and softly rests her hand on my forearm. “You’re not a rapist, Trevor,” she says on a whisper. “No matter what you think, you didn’t do that to her. I feel it to my core.”
“What did you do?” I ask firmly, now wondering how Amber found me.
“I emailed your phone number to her.”
“Did you tell her I was home for my mother?” My defenses are up. I didn’t even tell Pixie I was going home, so how could she tell Amber?
“No, Trevor. I emailed your phone number; that’s it. I didn’t even know you went home until after I sent it. Des simply told me you went home for a day or two to check on your mom, who was sick. I didn’t contact Amber with that.”
“Has she emailed you back?”
Pixie shrugs. “I don’t know. I don’t check my email.”
Frustration has me ready to scream, but the look on Paisley’s face has me stopping and trying to keep my head clear.
She pulls out her phone. It takes a moment before she hands it to me with an email on the screen.
Paisley,
Thank you for your email. Recently, I was able to speak with Trevor Blake personally without needing his phone number. A friend works at the hospital in Intensive Care and told me he was in town for h
is ailing mother. I said what needed to be said, and I am moving on with my life. The posts you refer to are taken down, and Trevor Blake is part of my past.
Sincerely,
Amber
At least now I know how Amber found me, and it’s not tied to Paisley.
“Are you angry?” she asks, shifting her feet nervously.
“I should be,” I tell her honestly. “I should be furious. Pixie, the shit in my past … I don’t want you tangled up in any of it. The shit I do for my club, I don’t want it to ever touch you. So, Pixie, I gotta know if I’m gonna take a chance on what we got here between us that you can stand down when I ask you to.”
“Coal, I understand you, and seriously, it’s okay. You don’t need to keep coming around, saving me or trying to make me feel better. Believe it or not, since Scotty left town, I feel balanced again. I don’t have that creepy feeling, and I have found my calm.”
“I came here to take you on a date, Pixie.”
Her eyes open wide in shock. “A date?”
“You’re cute. You make me laugh. Pixie, ever since you crashed into my world, I have looked at everything differently. I’m a stubborn man, an asshole, but I laughed for the first time in years with you. I am drawn to you, and I wanna see if we can make a go of this. My past, your past, leave it all behind and just see where this can take us.”
She lowers her eyes as she bites her bottom lip nervously, and my heart skips a beat. Never thought in a million years I would be the guy who got all twisted up about a woman, yet here I am, twisted as fuck over this one. Then she looks up at me through those gorgeous eyelashes of hers and says the words I want to hear.
“I’d really like that, Trevor.”
Reaching down, I pull the helmet I got for her out of my saddlebag and hand it to her. “Then strap that on, babe, and let’s go. I’m starving.”
Paisley gives me a big smile that I swear I can feel all the way down to my dick. Then she quickly straps her helmet on and climbs on the motorcycle behind me, holding me tightly.
I roll back, and then drive out of the grocery store’s parking lot to a restaurant ten minutes away that I found out—thanks to Screech—serves vegan pizza.
Coal (Regulators MC Book 3) Page 13
