Shelby was elated by his change of heart and couldn’t wait to share the news with Lauren, along with a very exciting surprise. She’d felt the babies kick for the first time, and it was an extraordinary moment. A mixture of terror and jubilation, and the undeniable reality that she, selfish, cynical, tough-talking Shelby Lazarus, was hatching human life.
“Doesn’t it feel weird?” She placed Lauren’s hand on her belly. “It’s like they’re swimming laps or something.”
“This is so unfair,” Lauren cried. “Just when it gets exciting, you’re leaving.”
Or trying to leave anyway. The wall of traffic on the Grand Central Parkway was putting a damper in Shelby’s efforts to make her flight.
“What happened to all those great shortcuts Avi taught you?” Shelby asked.
“That was to JFK,” she cried. “He never showed me the ones to La Guardia.”
“Just great. My ship finally comes in, and I’m stuck in the car.”
“We’ll make it, Shel. It’s only another few more miles, and things usually open up after Shea Stadium.”
“Did I mention I have to pee really bad?”
“Several times. Why didn’t you go before we left?”
“I did. Three times.”
“Should I stop somewhere?”
“No, just hurry. I really don’t want to pull over to look for tissues and a tree.”
Lauren turned off the radio. “Let’s talk to keep your mind off things.”
“Fine. What do you want to talk about?”
“Would it be possible for you not to have wild sex this week?”
“Excuse me? I plan to have nothing but wild sex this week. What’s it to you?”
“I know you’re going to say this is stupid…”
“Yes?”
“But if you’re rolling around all the time, couldn’t my babies get, I don’t know, seasick?”
They’re not your babies yet, Shelby thought. “Fine. I promise to draw the line at hanging from hotel chandeliers.”
“I’m serious, Shel.”
“Believe me, you have nothing to worry about. With this big belly, my George of the Jungle days are over.”
Fortunately, traffic did let up, and a jubilant Shelby got dropped off at the curb, checked her bag with a skycap, hugged her sister good-bye, and marched triumphantly through the airport doors. She and Matty had agreed it would be easiest to meet at the gate, but Shelby knew she’d never make it as far as the metal detectors unless she first stopped at the ladies’ room.
Once her mission was accomplished, she checked her makeup, checked to make sure she had all her belongings, checked everything but the flight board, which would have clued her in to the extensive delays occurring along the Eastern seaboard.
On the way to the gate, Shelby passed a bar in the terminal and was surprised to see such a large crowd. Who drank at eleven o’clock in the morning? Apparently a lot of people, including one guy who looked just like Matty. How funny was this? She hadn’t laid eyes on him in thirty years. Now suddenly, everywhere she went, she was spotting men who were his mirror image.
But one thing wasn’t funny. Shelby reached Gate 18 and the genuine article himself was nowhere to be found. Certainly if she could spot him on a busy parkway going 70 mph, she could pick him out of a crowd of passengers who were sitting quietly. Maybe he was in the men’s room, or getting a magazine. Maybe he was buying coffee, or maybe that was him at the bar.
No, not his style, she thought. But just to be sure, she dialed his cell phone. No answer. She checked with the gate agent to see if there were any messages for her. There were none. She walked over to the newsstand, hoping to find him standing in line with a few car magazines and an Almond Joy. No such luck. Finally, her reporter’s instincts kicked in.
Shelby covered his eyes and whispered, “Guess who?”
Matty jumped, but played along. “Sharon Stone in a short black skirt?”
“No,” Shelby smacked his shoulder. “Someone even hotter…and younger.”
“I like them hot and young.”
“Yes, but do you like them thirty-eight and pregnant?”
“I’m totally turned on.”
“Mind if I join you?” She sat on the barstool next to his.
“Come on in. The water’s nice.” He smiled, but it wasn’t his usual, boyish grin.
“I didn’t expect to find you here.” Shelby went for eye contact. “Should I be worried?”
“I’m okay.”
