One question would be easy to answer. When he asked who would take care of him now, she would tell him of her plans to adopt him.
Of course, she had the child-welfare people to contend with, but she didn’t think they would give her any trouble. After all, people had never lined up to adopt troubled eight-year-old boys of mixed race.
Laura heard a sound at the doorway to the bedroom and turned toward it. Nick was standing there watching her.
“Is he all right?”
Laura nodded, stood and walked to him. One of his big, strong hands took hold of hers, the touch setting off all sorts of sparks inside her. She didn’t want to give up Nick, either, and she wondered what her chances were of getting to keep him, as well.
She told herself that she needed to be prepared to lose him.
During those tense moments outside Nick’s apartment on the fire escape, with the gunfire below them, he had told her in no uncertain terms that he wasn’t going to lose her yet. Laura had hoped for some sort of a miracle. She’d imagined her and Nick and Rico together in half a dozen different places and times, and she’d started dreaming in earnest of a future with Nick.
But now that she had time to think about it, her own insecurities had grown with each passing minute. She wasn’t daydreaming now. She was seeing him return to the life he used to live, especially if helping Rico handle his mother’s murder also managed to help Nick work through the trauma that had followed Jason Williams’s death.
Nick would go back to his psychiatry practice. Laura would go back to teaching her second graders at Saint Anne’s and making a life for herself and Rico. She didn’t see her and Nick crossing paths again.
The thought of never seeing him anymore brought sudden tears to her eyes. Nick noticed, and wiped the first one away before it even made its way down her cheek.
“Are you all right?” he asked.
His voice alone was enough to send a shiver of awareness down her spine. “I’ve had better days,” she admitted.
“Me, too.”
He left his hand on her cheek. Laura thought for a minute he was going to kiss her again and wished he would. She wondered what the women he knew were like. When he dated, what sort of women did he choose?
There was a whole world out there of money and privilege and places in society about which she knew nothing. And at times she would have said those things didn’t matter at all to Dr. Nicholas Garrett. But then some of her old insecurities would rise up.
She’d gone to school on some miraculous scholarship that she thought would change her life forever. But she never felt she fit in there, although she’d tried hard with Mitch and his blue-blooded Boston family. Whether it was the fact that she was poor, that her skin was darker than theirs, that her family had been in this country for only sixty years or so compared with the almost four hundred years his family had been here, she would never know. They hadn’t explained their instant dislike of her or their vehement objections to Mitch’s involvement with her.
But she’d felt it as distinctly as the touch of someone’s hand on hers. They hadn’t wanted her. They would never accept her.
Laura knew next to nothing about Nick’s family or his background. Or if he even had a family.
Would she fit in his life once this whole mess was over?
She didn’t know. But she did know one thing. She and Nick were together now, and she intended to make the most of that time.
She smiled up at him and kept her tears at bay. Some emotion flared to life in his eyes, and his gaze settled once again on her lips.
The wait seemed to go on forever, and she couldn’t understand why he would be hesitating now, after they had already made love the night before at his apartment. She was about to ask him why, about to make the first move herself, when his hand fell away from her cheek and he stepped back.
His withdrawal hurt, more than she cared to think about right now. Laura forced her mind back to the business at hand and chided herself for ever losing sight of it.
“Are you ready yet to tell me what’s going on?” she asked briskly.
He hadn’t wanted to say much earlier in front of Rico. But hours had passed since he talked to Drew. She’d had time to imagine any number of terrible things that could have gone wrong.
“Come this way,” he told her, motioning her out of the room. “Come outside with me. It’s a beautiful night.
Laura closed the bedroom door behind her, then walked through the small combination living room and kitchen and out the front door.
They were in the middle of nowhere, in a stand of tall, thick trees somewhere near the lake. There were no sounds of cars, no sirens, no clicking noise of a train rushing past. There were no people shouting or singing or cursing anywhere nearby. It was eerily silent, save for the crickets chirping and the frogs croaking. And to a city girl like her, used to the bright lights, it was incredibly dark out here.
Nick walked to the side of the car and leaned against it. He crossed his arms in front of him and watched her with the kind of intensity that had the power to make her mouth go dry and to make her forget how afraid she was and how certain she was that she would lose Nick someday.
Maybe she’d already lost him. Maybe that one night was all they would ever have.
Laura shook her head. “Tell me what Drew had to say. Was he at the apartment building today? Were those men after us?”
Nick nodded. “It’s more of a mess than we realized.”
She had guessed that. “And Rico is right in the middle of it.”
“The three of us, Laura. We’re all in the middle of this mess together. Renata Leone’s boyfriend is part of some ring of cops who’ve been ‘skimming’ for a long time now.”
“Skimming?”
“Helping themselves to some things they shouldn’t. Cops take lots of things as evidence—cash, drugs, stolen property. You name it—you can probably find it in a police station evidence room. Sometimes they get greedy.
