Grady’s dad, Mitch, and his girlfriend, Lana, walked in and they were the first people I was actually glad to see. They didn’t say any of those stupid things like how my mom was better off. They just hugged me and moved on.
Leah and Josh arrived with their daughter, Maddy, in her carseat carrier thing. Poppy had called them yesterday to give them the news. I hadn’t even texted my friends, but I knew they would understand. Right behind them were Lindsay and Grady, who were supposed to be on their honeymoon.
“What are they doing here?” I asked Poppy.
She took my hand in hers. “They insisted on delaying their honeymoon until after the funeral. They love you, Ford.”
Josh slapped me on the back. “I’m sorry, man.”
Leah and Lindsay hugged me and then Poppy, both of which were one arm hugs since I wouldn’t let go of her hand. Leah glanced down at our joined hands and smiled. Then she looked like she was going to start crying. Shit, not more tears.
“Ford, why don’t you show Josh and Grady up to the seats near the front reserved for family. The service is about to begin. Lindsay and Leah, can you help me make sure the food is all ready for after the service?”
God, thank you for this girl. She knew exactly what I needed before I did.
The service was short and sweet, and I was thankful for Maddy’s crying in the middle. It prevented me from paying attention to the words and breaking down in front of everyone. Years from now I might regret not listening carefully and soaking in every word that was said, but today was about survival. And the only way to get through this service was to completely block out everything the minister was saying. My ability to block out the noise from the crowd during a game was still with me. Poppy dabbed at her eyes a few times but otherwise kept a straight face. It had to have been sheer determination that kept her from breaking down, because she had loved my mom too.
My mom had requested only a service at the church with no graveside service following. She was already gone. It wouldn't make it any better to see her being lowered into the ground. When the service was over, there was a lunch in the church basement for everyone. I sat at a table in the corner and kept myself surrounded by my friends, so no more well meaning but fucking annoying church ladies could try to hug me again. After an hour of pushing my food around on my plate and avoiding eye contact with just about everyone, Poppy leaned over and whispered, “I think we’ve been here long enough.”
“Thank God,” I said, maybe a little too loudly, and pushed my chair back from the table. Leah and Josh had already left to get Maddy home for her nap, and Lindsay and Grady walked out with us. They were headed straight to the airport to catch a flight down to the Florida Keys for their honeymoon.
“Thanks for coming,” I mumbled as Lindsay hugged me yet again.
She sniffled and rested her hand on her stomach, which was just starting to show her pregnancy. “Of course, Ford. You would have done the same for us.”
Grady and I shook hands while Lindsay turned her hugs on Poppy. I couldn’t hear what they were talking about but whatever it was had Poppy blushing.
“Hey man, I don’t know if you’re selling the house, but if you need a place to stay our door is always open. We have two empty bedrooms and plenty of storage space in our basement for all your shit,” Grady offered.
Fuck, I hadn’t even thought about where I would live now. All I knew is I didn’t want to go back home except to pack up and get the hell out.
“Thanks, Grady. I might just take you up on that.”
Grady handed me an extra key to their house in case I wanted to start staying there before they got back. After one more round of goodbyes, I helped Poppy up into my truck and drove us back to her apartment.
When I cut the engine in her driveway but made no move to get out, Poppy opened her door.
“Are you coming in? Or just dropping me off?” She asked hesitantly.
Even if I would eventually plan to stay with Grady and Lindsay, the thought of going to their huge empty house right now was almost as bad as going home to my small empty house.
“Yeah, I’m coming in. I just need a minute.”
Poppy offered me one of those sweet smiles that I swear could revive a dead man. She pulled an envelope out of her purse, and the smile vanished. “Ford, your mom gave me this letter to give to you…after the funeral.”
She laid the envelope on the seat between us and got out of the truck. I watched as she carefully navigated her way up the stairs in her heels. She wasn’t comfortable enough in them to have worn them very often, but the things they did for her already perfect legs were enough to fill my fantasies for years. I carefully picked up the envelope but didn’t open it. I just couldn’t do it today, so I opened my glove compartment and shoved the letter inside. Heartache for another day.
Still physically drained from lack of sleep and emotionally drained for the obvious reasons, I let my head fall back onto the headrest. With the engine off, the cold January air was starting to permeate the cab. I welcomed the coldness; it was what I was used to feeling. Before Poppy entered my life, and before my mom left it.
Two nights ago I had come home from Grady’s wedding intent on kissing Poppy. Not knowing what would come after, just that I needed her lips on mine, her body pressed against mine. Then the bottom had dropped out of my world, and I didn’t know which way was up anymore.
All I knew was that I needed Poppy, close to me, with me. The need was so overwhelming lately, and especially now. I left my truck and walked up the steps to her apartment, closing and locking the door behind me. Poppy had left her heels by the door and her pantyhose draped over the chair, and she was in the bathroom unpinning her hair to let it fall down her back.
Tomorrow I would return to work at the pub and would have to figure out my living situation, and I knew Poppy had yoga classes in the morning and would be starting a new aide assignment the following day. Our lives would be returning to normal. But today was just the two of us, here alone in her warm cozy apartment. I wasn’t going to waste a second of it.