“Are you sure? Because I think all the okay people are sitting at the gate.”
“I’m fine.” He stirred his drink.
She looked at her watch. “Is it just my imagination, or did we come here to catch a flight?”
“Everything’s delayed due to fog. Nothing’s coming in, nothing’s going out.”
“Oh gee. I wish I’d known that an hour ago when we were sitting in traffic. I drove Lauren nuts. ‘Hurry! If I don’t get there in time, Matty will leave without me.’”
His face turned scarlet. Oh Good Lord, Shelby thought. I meant that as a joke. What is wrong with him? “You seem…uptight.” She stroked his arm.
“I have a lot on my mind.”
“Do you feel like talking about it?”
“No.”
“Is it Emily? Are you worried about not seeing her?”
“I’m always worried about Emily.”
“Is it work? The stock market? World hunger…”
“Would you stop?” he snapped. “I appreciate your concern, but I’m really not up for a big, long discussion at the moment.”
“I’m sorry.” She backed off. “It’s the reporter in me. If I smell a story, I have to get to the bottom of it.”
“Tell you what, then. When I’m ready to talk, I’ll be sure to give you the exclusive.”
“Jeez. You sound like me on a PMS day.”
When Matty didn’t answer, she closed her eyes. She wasn’t big on prayer, but this seemed like a good time to start. But what to pray for? That whatever was on his mind didn’t involve her? No. That whatever was on his mind didn’t affect her.
“I’m sorry.” He reached for her hand. “Forgive me. You’re right. I’m feeling sick about something…We have to talk.”
Noooooooo. Not the talk. Shelby’s heart pounded. What could possibly have happened between last night when they spoke and now? He sounded so happy then. Didn’t matter. She knew he was about to break her heart. God help her if he said that he and Gwen had decided to give it one last try.
“Fine. Let’s talk,” she said bravely. “But not in here. The smoke is getting to me.”
“I know. I was thinking the same thing. Let’s go find someplace quiet.”
No easy feat in an airport overflowing with passengers milling about with time on their hands and big bags on their shoulders. If the two weren’t bumping into giant carry-on gear, they were tripping over runaway toddlers and their in-pursuit parents.
But the longer it took to find a little piece of privacy, the more anxious Shelby became. Did she really want to stick around for the “You’re a great girl, but…” speech? She’d heard it all before, just never from someone who mattered this much.
“I have an idea,” Matty said. He grabbed her hand and led her through a crowded maze.
“Where are we going?”
“To the last place you’d ever expect to find a crowd.”
“The chapel?”
“Great minds think alike.”
Not that God isn’t a big draw, but Matty was right. Save for one elderly gentleman who was lighting candles, they had their pick of pews. How sad and ironic, Shelby thought. God had brought them together, and now he was about to be a witness to the break up.
“Shelby, I don’t know where to start.”
“If I remember correctly, the first line is, ‘Believe me. This isn’t about you.’”
He raised an eyebrow.
“Then you say something like, ‘You’re an incredible ca
tch, Shelby. Any man would be lucky to have you in his life, blah, blah, blah, blah…’”
“You’re amazing.” Matty smiled.
“Oh I know. But you still don’t want me to go with you, do you?”
“It’s not what you think.”
“So then what’s the problem?”
“I’m trying not to think of this as a problem. I’m trying to think of it as an opportunity.”
“And I’m trying to follow you, but you’re about three drinks ahead of me.”
“How should I put this?” Matty brushed the bangs from her eyes and took a deep breath. “I woke up this morning and I had…I guess you could call it a revelation.”
Oooh. A revelation. Not good. Revelations started world wars.
“I feel like I’ve spent my entire life being surrounded by people who tried to own a piece of my soul. My father abused me, my stepfather belittled me, my mother controlled me, my wife ignored me, my daughter…sometimes confuses me with the man who sells ice cream.
“I’m almost forty years old and I have no idea what it’s like not worrying about how my words, or my actions, or my feelings are going to affect somebody else. I’ve never had the chance to wake up and say, Okay, what do I want to do today?
