by Lissa Kasey
“You hungry? I’ll buy you a slice of cheesecake.” He didn’t stop or even check to see if Aki was following him.
“Yeah, okay.” Aki blinked at him, taking in the slumped shoulders as his profile was outlined by Artie’s lights. McNaughton opened the door and held it. Neither of them spoke until they were seated with steaming cups of coffee. “Best coffee ever,” Aki breathed into the cup, savoring the smell.
“Saw you at the bonfire last night,” McNaughton finally said.
“Yeah? I thought you’d be working.” Aki couldn’t recall seeing the man. “This serial killer case is pretty bad.”
He just nodded. “Taylor said he took you to the ISS. Offered you an out of this life.” He waved his hand like the diner was somehow a signifier of Aki’s status.
“I’m okay with who and what I am, Detective.”
“Shane, please.”
“Fine, Shane. It’s a comfortable life. Bart takes good care of all of us.”
“What if I offered to buy your contract?”
The words churned in Aki’s head. It took a lot to buy a contract. Someday he’d have enough money and hopefully more to live on, but to let another buy him out would mean that someone else owned him. It was bad enough that Bart pulled the strings. At least the former soldier treated his companions well. Aki had heard stories about companions who’d let someone buy their contract. Some disappeared. Some begged Bart to buy them back. What would Aki do without Bart to make rules and protect him? Could McNaughton provide the same? His heart hurt just thinking about it.
“It scares you,” Shane said after a moment. “The idea of me owning you. Do I really frighten you that much?”
Aki tapped his forehead. “You have a lot of violence up here. But really, it’s not you. It’s just in general. I’ve heard a lot of horror stories. People who start off great together and then it becomes a nightmare.” He’d already spent years being abused. Was it wrong of him to want to be taken care of? To have someone to care for? To not have to put on a show, but still be able to dress in pretty things for someone to appreciate?
Shane glanced down at his cup. The waitress brought the cake, which gave them something to do other than awkwardly stare at each other. Finally he asked, “Do you like Jack?”
“I don’t know him enough to like him. I don’t know you well enough either, really. You’re not the most forthcoming man I’ve ever met.” Aki set his fork aside. “I’m a little thrown by this change in you. This niceness. I’m sort of used to the gruff, possessive cop.”
“I can’t be nice?”
“I think you’ve proven you can. You’re sweet to me a lot. I guess I always thought it was an act because you’re always so mean to everyone else. Anger, I’ve seen. Especially when you’re heavy in your cups. You’ve gotten into more than a handful of brawls at the Gem. I’m honestly surprised that Bart hasn’t banned you. You’ve been a little rough with me in the past, but never hurt me.” Aki had heard rumors about others, but no one seemed to know who or when or where. So he brushed them off as just talk.
“I’d never hurt you.”
Aki’s look must have spoken his disbelief, because Shane pushed his plate away and dug out his wallet to pull out money for the food. “I’m not trying to offend, Shane. Just trying to be honest. I’ve seen you punch men for saying the wrong thing.”
“You know nothing about me. Sometimes it’s just hard to control my anger. That’s because I’m different…. But I would never hurt you. You just said yourself that I’ve been coming around for two years and never hurt you.”
“I never asked for an apology or for you to change. If I was really worried, I’d have had Bart turn you away ages ago.”
“But you won’t see me anymore.”
Aki frowned at the table. He didn’t get those choices, not really. Concerns, yes, but a final say, no. If he were at a different brothel, he’d get no say at all. “Bart is worried. Give it a few weeks, and things will be back to normal.”
“Normal,” Shane scoffed. “There’s no such thing.”
Aki shrugged. What did the detective want him to say? “As normal as we can be.”
“So if I offered to buy your contract, you’d refuse?”
“I’d refuse anyone. It’s nothing personal.”
McNaughton nodded like that’s what he expected Aki to say and got up. “Let me walk you home. Bart should be taking security more seriously. None of you should be out this late without an escort. Especially you and Candy.”
Aki followed him out the door. “Candy would let you do him in a heartbeat.”
