“I knew that one,” I said. Although it wasn’t Grady who told me. It was Lindsay, and she was drunk at the time.
“How do you know all this stuff about my friends?” I asked my mom.
She raised her eyebrows and pointed her finger in my face. “The question should be why you didn’t know about these things. Your friends are too afraid to burden you with anything upsetting, because you are so wrapped up in your own pitiful world. Is that the kind of person you want to be, Ford?”
No, that wasn’t who I wanted to be. It was true I had been down for a long time, but I didn’t want Josh and Grady to think they couldn’t rely on me. They had been my best friends forever, and they would have my back in a second.
“Ford, the fact is that I am dying. I have accepted it, and I need you to do the same. You don’t have to be happy about it, but I need your support in these last few months. Poppy drove me to the funeral home so you won’t be burdened by planning my funeral. Poppy drove me to the lawyer’s office so there won’t be any legal red tape with the house or my belongings. And she drove me to meet with Lana so you can easily put the house on the market if you choose to. Don’t you see, honey? I’m doing all this to make my passing easier on you.”
I had felt a lot of emotions in my life, but shame hadn’t been one of them until now. I was ashamed at what a shitty friend I had been. I was ashamed that I had been so wrapped up in my own stupid life that I didn’t see my friends were going through their own rough times. Most of all I was ashamed that my mom was having to go through this alone, because I was too stubborn to accept the inevitable.
“I’m sorry, Ma,” I began, but she placed her hand on my arm and stopped me.
“I know, Ford. You don’t need to apologize to me. But you do need to apologize to your friends, and you’re going to start with Poppy.”
I opened my mouth to say that Poppy wasn’t my friend, but she interrupted me again.
“She is teaching yoga at the community center this morning. Her class starts at 9:00, so you can go before then.”
“Fine,” I said, standing up and putting my hat on.
“And don’t you come back here until she has accepted your apology,” my mom lectured. I rolled my eyes and grabbed my keys.
“I’m sorry. I’ll try to be better, Ma. You can count on me for whatever you need, okay?”
“Okay.”
I hugged her hard, the thought that I wouldn’t be able to hug her for much longer beginning to sink in.
It was just a little after 8:00 so I had some time before I needed to be at the community center to talk to Poppy. I could go to the gym like I had originally planned, but instead I turned my truck in the direction of the boat shop. Grady’s father, Mitch, owned a boat repair shop down on the lake, and both Grady and Josh had worked there since high school. Josh primarily did repair work, but Grady had recently branched out into customization. He had completed work for his first famous client, some hotshot actor, at the end of the summer and was now in high demand.
I parked my truck in the lot and swung open the door to the shop. There was a small reception area with desks for Josh and Mitch and a small office for Grady off to the side. The rest of the shop was an open warehouse space where several boats could be worked on at once. All three men stuck their heads out from various boats when the door chime signaled my arrival.
“Good morning, Ford. It’s good to see you, son,” Mitch said, coming over to shake my hand. Grady’s dad had been the main male influence in my life growing up, and I felt like shit that I hadn’t kept in touch with him very well.
Grady walked over too, wiping his greasy hands on the bandana he pulled from his back pocket.
“What did we do to deserve a visit from Ford Walsh? And so early in the morning?” He joked. Then he took a step back out of my reach and said, “This isn’t about your cowboy pictures, is it? Lindsay made me send them. I swear.”
I had to laugh at that. “No, man. It’s not about the pictures. Although I will be planning some sort of payback for that.”
“So what’s up? You never just stop by to chat.”
I blew out a breath. “Yeah, that’s sort of the point. Do you and Josh have a minute?”
“Sure,” Grady said, waving Josh over to the large table in the middle of the work space. He looked curious and concerned.
Josh came over and sat down. “Hey, Ford. What’s up? Everything okay with your mom?”
“Oh, yeah. She’s fine…I mean, she’s dying. Like really dying. The doctor gave her a few months left.”
Josh and Grady both spoke at once. “Dude, I’m sorry.”
I took off my hat to scratch my forehead. “Thanks. But that’s not why I’m here,” I began.
“You’re pregnant,” Josh said while somehow keeping a straight face.
Grady laughed loudly, and I rolled my eyes.
“Ha ha. Very funny. Listen, guys, my mom brought it to my attention that I’ve been a lousy excuse for a friend lately. Well, actually for a long time. She told me about Leah’s…miscarriage. And about your dad thinking he might have cancer, Grady.”
They traded glances, and Josh spoke first. “Yeah, it was hard on Leah, but we’re past it now. We have Maddy, and she’s perfect.”
“I know, but the point is I didn’t know about it. You guys didn’t think I could handle it or something,” I grumbled.
More glances between my friends. “Look, Ford, we know you’ve had a hard time adjusting to being back here. We just didn’t want to heap any more shit on your plate.”
“I get it. But I don’t need you to tiptoe around me.”
Josh clapped me on the back. “What is this? Are you in a 12 step program where you have to right all the wrongs in your life?”
I elbowed him in the gut. “Shut the fuck up.”
