by WB Amore
“I’m here Piccolina. Feel me I’m here, breathe.” I do as I’m told and breathe and I finally relax. I tell him “Ry, you’re my best friend and I don’t know what I would do if I lost you.”
“I’m not going anywhere. Well we do need to get up and get ready for school. Come one I’ll take you to breakfast first.”
“Oh, do I get to pick?”
“Yeah but only if you hurry because we have an hour and a half to get to school.”
I jump out of bed and run to the bathroom and jump in the shower.
“Shit I forgot to grab my cloths.” I say to myself while getting in the shower.
I’m washing out the conditioner when I hear the door open.
“You better not be trying to perv on me!”
“Oh I’m not, but if I was I wouldn’t tell you.”
“Gah, I can hear the smile in your voice! Get out!”
“Ok, ok but you ran in here so fast that you didn’t grab any clothes. So, say thank you Piccolina, I think you may even like what I brought you.”
“Thank you Ry, now get out!” I let a giggle slip just as I hear the door shut. I hurry and finish up with my shower. I look at the pile of clothes on the counter, picking up the shirt I see that its one of my favorites, its white with a pin up model with perfect make up but in the mirror her reflection her makeup is done in full scull candy style with red roses, which he has paired with a pair of skinny jeans. I can’t help but blush when I see a pair of pink lacy under ware and a matching pink lacy bra. I let out a little chuckle because he has somehow managed to pick out all my favorite clothes. I didn’t know he paid that much attention to my clothes.
I walk out of the bathroom and he’s standing there in nothing but his jeans. I let out a sigh
“Ok, you ready?” I ask him turning to my desk as I try to avoid staring at his half naked body.
“Do I look ready?”
“No but hurry up! I want to go get breakfast!”
“Ok, Ok.” He says as he’s pulling his shirt over his head next are the socks and shoes. I’m starting to get antsy and start to bounce my leg. “So where do you want to go Piccolina?”
“Well I was thinking we should go to The Diner, That way we’ll get to see Mama Gina too. What do you think?”
“Mmm, some French toast with bacon and hash browns sound really good”
“I think today I’m going to have biscuits and gravy with hash browns and some toast.”
“Ok well let’s go then we have about an hour before school starts.”
As we’re walking out of the house I see mom’s already gone, so I lock up after grabbing my backpack and keys. I’m unlocking my car when I hear Ryan, “Why don’t you let me drive you?”
“Well Ry, what’s everyone going to think if you drive me to school?”
“Come on, when have I ever cared what others think?”
“When it might come between you and your latest and greatest toy.”
“What are you talking about? Will you just get in the damn car? I’m hungry and we have school.”
“Ok Ry, but when shit hits the fan, I don’t wanna hear it.”
“Nothing’s going to happen.”
A few minutes later we’re pulling up to Mama Gina’s Diner. I can smell the food and I haven’t even opened the door.
“Come on Ry I’m hungry.” I say as I fling the door to his truck. I’m starving he better hurry.
When I open the door I see Gina standing behind the counter wiping it down. Looking up she greets me with a beaming smile.
“Good morning dolce ragazza” Mama Gina says while hugging me. She has to be the sweetest lady ever.
I sigh at the endearment sweet girl, she’s been calling me that my whole life.
She’s always treated me as if I was her granddaughter.
“Good morning Mama Gina.”
“Is it just you today?”
“No Ryan’s behind me, but taking forever as usual.”
“No dolce ragazza you’re just more excited to see me.” She says with a caring smile.
“Come sit, I’ll get your coffee.”
“Hi Gina.” Ryan says as he hugs her.
“Good morning Caro. Coffee as usual?”
“Yes please.”
I don’t think Ryan’s this sweet with anyone besides his mom, it’s nice to see that he does have a soft side to all the fighting that he does being in the MMA.
