He pulled back. “I’ve wanted to do that for a long time.”
“Then why didn’t you? All this time wasted, when we—”
“You talk too much.” He pressed his lips to hers and silenced her words.
She didn’t mind, she craved him, his touch, his lips. She wanted to be closer and began unbuttoning his shirt.
He stilled her hands. “Not yet, not tonight.”
“But why?”
“I’m not ready to make you mine, to accept this marriage, but kisses are so good.” After flashing a smile he lowered his head again.
She pulled back. “So you’re willing to kiss me, to accept pleasure, but not marry me?”
“Well, I…”
“No. I won’t accept half-way. I want all of you or nothing. If you can’t make this marriage real, then file for the annulment and let me go.”
“So you can go to Ben King? That’s really what you’re saying isn’t it?”
She waved a dismissive hand. “If that is what I wanted, I’d have been gone a longtime ago.”
“You’re just saying that because—”
Hope started crying, her little voice cutting through the air and ending their argument.
Julia ran back to her room and picked up the baby. “Oh, honey, we’re sorry. We didn’t mean to wake you up.” She kissed her and began walking the floor with her.
“What can I do?” asked Matt.
Their argument was seemingly forgotten.
“Boil water on the stove and pour it in the bottle. We need it clean for the next feeding.”
“All right, I’ll do that.”
“I’ll change her. Her little blanket is wet.”
“Tuck her in with bath towels for now. You’ll have to sleep with her to keep her warm without the blanket.”
Julia shook her head. “What if I roll over on her?”
He walked to her and cupped her face with his hand. “You won’t. Trust me. You’ll be too aware of her sleeping with you to roll over on her. In fact, you probably won’t get any sleep at all because you’re worried about it.”
She took a deep breath and let it out slowly. “I can do this. I’m a nurse for goodness sake. I can handle the care of one little baby.”
“Yes, you can. Now get her changed and I’ll get the bottle and milk ready.”
She covered her with a couple of towels and used washcloths for diapers and tea towels for burp cloths.
The routine went like that all night: every three hours or so, Hope would wake and need feeding and changing. They went through all of the wash cloths, then started on the dish cloths for diapers. The dish towels were too big for her little body.
By morning, Julia was exhausted. She sat on the edge of her bed in her nightgown and robe, yawning. “I don’t know how parents do it.”
Matthew came in and handed her a cup of coffee, then picked up Hope from the bed. “They don’t do any better than you. They are tired and, like you, they just go on with what needs to be done. Why don’t you lie down for an hour or so and I’ll take care of Hope.”
“You would do that? She’s not your responsibility. You didn’t promise her father anything.”
“No, but you did, and I intend to help you keep that promise. Besides, Little Bit is growing on me.”
Julia smiled as she looked at his expression which had grown softer. “Little Bit?”
“Uh huh. She’s just a little bit of a girl.”
“Well, I’m taking you up on your offer. Then I’ll dress, and we can go to the mercantile for supplies. We’re out of clean anything to use for her diapers.”
An hour later, Julia emerged from her room feeling much more rested. The little nap had done wonders. She found Matthew and Hope in the parlor. He was sitting in one of the big chairs in front of the fireplace, talking quietly to the baby.
“You’re one lucky baby, Little Bit. Julia is a wonderful person, and she’ll make you a great mama. I worry about when your daddy comes back to get you, but there’s not a lot we can do about that. We promise to keep you safe and healthy until then.”
Julia looked over his shoulder at the baby. He had her unwrapped and she was stretching and moving about with no control over what she was doing. Julia put her hand on Matthew’s shoulder so as not to frighten him or Hope.
“Thank you for the nap. It helped a lot. I feel ready to face the world again.”
“Good. I’ve fed and burped her and just changed her diaper.” He looked up at Julia and smiled. “She’s been a little angel.”
“Are you ready to go get her things?”
“Yes,” he cooed to the baby. “Yes we’re ready to go aren’t we? Yes, we are.”