“I’ve heard he’s the sweetest piece of ass in all of City M.”
“Wouldn’t know. I’m more of a bottom than a top. He’s more of a top, took over a lot of Paris’s old clients, but still bottoms most of the time. He gives good head, though. Not as good as me, but close.”
The detective paused. “Now there’s an image.”
“Of what? Candy and I together?” Shane nodded. Aki smiled. “It makes us a lot of money. But you know we’re just really good friends. It’s not like we go to our room at night and fuck like bunnies.”
“Yeah. I get that.” He seemed to think for a minute, then asked, “How well do you know him? His past and all that?”
Aki shrugged, enjoying the night breeze. He’d have to get home soon, else Bart would get pissed. He already had to spend the weekend with Paris for staying the morning at the detective’s house.
“He came from the South like me. Ran from his family. Father had a fit about him being gay. Affects the parents’ social standing in the South to have a gay kid. He’s got a sister, though. Misses her a bunch.”
“Did he tell you his father is some bigwig government guy down there?”
“No. But it doesn’t surprise me. He reads people better than most whores. Sees through their lies. Can manipulate them better than even Paris sometimes. And Paris is good. I can only aspire to be so good.” Aki smiled at the thought of becoming a senator. It was such an odd position that somehow he was unsure if he could handle it. “Maybe someday I’ll be a senator.”
“You could definitely be like Hansworth. Show those rich bastards what true class is. I bet most of them swallow their tongues now when he walks into the room. How many secrets do you suppose they told him while in the throes of passion? Now that’s power.” He stepped in close, forcing Aki to back up until he was against a brick wall. “You think I don’t see you, but I do.” Shane’s breath caressed Aki’s cheek, warm and subtle, but almost too close. “I don’t mean to scare you.”
“Then why do you do things like this?” Aki held still, fearing and hoping all at once that he’d close the distance between them and steal a kiss. “You don’t treat me like a whore, and sometimes I forget to be one.”
Shane frowned, eyes heavy. “Sometimes we want things we can’t have. We hope for things we have no right to.”
“Hope is a vicious emotion.”
“What do you hope for, Aki? Tell me something about you that I don’t know. You never share about yourself. I know it’s to keep you safe, but there has to be more to you than your job and your shoe fetish.” Shane didn’t move away. Instead he seemed to be breathing in Aki’s scent.
“I hate sex,” Aki whispered. “There’s something to know, right? I mean, I like pleasure as much as the next guy. But two years of a dozen guys a night. It shows you the worst of humanity. Candy talks about sex with reverence. I try to remember a time when I sought it out just for pleasure, but I don’t think there was one. In the camps the guards raped anyone who caught their eye. Or we used our bodies to barter for food, clothing, a place to sleep out of the rain, or less time being tortured.” Aki frowned as he glared at the bright expanse of stars overhead. They’d been hidden in the camp, too much smoke and soot from the fires, but on a rare night, he’d watch them overhead, wishing to be elsewhere. “There has to be more than just the quick fix, right? People come in all the time for a few minutes of pleasure.
But it’s so fleeting, I don’t get it. But maybe that’s just me.” Because he was broken, long before he ever became a whore. “When Paris offered to train me to be a whore, I jumped at the opportunity because people had already taken what they wanted from my body, why not get paid for it? The only way to go was up. But I wonder why it’s so important to so many people. Is it horrible to hope for something more substantial than a few minutes of pleasure?”
“So you get no pleasure being with me at all?”
“What we did in your bed was pleasure.”
McNaughton closed his eyes for a moment like he was remembering. “Maybe you just haven’t been shown how good it can really be.”
“Perhaps. But being a C psi makes exploration a dangerous thing.”
Shane finally pulled away and began walking toward the Gem again. Aki followed. “Maybe you should attend some of the free classes at the ISS. They have some pretty good shielding techniques.”
“You just say that because you want to fuck me.”
“Well, yeah, but I want you to enjoy it while I do it.”
“There’s more to life than sex, Detective.”