“I’m just tired of trying to meet everyone else’s expectations. Tired of trying to be the perfect son, the perfect father, the perfect husband, the perfect lover. Because no matter what I do, someone is always right there to tell me that I’m not. But what I realized this morning was that the only person I’ve ever really failed was myself.
“So I guess what it comes down to is I want to finally enjoy some freedom. I want to see the Knicks play whenever they’re in town. I want to buy a ridiculously expensive sports car for no other reason than I love the sound of the engine. I want to eat pizza in my underwear. I want to go to the great jazz clubs in New Orleans and be the last one to turn out the lights. I want to be Bar Mitzvahed and be counted as a Jew so I can fulfill my one promise to my grandfather.
“And I want to do all of this starting right now, because for the first time in my life, Shelby, there’s no reason that I can’t.”
Shelby nodded, wiping her tears on her sleeve.
“Look, I know you think it would be so easy for us to pick up where we left off,” Matthew continued, “but we were little kids then and so much has happened since. I had a lousy childhood and a difficult marriage. My daughter probably won’t live to see her next birthday, and once my father-in-law finds out about Gwen and me, forget it. She’ll tell him I’m leaving her, and he’s such a vindictive son of a bitch, he’ll exert all his power in Albany to ruin my reputation with the Department of Education, then my business will tank…I just need some time to sort all this out. Figure out where I go from here. Can you understand?”
“Yes.” Shelby exhaled.
“Thank you.” Matty kissed her hand. “Because you are the last person I would ever want to hurt. And I’m not saying that one day we won’t be together.”
“Just not right now.”
He nodded.
“So we’ll wait.” Shelby tried to smile through tears. “What’s another twenty, thirty years? Maybe we’ll buy a retirement home together and…”
Matty pulled Shelby toward him and kissed her with all abandon. So what if she was feeling crushed, she could not resist his tender touch. It was the same warm, loving feeling she remembered as a ten-year-old girl. The same affection that kept her hopes alive for all these years.
“Why do you always do that?” Shelby touched her lips after they separated.
“What?”
“Kiss me right after you tell me you can’t get involved with me. You did the same thing at the museum. You’re so goddamn fickle it drives me nuts. I understand how conflicted you are, Matty. But Jesus Christ. It’s so unfair to deliver an important message about how you want to test your wings, then interrupt the broadcast with a kiss that gets me so hot I want to rip off your clothes and fuck you until…”
“Shhh…” He laughed. “Don’t say fuck in a chapel. It’s bad luck.”
“What the hell. My luck couldn’t possibly get any worse.”
“Shelby Lynn, do I have to wash that mouth out with…”
“You.” She kissed him back as hard as he’d kissed her. “I know you love me.”
“Yes.”
“But I still can’t come with you.”
“No.”
“Fine, but I’m warning you.” Shelby looked deep into his eyes. “When you get back, if you feed me the line about just wanting to be friends again, trust me, it’ll be a deal breaker. I can’t be friends with a man I’ve seen naked. I can’t be friends with a man who kisses me the way you do. I can’t be friends with a man who touches me so deeply…”
“You honestly love me that much?”
“Yes.” She could barely breathe. “And I always have.”
Shelby sat in the waiting area and watched the gate agent shut the door. A minute later a panicked latecomer pleaded with her to reopen the jetway. He hadn’t heard the boarding announcement that the flight was finally taking off, and if he missed this flight, he’d miss seeing his daughter’s dance recital. Unfortunately, he was turned away. Flight 400 to Portland was officially closed for boarding.
So that was it for her, too. An incredible, lifelong dream had evaporated in the time it took to load an L-1011 with passengers. Matty was flying home alone, and from the sounds of his whole freedom song, she could just envision him buying a catamaran and sailing the ocean blue. If she was lucky, she’d hear from him every year on her birthday.