“Do you want me to carry her?” Julia was ready to have the baby back in her arms again. Strangely enough she missed her. “We could use the buggy.”
“Yes, but it’s so close. It’s easier to walk the four blocks than to harness the horses and then unharness them when we get back. What if I carry her up to the store and you can carry her back.”
Matthew seemed to be as attached to Hope as she was.
“That’ll be good. Let me get my hat. Be sure and keep her wrapped up, there is still a morning chill.”
They walked up to Smith’s General Store. The bell dinged when they entered.
“Well, hello there you two. What you got there, Doc?” said Hazel Bishop after the screen door slammed shut.
“This is Hope Carstairs. She was just born yesterday.” Julia unbundled Hope so Hazel could see her face.
“Oh, my goodness, she’s such a little thing.”
Julia nodded. “Neither of her parents were large people. She’ll probably be small when she grows up.”
“Well, that’s just all right,” said Hazel. “Where are her ma and pa?”
“Her mother died giving birth. Her father is dealing with his grief right now so we’re taking care of Hope for him.”
“In the meantime,” Matthew interrupted, “We need everything for a new baby. Diapers, diaper pins, clothes, blankets, bottles, nipples. Everything.”
Hazel walked to what Julia called the baby section of the store. “I got just about everything you want right here. There’s not a lot in the way of clothes. Most folks make their own. You might stop by Margery Stapleton’s place and see if she can make you some baby clothes. And I’ve got the flannel for the diapers over here.” She pointed to the many bolts of cloth on another table.
“Can you write down the directions to Mrs. Stapleton’s house, please? We also need to increase the amount of milk delivered. I want it doubled for now and if we need to we’ll even triple it.” Julia tucked the towel around Hope while she was still in Matthew’s arms. “We just don’t know yet how much she’ll need.”
“I’ll make the change to your order.” Hazel wrote down notes in her little notebook. “Did you want some cereal to make pap with?”
“No,” said Julia. “I think we’ll keep to the milk for now. If it comes to the point she’s not satisfied with the milk then we’ll add cereal or flour to the milk. But thank you for thinking of it.”
Hazel smiled. “I got those four boys of my own. I think I know a little about raising children.”
Julia laughed.
“I bet you do,” chuckled Matthew. “And you probably have stories of their exploits that would still my heart.”
Hazel chortled. “They were a pretty rambunctious lot.”
CHAPTER 8
Matthew’s arms were full with things for Hope. Julia couldn’t wait to get home and try on some of the little shirts they’d gotten for her. She was so tiny the tops would look like dresses on her. They were lucky that Hazel had anything in the way of baby clothes.
Unfortunately, they arrived back at the house to find people standing outside the office door, waiting to be seen.
Matthew dropped off the purchases and went directly to the office.
Julia went into the house and changed and dressed Hope, swaddled her in one of her ne
w blankets, and then went to work as well. She took Hope with her and was immediately accosted by women who wanted to see the baby and hear her story. During the day Julia ended up telling it several times.
Every two and one half hours, she left to go to the kitchen and feed Hope.
Matthew came to the kitchen and made himself lunch.
“Would you like a sandwich?” he asked Julia.
“Yes, please.” Her stomach growled at the mention of food. “Hope has been the only one eating today. I’m so glad we bought the extra bottles. I’ll boil the dirty ones tonight, but don’t have to worry about not having a clean bottle.”
“I think it’s important for the things around the baby, and the baby herself to be clean.” Matthew took the sandwich makings out of the icebox. “Cleanliness related to childbirth has been the norm in the medical field for forty years but I think it makes a big difference in the health of the child as well. Clean is definitely better.”
Julia nodded and held up Hope for Matthew to see. “Look how pretty we are, Matthew.”
He smiled and gave the baby a kiss on the head. “My two beautiful girls.”
Julia felt her cheeks heat. He thinks I’m beautiful. He called me his girl.