“Yeah, but pleasure is one of the few things that reminds us it isn’t all pain, fear, and sorrow.”
Aki stopped to stare at him. McNaughton was usually so cynical. This positive side was a bit like the man’s cleaned-up look: odd, but not unappealing. Life was simpler when Aki kept people at a distance. If no one got close, no one could hurt him. Or if he lost them, it would just be another fading memory. Even now he had those he’d gotten too close to. Candy, Paris, Jade, even Bart. They were family now. More than faces that would fade with time. McNaughton was on that list now too.
“Life really is a lot of pain.”
“Which is why people are so willing to pay for pleasure. But as good as that is, it’s better if it’s more than a one-off. If there’s emotion in it.”
“Are you talking about love, Detective? I would have thought a worldly man like yourself wouldn’t believe in love,” Aki teased.
“There’s more than just pain and hate, kiddo. Call it love, call it affection, whatever. Better waking up with someone you care about seeing tomorrow.”
It made sense, the idea of escape, even if it was just for a few minutes. Something more long-term seemed like a dream. Aki thought too much as it was. He used his job and his shoes to keep the internal demons at bay. However, time wore at that too.
“I have to spend the weekend with Paris as reprimand for being in your house. And I didn’t even tell Bart about the frottage bit. He thinks I’m getting a big head from all the attention. If you go to the Gem, ask for one of the girls and prove that you’re a nice guy. Then, hopefully, when I’m back at work, Bart will let you call on me.”
“The whole weekend?”
“I leave tomorrow. Not back until midday Monday. Bart thinks you’re obsessed with me. So it would be good if you called on someone else.”
“Even if I’m only interested in you?”
Aki felt a flush fill his face. “You can’t say stuff like that. I’m a whore.”
“What if I call on Candy?”
Jealousy tore through Aki’s stomach. What a horrible feeling. In truth, he got it a lot when it came to McNaughton, especially when he saw the man take one of the girls upstairs instead of him, or if he flirted with Preston, and now when he was talking about Candy. Would Shane like Candy better because he could do more with him? Would he stop calling on Aki altogether?
“Never mind.” McNaughton walked Aki up to the door, a ghost of his breathtaking smile on his lips. “I’ll see you when you’re back.”
“I’ll work on Bart,” Aki promised.
“You do that. Night, kid.” He left, and Aki headed upstairs to get ready for bed.
TWELVE
AKI AWOKE to his phone alarm ringing. Nightmares again, vague faces, pain, and not much else. He didn’t feel rested at all. Candy was already moving around the room, getting ready for work.
“Why didn’t you wake me?” Aki grumbled at him. If he was late to see Paris, there would be hell to pay.
“You’ve got hours yet. Paris called and told Manny not to bring you until after dark. So I let you sleep. Do you want a plug? Does he plug you? He always plugs me. I have a few if you want to be prepared. The little ones are the worst cause you have to hold them in and they rub in all the good places. They make me so tight. I totally think he gets off on that.” He brushed through his bright hair, adding only a touch of gel before beginning work on his face. “Can I borrow that pink leather jumper of yours?”
The jumper had been custom ordered to fit Aki’s small frame and, since Candy was two inches taller, would bare almost everything. “I don’t know if it will fit you, but sure. Probably be too short.” Aki thought about a plug. He didn’t think being tight or not would be an issue. He hadn’t been fucked since the last time he’d attended Paris almost five months ago.
“No plug.”
“I’ll have the dress dry-cleaned, promise.” He disappeared into the closet for a minute, coming back out with the jumper. “I’m thinking a lace jock. Should I go white for pure fuck-me madness or pink for sugary sweet?”
“Pink.”
Candy dug the jock out of his drawer and slipped it on, adjusting everything like the pro he was.
“You really do have more underwear than anyone I know.”
“One word, Aki—Shoes.” Heat filled Aki’s face. Yeah, they were even. Candy wriggled into the jumper. “Zip me?”
Aki helped him zip from hip to shoulder. “It’s pretty snug. You going to be okay moving in this?”