Grady laughed and then fell silent when I glared at him. “We’re just kidding, Ford. We appreciate the sort of apology, and we promise not to keep anything from you ever again. Hey, did you know that it’s Lindsay’s time of the month and she’s got terrible cramps.”
Josh chimed in as well, “And Leah got her period last week for the first time since Maddy was born.”
I turned around and threw my hands up. “You guys suck. I’m outta here.”
They were both howling with laughter at my expense.
“Dude, come back. We promise to tell you the important stuff.”
I kept walking and flipped them off over my shoulder. Even with the unnecessary information about the menstrual cycles of my buddies’ girls circling my brain, I felt better having talked to them.
On the short drive to the community center, I thought about Poppy. My mom was right that I owed her an apology. She was just doing her job, and unfortunately she entered my life on the exact day that it went to complete shit. I parked my truck and tossed my hat on the seat beside me, ruffling my hair with my fingers. Hopefully I could say “I’m sorry,” she would graciously accept and we could both go on with our days.
I hadn’t been in the community center since I was a kid, and not much had changed. Same yellow walls and linoleum floor. Same old ladies in track suits walking laps around the building. I stopped at the front desk and was directed down a long hallway to the yoga room.
Looking in the doorway of room 114, I saw several middle age women rolling out mats on the floor and chatting with each other. Poppy stood at the front of the room with her back to me, her head tipped back as she took a drink from a water bottle. Her hair was wound up in a messy bun on top of her head with a few tendrils escaping to frame her face.
It wasn’t like I didn’t notice that she had a great body and a pretty face. I was still a guy after all, but all of our previous interactions had been clouded by my anger. First at the bar when I thought she was trying to drink underage and since then when I blamed her for my mom’s death preparations.
Now that I could appreciate the view without any added emotions, my eyes followed the long line of her neck to her
shoulders bared by her tight tank top. She was slender but toned, and her small waist flared out slightly to her hips. Before I could take in the curve of her ass and long legs, she turned around and looked right at me like she knew I was there. It was only then that I noticed the entire front wall was lined with mirrors. Her cheeks were flushed, and I knew she had caught me ogling her. Hey, I was still a guy.
The women in the class were starting to get situated on their mats, so I better make this quick. Walking to the front of the class, I smiled at Poppy. She looked more surprised now than she did when she noticed me in the doorway.
“You’re smiling,” she stated.
I raised an eyebrow. “Hello to you too.”
She shook her head and dropped her gaze. “I’m sorry, it’s just that I’ve never seen you smile before. I thought maybe you didn’t know how.”
Her words were teasing, but her tone was completely serious. God, I have really been an ass if this girl who I’ve seen numerous times over the last two weeks didn’t think I knew how to smile.
“Yeah, I don’t do it much.” I looked down and saw her bare feet and toes tipped in blue polish. This was hard. Along with smiling, apologizing wasn’t something I did much.
“Listen, Poppy, I want to apologize for how I’ve been acting. I have a lot going on with my mom, and I’m not handling it well. But, I shouldn’t take it out on you. You’re just doing your job.” I paused and waited for her to accept my apology so I could leave. When she didn’t respond, I looked up from her toes into her hazel eyes.
Her eyes were kind, but there was a hint of a smile on her face. She still didn’t say anything, so I had to ask, “I said I was sorry, Poppy…do you accept my apology?”
She glanced over to her waiting yoga class that was watching our interaction intently. This was getting really awkward, and I was fighting the urge to bolt.
“I’ll accept your apology on one condition.”
Shit, she was going to make this hard on me. “What’s the condition?”
“You have to buy me coffee.”
Okay, I could handle that.
“After class, which you have to stay and participate in,” she said with a full blown smile.
I tilted my head and frowned at her. “Seriously?”
She crossed her arms across her chest, which only emphasized her already perky tits.
“Fine,” I muttered. How hard could it be? Even if I couldn’t play professional football, I was still in great shape. Poppy handed me an extra yoga mat and pointed to an open spot right in the front row.
“Alright everyone, we have a new student today. This is Ford, and he is a yoga virgin.”
I shook my head as all the women applauded and one of them whistled. Seeing that everyone was barefoot, I took off my shoes and socks and pulled my sweatshirt over my head. We all stood on our mats and followed Poppy through a series of easy stretches. It was hard to keep from staring at her as she stretched her body in ways I could only imagine.
While I could barely touch my fingertips to the floor, she pressed her palms on the floor with her nose practically to her knees. No one else in the class was much more flexible than me, so that made me feel a little better. But the fact remained that I was the only dude in a yoga class full of middle age women. I would have to make Poppy swear to never speak of this again.
After the opening stretches she guided us in some crazy moves that made me feel like a human pretzel. Or I would have if I could actually do them. While I was trying to bend myself into something called downward dog, which was basically my hands and feet on the floor and my ass in the air, Poppy walked around and adjusted our stances.
From my position upside down I saw her blue toenails approaching before I felt her hands on my back. Applying pressure to my shoulders she leaned down and said, “You’re doing great, Ford. This could help with your leg, you know.”
How the hell did she know about my leg? Oh, wait. She has been spending hours at a time with my mom.