“How is it over there now? Obviously, you’re having a lull in patients.”
“Yes, there are none waiting and no appointments. I think we can relax for a while.”
“Good. I want to give Hope a bath and I’d like you to watch her while I get everything ready.”
“She’s not going anywhere.”
“I know, but I hate to leave her alone. She’s so tiny and we’re all she’s got.”
Matthew nodded and gave her a small smile. “She’s not really ours you know. It’ll be difficult to give her back to her father.”
“I think about it every day. I don’t sound much like a nurse do I, but now that I’ve actually taken care of a baby, accepted the responsibility, I feel differently. I know I shouldn’t be getting attached to her, but it’s way too late for that. I was attached, the moment I brought her home. I don’t know if Blaine will come back for her or not. He was so…angry. He felt betrayed by me, by her,” she nodded toward the baby. “And my God Hope will always remind him of whom he lost. He may not want that.”
“I’m thinking of talking to Judge Blackstone again but this time about Hope. I’m having papers drawn up giving us custody of Hope. There’ll be a set for Carstairs to sign and a set for us to file petitioning the court for custody.”
“You want to adopt her?” Julia was thrilled. She would like nothing more that to be Hope’s mother forever.
“Yes, I do.”
“No judge in the country will allow a couple seeking an annulment of their marriage to adopt. You must know that.”
“I do. I won’t seek an annulment if there is a chance of adopting Hope but I still feel bamboozled.” Matthew hedged.
“I understand that.” And she did. He wasn’t the only one who felt used. He was finally sharing his feelings with her. That was a definite step forward. “But I didn’t do the bamboozling. Walt did.”
He frowned. “He’s not here for me to take it out on. Though I can’t believe he wouldn’t want to be around to see if his handiwork…worked.” Matthew suddenly sat up straight. “If I were Walt, I’d shave my beard, get some new clothes come back in on the stage and get a room at the Tombstone Hotel.”
“I bet he’s done that.” She picked up Hope and brought her close to her face. “You are so adorable. Yes, you are.” She nuzzled the baby’s tummy, then brought her back down and kissed her forehead. She looked over at Matthew. “Are you ready to watch her?”
“Yes, one more bite, then you can eat before you bathe the baby.” He shoved the last bit of food into his mouth and held his arms out for the baby. “Come on here, Little Bit.”
She ran a finger along Hope’s cheek. “I could ask Ben if he knew of any customers that might fit that description.”
“I’ll ask Ben. You don’t need to…get anywhere near him,” he added under his breath.
Julia smiled. He was jealous of Ben. Had he seen the kiss Ben gave her? If he had no wonder he was jealous.
Someone knocked on the front door.
“I’ll get it.” Julia dried her hands on the dish towel and went to answer the door.
Ben King stood there with a couple of packages under his arm.
Julia was speechless.
Ben cocked one of his perfectly slanted eyebrows. “Are you inviting me in?”
“Oh, yes.” She stepped back out of the doorway to let him pass. “Forgive me. I hadn’t expected to see you today.”
He smiled wide. “I know, but I couldn’t leave things like they were with us.”
Julia gasped, shook her head and glanced over her shoulder. “Ben, there is no us.”
He moved close and his cologne teased her nose. Sandalwood. “I know that Matthew hasn’t decided to consummate this marriage. Why don’t you file for an annulment and marry me? I can give you whatever your heart desires. Anything money can buy.”
“What happens or doesn’t in my marriage is no one’s business but mine and Matthew’s.” She wrapped her arms around her waist. I should never have let more than a mere touch of a kiss to happen. I’ve given him the wrong idea. “What my heart desires, money can’t buy.”
“What are you doing here, Ben?” Matthew’s grouchy voice sounded from behind her.
Julia turned at the sound of Matthew’s voice.
Matthew stood, looking like an avenging angel, except he was holding Hope.
“Hello, Matt. I came to see the baby.” He held up the parcels in his hands. “I feel responsible for her, since I also promised her father to keep her safe and well.”