“Think about it. A couple of cops who put their lives on the line day in and day out for pay that’s laughable find themselves sitting in a house with a man with a record a mile long. He’s got a suitcase full of cash right there in front of them or a cache of drugs with some astronomical street value. Who’s going to know, at that point, if some of it doesn’t make it to the station with him?
“They skim some of the cash or some of the drugs off the top, either before it’s booked into evidence or sometimes after it is. Pretty soon the cops are more dangerous than the crooks they’re on the streets to catch.”
Laura closed her eyes and thought about how dangerous such a man could be once he turned his back on the law but still had all the connections and all the power of a law-enforcement officer. “That’s what Renata’s boyfriend was doing?”
“Her boyfriend and a number of others. Drew doesn’t know how many yet. The cops don’t know. And it’s damned hard to investigate when the people doing the investigating might be involved in the crime itself. Now someone’s facing a murder charge, too. They’re more desperate to cover their tracks and silence that little boy than they ever were, to the point of bringing this out into the open by shooting on a public street in the middle of the morning.
“It’s a very dangerous situation, and honestly, I don’t know what we should do next.”
Laura felt sickened by it all. “I thought we were going to stay here. Surely we’re safe here.”
“We thought we were safe in my apartment, too, and they found us there.”
“How? How did they find us? No one knew we were there.”
“Drew did. And when he started trying to find some information on Renata’s boyfriend, he made the people investigating the skimming operation very nervous. He had to tell a few people why he was asking so many questions.”
“Oh.” She thought she understood finally.
“Exactly. Someone he told, either someone within the FBI or the police department, came after us. They either heard from Dr
ew or from one of his superiors talking about us. Then they found out where we were. Drew said the dirty cops must be half-crazy to start shooting like that on the street.”
“Nobody caught those men outside the apartment building this morning?”
“No. Drew didn’t come expecting a shoot-out in public, and he didn’t want to tell too many people where we were. So it was just him and his partner.”
“They’re okay?”
“They are.” He paused.
“And Drew thinks they’ve ID’d one of the gunmen outside the apartment. Still, the FBI and the police have no idea who the top man might be, or how high up he might be in either organization. And now Drew doesn’t know who we can trust for help in this.”
Laura looked around her at the thick trees, the clouds above that blocked out the moonlight. Were they safe here? Would they be safe anywhere until these men were caught?
“There’s one more thing,” Nick said. “The dental records check out. Rico’s mother is dead.”
“Oh.” Laura put her hand over her mouth and concentrated on breathing in and out. She looked back toward the cabin, where the little boy lay sleeping, and she ached for him.
Nick took her hand, and she held on to him tightly.
“I thought I was prepared for that, and now that it’s happened...”
“It’s okay.”
He took her other hand, as well, in a grip that helped to steady her.
“Oh, God, now I have to tell him.”
“I’ll help you,” he said.
“I don’t know how I’m going to tell him. I... I still remember when my uncle came to tell me my mother was dead, and it’s absolutely the worst thing in the world.”
“He’s going to get through it, Laura.”
She was still having trouble believing this. “Is your mother alive?”
He nodded. “She’ll probably live to be ninety. She’s indestructible.”
“I was five years older than Rico is now when I lost my mother, and it was... devastating. It was like no pain I’ve ever experienced, and there’s nothing that makes you feel more alone in this world. You’ve lost the one person who was always supposed to understand you and forgive you and love you, no matter what. And I... I hate that he has to go through that. I hate it, and it makes me so mad.”
“Hey,” Nick said. “Rico didn’t have that kind of a mother.”
“Still, she was his mother.”
“I know, but he’s going to have you. Laura, you’ll be the mother he never had. You’ll be the one who’ll understand him and forgive and love him, no matter what. He may not realize it right now, but he’s a damned lucky kid. Don’t you forget that.”
“I hope you’re right.”
“Hey, look what an amazing woman you turned out to be.”
He kissed her lightly on the lips and wiped away her tears.
Laura would have stayed there in his arms indefinitely, but he dropped his hands and stepped back.
“We’ve got some other things we have to talk about first,” he said.
First? She wondered what would come after the talk. “What are we going to do?” she asked.
“I don’t know.”
“What did Drew suggest?”
“He said he can put us in touch with another agent in another town, if we’d like to go to some sort of FBI safe house. But that would involve getting back on the road, back into the open for a while.”
“I don’t want to do that.” She’d been terrified all day. So had Rico. “Drew could send someone to get us, couldn’t he?”
“If we wanted to tell him where we are. If we were willing to count on the fact that no one has managed to tap his phone or trace calls coming into his phone. We know the murderer has keyed in on Drew, that he knew where we were today, and he’ll likely know where we are now.”
“We’ve put Drew in a very dangerous position,” she said.
“He’s been in dangerous spots before. He can cover his backside.”
“You still didn’t tell me—do you think we’re safe here? Should we stay?”