Here comes mama with two cups and a coffee pot. She walks away without even asking us what we wanted. Ryan and I don’t say much as we wait for mama to come back. When we she her coming I can’t help but giggle as Ryan says, “Mama must have had other ideas for our breakfast.”
“I was thinking the same exact thing.” I say looking at his plate I see he has some bread bowl that is stuffed with breakfast mixing’s. I look down at my plate it’s like she’s taken everything thrown it in a pan and baked it. I look back at Ryan with wide eyes full of questions, looking at me with a similar look he looks down at my plate then to his with a sigh he picks up his fork, with one last look at me he uses his fork to cut off some bread and some of the stuff mixed in the middle and slowly brings it to his mouth. I watch with a sick fascination of what he’s about to do and I can’t help but wonder if it’s worth it or if he’s going to bail before that fork makes it to his mouth. With and achingly slow movement puts the fork into his mouth and as he slowly chews it. You can see his face change from one of worry to one of complete awe. He looks behind him to Mama and she starts over to us the look she gives him says she knows that he doubted her and I giggle as I watch it play out.
“How dare you doubt me, Ryan Angelo DeLuca don’t you know my cooking better than that!”
“Sorry mama but not only does it look weird but I’ve never seen it like that. I wasn’t sure what to expect.”
Mama looks at me and sees I haven’t touched mine yet and all she does is cock her brow at me so I quickly pick up my fork and scoop up a bite and quickly put it in my mouth and I begin to chew finding that it’s very good, with wide eyes I look at Ryan as mama says “better get to eating kids or you’ll be late for your first day of school.” So we sit in silence as we finish breakfast. Were headed to school and I start to fidget I don’t know why but this year I seem to be nervous, more than ever before.
Chapter Four
Ryan
Out if the corner of my eye I watch her as she fidgets and I can’t understand why she’s so nervous, she’s been going to school with all of these kids for most of her life, yeah there have been a few new students over the years but for the most part we all know each other. With one final glance I can’t take it anymore. “Gracie what’s wrong?”
She looks out the window avoiding me “I’ve known you most of my life and over this summer I’ve gotten to know you a lot better. We ran almost every day and ate after our runs, you were also there for me when my Nonna passed away, so I know when something’s really bothering you. Right now I don’t know what it is and I can’t figure out why you’re so on edge today. Please talk to me, you know I’m here for you.”
Thank god, I’m pulling into the school parking lot, maybe I can get her to look at me. I park in the back of the lot in the furthest corner, throw it into park, “Please talk to me.” I whisper to her. She unbuckles and climbs in to my lap. Taking a deep breath to get my bearings, trying to keep my emotions in check as I envelope her in my arms the smell of her coconut body spray graces me.
I have my hand in her hair holding her head to my chest. Having her in my arms causes my heart to skip a beat, letting out a small sigh, I want this forever. I don’t ever want to let her go, but I know that once she pulls herself together I’m going to have to let her go.
I’m going to have to stop with this shit because if I’m not carful I won’t ever be able to let her go. With a deep breath she starts to pull away but I instinctively pull her closer to me and hold her tighter and all she does is snuggle back into me and hold on tighter, like if
she lets go she will never see me again. Turning her face into my chest she takes a deep breath and lets it out slowly when she starts to do it again I hold her tighter still.
“Come on Piccolina, out with it.” I say as I kiss the top of her head. Squeezing her arms tighter she finally starts to talk just above a whisper.
“I feel like I’m slowly slipping beneath the surface and I’m never able to break through. I know I freaked you out but please don’t say anything. I know a small part of me wants Papa in my life more, but a big part of it is that I’m going to be leaving you after this year. I just got you back into my life.”
She never pulls away from my chest, it’s like she’s afraid of what shell see in my eyes. Kissing the top of her head one last time I take a deep breath and pull her away from my chest to look into her eyes, only when I do she has her eyes closed. I whisper “Gracie.” She clinches them tighter. I don’t move or say another word, I know she can’t hold out forever and I know her curiosity will get the better of her, it always does.