Candy bent forward, then from side to side. “It’s flexible enough. I don’t feel anything stretching. Will mostly be serving anyway. There’s a big dinner party coming in around eleven, some business guy. Preston’s working with me so I probably won’t make as much as when I’m with you. They expect me to play bottom, but Preston doesn’t play top very well.”
“Sorry.” When Paris called, the companions answered. Aki wandered into the closet, wondering what he should wear. Paris liked pretty things, but since Aki had to be punished, it was likely he’d end up nude a few minutes after walking in the door. If he behaved well, Paris would dress him up and take him out, even buy him things, probably more shoes. The companions were never allowed to pack for the visit. Paris dressed them or left them naked as he saw fit. “Wish this weren’t a punishment visit.”
“Just tell him you’re sorry right away and move on to the good stuff.”
But Aki wasn’t sorry. Not for staying with Shane. Why should he be sorry for feeling good for a few minutes?
“Maybe he’ll fuck you anyway. I’d do it if I thought I could give you pleasure.”
Aki got more pleasure out of being tied up or held down, told what to do, so long as he could say no if it got too rough. Sometimes just letting go of all the crap in his head helped. But since anyone else touching him shared their crap too, it was a rare feat to find that peace, especially after all the memories Jackson Taylor had stirred up.
Aki picked put a pale khaki skirt and a thin sweater in bright crimson. Paris loved color. Gold heels to match the streaks in Aki’s hair added another touch, but he went light on the makeup. Paris always said they were whores, not clowns. Makeup should only be used sparingly to enhance, not to hide.
“Put your hair up. Paris loves necks. Plus, if he decides to pull out a flogger or something, you won’t end up with mangled hair.” Candy opened one of the drawers that held an endless supply of hairpins and pulled out one that had red beads dangling from it. “This one goes with the top.”
Aki shivered at the thought of actually being flogged as punishment. He knew it was a possibility. He’d heard other companions speak of it, even Candy a time or two. But Paris had never even attempted doing such a thing to Aki.
He let Candy fix his hair, but felt a lot like he had so many times before in the concentration camps waiting for the guar
d to come and drag him away, defeated.
“Hey, it’s okay. You know Paris won’t hurt you.” Candy suddenly crushed Aki to his chest. “Don’t cry. Shh. Nothing to be afraid of. He knows your limits. He knows what you need. Weren’t you just telling me yesterday that you could use this break? The time away from having to think and make all the decisions and be in control would be nice? You can take off the mask you put on and just be you.”
Aki nodded through his tears, trying to remind himself of exactly that. Why was he so worried? Why did pain gnaw at his stomach like he hadn’t eaten in weeks? It was just a weekend with Paris, the man who’d scooped him up off the streets and saved his life. Paris, who looked like a fashion model, with sable brown curls just long enough to brush his forehead and piercing green eyes. Paris, who stood before the senate day after day, head held high, demanding help for the poor, homeless, and abandoned. Paris, who was the first to teach him that not everyone touching him had to hurt.
“I’m being such a baby,” Aki said out loud, mostly to himself. It had been a rough week. He really did need to rest. Let someone else be in control. Even at the Gem, he got too much freedom. Maybe his head really was getting large from all the attention. He stared at his hair in the mirror, an artful mess up off his neck. Paris was all about back straight, hips forward, chin up, meet their eyes because you are dominant until you decide they are worthy of the role. He was willowy, sculpted like a man should be, broad in the shoulder, narrow in the hip. He could never pass for a girl, but men went to Paris to be dominated, controlled, humiliated. “I’m not sorry.”
“Then it’s going to be a long weekend,” Candy said.
“I don’t want to be sorry for having a good time.”
“I don’t think that’s why you’re being punished.” Candy grabbed Aki’s phone off the table and shoved it into his hands. “Bring your phone. Call if your plans change, like he sends you home early or something. You should be with an escort at all times. When I got up earlier, Bart was having kittens after he learned that the guards let you out last night without anyone to accompany you. And then you came back with McNaughton after Bart told you to stay away from him.”