“Then come in.” Matthew didn’t relax, but stayed on guard.
Matthew should have relaxed. What he thought Ben would do, Julia wasn’t sure.
“Can I hold the baby?” Ben gazed down at the infant. “I’d like to see her.”
Matthew came forward and handed Hope to Ben.
“She looks so tiny,” exclaimed Ben. “Even more so than the night she was born.”
Matthew looked questioningly at Julia.
“Blaine Carstairs refused to leave his wife during the birth. Ben was in the next room, in case I needed him.”
Matthew nodded. “I must thank you for that, Ben. You were here when my wife needed help and protected her when I couldn’t. For that I thank you.”
Ben handed Hope to Julia. “Someone has to be here to protect your wife, since you are obviously not capable of doing so yourself.”
Good grief, they’re acting like I’m a piece of meat to be fought over. “Gentlemen. Please. No arguing in the house.”
“She’s right,” said Matthew. “Shall we take this outside?”
“With pleasure.”
“That’s not what I meant. Please.” Her words fell on deaf ears much to her frustration.
Matthew and Ben went out into the front yard. Matthew turned to face Ben and got a right into his jaw. He shook his head once and put up his fists. “That’s one. That’s all you’ll get.”
Matthew hit Ben with a left to his jaw and a right to his stomach, followed by another jab by his left. Then he backed up a little and let Ben catch his breath. “Ready to give up, King?”
“No. You treat her like she’s your personal slave. She does everything for you and you won’t even make your marriage a real one. Instead you talk to Blackstone about an annulment. Let her go.”
Shock made Matthew drop his fists. That was the second time in as many days that someone had accused him of treating Julia like a slave. Did he? Did the whole town know he hadn’t consummated the marriage? Was he making a laughing stock of himself? Of Julia?”
Ben took advantage of Matthew’s reflection to land two good punches, both to his face. Then Matthew forgot his reverie and returned the punches, again and again.
“Matthew, stop. Stop!” Julia cal
led to him.
Her anguished voice cut through the red haze and he turned to her.
“Matthew, please stop.”
He dropped his hands and looked at Ben. His face was a bloody mess. He figured his own probably wasn’t much better.
All of the commotion and yelling disturbed Hope who was crying uncontrollably.
“Now see what you’ve done. Both of you come inside. Right this minute.” Julia used the sternest voice she had.
“Yes, ma’am,” the men said in unison.
Julia walked inside, followed by the two men. For now, for her, they forgot their animosity toward each other. She took them to the kitchen where they sat at the table.
“Now after I soothe Hope and assure her that you two are not killing each other, I’ll get started patching you up.”
Julia walked with Hope and talked to her softly.
“She’ll make a wonderful mother,” said Ben, watching Julia.
“She does make a wonderful mother. She’s Hope’s mother in almost every way possible. She just didn’t give birth to her. But she loves her just the same. We both do.” Matthew looked at Julia walking with the baby and gave her a small smile.
She returned it before putting on her stern face again. Julia gave Hope her knuckle to suck on and that calmed her. She walked with her until she fell asleep again, and then gave the baby to Matthew.
“You get to hold her while I take care of Ben.”
“I’ll take her any time.” Matthew smiled. “Ouch.” He touched his lip. “Guess you got in a couple of good ones, Ben.” He didn’t deny he was jealous, but for Julia’s sake he would remember that Ben was his friend, first and foremost. For now.
“The way my face feels I’d say you got a few on me as well.”
“Both of you were being ridiculous. Ben, I’m married to Matthew and until we decide together how to go from here, it’s no one else’s business what we do.”
“You’re right. I’m sorry. I,” Ben stopped and swallowed. “I wanted you to know how I feel.”
“I do. Thank you.”
Julia got water, washcloths and soap to clean Ben’s wounds. She put two stitches into a cut on his forehead, but other than that, he was mostly just bruised.
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