She finally starts to open her eyes. I hold my breath for fear of what she may see in my eyes. I take a deep breath and slowly let it out and pray that what she sees doesn’t make her run from me. “You may be going to college but I’m not leaving you and you’re not leaving me it will just be a little distance, we’ll see each other at holidays and breaks. I know that not having your dad in your life full time is very hard but you have to know that if you ever called him because you were in trouble, he would come for you and help you anyway he could.” Little does she know, her father and I would move mountains or try our damnedest, just to keep her safe.
With a sigh she looks down for a brief second then back into my eyes with so much pain and anguish and what she says just breaks my heart even more. “Why Ryan, why should I ever call him when I’m in trouble? He wasn’t there when I fell off my bike countless times trying to learn to ride without training wheels; he wasn’t there when I broke my arm jumping on a trampoline. Daddy was never there when I wanted him to be there, why should I allow him to be there when I need someone?”
“Gracie.” With that one word she has tears spilling down her face again. In that moment I’ve made my choice, she has to know “Piccolina you have to know that your dad loves you.” She puts her finger on my lips stopping what I have to say. “I know Papa loves me and yes I love him but Ryan but he’s hurt me in so many ways and I’m not sure if they can be forgiven. I know you want to say so many things about what he did and why he did it. Can we please leave it for another day?”
I take in a deep breath and am once again enveloped in her coconut smell and slowly letting it out I finally tell her, “Ok Piccolina for today and today alone will I let it go. Just know this, I will always be here. If you ever need me even if it’s just so that you’re not alone you can call me and I will be here or where ever you are please don’t lock me out. You’re my best friend and I’ll do anything I can to help and protect you.” The sadness in her eyes breaks my heart just a little more. “Ok Ryan. I promise that if I ever get in trouble I’ll call you.” With a sigh she climbs back into the passenger seat, throwing her sweater on, grabbing her backpack from the floor, grabbing the handle with one last look and a weak smile she’s gone. I’m so stunned by that look of heartbreak that I can’t even say anything to stop her, not even move to go after her. Hanging my head in defeat, taking a deep breath I grab my bag from the back seat of my truck and think of how I’m going to tell her all of the things that I have to say to her.
Gracie
Walking away from Ryan is probably the hardest thing I’ve ever done, I don’t have as much heart ache when I’m wrapped in his arms. With a sigh I trudge up the steps to the doors of Saints High School and since I already have my locker number I head straight there.
We got some of our books when we registered for classes, grabbing the few books that I won’t need and put them in there along with the extra notebooks. I grabbed a few pictures to hang in my locker, quickly hanging them in the locker before grabbing my calculus book and head to Mr. Anderson’s class. Walking into class I see a lot of my friends and say hi while taking my seat, I pull my math book out, setting it on my desk. I’m feeling lost again I wish I could still be sitting in Ryan’s truck, wrapped in his arms.
Startling when someone kicks my seat but I don’t look back, I’m not in the mood to deal with someone wanting to start something with me. I’m flipping through the pages of my book and reach down to grab my notebook out of my backpack, when I catch site of black boots I’m pretty sure Ryan’s wearing a pair. I shake my head at that thought. I need to stop that shit, I know we won’t ever be what I want. He treats me like a little sister, I also don’t look anything like the girls he’s ever seen with. Just as I shake my head someone kicks my seat again. So I finally turn around and look at who’s kicking my seat and I’m shocked to find Ryan sitting there, with a smug smile on his face.
Chapter Five
Ryan
Walking into my first class I see Gracie sitting there looking at her book. Walking towards the desk behind her the kid sitting behind her gets up and moves before I even make it to the desk, taking the seat I notice that she hasn’t even moved she must be lost in thought. Kicking her seat to get her attention startling her but never looking back at me. After a few moments she bends over to grab something out of her backpack freezing for a second she quickly sits up. Kicking her seat again she finally looks back at me, seeming speechless I can’t help but smirk at her.