At the end of class I was sweating, and muscles I didn’t even know I had were already feeling sore. No wonder Poppy’s body was so amazing if she did this every day. I hung out at the back of the room and watched her talk to just about everyone in the class. My t-shirt was drenched, and she looked as fresh as she did before class started.
When the room finally cleared and Poppy pulled on a pair of boots and a sweatshirt over her tank top and skin tight leggings, she came over to me with a shy smile. The confidence she projected in front of the class was gone as she scuffed the floor with the toe of her boot.
“You ready for coffee?” I asked.
“I accept your apology, Ford. You don’t have to buy me coffee. I really just wanted to get you to stay for the class.”
“Come on, it’s the least I can do. That was the best workout I’ve had in a long time,” I replied.
On my way here this morning I wanted to get in, apologize, and get out. The last thing I expected was to be roped into a yoga class. Now, she was giving me an out. So why didn’t I want to take it?
She shrugged. “Okay, if you’re sure.”
I put my hand on the small of her back and guided her through the doorway. “I’m sure. Let’s go.”
There was a small coffee shop just down the block from the community center, so we decided to walk there. Poppy ordered some soy latte thing, and I stuck with black coffee. She tried to pay for hers, but after a short argument she gave in and let me buy. I followed her to a table by the window, and we sipped our drinks in silence for a while.
“Does your leg hurt more when it’s cold out?”
I hadn’t even realized I was rubbing my knee until Poppy spoke. “Yeah, cold air, the rain. I really should move to the desert,” I joked halfheartedly.
She seemed uncomfortable, and I knew that was my fault. Hell, she was probably expecting me to start yelling at her any second. I turned my baseball cap around backwards on my head and rested my forearms on the table.
“I really am sorry, Poppy. You’ve helped my mom a lot with things that she thought she couldn’t rely on me for. I know it’s your job, but thank you for that.”
She reached across the table and hesitated for a moment before placing her hand on my arm in a gesture meant to comfort. “I know what it’s like to lose a parent. My father passed away from cancer when I was ten years old.”
“I’m sorry. I didn’t know.”
Poppy nodded and took a sip of her coffee, licking a bit of foam off her lips. She opened her mouth then closed it, like she wanted to say something but was holding back. I raised an eyebrow, silently urging her to continue. For some reason I wanted her to keep talking. The soft sound of her voice was soothing, and her eyes became more expressive when she spoke.
“He was sick for a long time. At least it seemed like forever to me at the time, but it was really only about eight months. My mom kept reassuring me that he was going to get better. No one ever told me there was a chance he might not make it.”
Poppy’s hand was still on my arm and I had to resist the urge to turn it over and capture her hand in mine. Of course I was attracted to her. Who wouldn’t be? She was beautiful. But it was more than physical attraction that had me wanting to touch her. My mom was right that I needed to climb out of my hole and pay attention to the world around me. I barely knew Poppy, but it hurt me to think of her hurting. She was just a little kid when she went through what I was going through now, and I would bet my life that she handled it better than I was.
As if she knew where my thoughts were, she pulled her hand back into her lap. Looking past me out the window, she continued, “The day he died I said goodbye before I left for school. He never got out of bed anymore, so I sat beside him and told him about some stupid thing we were doing in art class. If I had known I would never see him again, I would have told him how much I loved him, how much I would miss him…” Her voice trailed off and she quickly swiped at her eyes. A few more tendrils had escaped from her bun to fall aro
und her face.
Offering me an apologetic smile, she said, “Now I’m sorry. You probably didn’t want to know all that.”
“No, I do,” I said, and I actually meant it.
“I guess the point of my story is that I wish I could have said goodbye. Right now, when you’re in the middle of it all, it’s hard to see any good in this situation. But from someone who didn’t have the chance to say goodbye, to say all the things I wish I had said, having these months with your mom truly is a blessing.”
Poppy fell silent and glanced at me cautiously, probably trying to gauge whether she had pissed me off. Had she not started with her story about her dad, I probably would have been pissed to have anyone tell me this time was a blessing. Hearing how she wished she had known that her dad was dying put things in perspective for me. It wasn’t like the heavens opened and light shone down around me, but it did make me think about what I should do with the time I had left with my mom. Or more like what I shouldn’t do - sulking, yelling, arguing.
It was going to be hard enough coming to grips with the fact that my mom wouldn’t be around this time next year or even six months from now. On top of that I had to start acting like a normal person, which was something I hadn’t done in almost three years.
Looking across the table at probably the nicest person on the face of the planet, I decided to ask for help. “My mom tells me I need to be nicer.”
The corner of her full mouth twitched up, and her eyes lost some of the cautiousness that had been there since I showed up in her yoga class. “My mom tells me I’m too nice.”
“Maybe we could be friends and help each other out.”
That got a laugh from her, and it felt good.
“Okay, we can be friends, but right now I have get to class,” she said, standing up.
When I came to find her this morning, I wanted to apologize and get the hell out. Somehow I ended up doing yoga, drinking coffee and wishing she didn’t have to leave yet. Standing up with her, I held out my hand to seal our deal.
“Friends it is. I promise not to yell at you.”
She shook my hand and walked to the door, looking back over her shoulder. “Smile more too. It looks good on you.”
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