Noticing that I was back, she asked, “Are you okay?”
“I am now,” I replied as I strode over with purpose and took her in my arms. She immediately tilted her head back to accept my kiss and wound her arms around my neck. Heaven. Another thing I wasn’t sure I believed in until I had tasted Poppy.
“Did it help? To read her letter?” She asked, pulling back. Any distance between us was too much. That was the only thing I was sure of regarding Poppy.
“I didn’t read it yet. I’m not sure anything can help make it okay that she’s dead.”
Poppy looked down, and I realized that might have come out too harsh. “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean…” I took a step back from her so I could think clearly. “No matter what the letter said, I still can’t shake the fact that I didn’t get to say goodbye. I thought I had all this time left to tell her that I loved her and I would miss her.” And there it was again. Poppy, by her presence alone, had the ability to get me to say things that would normally never come out of my mouth. She hadn’t even said anything other than ask me about the letter and here I was spouting off my deepest feelings.
Turning away I ran my hands through my hair. Realizing I was still wearing my suit, I struggled to loosen my tie. It was starting to feel like I was choking, from the tie, from the guilt over not having said the things I wanted to say, from the depth of my feelings for Poppy that were just becoming apparent.
“Ford,” Poppy said quietly but firmly. Her hands replaced mine and she easily loosened my tie. Dropping my hands to my side I allowed her to take care of me once again. As she slid my jacket off my shoulders and down my arms, she said, “I know this was not how you expected it to happen. Death is rarely predictable. And I understand the feeling of regret from not having that final goodbye. Unfortunately it never really goes away. But you will learn to accept it for what it is. Your mother loved you very much, Ford. If she was here right now, she would
tell you to stop feeling guilty and get on with your life.” She smiled at the memory of my mother as she untucked my shirt and began to undo the buttons.
Circling her small wrists with my fingers, I stilled her hands on my shirt. “Poppy, stop.” Again I said the wrong thing as I saw the hurt flash through her eyes.
“Shit! That didn’t come out right either. What I meant to say was that you have helped me so much the last few days, I…thank you, Poppy.”
She pulled her wrists out of my grasp and turned to walk away. “You don’t have to thank me, Ford. I care about you…”
“Poppy, listen to me. I do have to thank you, and you will graciously say you’re welcome. What you have done for me is more than I deserve. Part of what I’m dealing with right now are my feelings for you.” That got her attention, and she turned back around, her eyes wide with surprise that I was actually talking about my feelings. Yeah, I was surprised too. But I should be used to acting completely unlike myself around her by now.
“I don’t understand why you treat me so well when I haven’t always been the nicest guy in the world. But I’m not going to question it any more. Right now isn’t the time for me to necessarily trust what I’m feeling, but I’m not going to ignore what I feel for you any longer. I’m not sure what it is yet, but I do know that being with you makes everything seem better. You make me better, Poppy.”
Her eyes began to fill with tears, and I felt it in my gut. Jesus Christ, could I not get anything right? “Fuck!”
“Ford, wait! These are happy tears. That’s probably the sweetest thing anyone has ever said to me. I know you’re not looking for a relationship, and that’s okay. We don’t need to figure everything out right now. Just being with you is enough for now. I’m not going to pressure you to define what you feel for me.”
Clearly she was sent from heaven. I closed the space between us in two strides and hooked one arm around her waist, pulling her flush against me. With my other hand I brushed her hair back and wound my fingers in it at the back of her head. Poppy’s hands resumed their task of undoing the buttons on my shirt as she looked up at me, her eyes so honest and full of emotion that it almost made me want to look away. Almost.
When she looked at me like that it made everything that was bad in my life disappear. Her touch, whisper soft across my skin, made me forget everything else except for her. After feeling like my life was swirling in a downward spiral, I needed to hold on to something real. Whatever I felt for Poppy, one thing was for sure. It was real. She was real. And she was standing before me, accepting me and what I had to give her.
Unable to contain my need for her any longer, I frantically fumbled for the zipper at the back of her dress. Shoving it off her shoulders I stood back to watch it pool at her feet, revealing her pale creamy skin covered only by swatches of black lace.
I grasped her hips and walked her backward until the backs of her thighs hit the mattress. Dropping to my knees in front of her I pulled her panties down her legs and urged her to sit on the bed.
“Ford!” She gasped as I slid my hands up her legs and pushed her thighs apart, opening the very core of her for me. When she instinctively reached to cover herself, I gently took her hand and pressed a kiss to her palm before placing it on the bed beside her.
As soon as I tasted her, I could feel the tension and apprehension melt from her body. Soon her hand was fisted in my hair, urging me closer. Wanting to give her a small fraction of what she had given me, I took my cues from her breathy moans and ran my tongue over every part of her. When I focused my attention on her clit, circling it and increasing the pressure, she cried out my name and her body tensed before I felt the waves of her release.
She fell back on the bed, with her legs still open for my viewing pleasure. I’ve never undressed so quickly before, and I was trying not to fall over while shucking off my pants. Within seconds I had the condom on and was back between her smooth thighs. Poppy was still recovering and blinked her hazel eyes open. They were still clouded with desire and she saw me standing ready before her.