What the hell did Warner Lamm know about fate and destiny? And what good was astrology if it couldn’t accurately predict the outcome of the most important relationship of her life? It was all a crock. Life was a crock.
It was time for her to leave now. To call Lauren to come back and get her. And yet she couldn’t even bring herself to reach into her pocketbook for her phone. Sadness and disappointment could be so immobilizing.
“Is there a Ms. Lazarus in the gate area?”
Shelby looked up. Of course she was hallucinating
“Is there a Shelby Lazarus here?”
Shelby spotted a flight attendant standing by the door to the jetway.
“Over here,” Shelby raced to the door. Funny how quickly legs recovered when motivated.
“Are you Shelby Lazarus?”
“Yes,” Shelby panted, certain she’d never run this fast even in her prime, let alone while she was carrying twins.
“This is totally going against federal aviation regulations, but I came back out here to give you a message from Lieutenant Governor Armonk’s office.”
“You did?”
“It’s from a Mr. McCreigh. He said if you’re still interested in seeing Portland, you should catch the next flight out.”
Shelby needed a moment for the message to register. “Yes, yes. Of course I’m still interested in seeing Portland. But what about taking this flight? It’s still on the ground.”
“Sorry, but we’ve already gotten the go-ahead to push back. Just speak to one of the gate agents and I’m sure they’ll be able to get you on another flight.”
“But aren’t you getting back on?” Shelby persisted.
“Yes, but we’re not authorized to allow any additional passengers on once we’ve completed the manifold…”
“I’m begging you,” Shelby clasped her hands in prayer formation. “I’ll name this child after you. I’ll put you in my will. I’ll, I’ll…just drop dead right now if you don’t let me board, and then it’ll be this whole huge headline: UNCARING FLIGHT ATTENDANT CAUSES PREGNANT WOMAN TO DIE OF A BROKEN HEART, and it’ll be a big scandal, and no one will ever want to fly this airline again, and…”
The flight attendant looked around. “Are you ticketed?”
“Yes.” She fumbled in her pocketbook for the ticket and handed it over.
The flight attendant took a look, then saw Shelby�
�s anxious expression. “Is this one of those now-or-never love stories you’ll write a book about, and then they’ll turn it into a movie, and one day I’ll be on the leg from Newark to L.A, and it’ll be playing on the monitors?”
“Exactly,” Shelby jumped up and down.
The flight attendant looked wistful. “I sure did love Sleepless in Seattle.”
“Oh, me too. But this story is ten times better, I swear.”
“I could get in so much trouble for this.” She looked over her shoulder. “But seeing as how you’re in first-class and it’s not even an upgrade…you have to promise to tell me the whole story from beginning to end.”
“Thank you so much.” Shelby hugged the woman. “Can I go get my pocketbook?”
“Yes, but hurry. You’re holding up commercial aviation on the Eastern seaboard.”
Shelby was right. The flight attendant and in fact the entire crew loved her story, especially the part about Shelby spotting her childhood friend on the parkway, setting off on a wild-goose chase, then getting pulled over by a state trooper.
“Oh, it should definitely be a movie.” One of them sniffed into her tissue. “And with the babies and everything. You know who’d be great playing you? Jennifer Aniston. No wait. What’s her name. That cute one from HBO. Sarah Jessica Parker. She’d be perfect…I’m such a sucker for this kind of stuff.”
“Lucky for me.” Shelby laughed. “Otherwise, I’d still be sitting at the gate.”
Honest to God, I’ve never worked so hard in any of my previous lifetimes. But it was worth it, just to see the look of relief on Shelby’s face when that nice flight attendant came back out to look for her. Poor lady will never know what on earth possessed her to bend the rules like that. And Matthew will remain clueless why he thought Shelby might still be sitting at the gate. Or more importantly, why he changed his mind, yet again, about having her join him.
What? You think I’d just leave my daughter sitting there, looking so sad and pitiful? Please. I’m her mother.
A Little Help from Above Page 33