“Well, Drew wouldn’t let me tell him where we are, so a phone tap wouldn’t have done anyone any good if they were listening in on the conversation. We didn’t use a credit card at all, so there’s nothing to track that way. We’re traveling in a rental car. I’d say, unless someone managed to follow us from the apartment this morning we’re safe as long as we stay put here. What do you think?”
“I feel safer here than I did when we were out in the open today.”
“So you want to stay?”
She hedged. “Do you?”
“I’d feel a lot better right now if I were an FBI agent instead of a psychiatrist.”
“Rico needs a psychiatrist, though.”
“I think he needs both, Laura. I know you need someone like Drew right now much more than you need me.”
She fought the urge to tell him just how much she wanted to be with him, no matter what the circumstances.
Nick came toward her then. One minute he was in the shadows, dark hair, dark brooding eyes, broad shoulders, soft lips, and the next minute he walked into the light shining from the fixture above the cabin door.
With the lines sharply etched into the corners of his eyes and his mouth he looked exhausted. She wondered if he’d slept at all the night before, because when she’d woken up he was already up and dressed.
Standing directly in front of her, he hesitated for the time it took her to draw one shaky breath. Then his hands enveloped one of hers. He ran his thumb over the back of her hand and squeezed it.
“If anything happened to Rico or to you because of something I did... I don’t know what I’d do.”
“I’m not going to let anything happen to him. I promised him that. You made me a promise, too, when we were on the fire escape. You said...” She lost all her nerve then, but somehow found it again. “You said you weren’t going to lose me now.”
He looked off to the right and avoided her gaze. “And you want to know what that means?”
She nodded, her voice gone.
Nick’s lips closed over hers, his kiss fast, hard, hungry, just enough to make her want more. Would she always end up wanting more than she got from this man?
“Can it mean that?” he asked as he pulled away just as quickly. “Can it simply mean that I want you and that I’d never forgive myself if anything happened to you now?”
She supposed it could easily mean that. Anything more meaningful was obviously out of the question right now—at least as far as Nick was concerned.
Laura would have to accept that, to try not to let it hurt her, try not to put too much meaning into it right now. After all, there was some crazy man with a gun after them.
“All right,” she said. “I want to stay here. For now.”
He held on to her hand one more minute, then, with something she hoped was reluctance, let it go.
“In the morning, I’ll drive into the little town we passed about five miles back, tell Drew what we’re going to do and pick up some food to stock the kitchen. We’ll stay put until something breaks in Chicago.
Nick stood outside with Laura, looking at the stars and not speaking, once they’d made their decision to stay at the cabin for the time being.
He wasn’t sure what to say or what to do. But he knew what he wanted: he wanted Laura beside him in that little bed in the second bedroom of the cabin. He wanted her right now. In fact, he’d wanted her all day, all through the night before, ever since the moment she’d left him after the second time they’d made love.
For the hundredth time in the past hour or so, he asked himself what he had to offer a woman like Laura. He asked himself what she might want in a man, what she would want for her future and for Rico, the child she planned to adopt. He was sure she would be a wonderful single parent, but that couldn’t be her first preference in raising a child.
Children needed a father as well as a mother. He wondered if she had o
ne in mind. Fool that he was, he hadn’t even asked if there was some man in her life. And he wanted to know.
“What are you scowling about?” she asked teasingly. “It’s absolutely beautiful out here, and you look like you’re ready to murder someone.
“I hope it doesn’t come to that.”
“Nick, what are you talking about?”
He shook his head. “I was just thinking of... some unfinished business between us.”
“Oh.”
She sounded as hesitant as he felt right now.
“You told me about this idiot psychiatry professor you almost married, but that had to be years ago. And we got sidetracked before I could ask about anyone else. What about it, Laura? Is there some other man in your life right now? Is someone waiting for you to get home and worrying about whether you’re safe?”
“No. There’s no one.”
He smiled then. “Good.”
“Is that good?” She was being a flirt.
“Yes, I think that’s very good.”
“Why?”
She was going to make him say it. “Because I might have to hurt the man.”
“Oh.”
As her mouth opened and the soft word came out, Nick pulled her to him and covered her mouth with his. Kissing her was every bit as sweet as he remembered. The flaming heat still startled him. It began low in his belly, and worked its way outward until it enveloped every inch of his body. He never wanted the connection to end; he wanted to kiss her over and over again until he held nearly the full weight of her body in his arms, until she was boneless and breathless, his to do with as he pleased.
He intended to be very pleased. And he would please her as well.
“Those hours we spent together at my apartment weren’t nearly enough,” he said, his lips tangled in her hair near her right ear.
“I know.”
“Come inside with me, Laura.”
“All right.”
If she hesitated in the least, he was prepared to be totally honest with her. If she wanted promises, he couldn’t give them to her. If she wanted to talk about the future, he’d tell her that he wanted a lot of things for their future, but he couldn’t guarantee they would ever come true.
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