“Well, hello Piccolina.” I hear a couple of the nitwit jocks snicker at my comment so I shoot them scathing looks and they quickly stop.
“Ry…” She whispers and quickly turns around, when she doesn’t turn back around or say another word I just tap my foot on her chair instead of kicking it knowing it’ll driver her nuts and she’ll turn around to tell me to stop. I start the count down when I see her start to flinch every time I tap my foot and 3… 2… 1…
“Damn it Ry, what do you want?” She snaps at me. “Come on don’t be like that.” I tell her using the sad face, I know she has a hard time saying no. “I need a pencil I can’t seem to find mine. Must have dropped it in the hall.” I shrug. With a sigh “We can talk at the end of the day.” Reaching down in her bag and tossing one on my desk then she turns around. Refusing to talk to me the rest of class even when Mr. Anderson gives us a group assignment and pairs me with her. As I get up to leave class I happen to look up at Gracie and see and odd look on her face, “Hey what’s wrong?” When she doesn’t answer and just looks down causing me to stiffen.
Just then I feel someone tap my shoulder. Gracie’s shoulders slump as she turns around throwing her bag over her shoulder and walking out of class. I slowly turn around to see who it is, when I finally see who it is, it all makes sense because lo and behold standing in front of me is Jessica McRay. With a sigh I ask “What do you want Jessica?”
“Oh come on Ry, why do you say it like that?”
“Jessica only my friends call me Ry. We aren’t friends, please stick to Ryan.” I ask her.
I really can’t stand her. She seems to think that’s me playing hard to get. Yeah not so much.
“What do you want Jessica?”
“Well Ryan, I was going to see if we could be math partners after this assignment?”
With an almost gleeful smile in place, I now see what her end game is. That will never happen and not just because the two are sworn enemies, for reasons only they know. “Well you see, I want to pass this class, so I’ll pass.” With that I turn and leave.
Gracie
Seeing that skank put her hands on Ryan makes me want to throw up. I don’t think he would ever do anything with her, but I know she wants him but every female with eyes wants him. When we were younger she wanted me to convince him to go out with her and I wouldn’t do it, if he wanted her he would go after her like he did with all the others. Ever since then she has hated me, starts rumors about me, all stupid. I don’t kno
w if she does it in hopes of getting Ryan to turn against me or just because she thinks it fun but it makes me glad this is our last year at the same school.
Just before I close my locker I look at the picture of Liam, Ryan and I that was taken a few months before everything happened when we were 15, it was taken at a family dinner. We used to do them every Sunday but that summer everything changed. I shut my locker and find Ryan leaning against the locker behind my door, turning and walking away from him, I miss Liam and I hate that he’s so close but I’m not allowed to be around him, my dad, Ryan well everyone wants me to stay away from him.
I see Mrs. White sitting at her desk as I walk in tucking my chin to my chest and walk to a seat in the back corner. I hear her get up, refusing to look up, opening my book I start flipping through the pages as she passes me she puts her hand on my shoulder and tells me to turn it to page 292. I feel someone touch my shoulder a second time thinking Mrs. White called on me, looking down to see that I have no clue what we’re talking about so I look up I see the class has left. Looking to Mrs. White for guidance, just as I get ready to ask what I missed, she beats me to it,
“Its ok Gracie don’t worry we just did a review today. Want to talk about it?” As much as I want to, I don’t know if I can handle another come to Jesus moment today. So I just shake my head no. with a sigh she backs away but nods in understanding and tells me
“I’m always here if you need anything or just want to talk.”
“Thank you Mrs. White that means a lot to me, and I’m sorry for not being all here during class.”
As she walks to her desk I put my book in my backpack and start heading to the door, she calls me back “Gracie come here, I’ll give you a pass for being late just this once so let’s not make this a habit.” With a smile I head towards her “Thanks again Mrs. White.”