I leaned over her and scooted her up to the pillows before easing myself on top of her. There were a million different ways I fantasized about taking Poppy, but right now I needed her arms around me when I eased inside of her. Today wasn’t about wild sex; it was about connecting with her on a level I didn’t even know existed.
Poppy wiggled her hips until I was in just the right spot. As I slowly pushed inside her wet warmth, she smiled up at me and wrapped her arms tightly around my back. The emotion I had seen in her eyes earlier that had made me uncomfortable was now flowing freely between us. Whatever it was, I never wanted it to end.
Out of necessity for this to last longer than two minutes, I kept my movements slow. Rotating my hips as I slid out and back in, I knew I’d hit the spot when Poppy’s eyes fluttered closed and her lips parted on a sigh. God, she felt so good. With her arms around my back and her legs around my waist, I was completely wrapped up in Poppy. It was pure heaven.
When Poppy’s nails dug into my back, I picked up the pace. With each thrust I brought us both closer to release and closer together. She went first, and I couldn’t hold out any longer when I felt the first wave of her orgasm squeeze around me.
Granted we had only made love a few times, but each one was better and more intense than the last. Would it always be like this? Would I always have this need for Poppy? It wasn’t just her body I craved. It was her whole being. Each time I was inside her, my heart thawed a little more.
Chapter Thirteen
Poppy
At the end of last semester, I couldn’t wait for a break from classes and homework. Now I was counting down the seconds until my life returned to its normal predictable routine. The last two weeks had been filled with sadness, goodbyes and Ford. He was a force of nature, and I was helpless against his pull.
The first week of January was spent dealing with the immediate aftermath of Maggie’s death and the funeral. Last week was spent packing up the rest of the house and putting it up for sale. Ford had technically moved into Grady and Lindsay’s guest room, although he had yet to spend a night anywhere other than my bed. While I certainly enjoyed our time there, each night that passed only served to remind me that I was ultimately one step closer to my first night without him, when he moved to Louisiana.
He hadn’t talked about his upcoming interview other than to ask, no, actually beg me to go with him the day of Maggie’s funeral. Of course I said yes. Was there anything he could possibly ask me that I would say no to?
“You okay?” Ford asked me, and I realized I had been staring out the window and didn’t notice we had arrived at campus. With everything that had been going on, getting my car fixed had fallen to the bottom of the priority list. Ford wasn’t working until this afternoon, so he had promised to get Josh to look at it with him this morning. Until it was fixed he was my chauffeur. Hopefully that would be soon, like four hours from now.
Over the course of one day - New Year’s Day - we had gone from being “friends” to spending every spare moment together. It wasn’t that I was getting sick of him or anything. It would be a cold day in hell before that happened. The problem was that I wanted to be with him all the time. He seemed to feel the same way, which should make me happy. But I worried that our reasons were different.
I had been falling for Ford since the second I walked into the bar and saw him shirtless in a cowboy hat on Halloween. Whatever it was that drew me to him couldn’t be deterred even by his nasty attitude toward me those early weeks. When he came to me the night after Maggie died, it sealed my fate. I was completely and hopelessly in love with Ford Walsh.
From the outside it might appear that he loved me too. He certainly acted the part these last two weeks, spending every possible second with me, making love to me every night, depending on me in a way I knew he had never depended on anyone before. But I knew his pain from losing Maggie ran deep, and he saw me as a reprieve from that pain. He had sai
d being around me made him better. My greatest fear was that I was just some sort of bridge for him from the past to the future. A future that wouldn’t include me once he was no longer grieving.
“Poppy. What’s wrong?”
Snapping out of my daze, I smiled weakly at Ford, who was looking at me with concern in his deep blue eyes.
“Nothing. Just nervous about starting new classes, I guess,” I lied.
He smiled reassuringly at me, then his eyes caught sight of something over my shoulder and his gaze narrowed. Turning I searched through the crowd of students until I found what had caused his signature scowl to return. Aiden.
Getting out of the truck, he came around to open my door. “Come on. I’ll walk you to class,” he said, taking my hand to help me out then taking my book bag for me.
“It’s not 1950, Ford. I can carry my own books,” I teased.
He raised our joined hands to his mouth, pressing a kiss to my fingers, but his eyes remained on Aiden. “You can do a lot of things yourself, Poppy. But I like doing things for you. Let me take care of you for a change.”
If only, I thought with a sigh.
We reached the building where my first class was held, and I paused at the door to say goodbye. Ford had other ideas as he didn’t relinquish his hold on my bag and led me inside to the door of my classroom.
Aiden walked toward us and just seemed to notice me. “Hey, Poppy! Are you in this class?” His jovial attitude deflated a bit when he took in Ford standing protectively close to me. Good Lord, the last thing he needed to worry about was Aiden.
“Hi, Aiden. Yup, I’m taking Anatomy this semester. I timed it so it would be fresh in my mind for the MCATs this spring.”
“Oh, yeah. I forgot you’re planning on going to medical school.”
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